Haha, too funny. I can imagine these two chatting, slipping on their ugly-but-trendy purses as they head out for a day of shopping and sipping outrageously expensive caramel macchiatos (with skim milk and sugar-free syrup, of course).
The only critique I have is to watch your grammar. Try to avoid using ‘net slang (OMFG!) during a story, and also using so many exclamation points during narration. Maybe they’re just personal tastes of mine, but I wouldn’t recommend it for storytelling.
Great job! I love how you change the use of your adjectives from the dream, emphasizing warmth and comfort, to reality by switching to cold, dark descriptions.
Hm, I wasn’t really sure where I was going with this. I purposely left it vague enough so that people could add to it, but hopefully it’s enough to stand alone. I dunno. It’s late, but I was in the mood to write.
Gorgeous! I love how you don’t need any sort of backstory, or need to know what’s going on. Few words are spoken, but you know everything that you need to get an idea of what’s going on, and you can fill in the blanks yourself if you want.
And the details are fantastic! Somehow in-depth, but not purple and overbearing.
Yeah, I agree with THX, there’s some funny wording going on, you may need to check that out. Besides that, though, this sounds really intriguing! Is this the beginning of a longer story, or just a one-shot?
I’m pretty sure this would be considered ‘cruel and unusual punishment’...! It looks as if he’s being executed in a prison or such, but something tells me this isn’t the case. I’d be really interested to hear the story behind this horrible death!
The other day, my train of thought lead me to try and imagine what I’d do in this situation, although I couldn’t possibly know…hopefully I’ll never have to find out.
Anyway, more dialogue practice. I purposely left the story gaping, in hopes that someone will feel the urge to tack on more, but if I don’t get a response soon, I’ll keep going. Hope you enjoy!
While I know there’s nothing explicitly said, I thought I’d mark it mature for what’s implied.
Ahh, working in the restaurant/retail line is always lame. I work at a coffee place, and the other night a lady came in and asked what the difference between a latte and a cappuccino was. I explained that they’re the same thing, except that cappuccinos have a lot more foam (1/3 foam, 1/3 steamed milk, 1/3 espresso, while a latte is 2/3 steamed milk and 1/3 espresso). So she orders the cappuccino…then wants a refund because it has too much foam. =|
Too bad the guys from Panic(!) are total jerks and refuse to visit with fans =|
(and no, I’m not being overdramatic, I had a friend who went to try and talk to Ryan after a show, and he literally crossed the street, walked a ways, and then came back to the same side just to avoid talking to her!)
Mm, I’m actually trying to work on that. Especially for these tiny drabbles, I always find it hard to come up with a story and dialogue that can fit into such a tiny space. I’ve gotten into a rut of just doing small narrations/descriptions! Hopefully you’ll be seeing more dialogue in the future.
I know. That’s why I added in that last bit of explanation, because I was afraid it would be interpreted that way. I almost wrote it like that, but alas, that is another ficlet for another day. =)
While I don’t have a best friend fitting this description, I really do believe this. I honestly don’t think your soulmate has to be your boyfriend/girlfriend.
I hope this makes sense, what I was trying to convey. =)
Fantastic! This sounds like it would be a great into to a novel – I’d be curious to see who he was – why wouldn’t anyone suspect him? And why did he do it?
[PS you win at life for having the Survivor quote in your profile!]
Hey, this looks like a cute start, but I have to say, it felt kind of rushed. My suggestion might be to break it up into two ficlets, so you could have more space to develop the ‘before’ and ‘results’ half.
This was just a 10 minute quickie between classes, purposely not giving myself time to overthink it or anything…I just wanted to see what I could write out without planning and that sort of thing. So please, while I’d love to hear your thoughts and critiques, don’t be too harsh on grammar and that sort of thing. <3
I shouldn’t have read this in the university library, though, cause everyone’s kind of looking at me like I’m crazy…laughing out loud is not a good thing. =|
I really like this – I hope there’s more! You really can see this as a dog’s mentality – the total loyalty towards the master and everything. I thought that line about ‘no tail to wag’ was really witty and insightful! =)
[By the by, I do in fact know what a Zamboni is. I threw it in there for humour value, but I’m just saying this now before someone tries to point it out to me.]
Yeah, I agree. It was kind of abrupt because of the limit. I wrestled with it for a while, and then I had to go to class. I might clean it up later, or write it as a sequel instead, if I ever get around to it…the story didn’t really go as I wanted it to. :/
I really like this, the tone. The style’s fantastic; I love how use just enough slang so that you can easily get a feel of the character and see what he’s like, while still making it easy to read.
It’s so easy to identify with the narrator and understand what he’s going through. The ending is a real twist, too.
The only real critique I could have is that the ending is kind of confusing. Who’s easy? Why was He so nasty [‘now bury him’].
hilarious! I like seeing it from the dog’s perspective, I can totally imagine this scene. You really have to wonder how our canine friends think of us…haha.
I’m just your average college student, trying to make my way through college. When I’m not stuffing my brain for classes, I’m a barista at a local coffee shop. I love reading, music, computers, and I dabble in writing, but I wouldn’t consider myself a professional by any means. Most of the writing I do is via roleplaying [kateparcher.proboards18.com if you’re interested].
For the most part, I’m mostly using this as sort of writing exercise…I use these drabbles to challenge myself and play around with ideas. Thusly, you may find some strange and unconventional writing styles, along with stories that weren’t so great; I’m going to keep my failures up to gauge how (if at all…!) I’m improving. So, even if you hated my story and think it belongs in the garbage, could you please tell me why? So then I can improve future stories, or know what to avoid, that sort of thing. Thank you!
By the way, I really love the idea of people’s stories interacting, so seriously, the highest praise you can give me is to tack on your own pre-/sequel. If you do so, don’t forget to send me a note/comment so that I can see your work!
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