kaellinn18's posted comments

  1. On Salvation in Watery Shadows:

    posted 3 months ago

    I love it. Can’t wait for the conclusion!

  2. On Alex in Wonderland- Part 21:

    posted 4 months ago

    Man you guys are rocking this. More!

  3. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 17:

    posted 4 months ago

    Some edits: 1) “Reaquire targets and stay out of sight…” 2) I believe the typical insult was “What is your major malfunction,” a la Full Metal Jacket (even though the movie didn’t come out until 1987, but this is Ficlets!). If you’re having space issues, drop something else instead of the major. That is required! I’m loving this series.

  4. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 16:

    posted 4 months ago

    LOL, you set up that punchline beautifully. Well crafted.

  5. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 12: Time After Time:

    posted 4 months ago

    I like this storyline everyone has going here. Very entertaining. On a side note, the 80s sucked, but I will give you the arcades. Those were awesome.

  6. On HIS Pain a Song Forever:

    posted 4 months ago

    Freaky, but gripping. I think your use of imagery has improved.

  7. On The Bus Stop:

    posted 4 months ago

    Haha, nice. You should probably put a comma after “Presidency”, though, as the way it’s written makes it look like Bush Sr.’s presidency was saved by a piece of twine. :-)

  8. On Why Me?:

    posted 4 months ago

    Creepy ending. Good stuff!

  9. On Möbius Strip: Epilogue - Strangers in a Strange Land:

    posted 4 months ago

    You have an interesting setup here for a future adventure. However, the kiss at the end seemed forced to me, as there really isn’t any history between Ker and Dreanna to speak of. Also, you’ll want to put “an” in front of “unnamed nebula” instead of “a”.

  10. On Möbius Strip: Epilogue - Madonna and Child:

    posted 4 months ago

    I love the incorporation of Genesis into your final line. It really ties it all together nicely. Bravo.

  11. On Möbius Strip: The Chicken or the Egg:

    posted 4 months ago

    Wow, nice. I like how you brought it all together here. I was worried that it might feel rushed, but it really doesn’t. Nice job!

  12. On The Really Evil Voice:

    posted 4 months ago

    Good stuff. The only problem I had was with the word “destable”. Did you mean destable, as in unstable? Or was “detestable” the word you were going for?

  13. On Möbius Strip: Wake the Princess - Part 2:

    posted 4 months ago

    It read just fine to me. You have an extra M in becoming, by the way.

  14. On Möbius Strip: Any Port in a Storm:

    posted 4 months ago

    I’m intrigued as to who these “enemies” are that have Eric so afraid. Also, that is a kickass ship. I want one.

  15. On The Mark (2):

    posted 4 months ago

    When I wrote it the first time, I meant to communicate that he was ordering them numerically. I’ve changed it to “sorting” to more accurately reflect what I meant. Thanks for picking up on that.

  16. On Backhand Fury: uselessness' PRECISE MANEUVERS Challenge:

    posted 4 months ago

    Wow, definitely a dark story. It was definitely an interesting way of describing this event, a point of view I would not have thought of.

  17. On Blue (A Poem):

    posted 4 months ago

    This poem is better structurally than a lot of the ones I’ve seen on Ficlets. It’s still a little rough in parts in terms of rhythm. If you’re really interested and want to work on improving the flow of this, I suggest reading up on the various types of poetic meter: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meter_(poetry)

  18. On Deep Space Disaster:

    posted 4 months ago

    I LOL’ed. Totally not what I was expecting.

  19. On Möbius Strip: A Space Between the Seconds:

    posted 4 months ago

    So the girl was bait, and whatever it is doesn’t know her true nature. The big question is whether she knows her true nature. Looking forward to more.

  20. On Möbius Strip: Lost and Found - Part 2:

    posted 4 months ago

    Wow, I liked this one a lot. Some great visual imagery. Also, in your comment, “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence in one tense and then decided to rewrite it…” Even if you didn’t do that on purpose, it’s hilarious!

  21. On Contingency Plan:

    posted 4 months ago

    I like this story. I’m not sure if he’s actually hearing a voice or if he’s going insane.

  22. On Misshapen Fairy of Unhappiness:

    posted 4 months ago

    Ah, so Gordo is working with someone? Interesting indeed.

  23. On The Thief (II):

    posted 4 months ago

    You have an intriguing story going on here. I’m interested to see where it goes. A couple of edits: 1) ”...believed nothing would happen…” 2) ”...unaware of his presence.” 3) ”...proceeded through the university’s grand garden.”

  24. On Sissy Reaps: Ode to the Bard:

    posted 4 months ago

    I’d have to say that this one read pretty awkwardly for me. I found the rapid switching back and forth between narrative style and meter to be confusing and felt it interrupted the flow as I was reading. Interesting experiment, though.

  25. On Möbius Strip: Handle with Ker:

    posted 4 months ago

    Pretty interesting continuation. Let’s see if I can beat John to the editing. You need to fix ”...nothing but a bad dream…” and “How do you tell someone they died?” Great stuff. Keep it up!

  26. On Möbius Strip: The Resurrection Blues :

    posted 4 months ago

    I really enjoyed your imagery in this one. I think this one, as John said, stands out for sure in terms of the quality. I have just one thing to point out: this is the second time you’ve used the phrase ”...she could barely comprehend, more or less accept…” and what I think you’re trying to say is ”...she could barely comprehend, much less accept…” If you do actually mean the former, then ignore this. I’m just not familiar with that particular turn of phrase.

  27. On Möbius Strip: Terminal Velocity:

    posted 4 months ago

    I just caught up on this series you have here. I really like it. Keep up the good work. Also, I think you meant to write “Faster than thought…”

  28. On Humble Salvation:

    posted 4 months ago

    As many people have stated on your various Ficlets, you write imagery beautifully. This was a wonderfully described scene.

  29. On Time on His Mind:

    posted 4 months ago

    Yeah, I’m starting to perceive some connections here. This is good stuff.

  30. On Slow Cough and Sputter:

    posted 4 months ago

    Another character, eh? Something tells me they aren’t all going to mix well.

  31. On Cole's Novelty:

    posted 4 months ago

    Wow, quite the change of pace from the prequel. I’ll be interested to see how you can possibly relate the two characters.

  32. On Pretty Things:

    posted 4 months ago

    I’m starting this series from the beginning. I like this introduction very much. Gordo seems like he could become a very conflicted character, and I’m interested to see what you do with him. One typo, though. I think it should be ”...bespoke a presence…”

  33. On rain:

    posted 4 months ago

    An interesting beginning you have here. I particularly like the imagery toward the end with the stone textures and the diminishing barrier between worlds.

  34. On Whitstable Sunset:

    posted 4 months ago

    Ok, apparently my rating is not showing up with the comments, but I gave it five stars.

  35. On Whitstable Sunset:

    posted 4 months ago

    Sorry, meant to rate this, also.

  36. On Whitstable Sunset:

    posted 4 months ago

    Wow, I liked this a lot. Your descriptions are beautiful, and I absolutely love the revelation of his past in how he takes the photos. That was brilliant. My only minor criticism is a bit of grammar, but it may just be my ignorance on the subject and terms of photography. Shouldn’t it be ”...checked that he was seated comfortably…” as opposed to using “sat”?

  37. On Anything That Comes Along:

    posted 4 months ago

    I can only imagine where this is leading. I’m so glad I wasn’t stupid when I was a kid.

  38. On Where God Can't Hear:

    posted 4 months ago

    Overall, I like this a lot. I’d probably stay away from adding the letter S to the verbs in Gordo’s speech, though, as that’s been beaten to death by Gollum in LotR. I think the stutter/break in the speech (if that’s what it is and not just a way of writing a drawn out vowel sound) is more unique. Also, I’m not sure if you meant dammed instead of damned. Dammed works, in that it fits blocking her words from getting anywhere, but damned has a darker connotation, in that her prayers will never reach heaven.

  39. On Jared Takes Control:

    posted 4 months ago

    Not bad. I have one suggestion, though. You use the same root word (comply) twice in close succession: “The manager complied…” and again with ”...saw he was in compliance…” soon after. I think it would read more smoothly if you change one. For instance, change the first one to “The manager cooperated with…” or maybe change the last one to ”...saw he had obeyed…” Whenever I have trouble coming up with a similar word to one I’ve already used recently, I go to thesaurus.com. That site is a lifesaver!

  40. On Demands (Make Me Laugh Challenge):

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks for the comments everyone! I had a lot of fun with this piece.

  41. On To Rebuild A Man (2):

    posted 5 months ago

    I wasn’t sure about the cursing, so I figured I’d go with better safe than sorry, at least with the f-bomb. Thanks for the comment and the rating!

  42. On ChronOOPS:

    posted 5 months ago

    Ha! This was great.

  43. On Waiting For Rain:

    posted 5 months ago

    Wow, I like where you took this, and I love your descriptions. I find myself concurring with your “extended meteorological metaphors” tag, but I must disagree with the “poor writing” one. Good stuff.

  44. On He Only Appears In The Moonlight:

    posted 5 months ago

    “The Devil Went Down To Georgia” but with guitars? I must say I am intrigued.

  45. On REAL STORY NO JOKE BY ME!!!!!!@!@!@!!:

    posted 5 months ago

    Hilarious stream of consciousness. I enjoyed this.

  46. On Pirates!:

    posted 5 months ago

    ”...I rang the ‘get out on the deck or get thrown overboard’ bell.”

    Hahaha, that’s awesome. I thought it was interesting, although the description at the beginning prior to the stowaway’s discovery is a little awkward and could be smoothed out. However, I think it’s quite good for someone in the fifth grade. I still have some of my writings from that age, and they aren’t as good as this. Keep it up!

  47. On Remember the Dead : Misplaced:

    posted 5 months ago

    Interesting premise. I’d be interested to see the angle the story takes from here.

    If you don’t mind a little constructive criticism: Try not to mix tenses. The first two sentences are in past tense while the rest is in present tense. Keeping it the same will help with flow.

  48. On I DON'T CARE!:

    posted 5 months ago

    Yeah, that was pretty much my life in high school. So glad those days are long gone. Might want to fix that one sentence to “I rolled my eyes,” but looks good otherwise!

  49. On The Following Ficlet Takes Place Between 5:00 PM and 6:00 PM:

    posted 5 months ago

    Is it just me, or did the guy’s name change from Jason to Jack? Freudian slip? Pretty interesting, except I was confused by the name change.

  50. On The Flying Lie:

    posted 5 months ago

    I really enjoyed this. I think you captured the salesman perfectly: you only describe him by a few actions he takes and his smile, but I swear I could almost see this guy. Killer ending line, too.

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