a few grammatical errors, but those can be fixed. and i think you meant to say “grabbed a knife” as opposed to “stabbed a knife.” also the piece seems to lack continuity in some places, like it jumps around. but other than that this piece is very disturbing. not that it’s graphic it’s just a horrid concept for one to grasp. patricide and matricide are a most horrendous crime and it makes me wonder about the writers mind set. but ending brings it to an nice close – it shows the boys’ remorse.
good, but at the same time it seems to broken, to choppy. i don’t know but it seems as if something is missing – that emotion perhaps – keeping it from seeing greatness.
ah, i really like it. originally i thought you wrote eleven year olds and was a bit shocked but then i saw it was eleventh graders and relaxed. a bit controversial but that’s what makes it unique. thanks for entering, and great job.
wow, it is so emotional and intuitive. brilliantly written. it seems so depressing, yet so sing song-y that the two contrasting emotions really work together. lovely piece and great job!
aww, someday. this is so sweet. i love you so much. it’s been great having you here. you’ve been so great to me. you’ve inspired me so many times. thanks for this. thanks.
lovely piece, i really like the metaphor that i’m reading. the struggle to dance as a free creature just moving with no inhibitions but at the same time yearning for the dance one has known all their lives and cherished. well, that’s what i got. lovely piece, well written, very though provoking and emotional.
wow. wow. wow. you’ve left me speechless. i can’t tell you how many times i’ve felt this way before. amazing portrayal of my, and many other’s, emotions. you rock.
brilliant description and imagery. i can really get a picture of what’s going on and where it is. breathtaking suspense in the end the and get job getting me to empathize with your main character. awesome job!
wow. this got to me. i really felt it. your writing is just amazing. i can feel the cut, the incision, the pain. i can see the girl faking her smile (because that’s what i was doing all day) Great job once again.
mhhmm.. dear i wish i could just hug you. you seem like such a nice person. and such a good writer. don’t worry, it will only get better. dear, your awesome. five stars.
you have what you want to say. this piece is really powerful. it’s wonderfully described, but i think it’s be better as a sonnet… but that’s just my opinion. great job, five stars.
1,2,4,5 are me as well. here’s a virtual hug for you dear. i get that, about being really outgoing, but then really shy. that’s me. sometimes you just don’t want to be outgoing and really social… number one, me too. i’ve actually been in that situation, only i did cry. For many things, and then I got yelled at because I left practice to cry. Anyway you have great skill as a writer and person. I may only be a stranger, but you inspire me. Great job, infinite stars.
dear, i think you’ve have a rather novel worthy life. as my creative writing teacher once told me ‘some people are just born into the next bestseller.’ you dear are one of those. you are a great writer and have and awesome name.
dear did i write this? because this sounds like it could have been taken from my journal and typed. this is beautiful. beautiful and sad. great job hun.
dear, i’m so sorry. just remember: i’m here. you can talk to me. i may be just words on a screen, but theirs a person behind those words that cares. i can relate to most of these numbers. good luck dear. good luck.
you can never be a bad mother as long a you try. i’m seventeen and i want a child. it’s strange, but yea. i want him/her to be my world/my salvation. i’ve never told anyone that. good luck to you and your child. you seem to have so much heart that i don’t think you could be a bad mother. your good. your wonderful. he/she loves you. just some encouragement from a stranger…
number one, three. four and five are me. i think you are a fabulous writer. you are my inspiration. i’m serious. whenever i see you’ve written something new, i have to read it because i know it will be great/insightful/well-written/heartwarming/etc. and i just shared my deepest darkest secrets in my post. i hope you get through whatever is eating at you. good luck dear, your in my prayers/blessings/faithless mutterings. i love you dear. good luck. great job.
aww.. this is so good. it made me cry a little… wow the imagery and the picture this paints is just aw-inspiring and yet so sad. great job. five stars (more if i could)
mhmmm…. i really like this one. part cutesy little story; part psychological mystery, why has time frozen and what’s up with the geese and his fear? very good!
i was once “i’m not that girl” but that was on my aim account. now that i am logging in with my livejournal name i have lost all my previous stories – but i reposted most of them under this log on.
well for starters, i’m a girl.
senior in high school, introverted. i love my cat (who is currently laying right next to me). i love to write – therefore i adore books. i want long in depth conversations and something to photograph.
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