Ficlets

Terminus' posted comments

On Step 1, Be as inconspicuous as possible:

posted 8 months ago

Haha! I like the idea of the wings hiding themselves as tattoos on his back. That seems pretty clever.
On How to Get an Angel Through Airport Security: an (not-really) Instructional Guide on Winged Creatures and Mechanical Flight Customs:

posted 8 months ago

That’s a pretty cool premise.
On What is love?:

posted 8 months ago

“Baby don’t hurt me, don’t me, no more.”

This is pretty neat. I like it :)
On Wanderlust:

posted 8 months ago

This is pretty fun—I look forward to reading more of this story. (and I look forward to seeing how it diverges from the one that I’m writing right now!)
On All in Blue:

posted 8 months ago

This is beautiful—you do an amazing job coordinating emoted and physical imagery. I hope that I can write this well someday.
On The Power of Song :

posted 8 months ago

That’s really sweet. I like the way you take advantage of the rules of punctuation to play with how it reads.
On This has nothing to do with Robin Williams:

posted 9 months ago

This is a neat piece. I keep on wanting to jump in and argue one side or the other.
On The Trial:

posted 9 months ago

It’s a sweet story. You use compound verbs and the passive voice frequently throughout this piece, which gives it a very odd rhythm—is that on purpose?
On This Time I Mean It:

posted 9 months ago

This is good—I ache.
On Dark Magic in a Cold Place:

posted 9 months ago

Oh, that’s exciting…
On Cubicles are No Fun:

posted 9 months ago

Oooh. I like it, especially because it lacks the feeling of foreshadowing and suspense.
On The Dog. [SIG, 3]:

posted 10 months ago

That’s a very neat story. I like the organization of it.
On Where did my nicknames come from? -Brebelles 2:

posted 10 months ago

This doesn’t seem as much like a short narrative as it does a random musing on your personal nomenclature…

You should maybe stick to narration?
On A Million Miles Gone:

posted 10 months ago

That’s a very dark poem. I like it.
On ~jus thinkin ya kno~:

posted 10 months ago

You should probably try to avoid making this too much like a blog. Just sayin’.
On ~untitled~:

posted 10 months ago

It might be handy if you keep an eye on punctuation/spelling issues. I really like your writing style and the way that you avoid capitalizing unnecessary words. I think it adds something for the reader in a way not quite like e.e. cummings, but similar.
On He Either Likes Me, or He's Trying to Drive Me Crazy:

posted 10 months ago

It’s “doesn’t,” not “dosen’t.” But I like the way that you describe the situation, using a list of traits.
On He likes me, he likes me not:

posted 10 months ago

I’m a guy, and I can never decide when girls are doing the same to me… it makes no sense! Ahhh… girls are so confusing.

I guess it’s good to know that guys are as well :)
On Warm Welcome:

posted 10 months ago

I like the way that you introduce the character, but I think the pacing could use improvement.

It tries to be very fast-paced and train-of-thought in a noir-esque manner, but syntactical incongruities get in your way.

This sentence in particular strikes me as odd: They only missed because I turned around suddenly to vomit.
On Life, as we know it:

posted 10 months ago

I was chatting with one of my friends a few months ago, trying to come up with a movie plot. a zombie story could be cool, I thought to myself. So we tossed the idea around of zombie motivation—what if zombies are not mindless but instead had some motivation? In that case, what would it be? In all the zombie movies, people can walk like zombies and not piss them off. If they start talking, though, the zombies go after them. So zombies must be irritated by the sound of people’s voices. Really irritated.
On Glad You Understand:

posted 10 months ago

Wow… what state do YOU live in? Here where I live, a thick layer of snow on the ground means that we’ve got to shovel out the drive and hope we remembered to put snow tires on the pick-up truck!

Then again, you probably live on one of the coasts.

Good story. I like the ending :)
On Snowfall:

posted 10 months ago

It’s a nice description of the value of family.
On Surprise!:

posted 10 months ago

I like your use of alliteration.
On Aww Hannah:

posted 10 months ago

Oooh… I just want to smile :)

I suppose that’s what emoticons are for.
On 3:05 Train:

posted 10 months ago

I like it. However, the slightly sketchy punctuation gets in the way of the narration.
On First Snow:

posted 10 months ago

I like the idea of the air temperature dropping to blustery. That’s delightful!

We’ve had a fair bit of snow in my town for a little while. I actually had to stop riding my bike around the other day, which was rather disappointing. But I think I can start again (hoorah!).
On Soccer Practice :

posted 10 months ago

Never mind. I get it (I hadn’t read through the prequels).
On Soccer Practice :

posted 10 months ago

It’s a cute story. I’m confused, though: is Evan the narratress?
On And none of what you hear:

posted 10 months ago

That’s cool. Weird, but cool. You do a good job of varying your word choice here.
On Blocked from my heart:

posted 10 months ago

I love the melodrama.
On ~untitled~:

posted 10 months ago

That’s got a nice evocation of the fervency of love.

I think it might be stronger if you work on sentence pacing a little more.

Pero, como dije, a mí me gusta.
On The Script Editor:

posted 10 months ago

Hahaha! This is absolutely delightful!

I think my favorite snippet is “rather unhealthy chunk”
On 80th COMMENT FICLET CHALLENGE:

posted 10 months ago

That’s a fantastic challenge and a wonderful idea. I know that I always appreciate comments on my stories… it’s a sign that they affect other people.

Over ale, a friend of mine once told that what he covets from his readers is a story of emotional impact—he wants to know what his stories make them feel, or why his poetry doesn’t affect them.
On Sweet Sixteen:

posted 10 months ago

perhaps frost nibbled ;)
On He remembers...:

posted 10 months ago

yeah, I’m not so happy with this one… I may re-write it one of these days.