Browncoatben's posted comments

  1. On Bagman: Damaged Goods:

    posted 21 days ago

    There are two great moments of suspense in any great gun scene. The moment before the bang and the moment after. You’ve done a good job of capturing the latter here.

  2. On Bagman: Crash:

    posted 21 days ago

    This is the netrunner’s POV, right?

    Good, hectic action in this entry.

  3. On Bagman: Hurting:

    posted 21 days ago

    Sorry this took so long for me to read, little bro.

    Nice piece…I’m always curious where Benny’s gonna end up next.

  4. On 6-Word Challenge - Suddenly:

    posted 25 days ago

    Written right after having the “bad report card” discussion with my son. But definitely written in a good way.

  5. On Impulse Buy:

    posted 2 months ago

    All…Yeah…it was a weird one for me, but Jon is shopping for a woman as we might shop for a car.

    Thanks for the feedback

  6. On I am girl who is terribly confused:

    posted 3 months ago

    Interesting couple of posts. I write a lot of poetry myself (thought not on Ficlets) and I must say that I really enjoyed the non-rhythm of this. it’s not predictable.

    Originality is important…and you’ve got it in spades.

  7. On The Gerideon Chronicles: Chapter 2, Part 1:

    posted 3 months ago

    Solid entry. I assume Caplan will be meeting up with our other two merry Ninjas and having tea later in the story?

  8. On The Gerideon Chronicles: Chapter 1, Part 5:

    posted 3 months ago

    That’s supposed to read

    “Two bad-asses meet after one of ‘em gets freaky with the others lady and then they throw down like wild effin ninjas”

    didn’t come out right on my browser

  9. On The Gerideon Chronicles: Chapter 1, Part 5:

    posted 3 months ago

    I was gonna write an epic poem called:

    Two bad-asses meet after one of 'em gets freaky with the others lady and then they throw down like wild effin ninjas

    But your stuff is better.

  10. On The Gerideon Chronicles: Chapter 1, Part 4:

    posted 3 months ago

    This is awesome!

    Must read…hooked…loving it.

    No critique for this one.

  11. On The Gerideon Chronicles: Chapter 1, Part 3:

    posted 3 months ago

    Building! Building! Good stuff!!!

    Stout fellow = Juggernaut???

    ;)

  12. On The Gerideon Chronicles: Chapter 1, Part 2:

    posted 3 months ago

    Nice twist there…As Jayne said “That’s why I never kiss ‘em on the mouth.”

    One unspecific critique: I can’t put my finger on it, but something about the first paragraph felt cheesy to me. I read it 3 times and can’t figure out what it is, specifically, but something feels a bit cheesy.

    This is great stuff, though…and a very different world than Bagman. Nice diversity in your writing.

  13. On The Gerideon Chronicles: Chapter 1, Part 1:

    posted 3 months ago

    this is beautiful, little bro!

  14. On .375 - Breaking the Bad News:

    posted 3 months ago

    By popular demand, I’ve edited out the italics in favor of quotation marks.

    Thanks for the feedback, all!

  15. On Vaguely...:

    posted 3 months ago

    Thanks Ana…Yeah…I wrote this one in Jr. High, I think. Was my first.

    Always kinda stuck with me through the years.

  16. On Bagman: Bad Business:

    posted 3 months ago

    sorry…load problem…refresh…double post.

    I guess it’s a tripple post now…but i need to get the stars in there.

  17. On Bagman: Bad Business:

    posted 3 months ago

    Holy shit that was awesome.

    Oh…and to Hell with you, John Perkins! You blew it up! You maniac!!!

    hahaha

    That made me laugh so loud when I saw that comment.

  18. On Bagman: Bad Business:

    posted 3 months ago

    Holy shit that was awesome.

    Oh…and to Hell with you, John Perkins! You blew it up! You maniac!!!

    hahaha

    That made me laugh so loud when I saw that comment.

  19. On Don't Leave [Backwards Challenge]:

    posted 3 months ago

    Made me sad. Superbly written. Makes me wary of a possible future for all of us where we lose our dignity along with our mental faculties.

  20. On Something in My Eye [Backwards Challenge]:

    posted 3 months ago

    Nice departure, Jon. I likie!

  21. On Back in the Swing (Ficlets Challenge!):

    posted 3 months ago

    Thanks for the tip of the ‘ole cap, young Mr. Laughter.

    Now…if you could only grow some pubies and pee standing up!

    OK…that was uncalled for. But random makes for funny sometimes.

  22. On Bagman: Officers Down:

    posted 3 months ago

    Blah blah blah…good stuff…blah bingo bloopie bheh.

    I’m tired of typing stuff like “Wow!” and “Super!” and “Holy shit that was awesome!”.

  23. On VHS - Wonderful World of Ficlets Challenge:

    posted 3 months ago

    @Ana – I put Vaguely on Ficlets the day I first got here.

    @John P. – I was stationed at Langley AFB in Virginia…TDY in Iceland when i met my wife.

    @All – Thanks…the VHS thing was a neat little thought that I’m happy with.

  24. On Ana's Excellent Adventure in Ficlet-Land [Wonderful World of Ficlets Challenge]:

    posted 3 months ago

    I’m with you Ana. I hadn’t written anything but a couple random poem in 10 years until I came across Ficlets.

    Then, once I started…I couldn’t stop. I just kept having new ideas!

    Your work is some of the best on here and I always appreciate your comments.

  25. On Perfectly Odd {THX's Number Challenge :) }:

    posted 3 months ago

    Excellent! I think everyone is OCD a little. I have to clap in increments of four for some reason i’ve never been able to figure out.
    I love the first-person point of view here. Seeing it from inside her mind.

    Good stuff!

  26. On Twisted Results Continued:

    posted 3 months ago

    @All…I’m so excited about this! I’m sure no literary agents are perusing the challenges looking for talent, but I have really come to enjoy this community. You are some of the most compelling, creative, and inspiring writers I’ve ever been exposed to. To be recognized with this win is a huge accomplishment.

    Now…I’m gonna go do a funky chicken dance in celebration.

    So…if I leave stars, am I complimenting John or pompously patting myself on the back? I shall leave this comment starless.

  27. On Twisted Results:

    posted 3 months ago

    Wow. Thanks John! I know how critically you read ficlets, based on your many comments. To be recognized by you is a real compliment.

    Writing this ficlet was a lot of fun. I actually wrote it backwards, having the suicide idea first and going from the hit to the windows…

    Thanks again!

  28. On Bagman: The Captain:

    posted 3 months ago

    I loved the description of the Captain herself…I’ve been trying to figure her out in my head…attractive MILF or street-worn spinstress.

    Thanks for settling that.

  29. On Bagman: Burned Out:

    posted 3 months ago

    Nice piece here Jon…kind of a connector for our little netrunner to see Benny on TV. And I like that we’ve seen that finger thrown up from three view-points now. It kinda reminds me of the vantage shifts on the first season of LOST.

  30. On League of Awesomeness 2075 or Beyond Challenge - Literature Class:

    posted 3 months ago

    Hail to the chief…..ette.

  31. On .357 - The Beginning:

    posted 3 months ago

    @John…nothing like a good literary nut-kicking to humble a fella, huh?

  32. On www.ficlets.holo [League Of Awesomeness 2075 Or Beyond Challenge.]:

    posted 3 months ago

    Nice…Kinda reminds me of Johnny NMonic on the computer.

    Gives me an idea.

  33. On A desire to resist oppression is implanted in the nature of man ~Tacitus (LoA 2075 Challenge):

    posted 3 months ago

    Nicely done! I’m killing myself to come up with one half as good as this.

  34. On The Challenge [LoA 2075 or Beyond Challenge]:

    posted 3 months ago

    Your thoughts are evil, Ana!
    To think that my creative, free outlet would become the control mechanism of a totalitarian government and education system is the devil in pants.

    Nicely written though!

    ;)

  35. On Petition To Have John Perkins Legally Declared Awesome. Sign It Or Your Cat Will Get Fleas.:

    posted 3 months ago

    I think John has read everything I’ve written. And I’m flattered with every comment. I’ve enjoyed (though not commented enough) on his stuff. He’s a hell of a writer, a hell of an editor, and an all-round hoopy frood.

    Let’s make his awesomeness official!

  36. On .357 - The Haunting:

    posted 3 months ago

    Nicely done! I wasn’t planning on a supernatural or haunting direction for this story, but I love where you took it. I’d even be very interested in seeing where you take this thread, if you want to continue it.
    This was really, really chilling.

  37. On .357 - The Beginning:

    posted 3 months ago

    @John Perkins…yeah..I had a lot of fun with the out-of-order challenge. Had this idea while writing for the cop…actually outlined it so I know where the story is going, roughly.

    I was hoping for a Lost type flashback feel, with sad Cooper in the present and active family man cop on the hunt cooper in the past.

    I’m hoping it’ll come through more clearly in upcoming posts.

  38. On What I Learned That Summer.:

    posted 3 months ago

    this is why I own the collectors edition of Schindler’s list and have only seen it once…this feeling.

    very well done.

  39. On .357 - Remorse:

    posted 3 months ago

    Thanks All
    @Krulltar – Please go ahead and SQL. My writing style must be of a sort that makes people want the next installment, but not want to write it themselves. I love to see other people’s spin on my stuff, so I encourage you to write your sequel. In fact, I won’t write a sequel out of protest until you do!

  40. On Bagman: VTOL at the Window:

    posted 3 months ago

    Same thought here, John. I had to read that “bucking” sentence a couple times and it still doesn’t register right. Might need a little attention there, Jon.

    Otherwise, another good entry, but how long does Benny have in 3503 before lady cop leads the charge?

  41. On Daddy's First Night (Escape Challenge):

    posted 3 months ago

    Kinda scary on the dark ending expectation, boys! Maybe I shouldn’t have entered the twist challenge! hehehe.

    I just wanted to write about the night my son was born. Always been a very special memory.

  42. On Trapped:

    posted 3 months ago

    Nice emotion here. You do a good job of illustrating how depression can be caused and complicated by a small, unimportant thing.

  43. On Bagman: Take a Good Look:

    posted 3 months ago

    Ah…the lady cop perspective gets a little meat.
    Another solid, gritty, descripting addition to the series.

  44. On Daddy's Home Part IV:

    posted 3 months ago

    Abrupt is good in a story like this. It ended fittingly. A family in this situation lives in misery and violence, but it’s all they know. Change is scary…even if it’s change for the better.
    I’m glad the bastard got a bat to the head. Richly deserved.

  45. On Daddy's Home Part III:

    posted 3 months ago

    Intense…I hope it’s batter-up time in the next ficlet.

  46. On Daddy's Home Part II:

    posted 3 months ago

    You ever find yourself wanting to kick a fictional character in the nuts!?

    A good piece of fiction reaches the reader on an emotional level. I grew up in a very stable, loving home. This kind of stuff is so alien to me, but really pisses me off when I read or hear about it.

    Very well written.

  47. On Daddy's Home:

    posted 3 months ago

    Real nice piece, John. Great descriptions and emotion.

  48. On Holy Mission:

    posted 3 months ago

    Sorry guys…just an angry post. I was reading the news about a suicide bombing in Baghdad and thought…what if one of the terrorists wasn’t a fucking tard.

  49. On Bagman: DataBomb:

    posted 3 months ago

    Bears, Beats, Battlestar Galactica! That was effing awesome!
    Is there a 10-star option?

  50. On Hitman [Unexpected Twist Challenge]:

    posted 3 months ago

    Hope your mom doesn’t reed your writing!

    Nicely done.

  51. On White Patent Shoes [Unexpected Twist Challenge]:

    posted 3 months ago

    Would Bruce Willis make a good Sophie??? HEHEHE

    Nice piece, Ana. Like the others, the album tipped it for me. However, had it not been in a twist challenge, I wouldn’t have seen it coming.

  52. On Everybody's Envy (Unexpected Twist Challenge):

    posted 3 months ago

    Before anybody gets concerned…I like my job and this not autobiographical yearning…just a dark idea I had inspired by the Animatrix.

  53. On A Walk In The Park:

    posted 3 months ago

    Great! Completely unexpected. Loved it.

  54. On Bagman: Would You Please Die, Sir?:

    posted 3 months ago

    Nice…can get the frustration. After dispatching the other guys in the diner last night, he’s not used to such an equal.

  55. On Psychiatrist's Secretary [Out of Order Challenge]:

    posted 3 months ago

    Setting the stage for a little unprofessionalism.

  56. On The Fog [Out of Order Challenge]:

    posted 3 months ago

    I can’t help but envision a young Robert Duvalle in THX 1482 jogging through the endless, white space trying to get out.

  57. On Bagman: Pandemonium:

    posted 3 months ago

    All caught up…you fucking compulsive addict.

  58. On Bagman: Cerberus3:

    posted 3 months ago

    Not that I condone fascism. Or any “isms”. “Isms”, in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an “ism”. He should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon. “I don’t believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.” A good point there. After all, he was the Walrus.

  59. On Bagman: Fire and a Fight:

    posted 3 months ago

    Hey Jon…I’m gonna put my boot in/on your ass.

    hehe…see ya tomorrow!

  60. On Bagman: Fisticuffs! (rewrite):

    posted 3 months ago

    I like this. However, I think the reason it feels a little slow is because it’s more descriptive. In earlier action posts, there were one-word shots of action. Here, you’re explaining more. What was “duck” is now “I ducked fast.”

    Make sense?

  61. On Bagman: Feathery Hammer:

    posted 3 months ago

    Ismail says: “I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!”

  62. On Bagman: Reporting Live:

    posted 3 months ago

    I’m digging red more and more…chick gets right back on the proverbial horse and goes.

  63. On Bagman: Full of Surprises:

    posted 3 months ago

    The action’s really picking up!

  64. On Bagman: Finally, Danger Music:

    posted 3 months ago

    I can totally see Benny bobbing his head, imagining that the music was for his benefit.
    What a narcissist.

  65. On Bagman: Corporate Joe:

    posted 3 months ago

    Great…Great piece…probably my favorite of the series so far!

  66. On Bagman: Crumbs to Wisconsin:

    posted 3 months ago

    What…your mom buy you a puter for Christmas?

    Nah man…he’s elite!

  67. On Bagman: Deadline Run:

    posted 3 months ago

    I dig the chemistry between these two…All the job and sexual stuff blends well.

  68. On Bagman: Second First Step:

    posted 3 months ago

    Feeling a good deal of sympathy…but she’s strong as hell too.

  69. On Bagman: Big Mistake:

    posted 3 months ago

    Sorry…iphone browser goof.

  70. On Bagman: Big Mistake:

    posted 3 months ago

    Great redirect! Looks like benny got played.

  71. On Bagman: Big Mistake:

    posted 3 months ago

    Great redirect! Looks like benny got played.

  72. On Bagman: Big Mistake:

    posted 3 months ago

    Great redirect! Looks like benny got played.

  73. On Bagman: Big Mistake:

    posted 3 months ago

    Great redirect! Looks like benny got played.

  74. On Hear Ye, Hear Ye: Winners of the Out-of-Order Challenge (Part 1):

    posted 3 months ago

    Oooohhh…Exciting!

    I appreciate everyone’s kind comments. This world was a departure for me and a lot of fun to play in.

    Thanks for the recognition, Ana!

  75. On Out-of-Order Challenge - The Beg-end-ing:

    posted 4 months ago

    @Kev – Yessir…this is it. Finito.

  76. On Out-of-Order Challenge - The Beg-end-ing:

    posted 4 months ago

    @John – The continuity shift was intentional. I wanted June’s financial desparation to push them toward the robbery and have misgivings later.

    @JLaughter – Thanks…it was a lot of fun and a departure for me.

  77. On Bagman: Playing Stupid:

    posted 4 months ago

    Nice mood change there. Pleasantries always seem to have ugliness under the surface with this kind of people.

  78. On Bagman: Street King:

    posted 4 months ago

    And I kept finding myself thinking of The Shin from Neuromancer…good character.

  79. On Bagman: Street King:

    posted 4 months ago

    Too funny!

    Reminds me of a girl you used to date.

  80. On Bagman: I Heart Mom:

    posted 4 months ago

    Hey…don’t be humanizing this badass!

    hehe…nice post.

  81. On Bagman: Everyone has a Record:

    posted 4 months ago

    I like the “Mr.” quirk. It adds dimension. Kinda like The Siris Redblock character in Dixon Hill novels. A ruthless gangster with impeccable courtesy an manners.

  82. On Bagman: Phantom Leg:

    posted 4 months ago

    Again…delivery is everything…and you’re nailing it.

    The way things are revealed is so natural and fluid.

    Nice work.

  83. On Bagman: Benny & Louise:

    posted 4 months ago

    Gave me flashbacks to Strange Days. Seeing yourself from someone else’s POV. But without the twisted rape and murder stuff.

    Wow…the netrunner POV has really panned out nicely in this story line. A real moment of creative genious there, bringing that character in as a principle.

  84. On Bagman: A Little Less Red:

    posted 4 months ago

    Yeah…they grow where you don’t expect ‘em to.

    Kinda like Herpes.

  85. On Bagman: Payday:

    posted 4 months ago

    One word describes this story, little bro…

    Fan-fucking-tastic!

  86. On Bagman: Three Black Suits:

    posted 4 months ago

    He’s like a cyberpunk scrappy-doo…I love it!

  87. On Bagman: One Shell Square:

    posted 4 months ago

    I laughed aloud when he replied with the “That Shit…” line. I’m really digging Benny’s style.

  88. On Bagman: Not My Style:

    posted 4 months ago

    I really liked the subtle humor here. We’re starting to really understand Benny’s personality. He’s hardcore, but care-free. Like a Rambo Carebear. Enjoying the read.

  89. On Bagman: Blurred Image:

    posted 4 months ago

    You just keep your Lockheed sninanigans away from my Apple obsession!

    Nice piece, Jon…I like how you are making the reader use their imagination. For example, I find myself trying to visualize “modern-ergonomic” desks.

  90. On Bagman: Play it Safe:

    posted 4 months ago

    Absolutely great intensity here…real heartpounding stuff!

  91. On Bagman: Reporter Down:

    posted 4 months ago

    I like the “plunged the needle” line…reminds me of the quick camera cuts in Hot Fuzz.
    Good entry.

  92. On Bagman: Through a Killer's Eyes:

    posted 4 months ago

    Nice entry, Guy. Love the action.

  93. On Out-of-Order Challenge - A Bargain at Twice the Price:

    posted 4 months ago

    Nice catch, John…edited.

    I had written this in the 3rd person and, when I reread the series, realized everything else was 1st person from Jim’s perspective. So, I rewrote it to match…missed that pronoun.

  94. On A Uniform Not Forgotten:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks all…I always get mushy this time of year and remember my time in the USAF.

  95. On Drum of War:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks for the Sequel, THX!

    I’ve been thinking about showing the Brass’ POV.

  96. On Into The Fold:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks Pyro…I moved it to the series…my mistake
    to Celestic…see http://ficlets.com/stories/31935 for this post in it’s correct place.

    See http://ficlets.com/stories/29796 for the begining of the series.

  97. On Bagman: Move with Your Sniper:

    posted 4 months ago

    That first paragraph really grabbed me. The visuals and mood are real consistent with the rest of the story.

  98. On Bagman: Danger Music:

    posted 4 months ago

    I dig the danger music…shows that he’s really high…and not all intense.

    Typo, though – ”...while the other was discussed something with…” – should knock out the “was.”

  99. On Bagman: Hot Pickup:

    posted 4 months ago

    hey…keep your protagonist off my jubblies! Those are my jubblies!

    Nice piece, THAT Guy!

  100. On Out-of-Order Challenge - Opportunity:

    posted 4 months ago

    THAT Guy is my brother…he’s giving me a hard time because of a comment I left on one of his stories.

    Thanks for the encouragement, all!

  101. On Final Concerto: Out-of-Order Challenge:

    posted 4 months ago

    Wow…The imagery and language is so tangible here.

    I love the sense of loathing and pessimism coming out of our narrator. Great emotion in this piece.

  102. On Genius Unbounded: Out-of-Order Challenge:

    posted 4 months ago

    Stovohobo came close to the word I was going for…DEMENTED.

    Nice work, THX…but um…get yourself checked out, ok? ;)

  103. On Wrap Around: Out-of-Order Challenge:

    posted 4 months ago

    I loved the opening monologue! Really set a cool tone.

  104. On Simple Case [Out of Order Challenge]:

    posted 4 months ago

    So…the cards are shuffled here.

    Nice descriptions.

  105. On Bagman: Ghost in the Dinette:

    posted 4 months ago

    What a great concept! The netrunner’s vantage point. Very inspired! I’m impressed! ;)

    Nice job!

  106. On The Pillar - Around The Room:

    posted 4 months ago

    Ha…dammit!

    I’m really trying very hard not to steal from established sci-fi. I know the Borg smiliarity is there, but am hoping that the overall creepiness and lack of lite-brite eyepiece visuals are making up for it.

    Thanks for the “fix” comment…means a lot.

  107. On The Pillar - Corporal Blake:

    posted 4 months ago

    I’m really proud of the last line…really got me excited when I wrote it.

    Thanks guys!

  108. On Möbius Strip: Past Imperfect - Part 2:

    posted 4 months ago

    I agree on the italics suggestion. I find that italicizing comm traffic or internal monologue is a useful device for separating who’s saying what. Another real good post…Dreanna is beginning to get a little interesting here. I’m reminded of The Matrix, when Neo first begins to realize he’s The One.

  109. On Möbius Strip: Past Imperfect - Part 1:

    posted 4 months ago

    I get it! Instead of Ker telling the story, Eric reached into his mind and viewed his memory…

    I dig it!

  110. On Möbius Strip: The Hallite Combine:

    posted 4 months ago

    I found this interesting as well. It stands out from the storyline, as it’s told in a totally different type of narrative. Change can be very refreshing and intriguing.

    Here, the mechanic / robotic exchange seemed very exciting. I’m beginning to wonder…evolved or advanced, or one via the other.

    Way more than a “filler” post.

  111. On Möbius Strip: The Ghost in the Machine:

    posted 4 months ago

    Oh…Eric’s a badass! Who knew!?

  112. On Möbius Strip: Terminal Velocity:

    posted 4 months ago

    I like Eric’s character here. One who fancies himself omnipitent confronted with a situation he can’t control.

    How frustrating that would be… You’re doing a great job of showing it.

  113. On Port Gun Control:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks little bro…nice job…

    Had to throw a “new character” monkey wrench into my evil plans though, didn’t you!

    hehe…

    Now…shall I integrate into my story or shun you forever…hmmm…..

  114. On Bagman: Chrome Cat:

    posted 4 months ago

    Again with the good imagery.

  115. On Lilac Wind:

    posted 4 months ago

    Absolutely wonderful visuals and emotional expression.

    Amazing how memories can be so tangible.

  116. On Love Theme (Park):

    posted 4 months ago

    Great piece! I really enjoyed the way you layed this out. It makes me remember relationships I was in (before marriage) that I knew I should get out of.

    But they all have one of those shirts, don’t they…

  117. On The Pillar - Isolation:

    posted 4 months ago

    Wow…didn’t have that in mind at all, but you’re right! I’ll shoot him a note ;)

  118. On Bagman: A Good Funeral:

    posted 4 months ago

    Senseless brutality. Violence. Cursing. And a bad/good guy named Benny.

    Great series, man.

  119. On Bagman: Live at the Scene:

    posted 4 months ago

    Great stuff! Love this perspective!

  120. On Bagman: Shots Fired:

    posted 4 months ago

    What was clear was the intensity of the moment. I actually became more aware of my own heartbeat while reading it.

    Nice work, little bro!

  121. On Möbius Strip: The Prayer Wheel:

    posted 4 months ago

    “Collatta had become a tomb and this city, a vast necropolis.”

    I tend to appreciate those stand-out lines in literature a bit too much. This is one of your great lines, Kev.

  122. On Möbius Strip: Kiss of the Poison Apple:

    posted 4 months ago

    Kev,

    I feel you on the character limit. On one of my Pillar / Hammer sci-fi entries you’ve been reading, I went 500 characters over the limit. I ended up breaking it up, expanding both, and making two entries. Might consider that. I’m also very scene-descriptive.

  123. On Möbius Strip: A Tomb With a View:

    posted 4 months ago

    I was thinking along the same tracks, Kev. I keep expecting for Dreanna to have a moment of awe, but she keeps jabbing.

    Still enjoying the series.

  124. On Situation at Del Mora:

    posted 4 months ago

    Nice to see someone else doing some sci-fi! My mind pulled a lot of imagery from “Aliens,” though.

  125. On Situation at Del Mora:

    posted 4 months ago

    Nice to see someone else doing some sci-fi! My mind pulled a lot of imagery from “Aliens,” though.

  126. On Bagman: First Rule: Never Ask:

    posted 5 months ago

    I forget how great your writing style is. Love the gritty mood.

  127. On Bagman: A Clear Blue Spike:

    posted 5 months ago

    great visuals, little brother

  128. On Where God Can't Hear:

    posted 5 months ago

    awesome. Terrible. Wow. Great piece!

  129. On Möbius Strip: The Many Names of the Maker:

    posted 5 months ago

    keep ‘em coming.

  130. On Wham, Bam, Science Slam!:

    posted 5 months ago

    Nice..thanks…I laughed my tail off writing the other one…too much fun.

  131. On Up to Spec:

    posted 5 months ago

    It’s great…I haven’t read the prequel, so there’s a wonderful mystery to this due to my lack of context.

    Thoroughly enjoyed!

  132. On Saturday Waffles [When I Grow Up Challenge]:

    posted 5 months ago

    I think the imagery and randomness if childhood was really captured.

    then the sudden sobering moment if adulthood.

    nicely done!

  133. On No news:

    posted 5 months ago

    Made me think of Cable Guy where Jim Carrey ‘kills the babysitter’ at the end. All the TV’s go off and the guy picks up a book.

    I like the message.

  134. On Möbius Strip: The Man Behind the Curtain:

    posted 5 months ago

    Good piece…sets a tone…I’ve seen Dr. Who here and there, but not a lot. So, no comment on any parallels that may be there.

    Either way, I really like the mood of suspicious, curious awe I get from Dreanna.

    Quick note…mispelled traveling in the first line.

  135. On Cave Kill:

    posted 5 months ago

    Great scene! Really verile. I was totally into it, heart pounding, from word one.

  136. On Intro: The Corporation, Incorporated:

    posted 5 months ago

    I enjoyed this. It reminded me of my favorite book, 1984, by George Orwell. The concept of Totalitarism via corporation is a frightening possibility and you’re conveying the individual’s perspective well.

  137. On Bandit:

    posted 5 months ago

    I was a crew chief on F-15’s in the Air Force, so I had a good time reading this. Really reminded me of the months after 9-11, when my squadron patrolled the east coast from North Carolina to NYC 7 days a week. Troubling time.

    Anyway, I wrote you a sequel. Hope you like it!

  138. On Great things:

    posted 5 months ago

    I like how the door is open here for some mischief. What is this lady up to?

  139. On A Beautiful Day at FOB Zulu:

    posted 5 months ago

    Nice! I’m always flattered when someone writes a prequel or sequel to my stuff. I appreciate how you kept the ‘beautiful day’ theme going, with the pilot having similar thoughts to the dying soldier.’

  140. On It Wasn't Funny [Make Me Laugh Challenge]:

    posted 5 months ago

    What the hell happened with the balloon!? Great piece!

  141. On The Pillar - A Graphite Figure:

    posted 5 months ago

    Thanks fellas. This was a tough one! I’m really getting into this story and got to typing. When I finished, I was about 250 characters over the limit! Trimming took some of the flavor, I think, but I’m enjoying this one.

    Feel free to write sequels if you like…I’m interested where you guys think it may go.

  142. On The Game Is In Full Swing:

    posted 5 months ago

    Wow…fast sequel turnaround! And it really kept the mood going as well.

    Nicely done!

  143. On Okay, But It's Gonna Cost You:

    posted 5 months ago

    OK…I’ve thrown my two cents in with a sequel. Fun series.

  144. On WHY!?:

    posted 5 months ago

    It’s like you speak with the experience of a thousand years. Such simple prose with endless possibilities in meaning and direction. My own blue flower was lost as a child.

    Simply beautiful

  145. On Island Life [When I Grow Up Challenge]:

    posted 5 months ago

    Reminds me of my desire to leave the hustle of corporate Corporate America and open a hardware store in Smalltown, USA.

  146. On The Pillar - An Empty Tomb:

    posted 5 months ago

    Thanks THX…Should I not mention that I have absolutely no idea where this is going!?

  147. On Encounter:

    posted 5 months ago

    C’mon…someone write a sequel! I’m dying to know what happens to Tara…but don’t wont to monopolize the story line.

  148. On Numbers:

    posted 5 months ago

    This is a great piece…I really got into her sense of urgency.

  149. On Video anomaly:

    posted 5 months ago

    Comical…bizzare…I bet you chuckled for an hour after writing this.

  150. On Late Nights:

    posted 5 months ago

    had me hooked from the first sentence. Love the trampoline concept! Great work!

  151. On Encounter:

    posted 5 months ago

    Thanks for your kind words. Crazy coincidence it is…not familiar with the Talking Heads

  152. On On a Walk:

    posted 5 months ago

    I’m completely sucked into this Tara character. YodaOnCrack and THX really complimenting each other here.

  153. On On the Run:

    posted 5 months ago

    A masterful usage of words to create imagery. I’m hooked!

  154. On Needs:

    posted 5 months ago

    Great emotion in the scene. And the description of the man’s eyes really helped me visualize. Now I’m off to read the prequel.

  155. On Dead Air:

    posted 5 months ago

    Nicely done. You really captured the mood, like THX said. I appreciate the sequel…very flattering!

  156. On Just A Little Decision:

    posted 5 months ago

    Wow…really put me into their mind. Nicely done!

  157. On A Quiet No More:

    posted 5 months ago

    I really loved this until I noticed it was a sequel to the Loaded Gun Ficlet. Still excellent, but I agree there needed to be something between the two posts.

    This is great as a stand alone piece though.

  158. On Real Death:

    posted 5 months ago

    Excellent tone! I’m becoming a fan of your work.

  159. On Real Life:

    posted 5 months ago

    Makes you wonder how many of us are where we thought we would be. Well written, Wil.

  160. On Unreality:

    posted 5 months ago

    Really set the scene nicely! Great work.

  161. On You know!:

    posted 5 months ago

    Right you are, Ken!

  162. On Möbius Strip: Perfect Plaything:

    posted 5 months ago

    It’s Wil Wheaton’s fault I’m here too…addicted.

    I loved the inocense mixed with omnipotence. Great piece.

  163. On Within Reach:

    posted 5 months ago

    KevMullins is right. The feel was great. Really set a nice tone and mood.

  164. On Finders keepers:

    posted 5 months ago

    Nice setting! Made me write a Prequel.

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