KevMullins' posted comments

  1. On .357 - Into the Red Door:

    posted about 1 month ago

    Nice piece. I’d give it 5 stars if Ficlets would let me… grrrrr.

  2. On The Gerideon Chronicles: Chapter 2, Part 1:

    posted about 1 month ago

    Yeah, what John said… solid addition and I too assume that everybody is going to meet up?

  3. On An Experiment in Determination (Who F@#$ed Ficlets Challenge):

    posted about 1 month ago

    Hey Jen… love it, love everything about this one!
    You go great flow going here. I might just have to chime in on this one. I miss working with you on a story.
    5 star all the way :)

  4. On REACTr: That Sinking Feeling:

    posted about 1 month ago

    rats, looks like Ficlets is smarter than I thought… http://web.me.com/kevin_mullins

  5. On REACTr: That Sinking Feeling:

    posted about 1 month ago

    I’m Baaaaaack! Whew, it been awhile.
    First I had writer’s block, then I got busy at work, then Ficlets went bonkers…
    Got a new website now, click on the Omnibus link on my profile to check it out or visit http://web.me.com/kevin_underscore_mullins
    I hope to turn my Ficlets into manga and post them there.

  6. On Remember the Lies:

    posted 2 months ago

    Holy Cow John!
    Great read and like Ana said you really feel for the guy until the end.
    Didn’t see that coming at all… BTW, glad I can FINALLY get back into Ficlets again. Been getting errors for weeks now.

  7. On Impulse Buy:

    posted 2 months ago

    Very well done Ben… I’m not sure how but by the first paragraph I was expecting that it was going to be a woman (android?).
    Guess I’ve read too much Sci-Fi in my lifetime.

  8. On Back in the Swing (Ficlets Challenge!):

    posted 2 months ago

    @ Joh/Ben, You two are just mean to each other sometimes… I bet your mother had fun when you were little. ;)

  9. On The Gerideon Chronicles: Chapter 1, Part 4:

    posted 2 months ago

    Yeah, looks like wifey is something of a Ho.

  10. On The Gerideon Chronicles: Chapter 1, Part 3:

    posted 2 months ago

    Hmmm… Do I foresee a bad ending for our good knight perhaps?

  11. On The Gerideon Chronicles: Chapter 1, Part 2:

    posted 2 months ago

    Again very interesting. I do understand that you are going for a period feel but I do have to say a few parts of this one I had to read more than once to fully grasp

  12. On The Gerideon Chronicles: Chapter 1, Part 1:

    posted 2 months ago

    Very interesting and what a change of tone from your normal writing style.
    I like the way you gave it a “period” feel.

  13. On The Pillar - The Next Move:

    posted 2 months ago

    Ha, at Jon for the Prince joke… although I do have to admit I’m looking forward to the revelation of the Prince Protocol
    BTW, glad to see you writing on Pillar again, I was wondering what had went with it ;)

  14. On VHS - Wonderful World of Ficlets Challenge:

    posted 2 months ago

    Great work Ben, very interesting writing here. Like you, I got sucked into Ficlets via Wil Wheaton’s blog.

  15. On Cheers to the Colonial Soldiers:

    posted 2 months ago

    Amazing piece.

  16. On Bagman: Bad Business:

    posted 2 months ago

    Ok, so I’ll say it… wow!
    Great pace, great gotcha at the end, great ficlet.
    Write more… now! ;)

  17. On Bagman: Officers Down:

    posted 2 months ago

    @Ben, LOL me too… so just let me ditto him here ;)
    Actually I really enjoyed this one. The energy felt the same as the earlier pieces.

  18. On Bagman: The Captain:

    posted 2 months ago

    Glad to see that Ben finally beat you into writing again :)
    Great work!

  19. On Bagman: Burned Out:

    posted 2 months ago

    As John said, a great continuation.

  20. On Petition To Have John Perkins Legally Declared Awesome. Sign It Or Your Cat Will Get Fleas.:

    posted 3 months ago

    Ha, lolololololol. That really made me LOL. Yes John IS the bomb. Great to see him get the appreciation he deserves. Bravo

  21. On .357 - The Haunting:

    posted 3 months ago

    freaking awesome ending great work

  22. On .357 - The Beginning:

    posted 3 months ago

    great addition, I’ll give it a 5 star when I’m back at a real pc. IPhone doesn’t like the rating system.

  23. On REACTr: Come to Crash the Party?:

    posted 3 months ago

    that was actually the original idea. I just didn’t do a good job of getting it across

  24. On Ma Meeshka Mow Skwoz [Sing-Song Challenge]:

    posted 3 months ago

    Well written but, I have no frame of reference since I do not know that band… insert sound of ficlet whooshing over my head here ;)

  25. On .357 - Remorse:

    posted 3 months ago

    Extremely well written and, as john said, chilling. I hope there will be more to this entry.

  26. On Peripheral Evil: Part 10 The Man In Black:

    posted 3 months ago

    Nice, I really like the way you revealed that the whole family can “see”.

  27. On REACTr: Come to Crash the Party?:

    posted 3 months ago

    Thanks Between, glad you liked it.

  28. On REACTr: Come to Crash the Party?:

    posted 3 months ago

    Ok, first post in awhile because:
    a) I was very busy with my real job
    b) I had writer’s block from hell
    So it is a bit of a filler piece but I needed it to setup for the next part and the action to follow. Hopefully, it won’t take me so long to post again.

  29. On The Sound Of Defeat [Perfect Moment… Ruined Challenge]:

    posted 3 months ago

    Since this was a challenge you knew it wasn’t going to turn out as the guy expected… however I didn’t see this coming.
    Well written and funny, great ficlet John.

  30. On Peripheral Evil: Part 8 Hide and Seek:

    posted 3 months ago

    Great work Jen :)

  31. On Daddy's First Night (Escape Challenge):

    posted 3 months ago

    Ben, I think the dark ending mental suggestion came from the (Escape Challenge) from the title, combined with the “darkness” of the setting… and probably the after affect of reading one too many ficlets ;)

  32. On Exposing The Secret (egnellahC sdrawkcaB):

    posted 3 months ago

    Hahahaha… a cookie recipe! Too funny. Well I do have to say that you threw me for a loop on this one, well done John

  33. On Rogue Rage (egnellahC sdrawkcaB):

    posted 3 months ago

    Please allow me to ditto both Ana and Between here ;)

  34. On Wait In The Car (egnellahC sdrawkcaB):

    posted 3 months ago

    Nice, I didn’t see that twist in the plot coming.

  35. On Making An Entrance (egnellahC sdrawkcaB):

    posted 3 months ago

    I agree with Between here… nice work on the click click click part.

  36. On Bagman: VTOL at the Window:

    posted 3 months ago

    Hmmm… I have to say that I’ve been in the writer’s block mode too… and there is nothing wrong with a bit of beer or vintage video games either ;)

  37. On On the Brink of Bibliomania {Bookshelf Challenge}:

    posted 3 months ago

    My encyclopedia Britannica was a favorite growing up… sad to say that it has been replaced by the internet.

  38. On Peripheral Evil: Part 3, Google:

    posted 3 months ago

    Excellent buildup here, great work Jen :)

  39. On Peripheral Evil: Part 2, Sully 2:

    posted 3 months ago

    Again an excellent piece. Great pacing and conversations.

  40. On Peripheral Evil: Part 1, Sully:

    posted 3 months ago

    Nice setup, I can’t wait to see where you take this. :)

  41. On Birthday Cake with Jesus and Elvis :

    posted 3 months ago

    As the others have already noted… just beautiful. What a great read.

  42. On Bagman: VTOL at the Window:

    posted 3 months ago

    Squawk! – I have to parrot what John and Ben said here. I had trouble with the flow of that sentence too. Aside from that, a great continuation.

  43. On Cold Steel (egnellahC sdrawkcaB):

    posted 3 months ago

    Another solid five star piece. Oh, and I agree with between on this one.

  44. On Broken Window (egnellahC sdrawkcaB):

    posted 3 months ago

    Great Ficlet John. I loved the writing style and the pace… very well done.

  45. On The Wisdom Of A Child (Unconventional Zen Master Challenge):

    posted 3 months ago

    Love the twist at the end of this. :)

  46. On REACTr: Coragyps Atratus (Black Vulture) :

    posted 3 months ago

    You make a good point John… for anyone who doesn’t know, VTOL stands for Vertical Take Off and Lift. Think Harrier Jump Jet.
    VTOL has been around since the 80’s. Using vectored thrust the plane can take off, hover and land vertically.
    While I’m at it, the C-5 Galaxy is the largest jet heavy lift plane we make. The USSR Antonov, even bigger. They are larger than a football field. Now making one of those hover… pure fantasy. :)

  47. On Daddy's First Night (Escape Challenge):

    posted 3 months ago

    Actually John… I hate to admit this but… yeah I was really expecting a dark ending too.

  48. On Daddy's First Night (Escape Challenge):

    posted 3 months ago

    I get the feeling this piece was at least a touch, autobiographical… still nicely done.

  49. On Bagman: Take a Good Look:

    posted 3 months ago

    Very solid continuation to the series… setting up for something interesting I assume :)

  50. On Siren Song:

    posted 3 months ago

    Wow, what a great piece. Well done John!

  51. On Holy Mission:

    posted 3 months ago

    Well now… I have to say I really didn’t see that coming! Well Done!
    And I’ll ditto Jon & John…

  52. On Sweet Child of Mine (Sing Song Challenge):

    posted 3 months ago

    That was both an amazing and unexpected use of the lyrics Jen… bravo! I loved it, definitely 5 star work. :)

  53. On REACTr: Phantom Pain... but it Still Hurts:

    posted 3 months ago

    Ha, made me laugh Mr. Laughter… ah, such is life eh?
    Oh and I can so totally relate to the exhausted bit.

  54. On Everybody's Envy (Unexpected Twist Challenge):

    posted 3 months ago

    I have to agree with JLaughter, even though I saw the ending coming… extremely well written and paced. A great read.

  55. On No Place Like Home (Unconventional Zen Master Challenge):

    posted 3 months ago

    Wow, I agree with Ana, A ten piece orchestra of percussionists played violently in Todd’s head was a great line. Bravo!

  56. On Bagman: DataBomb:

    posted 3 months ago

    What can I say but WOW! This one is perfect in every way. Over the top descriptions, perfect pace, and great action. Bravo sir, bravo.
    BTW, I’m on my iPhone so I can’t rate right now. 5 stars when I get back to a PC

  57. On Bagman: Would You Please Die, Sir?:

    posted 3 months ago

    excellent action here

  58. On Bagman: Pandemonium:

    posted 3 months ago

    A LOL @ben. B another great piece

  59. On Bagman: Cerberus3:

    posted 3 months ago

    awsome post Jon I really loved this piece

  60. On REACTr: The Broken Maiden:

    posted 3 months ago

    No worries Jon… as always I appreciate the constructive criticism, and totally agree. It was another situation where I’d started off the sentence one way, then changed it, yet not completed the modification… and of course I read it correctly each time I looked at it, LOL!

  61. On REACTr: Welcome to the Freak Show:

    posted 3 months ago

    Thanks thebetweenspace! I have to admit it’s my favorite line in this piece too.

  62. On REACTr: The Broken Maiden:

    posted 3 months ago

    FYI a reefer is a temperature controlled shipping container. Usually they are used to ship produce or any other temperature sensitive goods.
    See I occasionally do my research ;)

  63. On REACTr: Put'n the "Dick" in "Detective":

    posted 3 months ago

    Thanks thebetweenspace, glad you enjoyed it… now let’s see if I can keep this up. :)

  64. On A Date to the Eagle Site:

    posted 3 months ago

    Loved it! Great atmosphere to this piece.

  65. On Bagman: Fire and a Fight:

    posted 3 months ago

    Great piece and I love the way that you flip between the vantage points without it feeling like a device.

    Great action in this one too.

  66. On Bagman: Fisticuffs! (rewrite):

    posted 3 months ago

    A great piece but as John said… it doesn’t read as “fast paced” as your other fight scenes.

  67. On REACTr: Put'n the "Dick" in "Detective":

    posted 3 months ago

    @John + Joh – I reconstructed the 2nd and 3rd paragraph to more match what I had originally written… I think it flows much better now.
    I too was tired when I wrote this last night.
    As always, thanks guys! You’re forcing me to become a better writer.

  68. On REACTr: Welcome to the Freak Show:

    posted 3 months ago

    In hind site, I probably should have used “he” because I hadn’t really established the car as a full “entity” yet… It was a side effect of knowing where I was headed vs what a reader would know at this point.

  69. On Bagman: Feathery Hammer:

    posted 3 months ago

    I have to say, you really got me with that last line! I didn’t see it coming and it was great!
    Looking forward to see where you go next… I’m really digging this story.

  70. On Bagman: Reporting Live:

    posted 3 months ago

    Excellent piece again. As John said, you’ve got a great pace here. It really draws you into the story.

  71. On Bagman: Full of Surprises:

    posted 3 months ago

    Excellent fight scene and great descriptions. You did a great job of painting a mental image with this one.

  72. On REACTr: Put'n the "Dick" in "Detective":

    posted 3 months ago

    @JLaughter – Great edits as usual. I threw the comma after the goddamn for cadence. Imagine someone pissed off saying that phrase in a rhythm.
    Glad you enjoyed this one, it was fun to write. Actually the last piece was nothing but “filler” to set up for this one.

  73. On REACTr: Put'n the "Dick" in "Detective":

    posted 3 months ago

    @Ana, Thanks I really had to work to get that title. :)
    Also it is possible that I’ve not done a very good job of carrying the story forward, esp. if you’re getting lost. I need to reread them myself and make sure everything flows correctly.

  74. On REACTr: Welcome to the Freak Show:

    posted 3 months ago

    @Jlaughter – they was counting the car because of its AI.
    @John – Good edits as usual.

  75. On REACTr: A Taste of Something Smuggled In:

    posted 3 months ago

    Again, thanks Ana. I rewrote this piece about 1,000 times to get the pacing down… actually I wasn’t really happy with it when I posted.
    As always, I do appreciate the comments from everybody.

  76. On REACTr: 2:00AM in the Driving Rain:

    posted 3 months ago

    Thanks Ana, glad that you are enjoying the story. Sci-Fi has been the great love of my life in every form of media and I agree FicLets is a great place to read excellent Sci-Fi.
    Most of the stuff on here rivals any of the Sci-Fi books I’ve read in ages.

  77. On REACTr: A Taste of Something Smuggled In:

    posted 3 months ago

    @JLaughter – glad you are enjoying the series… I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to being inspired by BagMan. :)
    The definition of REMORA will come a little later… but I’ll give you a hint I was thinking more of the fish.

  78. On REACTr: A Taste of Something Smuggled In:

    posted 3 months ago

    @John, Good catch on the edits, the Advanced Cybercrime used to be part of a sentence but I changed it and forgot the punctuation. You for your is a bad habit of mine… do it all the time. I had the idea for the NetWay for a long time. Embedded markers in the road along with a central network and local area info share between cars would prevent lots of wrecks… in you’ve ever driven Houston rush hour traffic, you’d understand.

  79. On REACTr: 2:00AM in the Driving Rain:

    posted 3 months ago

    LOL John, it’s definitely not going to be a good morning... that was actually what I had planned on doing but I went another direction. PS, see sequel for that line. :)

  80. On Nobody Expects It (Unexpected Twist Challenge):

    posted 3 months ago

    Ditto what Pyro said… made me both LOL and groan at the same time :)

  81. On Bagman: Finally, Danger Music:

    posted 3 months ago

    Good mood setting piece, glad to hear that you are feeling better.

  82. On Möbius Strip: Epilogue - Strangers in a Strange Land:

    posted 3 months ago

    Thanks thebetweenspace… as I look back now, I do feel I rushed the ending a bit. I really should have extended a few post to cover more sections.

  83. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 34:

    posted 3 months ago

    You are most welcome Pyro! I have to say it did the same thing to me too. Also made me stop to look at how far we’ve come in the last 24 years and really appreciate the technology we have all grown so accustomed to.

  84. On Epilogue (Out-of-Order Challenge):

    posted 3 months ago

    Excellent ending John, I also agree with Pyro, great tie between the “start” and the “end”.

  85. On On Scene (Out-of-Order Challenge):

    posted 3 months ago

    Wow, great description of the scene

  86. On Bagman: Corporate Joe:

    posted 3 months ago

    Yet another great entry and perfect description of diving through data.
    I also have not heard of meatside but great description, usually you’ll hear meatspace.
    Keep them coming!

  87. On Bagman: Crumbs to Wisconsin:

    posted 3 months ago

    Your descriptions of traveling the meta stream were spot on, very visual and engrossing.
    I have to agree with Pyro, you were channeling Gibson here.
    Excellent!

  88. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 34:

    posted 3 months ago

    LOL, Thanks Jen. Funny, I’m still listening to an 80’s mix on my iPod.
    Yeah, it was getting a bit long in the tooth so I thought it was time to put it to bed… at least for now.
    Oh, and great point about the comments too. They really helped push me to write more and better.

  89. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 34:

    posted 3 months ago

    Hope you don’t mind me ending this here Jen. I thought about it and you gave me the perfect setup and the twist for the end. I did leave room for a sequel though.
    I have enjoyed working with you on this series more than I can express here. I can honestly say it would not have been as good or as much fun without you. Let’s work together again soon!
    I’d also like to thank everyone else who’s contributed and read this story, esp. you Mr. Perkins.

  90. On Alex in Wonderland- Part 33:

    posted 3 months ago

    Wow Jen… I really didn’t see that last part coming. Great Twist!
    And I agree with what John had to say as well.
    Must go think on this one… SO many new twists and turns. Hmmm, I might not have to be as hasty as I planned on putting this away soon. :)

  91. On Alex in Wonderland- Part 32:

    posted 3 months ago

    a) Great definition of paradox… in both places. I really wanted to work that into my piece but alas, no room
    b) I agree with John, great dialog
    c) Another great addition!

  92. On Out-of-Order Challenge - The Beg-end-ing:

    posted 3 months ago

    Ah, excellent “beginning” to the story arc, so by the title, I’m assuming this is also the “ending”?

  93. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 31:

    posted 3 months ago

    @John, man you guys are quick today… I just posted it and was reread for errors. Nice catch as usual.
    @Pyro, 1984 has long been established as the date they are stuck in. It’s been noted several times. Also Jen noted that Final Countdown didn’t really work because it was from 1986. She used it the same way I used a Gibson story… creative license. :)

  94. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 29:

    posted 3 months ago

    Well done Pyro!
    Thanks Jen, oh and great work on the Hapkido too.
    BTW, glad to hear it isn’t just me having issues with the ratings. I’ve been having trouble with comments too.

  95. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 30:

    posted 3 months ago

    I hadn’t thought about Europe in years, anyway that’s ok, I cheated with the Gibson story in the Omni… hey it’s sci-fi and we’re telling the stories. :)
    Also, on leaving parts out, I had quite a bit that I wanted to work into my last entry but had to cut it to the bare essentials to fit.
    Need to think out the next move… I do have a few ideas though

  96. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 28:

    posted 3 months ago

    So much great material here Jen! I especially loved Then she saw Krystle; looking like she’d stepped right out of an Olivia Newton John video.
    Hope my next post is up to your challenge!

  97. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 29:

    posted 3 months ago

    Ok Jen… I just had to go here, you gave me such a lovely setup. BTW, the lyrics of two different Olivia Newton John song’s are in this Ficlet.
    Trivia question: What are the lyrics and what songs?
    No cheating by looking them up on the internet.
    Oh and yes, guilty pleasure… I was listing to the songs when I wrote this.

  98. On Bagman: Deadline Run:

    posted 3 months ago

    Ah picking up steam again. :)

  99. On Bagman: Second First Step:

    posted 3 months ago

    I have to agree with what John said here.

  100. On One Truth to Another [Out of Order Challenge:

    posted 3 months ago

    Great continuation for the series, excellent setup for the next piece

  101. On Autumn Breeze (Paint a Picture Challenge):

    posted 4 months ago

    beautiful John. a murder of crows I’ve not heard that phrase in a looooong time. Well done.

  102. On Jenunique and "The" Google {Googler Challenge}:

    posted 4 months ago

    LOL great post

  103. On Alex in Wonderland- Part 26:

    posted 4 months ago

    This is great and the slightly out of context quotes really fit in with the feel of the Caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland.
    You left me with a bit of a challenge… Hope you like my #27 :)

  104. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 27:

    posted 4 months ago

    (Kevin chops hole in webpage, sticking face to hole) I’m Baaaack! (in best Jack Nicholson voice.)

    I guess Jessica wasn’t happy with the Caterpillar’s responses. :)

    Your turn Jen.

  105. On Alex in Wonderland- Part 25:

    posted 4 months ago

    excellent addition again

  106. On Alex in Wonderland- Part 24:

    posted 4 months ago

    yeah but it would never have been this good without you!

  107. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 22:

    posted 4 months ago

    thanks Jon. That was exactly the feel I was looking for

  108. On Alex in Wonderland- Part 24:

    posted 4 months ago

    Jen you are totally rocking this… I LOVE IT!

  109. On Alex in Wonderland- Part 23:

    posted 4 months ago

    Wow Jen! Another perfect entry. I love that you picked up on what I had in mind for the Cheshire Cat, surveillance.

  110. On The Cryptic, Unpredictable Wonderball:

    posted 4 months ago

    Ana, you and Eckhouse are rocking this series.. keep up the great work.

  111. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 22:

    posted 4 months ago

    Oh, one other thing, on a side note. The travelers are actually from 2008. I checked my wallet when I wrote the New stand piece and the oldest money I had was 2003… most was from 2005.

  112. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 22:

    posted 4 months ago

    Ficlet Tennis – He serves tink back over the net to Jen ;)

  113. On Alex in Wonderland- Part 21:

    posted 4 months ago

    Touche my dear! I bow before the master. Fantastic Jen, simply fantastic. I love the last line, you did a spot on job of matching my special agent piece.

  114. On Ménage à Trois (Out-of-Order Challenge):

    posted 4 months ago

    Nice way to work the Joke into this one.

  115. On Bagman: Big Mistake:

    posted 4 months ago

    As John said… spot on perfect dialog here. This story is really moving right along. Your doing Mr Gibson proud Jon. :)

  116. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 20: Through the Looking Glass:

    posted 4 months ago

    Your turn Jen. :)

  117. On Alex in Wonderland- Part 19:

    posted 4 months ago

    Interesting turn… and nice play with the name of the shop. Since you’d brought up Tommy Chong I was expecting a “head shop”.
    Hmmm, you’ve left me with a challenge.

  118. On Alex in Wonderland- Part 18:

    posted 4 months ago

    Excellent Jen! I wonder why White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane (later known as Jefferson Starship) is playing in my head??
    This really is turning into an acid trip down memory lane.

  119. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 17:

    posted 4 months ago

    Good catch on “require” vs “reacquire” all. BTW, I’m out of space kaellinn. :)

  120. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 17:

    posted 4 months ago

    Honestly, the idea to use Alice in Wonderland references never crossed my mind until you brought it up… duh!
    Your turn! :)
    Can’t wait to see what you do with this.

  121. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 16:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks Jen…yeah I hated that song but it sticks in your head like used bubble gum. I had to work that line in somehow!

  122. On Alex in Wonderland- Part 15:

    posted 4 months ago

    Great job on the recycling Jen and I truly LOVE this piece!
    The crowd seemed to part like the Red Sea I could see this in my mind, like a scene from an Eddie Murphy movie from the 80’s.
    You are forcing me to up my game… let’s see if I am up to the challenge… on to part 16 :)

  123. On Dear Diary, I hate It Here:

    posted 4 months ago

    wow, powerful piece John. You’ve really got the “child like psychopath” feel nailed.

  124. On Morphine Drool (Out-of-Order Challenge):

    posted 4 months ago

    No sure I’d classify this “filler” it goes a long way to move the ideas of the story along.

  125. On HIS Prayers Will Go Unanswered:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks Jon… Ficlets are like candy coated, crack cocaine sprinkled, hot buttered popcorn with ice cold beer, LOL!
    Seriously, this writing stuff in new to me (aside from boring technical writing for work) and I’m on a writer’s high.
    The horror stuff is different for me too. I more like the hard Sci-fi pieces. Just trying to play with a few styles and push my comfort level.

  126. On Alex in Wonderland: Part 12:

    posted 4 months ago

    @JLaughter – first “Mall-Pig” ROTFL! And Yeah, she’d read his obituary 2 weeks before jumping back to 1984. It looks like the girls have jumped back to a Mall that was their haunt back then.

  127. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 12: Time After Time:

    posted 4 months ago

    All, I’ve decided to let this thread die and link back off of Jen’s #12. Go back to #11 and take the top 12, I’ve continued writing there with Jen.

  128. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 14:

    posted 4 months ago

    @Judee – Thanks, actually me an Jen are in cahoots now so this could get interesting. ;)

  129. On Ex's & Drugs & Rock & Roll:

    posted 4 months ago

    Excellent work. It would have fit nicely into my “HIS” series.

  130. On Awake:

    posted 4 months ago

    I’ll second what THX said and it reminds me of someone who’s been on a major bender (hang over from hell)

  131. On The Fog [Out of Order Challenge]:

    posted 4 months ago

    I really like the feel you have going here, like THX said… haunting. Since I obviously have no opinions of my own today, I also agree with John, nice change of style for you too.

  132. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 14:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks John. This series was more about having fun Jen’s parts really got the story going

  133. On The Pillar - A Guided Tour:

    posted 4 months ago

    Another great addition Ben. One tiny pick, in the 6th paragraph you have She was standing in a room that looked identical to his own. Her naked body was the same dark shade of gray as his own. Both sentences ending in his own so close is hard to read. What if you changed the last one to _ Her naked body, the same dark shade of gray as him_?
    Just a thought. :)

  134. On Into Hiding:

    posted 4 months ago

    Toasting other people’s characters… tisk, tisk, tisk… LOL, Just Kidding. Another great piece

  135. On Burger King Drive-Thru (Out-of-Order Challenge):

    posted 4 months ago

    I slammed on the brakes just as he put the burger to his mouth, causing him to get a face full of Whopper. Great line, totally unexpected, love it!

  136. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 14:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks Jen. I reused parts of my 12 and grafted them into your storyline. ficlet recycling :)

  137. On Snow White Queen {Paint a Picture Challenge}:

    posted 4 months ago

    Excellent personification here Jen

  138. On Alex in Wonderland: Part 13:

    posted 4 months ago

    Ha! Another great addition. I love the exchange in the next to last paragraph and the last line is killer.
    I’m so glad you picked this piece up Jen

  139. On HIS Screams Will Shake the Heavens:

    posted 4 months ago

    @John – good calls in both places. It was another place where I read that line with the “a” in place every time. On the second, I ran out of chars so I had to drop the “flashed”.
    @Pyro – I’ll explain the “clean-up” next.
    @All – I found writing this one very upsetting… I ended up on the couch with a large glass of wine, watching happy shows… It might be awhile before I pick this series back up.

  140. On HIS Hunger is Unceasing:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks all… I was trying to present this without going over the top or offending anyone.
    I found that if you don’t get too descriptive and leave as much open to the imagination of the reader, it comes off far more powerful.

  141. On HIS Pain a Song Forever:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks kaellinn! The next piece is gonna be rough on people.

  142. On HIS Hunger is Unceasing:

    posted 4 months ago

    Ok not to offend anyone of a specific turn… but I think I threw up a bit in my mouth as I wrote this one.
    The atomic bomb of disturbing for a strait guy… having to make it with a dude.
    I told you I was going for broke on this one.

  143. On HIS Songs of Suffering:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks for the very useful corrections Ana & John… good additions both.

  144. On HIS Songs of Suffering:

    posted 4 months ago

    WARNING! This series is going to be very dark and disturbing, if you are easy to offend or upset… DO NOT READ!
    I’m going to try and push the boundaries with these works. I’ve not read good horror in awhile. I have an idea and want to see if I can pull it off.

  145. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 12: Time After Time:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks Jen, I still think I like yours better. :)

  146. On Out-of-Order Challenge - Cadillac Decisions:

    posted 4 months ago

    Wow, powerful and well written as always. Great ending to this piece… this isn’t gonna end well is it?

  147. On Alex in Wonderland: Part 11:

    posted 4 months ago

    @Pyro – I agree completely look like we both “branched” the story at the same time again… however this time we’re going in two different directions… BTW, I like your’s better Jen.

  148. On Alex in Wonderland: Part 12:

    posted 4 months ago

    Nice work, looks like we both split off of 11 at the same time again… you type faster than me :)

  149. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 12: Time After Time:

    posted 4 months ago

    Just a little FYI Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper was on the top 10 list of songs in 1984. I just couldn’t resist that title. :)

  150. On Alex in Wonderland: Part 11:

    posted 4 months ago

    Again… totally Rad Jen! There is one small typo in the line “She she blew upward in a haughty bitch”, you have a double She.
    Oh and nice work on both the “She almost turned her ankle” and “haughty bitch” lines.

  151. On The Future Is Unwritten:

    posted 4 months ago

    Excellent job fitting this into the original

  152. On Ask the Wonderball:

    posted 4 months ago

    Fantastic work on this challenge piece!

  153. On Alex in Wonderland: Part 9:

    posted 4 months ago

    Actually, I liked the she, it fit perfectly. I kind of imagined the clerk being a younger person, possibly working a first job. It fit perfectly.

  154. On Followed:

    posted 4 months ago

    As THX said, nice buildup… I can see you going a lot of different directions with this one

  155. On Nowhere to Hide:

    posted 4 months ago

    Wow, great suspense with that last line!

  156. On Where Am I (Out-of-Order Challenge):

    posted 4 months ago

    Great start to a your series.

  157. On Bagman: Street King:

    posted 4 months ago

    Jarvis is a professional study on the phrase “gruesomely ugly.” His face looked as though he’d been attacked by a cheese-grater and he escaped by climbing an ugly tree. made me LOL Jon!
    Keep em coming!

  158. On Bagman: I Heart Mom:

    posted 4 months ago

    This piece is great Jon, it really humanizes Benny and allows the reader to relate… gives him more depth.

  159. On Bagman: Everyone has a Record:

    posted 4 months ago

    @John – By definition ANY mechanical augmentation or addition would classify a person as a cyborg. To that end, we have quite a few running around today.
    @JLaughter – Nice setup for the next piece!

  160. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 7:

    posted 4 months ago

    I totally agree John

  161. On Alex in Wonderland: Part 9:

    posted 4 months ago

    Again… Spot on Jenunique! I was considering having your gang help him out of this pickle. And you knew Jessica would be the ring leader of this adventure. :)

  162. On Alex in Wonderland- Part 7: Girls Just Wanted to Have Fun:

    posted 4 months ago

    No the use of Becky was fantastic… and a perfect tie in. I hope you continue to add to the story.
    Your post has added another layer of richness that I would have never thought of.

  163. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 7:

    posted 4 months ago

    For anyone wondering… Jenunique added a MUCH better Part 7 so I moved this story after hers in the chain. Please see Part 6 to get back to this section, sorry!
    I really wish there was a way to delete ficlets completely

  164. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 8:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks Pyro… it made way more sense to add this after the excellent post that Jenunique made. I truly love what she did to the story and this piece still worked, so I moved it here

  165. On Alex in Wonderland- Part 7: Girls Just Wanted to Have Fun:

    posted 4 months ago

    Oh I forgot to say I loved the addition of the other people from his time. Oh my god Becky would you look at her a$$! :)

  166. On Alex in Wonderland- Part 7: Girls Just Wanted to Have Fun:

    posted 4 months ago

    WOW! Blown away Jenunique… Rats, we must have posted our stories at exactly the same time or I would have chained off of yours, I think I’ll delete my post and add it to this one.

  167. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 7:

    posted 4 months ago

    Hey Pyro, I worked your punk rockers in :)

  168. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 6:

    posted 4 months ago

    Freaking awesome John! BTW, I think we are channeling each other LOL! I’d planned to have him check out the cinema too (just like us both having him go to the center of the mall to read the Omni).
    Oh and totally a nice touch having the girl from Casa at the Joust machine.

  169. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 5:

    posted 4 months ago

    Cool – Not played Rockband but I do hear that it is quite physical. And that beer and drums don’t mix you should try alcohol and karaoke in a live club… I’ve had a few disasters on songs that I really know too. ;)
    Checking sequel now.

  170. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 5:

    posted 4 months ago

    @John… oops! I didn’t mean to bust your sequel… sorry and I’m so busted on the Gibson part but hey, it’s fiction, er, um ficlets!
    I’m not going to post anything again till tomorrow so have at the story… this was as far ahead as I had thought of.

  171. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 4:

    posted 4 months ago

    @John- Ha… shout out to Dad’s Playboys. Sad thing is that would probably be labeled sexual abuse now… in our day it was just sex education

  172. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 4:

    posted 4 months ago

    @Jenunique – Looked forward to seeing what you have to add.
    @Jlaughter – Guilty as charged :P Yes it is a nod to your series.
    @Six Feet, John’s right. BTW – obviously no one here was a science, sci-fi and computer geek during the 80’s (I was)... Omni was the WIRED magazine of its time. Oh and I tickled myself with the FBI line… no who’s getting an ego :)

  173. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 3:

    posted 4 months ago

    @Jenunique, JLaughter & Six Feet – Thanks all, this one was really fun to write! I had to really dig back deep for both the dialog and the looks… found myself swimming in memories of the 80’s.

  174. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 2:

    posted 4 months ago

    Oops! I’m missing the “the”. You know, of course, I read that about a 1,000 times in my mind cleanly inserted the missing the because it knew it was supposed to be there. Like Duh! (in best 80’s voice)

  175. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 1:

    posted 4 months ago

    @I’m-THAT-Guy!, I always get “its” and “it’s” mixed up. I totally agree with the Clunkiness of the 4th paragraph, I rewrote it about 100 times and could never get it to come out right.
    @John – You are right… I did transpose the “a” and the “now”
    @Six Feet – Thanks, I’ll admit I used that name to get the funky title for the piece!
    @All – I always appreciate all feedback both +/- so never feel like you can’t comment… it’s the only way I’ll learn :)

  176. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 4:

    posted 4 months ago

    One more thing… (nods to Steve Jobs). I truly have no direction for this series, so if anyone wants to jump in and write a prequel/sequel please have at it!

  177. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 4:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks Pyro! I was listening to their greatest hits as I wrote this one.
    BTW… Oh how I loved Omni Magazine! Anyone else here remember them?

  178. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 3:

    posted 4 months ago

    Oooo! Punks… great idea Pyro I need to work that into the next one. ;)
    @John… in this one was bouncing back and forth between “thing…was” and “things…were”. Also “You’re” was intentional in the last line because he is referring to himself as Toto.
    Keep the input coming!

  179. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 2:

    posted 4 months ago

    I actually wanted to fit the first line of this ficlet onto the last entry. I just couldn’t find a way to get the setup I wanted and fit it in. So I chose to break it here.
    I was trying to show that because the restaurant had been painted new “modern” colors in the future it no longer matched with the restroom. Since Alex stepped into the past, the two were now in sync.
    The restroom is the key tying both timelines together.

  180. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 1:

    posted 4 months ago

    As usual John, I totally agree with your analysis of this piece. It 100% is a mundane setup for the next piece with the twist… I just didn’t have enough space to do the setup and the twist at the same time… stepping out on a limb here.
    This one is more a “toy” that popped into my head on the way to work with no direction at all, I’m literally making it up as I write.

  181. On Numbers pop up in funny places (III):

    posted 4 months ago

    Love your description of the elevator here… great work.

  182. On Bagman: Phantom Leg:

    posted 4 months ago

    Do I see CyberRed in the future?? :)

  183. On Bagman: Benny & Louise:

    posted 4 months ago

    Totally what Pyro said… great use of the feed. It really placed me into the story. Keep em coming!

  184. On Bagman: A Little Less Red:

    posted 4 months ago

    By Johnny Mnemonic I do hope you mean the short story and not that dreadful excuse for a movie Pyro! :)
    Another great addition

  185. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 2:

    posted 4 months ago

    @Pyro – I hear you, I’m a 1965 addition BUT I did go to college in the 80’s so it’s a period that I still have very fond memories of.
    @Jenunique – Thanks! Glad you are liking the piece. I love the 80’s too

  186. On Möbius Strip: Epilogue - Madonna and Child:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks THAT-Guy, in hindsight, I really should have stretched it out over a few more posts.

  187. On Alex in Wonderland - Part 2:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks for the input atllta, its always appreciated. BTW, I agree completely, the last bit is somewhat out of sync.
    I was trying to relate that since he was in 1984 now, the decor of the restaurant matched the restroom that was stuck in the 80’s.
    Part of it has to do with running out of characters. :)

  188. On Just for Kevin (Da Love Chain):

    posted 4 months ago

    “Wil Wheaton mentioned a short story he wrote on some site called Ficlets”
    I do wonder how many people ended up with this addiction because of Wil?
    BTW, iPhone ficlets is just evil… way too easy to access when you are out, about and bored.

  189. On The Mark (3):

    posted 4 months ago

    Excellent continuation… I did not see the “hitman” angle coming.

  190. On Bagman: Payday:

    posted 4 months ago

    Think I’ve about got the hang of the 1000-character limit.
    I’d have to agree with that statement. Great series that you have running, interested to see where you take it.

  191. On Bagman: Three Black Suits:

    posted 4 months ago

    Loved the description of Esmail.

  192. On Bagman: Blurred Image:

    posted 4 months ago

    Yeah, but Steve (or descendant of Steve) would never let the Apple name come last… now Apple-Lockheed. :)
    Great work as usual.

  193. On Möbius Strip: Epilogue - Strangers in a Strange Land:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks John… don’t be humble. Seriously, I’d probably not have made it through to the end without your help… I’m bad at starting things and never finishing them too.

  194. On Möbius Strip: Epilogue - Strangers in a Strange Land:

    posted 4 months ago

    @kaellinn – The kiss… I can see your point. I was kind of looking at it like this:
    a) I’d planned a bit more interaction leading up to and end it… curse you 1024 character limit!
    b) I saw it as a shipwrecked man and woman who gone through a lot together leading to more…
    c) She’s a hot, godlike Cougar now and he’s a tasty looking treat (sorry I couldn’t resist)

  195. On Möbius Strip: Epilogue - Madonna and Child:

    posted 4 months ago

    @John – According to Merriam-Webster it can be either spelling… I just looked it up again, however I might change it epilogue is the main spelling.
    @kaellinn – Thanks, again I really wasn’t sure how that was going to go over.

  196. On Möbius Strip: The Chicken or the Egg:

    posted 4 months ago

    @John – Yup I do use an editor with spell check however I usually tend to flub a word not in it’s dictionary or a misused word… go figure.
    @kaellinn – Thank you very much. I’m glad you enjoyed the series. I wasn’t sure if anyone would “get it”... the picture in my head, that is.

  197. On Möbius Strip: Epilogue - Strangers in a Strange Land:

    posted 4 months ago

    ... better yet, why don’t you continue Ker and Dreanna’s story?
    I’ve left you with a badass ship (remember Worldbuilder class, can make anything) and a few interesting characters (hey, at least I think so) and a brand new universe to explore.
    So go ahead… surprise me, wow me.
    Thanks for reading Kev

  198. On Möbius Strip: Epilogue - Strangers in a Strange Land:

    posted 4 months ago

    OK, stick a fork in this series… it’s done!
    I hope you’ve enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing. I want to thank everybody that commented on the series and provided help, especially you John Perkins.
    At some point I might pick it up and write another chapter or…

  199. On Möbius Strip: Epilogue - Madonna and Child:

    posted 4 months ago

    Ouch, I did do a number on Macroverse here huh?
    Yup… The end. It think I’ll but this one away for awhile (after one final Epilog).

  200. On Möbius Strip: The Chicken or the Egg:

    posted 4 months ago

    Again great edit work… oh and see what I mean, once I start misspelling something, I get stuck.

    Think of it more as the container for the universe that these event take place in is turned into the actual container itself. Time folding back on itself… just like a Möbius Strip.

  201. On Möbius Strip: Mother Knows Best:

    posted 4 months ago

    Time is wrapping back on itself here so in the Past Present the circle was completed and everything came into existence. Yet in the Present Past the circle has yet to be completed because Eric hasn’t activated the orb yet. It’s meant to be a head trip.
    Different person talking… they used the ‘the’.
    Sperm and Ova is a link between creation of life and creation of universes.

  202. On Möbius Strip: Crazy on a Ship of Fools:

    posted 4 months ago

    Yes… I meant eyebrow good catch as usual.

  203. On Out-of-Order Challenge - 90 Seconds:

    posted 4 months ago

    Wow. Seriously, you continue to blow me away with this challenge.
    One question though, in the sentence I creeped the car into wouldn’t crept work better? I just kind of read funny to me. BTW, Hope you don’t mind the input.

  204. On The Pillar - Intruder:

    posted 4 months ago

    Wow, great movement and setup Ben. Excellent continuation to the story. I’ve missed your Pillar entries.
    One tiny thing the line He felt warm and breathing was too hard is missing a period. :)

  205. On Möbius Strip: Epilogue - Madonna and Child:

    posted 4 months ago

    One final piece remains… “What happened to Ker and Dreanna?” You might be asking yourself… stay tuned. :)

  206. On Human For Sale:

    posted 4 months ago

    Great Start to this series!

  207. On Not so Sweet Home:

    posted 4 months ago

    Great flow from the initial two pieces, well done!

  208. On The Kind That Hate Was Bred In:

    posted 4 months ago

    As thebetweenspace said “the kind that hate was bred in” is a fantastic line. As to this piece overall… wow, just wow!

  209. On Möbius Strip: At Infinium:

    posted 4 months ago

    The final bridge entry… all the pieces are coming into place. :)

  210. On Möbius Strip: While I Kiss the Sky:

    posted 4 months ago

    @John – Eric is a bit dependent on Ker right now… best not to piss of the help ;) BTW, your getting soft on me, I was missing a period =0

    @Pyro – Thanks, I find modifiers disruptive to reading and I was really finding it difficult to have a 3 way conversation without flooding it with he said, she said. I do have plans to turn this series into a manga and release it on my website for free. I’m running a few “tests” now to see if I can pull it off.

  211. On Möbius Strip: Wake the Princess - Part 3:

    posted 4 months ago

    Well Pyro I didn’t think about it when wrote it but… yeah it does sort of have a Andromeda feel to it.
    Before my first Ficlet posted here, I’d never tried to write a story so this is a totally new experience for me. The ONLY reason that I have/am improving is thanks to everyone that has given me such priceless advice here.
    My most sincerest thanks to you all.

  212. On Möbius Strip: Wake the Princess - Part 2:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks Fantasy. I appreciate the feedback.

  213. On Möbius Strip: While I Kiss the Sky:

    posted 4 months ago

    Ok all, I’m not really happy with the conversations here and I might adjust them later.
    I found myself struggling to balance the three different characters points of view and still have the reader be able to keep up.

  214. On Möbius Strip: Wake the Princess - Part 3:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks John, I wanted her to come off as quirky and fun.

  215. On Möbius Strip: Wake the Princess - Part 1:

    posted 4 months ago

    Thanks John. My dialog has improved thanks to all the input I’ve gotten from everyone here. This has been a really fun learning experience for me.

  216. On Land of Confusion: Codename Numbers:

    posted 4 months ago

    DNA test results with haplotype and haplogroup.” Spooky, nice setup.

  217. On Möbius Strip: Wake the Princess - Part 2:

    posted 4 months ago

    I really wasn’t sure if it would “read” correctly to anyone other than me.
    Thanks THX, I truly appreciate the feedback.

  218. On Möbius Strip: Wake the Princess - Part 1:

    posted 4 months ago

    Filler by any other name is still… filler. I’m trying to make all the parts stand alone but this one definitely requires the other parts to make sense.

  219. On Möbius Strip: Any Port in a Storm:

    posted 4 months ago

    Again, thanks for taking the time to comment guys.
    It isn’t evident yet but there is a reason why Eric is handling the situation this way. The next post or so should expose the details.