Metaphoric Spurs' posted comments

  1. On N1t3W4tchr (P4rt V):

    posted 5 months ago

    Interesting twist! How do I possibly continue this? Hmmm….

  2. On Reaching Out From Beyond:

    posted 6 months ago

    An intriguing start. The setting for this otherworldly tale is unique. Keep going!

  3. On Schlenky's house:

    posted 6 months ago

    Schlenky is such a schlocky and interesting name…I would like to see more.

  4. On On A Snowy Evening:

    posted 6 months ago

    Haunting, just like the eerie glow of the photo you chose.

  5. On The Inversion:

    posted 6 months ago

    I have to remember I can’t use an em dash in the comments field!

  6. On The Inversion:

    posted 6 months ago

    The first paragraph really grabs you, especially that initial sentence. The rest gets a little confusing because of the switch in tenses between paragraphs - the order of events is not entirely clear - but it is something that begs reading and I look forward to the next installment.

  7. On Let's Get a Cab:

    posted 6 months ago

    LOL. Reminds me of Swingers. “How long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies?” “Six days!” I like the humor of the third paragraph.

  8. On The worries of a child:

    posted 6 months ago

    Excellent descriptions. The second line really captured my attention and I would like to see something akin to that in the first line—more than just being awakened by the crying. Really make that first line grab your reader. (You said you desired criticism, so there it is!) The jacuzzi and sauna lines were funny. Excellent work. The last line really shows how parenting can be all about deciphering language!

  9. On Parenting is such fun:

    posted 6 months ago

    LOL. I can’t read “Barney” in a story with kids without thinking of a big purple dinosaur. I like Rachel’s reasoning about how he needed the “M” to say certain words, that is parenting to a “T”. ;-)

  10. On Little Brother gets a Bird's Eye View:

    posted 6 months ago

    Hey, if Ficlets didn’t want long comments, they wouldn’t give you 512 characters! I say if you got ‘em, use ‘em!

  11. On Paper Cuts:

    posted 6 months ago

    MEH, the story is left up to your interpretation. I never reveal just what the mother is cutting. I enjoy ambiguity in stories, letting the reader come to their own conclusions. In “Child’s Play” many commented on how the son needed to be pushed, yet I envisioned the push as being wrong and selfish. You never know what a reader will take away from a story.

  12. On Ficlets Series Removed :

    posted 6 months ago

    Hey, that’s OK! It’s tough to write in these small chunks and continue a series only to realize you need to edit something several stories back. Revision is a necessary part of writing. Take your time and repost!

  13. On The Greasy Bandage Man:

    posted 6 months ago

    Hmmm…what does Greasy Bandage Man give out when the kid is bad? LOL. Bitter and disturbing—and quite good.

  14. On Little Brother gets a Bird's Eye View:

    posted 6 months ago

    Whoops. That wasn’t meant to be crossed out. I used an em dash.

  15. On Little Brother gets a Bird's Eye View:

    posted 6 months ago

    That’s what makes writing real life events in fiction so difficult-you have everything understood so clearly in your mind that sometimes in the translation to paper small details are skipped and the reader can get confused. Pronouns always get tricky with characters of the same gender! Keep writing! If I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t comment. ;)

  16. On Little Brother gets a Bird's Eye View:

    posted 6 months ago

    I like this story of two mischievious brothers and want to see more.

    Constructive comments:”His mom had brought him early” is a bit confusing—I don’t know to whom “his” and “him” is referring, Brandon or Skyler, and to where he was brought early (until I read a few times to sort it out). And I thought Skyler was on the bus, only to be grabbed by the farmer. What’s a “monster flower thing”? Again the “he” at the end is a bit confusing because of the two boy characters.

    Keep going!

  17. On 9:12 p.m.:

    posted 6 months ago

    Whomever she is, I certainly feel for her, pregnant with “loser junior.” A lot of interesting imagery in this piece.

    Constructive comments: What about the Chinese take-away is scary? (Dim lights, greasy windows, image of dragon in flickering neon?) If people are delaying hibernation for another night, should the time of the story be later than 9:12? I like the second sentence with “and” instead of “but” which makes more sense in the context of the weather.

    I like this! Keep going!

  18. On Pens Poses a CHALLENGE!:

    posted 6 months ago

    THX, the 64 challenge was wildly popular, and you did do it! (Although in a very unconventional manner, LOL.)

  19. On Lucy's Watcher:

    posted 6 months ago

    OK, I continued the story. I tried to circle back to the mother’s first impressions of Lucy when speaking of her son.

  20. On Exact minimum length ficlet [And the winner is . .]:

    posted 6 months ago

    A lot of the entries were hysterical one-liners and not necessarily stories…and if that’s the judging criteria, a story rather than a punchline…I have to vote for Saint Chuck’s entry. But that’s just my interpretation of the challenge!

  21. On Lucy's Watcher:

    posted 6 months ago

    Cat, you read incorrectly. Lucy is a girl. The watcher is a mother with a boy who has a developmental delay.

  22. On Falling Hard:

    posted 6 months ago

    This is nice. I recently used a rug metaphor in a piece on marriage, too. I want to see more of what this rug looks like.

  23. On Lucy's Watcher:

    posted 6 months ago

    Oooh, so this takes a very unexpected turn! We are shifted away from Lucy. I hope it’s not because of my previous comments!

  24. On Sequelitis:

    posted 6 months ago

    Hmmm, trying to figure out if I should wait for a sequel to this one….or….

  25. On Something Quirky About Me [pens challenge]:

    posted 6 months ago

    There is a certain satisfaction to writing with pen and paper that a keyboard can’t match. If you’ve read Natalie Goldberg, she insists that the physical motion of writing longhand connects to your creativity in ways computers can’t. You aren’t as inclined to edit when you write on paper and ideas can flow more freely without the constant lure of the delete key. So I agree, sometimes pen in hand is best.

  26. On Observing Lucy:

    posted 6 months ago

    Her activities in this particular piece don’t appear to be abnormal for a shy three year-old. I want to know why she is being observed—and if the other childrens are also being watched for behavior problems. Time to reveal the watcher! Keep going!

  27. On Lucy:

    posted 6 months ago

    I agree with the “who is she?” as being the better way to end…until the next installment!

  28. On Oreos and Milk:

    posted 6 months ago

    Cute. Now I’m craving cookies-n-cream ice cream.

  29. On Lucy:

    posted 6 months ago

    OK, I am here to comment and also to challenge you. I think the first line gives too much away. I want to finish reading this and then make that conclusion for myself. I like where you start in the second paragraph better. Let’s hear more about Lucy!

  30. On A Resolution, A promise, A wish, A Rant:

    posted 6 months ago

    You certainly have been reading! I must thank you for reading and commenting on all of my stories. You are very kind and I was pleased to add you as a contact. Keep writing and I will keep reading. Cheers and Happy New Year!

  31. On Sam & Friends: The Distinguished Guest: A Tribute to Kermit The Frog:

    posted 6 months ago

    Mana, mana!

  32. On Elsha's sock challenge!:

    posted 6 months ago

    Oh well, too bad I already wrote “Cold Feet” last week! Would have been perfect! LOL!

  33. On How to Be Broken:

    posted 6 months ago

    Yes—why, why, why? Gotta keep reading this one!

  34. On Lunchroom Love:

    posted 6 months ago

    Yes, I wrote stories like this once upon a time when I was a teen myself; coming back to it is refreshing and different than the things I usually produce. I noticed that there are a lot of teens on Ficlets, however, so this story was written with them in mind. ;-)

  35. On Delayed:

    posted 7 months ago

    This was written expressly to encourage sequels. Go ahead and take it somewhere.

  36. On Last Minute [Min. Word Challenge]:

    posted 7 months ago

    Reminds me of the poem “Falling” by James Dickey. Love this one.

  37. On Paper Cuts:

    posted 7 months ago

    I felt as though it was done, but I see I will have to take it somewhere. I hope I don’t ruin it.

  38. On Sweet Carolina, Part I:

    posted 7 months ago

    You could have described me. I despise the bitter brew.

  39. On The Fabrication (Part III):

    posted 7 months ago

    Nope, the opposite of annoying. Thank you.

  40. On Slide Away:

    posted 7 months ago

    The first time anyone has written a sequel to my Ficlet! At the risk of sounding like Kevin Costner, “neat!”

  41. On The Not-So-Great Detective {Minimum Length Challenge}:

    posted 7 months ago

    Has my vote thus far.

  42. On DIE NOW:

    posted 7 months ago

    Ha! Great photo to spark this clever tale.

  43. On Watching her Fly:

    posted 7 months ago

    Excellent flight.

  44. On Enemies of the Library:

    posted 7 months ago

    Hilarious.

  45. On The Black And Churning Sea:

    posted 7 months ago

    I first read this one a few weeks ago and it still haunts me.

  46. On Waiting:

    posted 7 months ago

    Funny. I like the double entendre of “waiting.”

  47. On N1t3W4tchr:

    posted 7 months ago

    You were right. I had to take it somewhere.

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