Suburban Saint's posted comments

  1. On Glass Houses Are Never Glass Homes:

    posted 9 days ago

    Thanks guys! I don’t have music to go with it yet, I guess I kinda do that whole process backwards. Spot on with the rock/alternative/punk mention though.
    Thanks again!

  2. On 5 Things I've Never Told Anyone:

    posted 5 months ago

    its kinda hard to say.. i want to hate him so much for everything he’s done to me and my siblings.. but i know deep down that he means so much to me

  3. On A Single Day:

    posted 8 months ago

    i suppose you guys are right.. maybe it should be that the guy says he wants her to die the day early so that she never has to live without him.. but isn’t that kind of macho or egotistical or whatever the right word for that is?
    not sure, thanks for the input

  4. On Our Revolution of the Future:

    posted 9 months ago

    I think this is awesome. Really pulls you in and makes you want to know more. Kind of like a perfectly orchestrated movie trailer. But way more emotional and deep.

  5. On Need a challenge?:

    posted 9 months ago

    either or, whatever works for you.

    i just want something beautiful that doesn’t conform to what people think makes poetry beautiful.

  6. On Passing Love Like Secrets:

    posted 9 months ago

    thanks, i was trying to keep away from that whole slipping it around the plot thing. glad you liked.

  7. On being empty:

    posted 9 months ago

    “love stoned”
    i find that to be phenominal.
    the rest is really good, but i think you could convey the idea in a better way.

  8. On The Journey:

    posted 9 months ago

    thanks alot man

  9. On I'm Right Here:

    posted 9 months ago

    thanks guys

  10. On The castle:

    posted 9 months ago

    This is awesome. The idea of guarding your heart from someone may be used alot, but your descriptions and personality make it mean alot more.
    Great use of words.

  11. On A Single Day:

    posted 9 months ago

    whoa.. i never even thought of it like that. haha, good point

  12. On The Whole Truth:

    posted 10 months ago

    this is g.d. amazing.
    actually the apitomy (very badly spelled) of how i’m feeling right now.
    awesome.

  13. On Letting Go {a poem, part 1}:

    posted 10 months ago

    this is really good, i love the emotion. but i think if you just wrote it out straight without the (awkward) line breaks, it would read alot easier and be all-together a better piece.
    keep up the good work!

  14. On Perfect:

    posted 10 months ago

    thank both of you!!

  15. On Lost to the Rain:

    posted 10 months ago

    holy god you are talented.

    i absolutely love it. the pages being similized (is that a word?) with her and him, in the form of ink (black words), tainting her being.

    can’t even explain the awesomeness.. keep it up PF!!

  16. On That Kiss:

    posted 10 months ago

    i think you say too much at the end. the reader can understand what happened by what you were saying without you putting it into so many words. i really like the emotion behind it and i, unfortunately, can relate.

  17. On Knowing Water:

    posted 10 months ago

    its interesting. the uniquness of the water-idea shines so bright you don’t notice the cliche of the old man in the shadows.
    keep it up!

  18. On Substandard Bones--Three for a Dollar:

    posted 10 months ago

    This is hilarious. i love how you take the boring old typing test and make it into such an entertaining piece =]

  19. On Cookies:

    posted 10 months ago

    this is freaking awesome
    i absolutely love it!

  20. On Contained:

    posted 10 months ago

    its good in a “i want more!” kind of way. i’m not sure if the appeal ends there though?

    more please!

  21. On Drummer Love:

    posted 10 months ago

    thanks guys!!

  22. On The End of Me:

    posted 10 months ago

    its halfway decent. the lines could use a bit of tweaking just to help with the flow but the ideas, and most of the lines, are really good.

  23. On Now I Know Better:

    posted 10 months ago

    well, its good. the idea, anyway. the lines just don’t flow. try counting syllables and then having each line (or stanza) contain the same pattern.
    also, if the first line contains 2 syllable words, its best to put 2 syllable words in the same places in the second line. this’ll help the flow.
    thats all i can really help with, i really like the ideas behind the lines though!

  24. On The Perfect World:

    posted 10 months ago

    thats really good
    it really helps the reader connects with the character and the emotion is portrayed very well.

  25. On Bad Luck Gone Good:

    posted 10 months ago

    its not terribly written, i just don’t really like the whole idea. it has no meaning or purpose.

  26. On The Lover's Leap {a poem}:

    posted 10 months ago

    its really good
    but i feel that your descriptions of some of the more sexual aspects take away from the emotional side of it.

  27. On One Pill Makes You Larger...:

    posted 11 months ago

    the last three words ruin the whole thing for me.

    just a thought.

  28. On Slain:

    posted 11 months ago

    i don’t really like saying that i made stuff up, i imagined it being real. thinking about it that way helps you feel like what you’re writing is true and therefore you write it more realisticly.

    but yes, i made it up =]

  29. On On the Other Side of the Wall:

    posted about 1 year ago

    pens, i must say, your fackin amazing

  30. On Grown Up Too Soon:

    posted about 1 year ago

    its kind of.. boring

  31. On Slain (cont'd):

    posted about 1 year ago

    yeah, so do i.. thats where my problem begins

  32. On Will you remember me?:

    posted about 1 year ago

    single gripe: the last line in the third stanza, its unneeded. other than that, its pretty good.

  33. On A Kiss Among Friends:

    posted about 1 year ago

    i really like it, a great moment-capturer

  34. On scars of life:

    posted about 1 year ago

    i don’t understand the last line of the last stanza. it almost feels like your making fun of people who cut there wrists.. “ever since i became an emo fag”.
    what started off emotionally strong, slipped to complaints and confusion.

  35. On Phantasmagoria:

    posted about 1 year ago

    pens! this is sweet, a very descriptive-driven, clever little tale, haha.
    keep it up!

  36. On Metaphorical Breadcrumbs, Half-Memories, and Decisions:

    posted about 1 year ago

    great work pens!

    woodland – so write a sequel and take it in that direction

  37. On Writer's Block and an Ethanol Chevy:

    posted about 1 year ago

    what i think is cool, is that you portray what the “girl who listens to old music and is very independant” of the future would be. a little choppy, but none the less well written.

  38. On Tornado Nights:

    posted about 1 year ago

    pens, once again you’ve captured the moment and left us with an incredible feeling with a single ending line.
    my single gripe is in the second paragraph it seems as though you explain yourself too much instead of letting the reader analyze it.
    however, such a small flaw does not bring down the greatness of this piece.

  39. On Rain in the Heart:

    posted about 1 year ago

    storykeeper – yeah, i am trying to add more, i’ve just been a bit busy lately and havn’t had the time. i’ll be sure to add more asap.

    thanks for the continuing support guys.

  40. On Rain in the Heart:

    posted about 1 year ago

    yoda – yeah, i kinda go for that “straight from the journal of a frantic genious” kinda thing. thanks man

  41. On Of Hot Pockets and Unnecessary Police Reports:

    posted about 1 year ago

    I agree with grey, it kinda makes you think theres going to be an eerie solution (“we could report it”) and then to just throw in the comedic swich is beautiful.

  42. On Calm in the Mind:

    posted about 1 year ago

    chuck – thanks man, i’ll do my best to read some of your stuff asap

  43. On The Tower of Babel (And it All Falls Down):

    posted about 1 year ago

    i think i would understand this way better if i had more of a religous background. i’m pretty sure i know the relative information of the story of the tower of babel, but not well enough to full comprehend this one. if i’m right in my thinking though, this is very clever.

  44. On summer:

    posted about 1 year ago

    simplistic.. but thats what summer’s all about.
    good job!

  45. On The Runaway:

    posted about 1 year ago

    its interesting. i feel like you put too much just out there in straight words. try making things more vague, that way the reader as to infer them. it makes it more enjoyable to read instead of being handed dry facts.

  46. On The Loss:

    posted about 1 year ago

    i agree with wendell. i feel it could’ve been done just straight forward and still have been just as powerful. still, it is good.

  47. On Chicago Snow:

    posted about 1 year ago

    its got a very “at home” kind of feel to it. very easy to relate to. although the male characters dialogue seems a bit out of place, still, its good.

  48. On Peace in the Fog:

    posted about 1 year ago

    pens – thanks

  49. On Attack of the redheaded weirdos:

    posted about 1 year ago

    hahah, it took me a bit to figure out what was going on, but once I did I loved it!
    The dialogue is very fast and quick-witted, which I love.
    Very good

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