Nice little musing, I must say. I like the picture, too. This can speak to anyone, I think. Part of all of us wants to wear our insides on the outside. Even the ones who hide behind their exteriors. Very nice. LoA
Yeah, those sweet boys are indispensable. I felt this way for a friend once, or at least similarly. One constructive thing. You used the wrong word…when you said “poring,” it should be “pouring.” Otherwise, nice job in relating to people. LoA
I don’t know enough Billy Joel to fully appreciate this. I’m singing “Lullabye” in choir, and it makes me cry because it’s that beautiful, but that’s the only Billy Joel song I know. I apologize. LoA
Wow. But he must have had a reason in the beginning, right? Or is he insane and trying to make the entire world the same way? And how did Paisley come into mental captivity? LoA
Alright. Cogniscence is my new favorite word… And I am in love with the “blobs of possible reality” line. This series is the coolest thing to visualize.
That reminds me, in middle school, I heard a lot of “I don’t know” responses from guys. Most of them were aloof people afraid of sharing themselves. I don’t know could’ve meant anything and it aggravated me to no end. So the exchange is fair, I think. LoA
In middle school, I hated how people delegated others to say they liked someone. Guys did it too! I, for one, refused to be the delegate, and I told the guy I liked (funny to look back on, now) that I did. Actually, I yelled it at him. Anyway. I’m enjoying this, for the most part. It’s all generalization, but it’s funny. Go you. LoA
In middle school, I hated how people delegated others to say they liked someone. Guys did it too! I, for one, refused to be the delegate, and I told the guy I liked (funny to look back on, now) that I did. Actually, I yelled it at him. Anyway. I’m enjoying this, for the most part. It’s all generalization, but it’s funny. Go you. LoA
I don’t know…my dean wasn’t too bad. My principal was kind of scary. Freaked him out once in the hall, which was incredible amounts of fun. I didn’t like the comment that teachers deserve your respect sharing the same sentence as the paddling idea. Most teachers deserve respect because most teachers dish it out. At least they did to me.
Middle school is dumb and the clique-iest situation ever. High school gets better, or at least in my town. People in middle school who fall under stereotypes try to, so they can get a handle on their changing persona. It gets better, Stovo. It does.
This is written a little awkwardly. I don’t like the repitition of “Hey” so many times, and I think it would look better in stanzas. The repetition might look a little more poetic, which I think is what you were going for. I do like the idea, though, and I can relate. LoA
This is lovely. It’s dark, and depressing a mite, but not in the “I’m-trying-to-be-depressing” sort of way that is all too prevalent. I like the third line especially. LoA
I do concurr that the word choice could be better. I think you meant “entwine”, for one thing. Otherwise, kick butt discription of love. Very poetic. Reminds me of my friend, who has recently fallen head over heels. Makes ME happy, he’s so happy. This is like that. LoA
I enjoyed the raw emotion of reaching out to someone. I know that well. The one thing I must say is that decipher isn’t spelled with an ‘f’. Awesome word choice, by the way. LoA
Amazing imagery! I love the culture aspect, and the metaphoric…ness...of the rain. Much the way I view the “heaven-tears” as you so beautifully put it. Love the pen name, by the way. I adored “Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime” LoA
Loved the rhymes, the rhythms were good once I read them correctly. Funny. How is it that you and I are always writing about similar love situations? I just posted a poem, so I’m not going to sequel with it like I usually do.
That was amazing! Captivating, entirely. I was hypnotized by the sultry, silken sound of it. I related as well. The way you describe things…oh, I’m still in awe. LoA
I loved the fact that you have here the possiblility for magic. I like the image of band. One of my best friends is a horn player. I like that he plays the cello, too. That has an inexplicable lullaby, dreamy effect to it. Nicely done indeed. LoA
Amen to that! I love that you use the term soulmate unconventionally here. I do know what you mean. Too bad people want to think “romance” when “soulmate” is involved. LoA
That was a beautiful image, I thought. Peaceful and sleepy, as it should be. Did you mean dusty or dusky when you were talking about the light? Either works wonders there, just to say. LoA
I agree with the Stovohobo, here. Mormon Tabernacle Choir…ha ha. And the squirells, can’t forget the cheeky little rodents. I love the use of “unprecedented” here. LoA
Oh, Stovohobo, I was officially dubbing the six words as a High School Proverb. Middle school is close enough. Sometimes worse, actually. You probably got that by now. LoA
Oh, Stovohobo, I was officially dubbing the six words as a High School Proverb. Middle school is close enough. Sometimes worse, actually. You probably got that by now. LoA
Oh wow. I swear I do capitalize my “I”s. Anyway, I wanted to continue to say that Nick’s room mate is interesting. They both are some strange characters, I think. I can’t get the “male” ness down, though. LoA
I love this. I love how you show the way this girl wants to be strong. How she is strong, and independent, just thrown by the guy in sunglasses who kissed her cheek once. Lovely story, and amazing images. LoA
Oh… That is the most emotional thing I’ve read in a long time. Amazing meter, as well. Dearheart, this happens. It happens. Life happens. Heartbreak happens. It is far nobler indeed to go on living a life the “betrayer” will be sore about having missed out on.
Captivating, but I agree with THX about the typos. Thank you so much for entering. It gave me chills still. Such an interesting way of tying the ideas and concepts and objects together. Awesome job! LoA
Changing can be scary. We have to do it for ourselves…but it can still be frightening and unsettling. Entering a crysallis and not knowing if we shall emerge, much less as what. Too bad we can’t exactly become caterpillars again. The only thing we can do is go forward, hopefully to become butterflies. LoA
Inspiring, in a sad, scared way. Change is inevitable, yes, but change should occur because of oneself. Lovely message. One technical catch: “yo” ...I think you meant “to.” LoA
I’m so sorry you feel this way. I can tell you want someone to understand, because you’re writing…but I think you may just be blowing things slightly out of proportion. Everyone feels stranded and alone and like he or she is the only one experiencing pain of the magnitude he or she is, at some point in his or her life. I wish you postitive energy in dealing with the alone-ness. LoA
Spaces between sentences are nice. Please don’t feel tied down by grammar. Feel free- you can communicate. It’s freedom. Likewise, capitalization at the beginnings of sentences are lovely as well. Finally, this could have been slightly better developed. You wrote it sort of like an essay. Maybe try it as a story? Or a poem? You know?
I still liked the message. I dislike stereotypes as well.
Woohoo for free verse! It’s the people’s verse! Rhyme only serves as making it easy to memorize, I think. I have felt this often. Why most of my (what I’d call) poems don’t rhyme. I love this. LoA
This was quite good, I thought. The only thing – it’s a little confusing who’s talking. I got it, but not the first time ‘round. Maybe I’m just slow. :D. I liked your use of the word “morphing” to describe sound. Morph, shape…applied to sound. Nice. LoA
This is awesome! A sort of release of an unhealthy relationship. It’s always bittersweet, letting go of someone you’ve loved, but sometimes we do have to let go. It’s hard. This embodies all of that. LoA
Interesting. This has been humanity for a long time. Lacking in energy and therefore security, so we produce it with material wealth. In the end, though, the prince dies the same as the carpenter. LoA
WHAT??? You started so beautiful and picturesque and serene and pretty, and then…meth lab? Was this humor? It was sort of funny…a little. Maybe I’m not in a humorous mood? Sorry. LoA
OrangeOreos is right…you could take this anywhere. It’s almost like a thematic apperception test in that sense! It could be a literal dream-angel, or perhaps the “angel of death”, or it could be a loved one sweeping the narrator off her/his feet. Nice one. LoA
Whoa. That was probably the coolest thing I’ve read lately. I love this type of discovery of an anomaly story. I especially loved the nature of the button coincidence. LoA
I like this little tutorial for writers you’re giving here. It’s what Ficlets is for. I’m posting this comment here because I don’t much have anything to say about this ficlet. Sorry. LoA
Yeah, really! This started out like the beginning of Steinbeck’s the Pearl, almost…familiar, rhythmic almost…certainly relatable. Then…eh? It was cool. LoA
I seem to remember reading somewhere that crows can count. Up to six. Or was that ravens? No…ravens. Sorry. Maybe. I think. This is kind of vague, but good nonetheless. LoA
Oooh! I like this a lot. It’s wonderful in that it’s so easy to relate to. The sort of in between suspension that goes on for all too long sometimes, and is often not made light of in writing. I made one technical catch – “opportunities” should be “opportunity’s”, it’s possesive. Otherwise, very nice indeed. LoA
Very nice indeed. However, that’s often times not a very good thing. I know loads of people in my close circle whom I think highly of. They don’t. It’s sad sometimes. I’m sure the real you is better than you think. You know, sometimes people don’t realize that others aren’t going to care so horribly much…most people are too busy focusing on themselves. LoA
Yeah! I like the headstrong faith of this character. ADORE the last line. I love good, strong, independent female characters. Especially right now. LoA
This made me give an audible “oh!” once or twice. I loved it. It’s like English-translation-of-an-Italian-lovesong meets painting-put-to-words beautiful. Amazing. LoA
This was cool. I don’t know what you’re talking about, I liked yours better! Much better developed I think. I also like the tree. Love trees with a passion, I do. LoA
This was really confusing to read, but trying to get past all that…it wasn’t too horrible I think. I liked the viewpoint you took. I meant that she was locked up because she was impure trash. But no, she’s rare. Nice. LoA
I love it! I had thought about her eyes and how they were anomalous…but I wasn’t exactly expecting that. Then, “red planet” and “rover” connected, and I got it. Hooray! LoA
That’s cute…but makes me wonder why she was getting married if she had so many doubts. Perhaps that’s just her way. THX is right, that man has his work cut out for him. LoA
Very nice indeed. I like the creature bit, but also in the first two paragraphs the word choice is superb. For some reason, I found the word “unlucky” before “deaths” to be especially forceful. The “k” sound was cool, maybe. LoA
Ha. Love the ending. Love the rain. Jenunique, I know what you mean. A rainy day is like being contained in a nice little embrace by the sky. I loved the alliteration, and the line about shoulders and soldiers. I couldn’t even say it in my head! LoA
I thought she herself was sick, but I could see the shadow of death hanging about somewhere. I thought you were going to kill the love interest off. I have troubles with romance…making it work…I typically end by killing someone, having a huge fight followed by time and sand, or a peaceful friendship. I’m intrigued by where you’ll take this. LoA
That’s exactly what it’s like! The event described in my poem led to a complete rebuilding of myself, developed my journalling habit, forced me to write nearly incessantly, imagine almost manically, and all around learn who the heck I was. I can relate to this completely. Beautifully written, as usual. You must get sick of me saying that, eh? LoA
Hmm. I wonder why she cried. What could she have seen in the narrator’s aura that was so unsettling, endearing, or saddening to provoke a tear? I wish I could come up with something! LoA
AMAZING! I loved the perspective. Written in such a poetic, captivating way. Slightly reminscent of Death’s perspective in The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, but still entirely your own. I loved it, if you couldn’t tell. I’d give it 11 stars if possible. LoA
Not bad, I thought. I especially like the fourth paragraph. This is a nice little piece about just letting it all go and hoping it goes well. Lighthearded. LoA
I agree fully in the fact that it cannot exist. Still nice to think about, and so I gave my own little subjective viewpoint. I really like this, though. Very well written. LoA
Wow. That was so seamless, I had to look back at my requirements to see if you had them all. You most certainly do, and they all fit together beautifully. Nice. And thanks immensely for actually answering! LoA
Oh yeah? Ha! I love your blatent blahhness. It is beautiful. AWWWWESOOOME! Ohhhhh YEAH! It remeinds me of the end bit of “Telephone Hour” from Bye Bye Birdie. I have committed the entire bass part to memory. I’m a soprano. Ha. LoA
I like that last line. Perfectly descriptive of the confusion and utter terrifying qualities of falling for someone. Very nice, Stovo, even if it is a tad out of your element. You have conquered yet another genre, O Master of the Ficlet. LoA
Amazing! Amazing! I especially loved the first paragraph, the idea of the absence not being a single hole, rather a shadow, and emptiness that moves throughout the narrator’s being. Amazing. LoA
I have been in the position of thinking of someone I hope is thinking back, of hoping I had some sort of affect on him. I hope we never have to end up like this, though. I’m scared to death of it. LoA
I’ve been the person at the bottom catching he who fell. When he realized I was there, I could here his relief. Thanks for giving me a poem with his perspective. LoA
I like how the three of us are all saying the same things in different ways…because we all get exactly where one another is coming from. I like your use of “thee”. That’s always good. LoA
I liked this. It reminded me of Shadow Baby, the main character of which is Clara winter, not Clara Winter. She can hear the spelling, too. Very entertaining. I want more. LoA
Oh, yes. Have to love being a third wheel. The cherry stem thing is quite gross, I think. Maybe it’s the child in me, or the fact that I’ve never been kissed, but the idea of another person’s tongue poking around in my mouth is disgusting. Just saying. LoA
This hit me while on a walk. That happens. I am not a stalker. I felt like I was being watched, and so I switched perspectives. I thought this would make a nice, slightly creepy Ficlet. Tell me if I’m wrong.
This is way impressive. Rhythm’s shaky in spots, but that is to be expected. I’m amazed at your rhymes, though. Many of them were not what I’d expect. Nice. LoA
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