Sadly, we are often charged by the negative energy certain people impose upon us. But seriously, Jack may have a bad dad, but that doesn’t mean he has to treat the rest of us the same way. What a jerk!
Stop lying, girl. Jack will kill you, if you don’t get someone one him. And I like the awkward sentence for Trey and how it was noted in the narration.
A terribly unnecessary, but almost understandable lie. Why do we lie to cover up the terrible deeds of certain people in our lives? It always ends up hurting us the most.
The thing with Jack is part of me wants to try to see things his way. That part of me wants to see that he, in one way or another, has gotten screwed over. That she has done something, without realizing her fault, to aid this screwing over.
But ultimately, I haven’t figured his intentions out either. He’s a real mystery.
Get crazy with your hippy self. Just kidding. I love this approach to the challenge. So much more peaceful than your alter-ego that’s assassinating everybody on the site!
The comical body posture of the waitress trying to balance her tray was a very nice touch. The lipstick stain on her teeth, another. But, the ‘I’ll be out of the country for the next month’ message… Poor Jameson.
That last line is a real jaw-dropper! But the setup line is what made it work so perfectly: Then she saw Becca and Jameson at the entrance to Chili’s, hugging. As if last night had never happened. As if Prandi didn’t exist. Masterful.
I can’t stop laughing. Where to begin… The saying that to assume ‘makes an ass out of you and me’ was a nice touch. The entire Neil Diamond thing worked very well. And I love father time casted as a cock-blocker. But the best part was easily Skyler saying, “Why is Lisa walking like a gunfighter?”
I loved the detail that she was still in her pajamas (funny how I just sort of sent her off into the woods without so much as a decent outfit). Time to see who the mysterious watcher is.
Another very real sequel that works on its own but also describes a secondary character and the effects of the event. Terrific final line, for a second I thought the priest was gonna get some.
Way to drop us right in the middle of a pickle. Even with just the context of this story, it seems apparent that losing the arm is the safest way to proceed.
I know just where to take this. ;) I love that Sassy called herself a git. She seems to be growing as a person in some areas, i.e. thinking of others first. And not so much in other areas, i.e. all the manipulation she sinks to even now. (Sidebar: I love that Krulltar is commenting like a caveman today. And I imagine we’ll see Karl sometime in the future).
I love the dialogue, especially the portion about Scout’s honor. I wonder how Sassy’s gonna react. BTW, have you been experiencing a major lag today on ficlets or is it just my computer?
Well, I guess nobody is all bad. A note of redemption for Susan being a hero and staying with her love. THX is right there is a great depth to these characters.
I know it’s never right for a guy to punch a girl, but drunk or not Susan is just asking for it. Talk about taking a bad situation to new levels with her crazy obsession.
What an absolute insane asylum you’ve created. Susan is out of her mind, Kate is angry and poor Steve has such a reputation as a goof that nobody’d ever believe his story anyway.
From bad to completely disastrous. I can’t say I saw that coming, but I knew something foul was going to happen sooner or later. The sense of impending doom was too much to ignore.
I love how Steve is oblivious to the fact that the girls are not interested in him. The detail THX mentioned was a subtle way of developing their history. Well done.
With John, I’m completely dumbfounded that you actually posted this, but I couldn’t help but laugh throughout. When her hair becomes sexy and almost Jewish? Something else, my friend. You are something else. LOL.
“I’d bet my foreskin on it.” “Aren’t you a jew?” Absolutely hilarious, though I am a bit disappointed the Mistress took out Kermitgorf. I was hoping he would have more than a bit role in all that’s to happen.
Your mind is definitely a trip. This is hilarious and much easier to follow than the original. I love the idea of pitting ficleteers against one another. The part about Dr. Tim living like a rock star was quite hilarious to picture.
“Why don’t you come on in the back and get yourself something free?” ? Sheryl isn’t operating a whorehouse is she? Just kidding. On a side note, it does look like your italics markers are somehow off…
Hilarious! It’s like the H. G. Wells’ version of Groundhog Day. I think it’s officially time for the series to venture away from attempted sexual conquests. Maybe there’s something else we can do with that blasted time machine.
Exactly. Dragons that are converted to horses by insane knights need their sleep. I love that they agree on revenge. Did I mention how incredibly funny this series is?
Ted the Off-White is probably only off-white because he never washes his robes. Gross. Why am I just discovering this treasure trove of a series, and subsequently flooding your in-box with comments, now?
I love the things that the Insane Knight considers to be insane, like elemental fires. And that imaginary sword is getting plenty of use. I wonder if he’s conjured the elemental fire himself or if Ted the Off-White did.
I love the things that the Insane Knight considers to be insane, like elemental fires. And that imaginary sword is getting plenty of use. I wonder if he’s conjured the elemental fire himself or if Ted the Off-White did.
Yeah, I don’t know if I trust Montelban anymore. Tlod made a pretty good point about the beard. And his hasty exit while hilarious casts doubt into my mind about his sincerity.
Yeah, I don’t know if I trust Montelban anymore. Tlod made a pretty good point about the beard. And his hasty exit while hilarious casts doubt into my mind about his sincerity.
I’m gonna make it a personal goal to comment on every story you’ve written until you start writing some more… and then I’ll comment on those. Absolute brilliance.
I didn’t look at who wrote this before I read it. It was seamless… I loved the detail about the dragon being slain by the imaginary sword because he apparently believed in imaginary swords.
It was great from start to finish. I loved the line: Her eyes kept wandering from his demented, grinning face to his Paper Mache Armor, then back to the grin again. Very funny.
That was hilarious and utterly chaotic. Strange enough, my favorite bit of writing on this page was: you are a type of twisted i can really get behind Krulltar. That cracked me up. And, yeah, it’s hilarious that you spent all that energy getting John Perkins canonized and now you kill him off. What a dirty shame.
I really like this as well. My favorite part is probably the beginning with the repetition of old and the dream of the young man. Glad his dream could live on in the hearts of the townspeople after he sold out. ;)
I really like the raw emotion in the second-to-last paragraph and her attempt to understand why Jack’s after her. Maybe there’s a heart in there somewhere, or maybe he’s a complete creep. Either way, his tactics seem to have demoralized her.
I really like the raw emotion in the second-to-last paragraph and her attempt to understand why Jack’s after her. Maybe there’s a heart in there somewhere, or maybe he’s a complete creep. Either way, his tactics seem to have demoralized her.
I really like the raw emotion in the second-to-last paragraph and her attempt to understand why Jack’s after her. Maybe there’s a heart in there somewhere, or maybe he’s a complete creep. Either way, his tactics seem to have demoralized her.
Man, I hope she tells him the truth soon. Running off like that makes her look guilty, even if she’s just scared of the brooding psycho who keeps accosting her. I like the resolve she has at the end.
Awesomeness! Her rationalization is so reasonable. Poor Prandi, her thought process makes perfect sense, but she’s just torturing herself. There’s so much left to explore with these characters, my symbiotic friend, and I’m loving it! (sidebar: in the third paragraph knowing is missing an ‘i’).
Jack really seems clueless when it comes to interacting with females. It would be one thing if he was kind of dangerous and mysteriously aloof or something, but he’s just this raging hulk. That character really freaks me out. Trey to the rescue!
Wow, that’s a hyper-realistic and depressing sequel. Wow, I guess being a derelict takes away your sensitivity. Then again, he is being practical. He’s got some holy clothes.
Wow, I’m surprised Trey’s father knows so much. It seemed like they were kind of estranged earlier in the series. And Jack is sure a creep showing up like that at the end.
I do believe someone has edited something since rule #3 is different than it was earlier. Either that or you time traveled. That’s probably more likely than an edit considering your plugging into an historical building and using net zero.
Too bad about rule #3. It kind of takes the fun out of time travel not being able to do any criminal activity. I like the idea that time sets its own rules. I’d say it’s about time for another time travel series!
Summer time love is an interesting tag for this entry, but come to think of it maybe they all have that tag. Funny way to try to convince her he’s the one for her, holding her down against her will like that. What a jerk.
Odd, I could have sworn that I already commented on this story… I love the detail that their accomplices were found slaughtered like market pigs. Bring on the raveners!
By the way, I hate it when I accidentally rate my own stuff. I’m so used to hitting the stars before my comment that I did it here! (Then you have to decide do I give it five stars or one star ‘cause it has to get something). I always err on the side of grace.
Something about this job unsettled Marcos. Not just because the kid was completely certifiable, but also because he didn’t know a thing about his employer, the Mastermind. Okay, you’ve got my attention. I’ll be back on this series like a baseball player on steroids.
If you end up with like twelve duplicate comments from me, remember ‘Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.’ At the risk of possibly repeating myself, this is one of my favorite moments in the series so far. Nice flashback. I love how it ends.
Why’s he need revenge on her? Oh, my, the PG-13-rated version of Jack wasn’t all that proper. I can’t imagine what the R-rated version will do. Does she carry pepper spray by chance?
Not necessarily… There are plenty of other reasons she could have been screaming… Maybe he broke her heart. That’s for the next ficleter in the chain to decide, I guess.
Yeah, I really like this. I love the nonsense she says to ensure she never stops talking, but I especially liked that part of me wanted to believe her.
I love this description: A sudden spasm of pain lit my temple, a bolt of lightning straight from my cranium to the back of my right eyeball. A small window opened in the center of my vision. And the series is just as addictive for those of us reading it as it is for you!
The same portion that Ana Cristina mentioned made me laugh as well. Simultaneously hilarious and jarringly displaced. I also love the disjointed, morphine-induced final line.
Oh boy, Sassy hasn’t even gotten started and there’s already tension between them. There’s no worse sound than that click at a time like this. Now, I better put my sequeling hat on and get to work.
I like the ‘discussion’ over whose name to use at the end. I feel like we’re in for something disastrous down the road. Looking forward to seeing your further spin on the challenge.
I like the reverse angle on perfection. It reminded me a little of last football season when the Dolphins could have had a perfect losing season, but ruined it by pulling out a win late in the season.
Man, I could’ve identified with Ferdie last night. I could not find my muse anywhere. I like how you set everything up and then with the last line give a whole new world of context to the story.
True, Dr. Vore’s ideas are a bit unconventional, but who can argue with the results? A hot chick digests your food for you and comes out once a month to go on dates… Sounds good to me. What’s the hang up here?
Yes, I think a series starting at this point and going where it did would have been awesome. But going backward to this point of origin, it was even better.
So the wound is from the box. Yeah, I’d worry about that especially if I was having crazy dreams about it in the first place And ‘Badassery’ is a word in a league of its own.
I’m starting to worry more about the woman in her dreams than the bite mark. Very intriguing stuff. (It’s kinda cool knowing it’s set in Turkey because I’ve been there).
Yes, the scar is a great link and I wonder what it will ultimately reveal to us (I was thinking survival-horror in the beginning but this seems to be a slightly different type of tale).
I liked the detail about her first sergeant teaching her the slicing technique. It reveals a whole new slew of things about her and all in basically one line.
I’m frustrated by the fact that John Perkins already wrote my response ‘word for word’. He really is awesome. So as far as my emotional attachment to the piece… I loved it! I don’t know if it can be topped because it’s so brutally honest and real. Yes, “Good luck, newbie” was pure genius.
Okay, who am I kidding? If it’s here I’m going to have trouble not reading it. I like how you balanced the present situation with the memory of the blood test and his caring her away to the chagrin of Mike Newton.
I was also glad he came back! I loved the line: I heard a strange thumping noise in my ear, the corners of my mouth turned down in a slight frown, wondering what could be making that noise.
I agree. I was glad that his inner thoughts not only revealed his memories but also the look on Paige’s face when he stomped off… If he’s thinking about her he’s starting to make progress.
Paige is certainly a mystery. I love how she shifts from A to C so easily. Great interaction and I wonder if she made the shepherd’s pie innocently or if it plays some motive in her plan…
Okay, I’m not familiar with Twilight, so what you do here will have a major role in deciding whether or not I investigate it further. (Not to put any pressure on you or anything).
I take it John Perkins is new to the series, but I think his observation will prove through when he goes to the beginning… This series is wildly entertaining.
I was wondering what happened to Cindy Lou. Interesting to find out what she does while she’s supposedly helping the narrator’s digestion (the conversation about that was funny, but my favorite line was I decided it probably wouldn’t be helpful to point out that, for most people, digestion was automatic, and they had never had that particular need.
Another dark and dreary future… But like you said you’re entitled to give a little warning to the LoA that you created. @Ana I love the Life of Brian reference.
Oh, I don’t like your version of the future at all. A very dark and bleak future, it is. Mandatory ficlets would erase all my fun… But, I enjoyed the story (just so long as it doesn’t come true). ;)
After all this time Becca and Sassy are finally being honest with each other. I like their ‘hoes before bros’ motto. I love Officer Milo’s: _“Sounds like you just got burned, home-skillet.”
Wow, this is intense. I love trying to form a context for a story, getting the ending first. It makes you make assumptions. Wonder how many of mine will prove accurate. Once again, that scar stands out, vexing me.
The first paragraph has beautiful imagery and the ending has a bit of foreboding in it with the tingle of the angry scar. I also want to know more about it. Tiny note: in the final paragraph the word ‘The’ is missing an ‘e’.
It always strikes me as strange when a wife covers something like this up that a husband does to their child. It’s almost as sick as the act itself. Loyalty is one thing, but when someone is harming your child…
What a twisted guy the father is… Abusing her, covering it up, making her out to be crazy and then visiting her and trying to keep it up. Not saying he deserves death, but he deserves real bad things to happen to him.
If I were Paul, I might have chosen the jail cell. Something tells me that a debt of honor to Sassy is not something to be trifled with. I loved his muffled squeak at the end, a perfect exit noise. Great clincher with Sassy and the cop laughing at him as he runs off… I hope he doesn’t run into anything on the way home!
Internet ban? In the future? Say it ain’t so! I like the nostalgic walk down memory lane leading to the youth of tomorrow being inspired to write stories of their own.
Great job illustrating her inner turmoil over being used by one guy and finding the other guy to not be as interesting as she initially thought as a love interest.
I loved the beginning of this because his idea of a secret space being a tree in front of the school is such a hilarious tough guy thing. And her willingness to make the best of the situation is great.
Yeah, here’s where that sense of foreboding turns into reality. Ouch. Although it is kinda creepy that Stephen is outside her house at 2:19 (or later) in the morning.
Wow, Stephen even gets slighted in camera time as well. A brief snippet of her utter lack of interest in him, while the rest of the story centers on making out with James. I still have that sense of foreboding. Something bad’s coming.
LOL at THX’s comment. My thoughts so far in the series are: Richie Rich seems too good and boring for his own good, while James(on) is maybe too bad, but I guess we’ll just have to see how everything works out.
I love the description of how he showed her a new world that she’d never known. It harkens back to the first ficlet in the series and the glimpses we get to see of each other in relationships. Well done.
That little flirt, playing along with him like that. I wonder how big a part James will play in the unraveling of this story. He’s definitely forward with the sudden kiss.
Yes, that was a very awkward moment. Kind of a mood killer to be honest, but they seemed to recover realistically enough. But this Mary Cole figures to be trouble in the long run.
On Nightmares:
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On The Insane Knight: Answers :
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On May 7, 2008: One Last Jump:
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On Frozen:
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On Hall of Fame [Part 2] ((2075 or Beyond Challenge)):
posted 5 days ago
On .357 - The Beginning:
posted 5 days ago
On Confusion and Regret:
posted 5 days ago
On Talking:
posted 5 days ago
On The Note:
posted 5 days ago
On I Hate You And I'm Glad About It:
posted 5 days ago
On The Car Ride:
posted 5 days ago
On Babysitting Night:
posted 5 days ago
On Green Stuff:
posted 5 days ago
On One Decision, that can Change Your Life:
posted 5 days ago
On Daydreaming:
posted 5 days ago
On Flattery:
posted 5 days ago
On The Hallway:
posted 5 days ago
On Green Eyes:
posted 5 days ago
On Just a Kiss:
posted 5 days ago
On Like It:
posted 5 days ago
On Mary Cole :
posted 5 days ago
On Conversations:
posted 5 days ago
On Dream:
posted 5 days ago
On Limos and Laughs [well, only one limo, but probably too many laughs]:
posted 5 days ago
On Ramblings Equal Rides:
post