You guys never cease to amaze me with these ficlets of yours. Sassy is killin me tho. The way she thinks she can just force Jameson to forget Prandi and go for Becca is rediculous.
Hahaha…I love how the officer fell for her story. Just goes to show ya that with an innocent face & a cute smile, a girl can get away with pretty much anything. LOL
Ok this one kind of grossed me out a bit. Especially when you described the ‘squelch’ that sounded when they pulled on the squeegee. But I guess that was the goal.
This is insanely good! The way you described the details, what Gordo is thinking & feeling, the sweat cascading off of his head. It was all so good. Can’t wait for the next ficlet.
I love the title to this ficlet first of all. Reminds me of some good times in middle school. (We used to listen to that song every day after band & sing & dance to it LOL) I also love the way this just played out in my head as I read along, as if it were really happening & I was watching.
Poor Spike. It must be hard for him to have a dad that doesn’t accept him for who he is. That feeling is all too familiar for me, but it’s my mom instead. Isn’t it interesting how usually it’s the father & son or mother & daughter who don’t get along instead of the father & daughter or the mother & son?
hahaha…I love the ending the most here, thought the whole ficlet was good, because of the picture I got in my head of Jameson’s face when Prandi threw him her jacket and then her face when he fell off of his stool.
This whole time I’ve been trying to figure out what caused the fog? I figure the mud was caused by rain, but not sure about the rest of the conditions. And what caused the girl that she’s looking after to be this way? Did she go insane after being in these conditions after a while? And who is Daniel? So many unanswered questions.
Awesome job on this ficlet. You did a great job of painting the picture of what is going on. I can picture the look on Emily’s face when the guy said “I like to keep my visitors for a few years”.
Ok…I’m not sure if i should be sick or happy that Sassy & Old Bess finally found love…..but with each other…
haha…anyway…things have deffinately been taking an unexpected turn in the last few sequels. Prandi & Jameson r together…ish…Becca & Paul are crying together, and Old Bess & Sassy…uh…yeah. All I have to say is: “Wow.”
oh gosh I hope they’re not going to the bar I think they’re going to. and if they are, I hope sassy isn’t there when they walk in. that would just be extremely bad news.
hahaha. i’m sure we all will Kermitgorf. and in my fantisy world when my book becomes a best seller i will simply say “The thing that I have to thank for my great success is ficlets and of course, all of the people on there who gave me advice and supported me along the way. Without them and ficlets, this never would’ve happened.”
Emily! Throw it out the window! hahaha…I feel like I’m watching a horror movie where the girl knows she shouldn’t go in the room but she’s going to anyway and everyone’s yelling “Don’t go in! Run away!”
You did a great job of showing just how big Agent Lefleur really is. I’m wondering who it is that’s pulling into the drive way though and what’s going to happen next.
Jameson is turning into quite the character. I love how he’s suddenly so cool and how Becca is trying not to be outdone. Great job on this sequel. Can’t wait to see it’s sequel.
Bravo! I love how you described what Becca was thinking and how her jealousy was kicking in when Jameson was so smooth with the hostess and then also when he gave Prandi a hug.
I agree with Ana. I can also picture the look on Paul’s face when he walks in the restaurant to find that not only has Jameson beat him there, but he also has both girls hanging on his every word. I can’t wait to see what Ana comes up with for the sequel.
You did a good job. And just so you guys don’t go jumping to any conclusions, that’s not how all girls think. :p
Girls like the one in this story, I find very annoying. You did a good job of getting in the mind of a girl like that though. Some times you amaze me…how in the world did you know exactly how some girls think. You worry me, Parker. LOL
Wow…that’s a pretty crazy thing (bout ur wife out drinkin ppl in 10 min and then still bein able 2 name all of the presidents). Actually, it’s a very interesting fact LOL
ok now to the sequel. Jameson is about to be completely taken by surprize when she leaves him as a one night stand…depending on if the pictures come up first. I’m interested to see what will happen.
I agree with KG and Sarah…you NEVER seem to have any problems with writer’s block from what I’ve seen.
And I agree with Fantasy as well…it is extremely cool how u incorporated lyrics into a ficlet about music from a musical ficlet challenge. I would never be able to do something like that. I have a hard enough time coming up with the stuff I’ve been writing as it is. hahaha
hahahahaha I love the lines: “Will it hurt?” “Of course!” hahaha…I love how he’s just straight up with the guy here and doesn’t hesitate to tell the guy that his second death will hurt.
Oh my gosh. I had a really sad song playing while I was reading this and I could really feel the pain that Becca was feeling very intensly. I could also feel how cold hearted Sassy was in this moment. This one was very captivating for me. I felt like i was actually there. This is a true work of art. A masterpiece.
I can’t understand how someone could be so happy about ruining someone’s life. It just doesn’t make since but it seems like the way Sassy would be. You did a good job showing this side of her that has suddenly come out in recent prequels.
I can’t understand how someone could be so happy about ruining someone’s life. It just doesn’t make since but it seems like the way Sassy would be. You did a good job showing this side of her that has suddenly come out in recent prequels.
Ok I hated Sassy before but now I deffinately hate her with a passion. You did a really good job with this one. I’m actually feeling kinda sorry for Jameson at this point…actually I started feeling sorry for him a few prequels ago.
I can’t help but laugh at all of the drama that seems to be following Jameson ever since the night of the party. And how you had Prandi just break down on him there…pure gold.
Excellent job. I can feel the tention that must’ve been in there when all of the girls went silent. Once more the descriptiveness is captivating. Excellent work.
This one just shows even more how much of a creep Gordo is. It makes a shiver go down my spine in discust at him. You did an excellent job, yet again. You are truly a master ficleteer.
Amazing job on this one. The descriptiveness is once more so detailed that I feel like i’m actually there, watching and listening to everything that’s going on with out being seen.
Very excellent work. PyroPunk is right, the images are very vivid. It’s like I’m there watching and listening to everything without anyone even knowing I’m there.
I can see the potential abusive situation that bts saw. You, once more, have done an amazing job describing the characters and what is going on with them.
I can see the potential abusive situation that bts saw. You, once more, have done an amazing job describing the characters and what is going on with them.
I can see the potential abusive situation that bts saw. You, once more, have done an amazing job describing the character and what is going on with them.
This ficlet is very captivating to me. I had to read it slower than most of the ficlets, which means you did a good job with all of the descriptions of what’s going through his mind and where he is. Even who he is for that matter. I can’t wait to see where the rest of this series goes.
This one was really good. I love how Becca was trying to get Sassy to calm down, yet get permission from Sassy to go on a date with Jameson at the same time and it worked. I also love how Sassy thought that Becca was going to go for Paul instead of Jameson.
ooo…it gives a whole new meaning to the word “busted”. When you’re mom catches you with a boyfriend without knowing where you’d be to begin with, that just means trouble. You did an excellent job.
thnx 4 the feedback on all of the ficlets. I’ll keep all of your comments in mind when I’m writing my next one. And I’m not gunna Sequal this one..I’m gunna wait for someone else to do that just so I can see where they take it.
Wow…..the slow motion view of the girl that he’s hitting and the tention of all of it makes it very interesting and very tragic. You did a really good job on this, as you do on all of your ficlets. Keep it up. :)
I like it. Stovohobo & Mk r right…it left many question unanswered and it’s a great opening for a sequal as Stovohobo said. Your ficlets r never short of excellence.
ya…I agree. the twist on this wasn’t that good. i had a brain fart on the twist. other wize it would’ve been better. oh well…at least I got some good practice. :)
Hahaha…don’t u just luv high school? LOL I luv how its serious and then your friend suddenly makes some random comment about how your hair smells like fruitloops…LOL
I remember this actually happening when I was eight years old. The conversation may not have been to this extent as far as my part, but I remember being mad and sad at the same time that we had to move again. I also remember crying because I didn’t want to leave my friends. I tried to portray that feeling in this ficlet.
I feel the same way in all the houses my family moves in to. I wonder how long we’ll be here and how long my friendships with other kids will last when I have to move again in a couple of years. You really brought that to life in this ficlet. Good job.
Thanks guys. I’m extremely excited to be on ficlets…it has really improved my writing skills. Tho it would be nice if ppl would make sequels to my ficlets tho…I think it would make it a lot more interesting…don’t u guys think so?
Wow…this is the first time I’ve actually scared myself with a story. My heart almost started racing as I pictured this in my mind the way I was trying to portray it. I hope it does the same for any one else that reads it.
You did an excellent job on this. I love how you made the twins sound completely different. The fright you portrayed in Sophronia seemed so real. The way you portrayed this made it play like a movie in front of my eyes. Once again, Excellent job.
I would do this challenge, but I think I need to get better at writing first…but if I feel like I’ve gotten better before the end of the challenge, I may just take it. :)
You did an absolutely wonderful job on this one. The atmosphere is excellent. You and uselessness have been extremely busy with these ficlets and you’re both doing an excellent job on them. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more.
Goodness, you’ve been busy with these ficlets lately! You and THX are just constantly going back and forth with these things. And you’re both doing an excellent job of it. Keep up the good work!
You did an excelent job on this part of the story. It really gets the reader interested to the extent where they feel like they’re actually seeing what’s happening, yet they’re not part of the story. It appears as a movie flashing before the reader’s eyes. Once again, good job.
This ficlet is amazingly good, Parker. Although it doesn’t surprize me since I’ve read your other ficlets and they are all extremely good. This one is very spooky.
This is so good. You did a wonderful job portraying what was happening. As I read what was going on I pictured a young teenage boy walking along a path and coming upon a flock of crows not scattering as he walked through them, but instead watching his every move in an extremely creepy way. And then, all of a sudden he feels a gust of wind swirling around him and at the same moment the crows take off swarming him. I’m sure that’s exactly what you were trying to portray too. Very creepy.
You did an absolutely marvelous job on this one. The suspense is killer. The pace of the story really keeps the reader on the edge of their seat. Keep it up, Wil!
You did an excelent job on this story. You are an extremely good fictional writer. I do believe we have a future world known author on our hands…keep up the good work!
I never actually wrote “ficlets”, as they’re called on here, until I actually got an account on ficlets. I was more of a poetry writing kind of girl, though I wasn’t always the best at that. Since I’m just starting to write ficlets, I’d like you to rate them and give me advice on what I could change or do differently in my ficlet. Don’t go easy on me either…I want constructive critisism. I’ve already had a few ppl help me out. Uselessness, Lone Writer, THX 0477, and Alexa…thanks for that constructive critisism you’ve been giving me. I also want to thank any one else that might help me out in advance. I appreciate the help.
And if ne one wants to make a sequel to one of my ficlets, be my guest, but comment me and let me know so I can check ur sequel out k? Thnx!
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