Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars' posted comments

  1. On The Signal (Scavenger Hunt Challenge):

    posted 12 days ago

    @Krulltar : I would have gotten to Dr. Venkman eventually, I just wanted to give a few examples.
    ~
    @Ana Cristina :I would probably go with Lost as my favorite, or maybe The Venture Bros. , but you said sitcoms!
    Actually, I wouldn’t say that Blossom is my favorite sitcom either, but I just had to get that line in about the alien signal disrupting the reruns.

  2. On The Signal (Scavenger Hunt Challenge):

    posted 12 days ago

    She’s not a Time Lord, but just another iteration of my favorite fiction archetype: The Rock Star Scientist (see Val Kilmer in Real Genius , Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park or Robert Downey, Jr. in Iron Man ).

    And yes, I’ve seen every episode of Blossom .

    Twice.

  3. On Stella Star and the Flying Monkeys with Chinese Assault Rifles:

    posted about 1 month ago

    Okay. Home Alone references. DNA. Now AK-47’s. You do know this is supposed to be the 1920’s, don’t you? : )

    And Stella ain’t British.

  4. On Stella Star Meets Alice the Super Macaque:

    posted about 1 month ago

    Yeah, I step away for a few days and look at what guys have done to the place!

  5. On Page 3:

    posted 2 months ago

    “Shut up, you jive ass honkey” ? What alternate universe 1976 does this take place in, exactly?

  6. On Define "Wrong":

    posted 2 months ago

    Yeah, THX, Chuck’s a girl; didn’t you know that? : )
    -
    Excellent work. I agree with everything that THX said above. Great dialog; these days, if someone writes witty teenage dialog well, they get compared to Joss Whedon. For the sake of originality, I won’t do that.
    I will say that I loved almost every line, except for the You know what, just stop before this goes any further… paragraph. Something about it falls flat compared to the rest; I don’t know why.
    But as a whole, it is very, very good.

  7. On Conversations with dead aunts:

    posted 2 months ago

    Maybe some spaces between paragraphs and some ending punctuation would be nice…

  8. On Conversations with dead aunts:

    posted 2 months ago

    I loved it. It felt very poignant and real. And I disagree with THX and Melia (no offense, guys); the lack of quotation marks made it feel more real to me, somehow.
    It added ambiguity. Was the conversation with a ghost or spirit, or was it just someone imagining her dead aunt’s responses, as she desperately searched for the answers to questions that can never be answered?
    It felt like the imagined conversations that I think we have all had from time to time.

  9. On Ode to Spitzer:

    posted 3 months ago

    Very interesting take.

    Very interesting subject matter.

    Very good job.

  10. On A Rapture Of Raptors:

    posted 3 months ago

    Billy Christ!?
    -
    Welcome back, Howie. Is this a one time engagement or a full-fledged comeback tour?

  11. On Doomed Montague:

    posted 3 months ago

    Can Kelsey Grammer play the zombie in the movie version? This is great, but if you read it as Sideshow Bob, it’s even funnier.

  12. On Fight from Afar:

    posted 3 months ago

    @*Capital “W” Writer (LoA’s Geekus Awesomeus) *: Puppy bombs.
    -
    http://ficlets.com/stories/2173

  13. On And then it gets really strange (jokes!):

    posted 3 months ago

    Flamethrower + enclosed spaces = BAD IDEA.

  14. On Inside the house:

    posted 3 months ago

    Wait…SWAT teams in South Africa carry flamethrowers? I know thee cops were pretty rough down there in the ‘80’s, but Christ…

  15. On Animosity:

    posted 3 months ago

    Excellent dialog.

  16. On The Time Capsule (2):

    posted 3 months ago

    Great pay-off! I almost forgot what a 45 adapter looked like, but your description brought it back.

  17. On The Time Capsule (1):

    posted 3 months ago

    I have no idea where you’re going with this, but you’ve earned my trust in the past, so I’ll keep reading…

  18. On Wings Like Fire, Voices Like Thunder:

    posted 3 months ago

    Thanks, everyone! Alexa, I owe it all to you. Thanks again for giving me a great jumping off point.

  19. On Mystery Lover:

    posted 3 months ago

    Hey, you might want to check this out:
    ...
    http://ficlets.com/stories/10845
    ...
    Similar subject matter. I think you might like it.

  20. On ASTROBOY REMEMBERED.:

    posted 3 months ago

    I think he’ll have his revenge sooner than you think: there is an Astroboy movie coming out next year.

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0375568/

  21. On Dying in the crowd:

    posted 3 months ago

    Intriguing.

  22. On Before Taking The Ice:

    posted 3 months ago

    Excellent.

  23. On Giving Blood:

    posted 3 months ago

    Very cool.

  24. On Peachy-Keen Apocalyptic Times:

    posted 3 months ago

    You’re so awesome. What kept you away so long?

  25. On Bridgette says, "So long.":

    posted 3 months ago

    You’re really good. I’m glad I added you as contact. Keep it up!

  26. On Blake's Discomfort:

    posted 3 months ago

    Wow, great job Alexa ♥. I appreciate that someone tried to jump start this thing. And it’s good to see what the rest of the team is up to while Simon is wasting time on Earth-Alternate (Dinosaur).

    Are you going to sequel this? Or is it time for me to finally step back in help keep this story going?

  27. On A Comic Shop Owner Expecting His First Child...:

    posted 3 months ago

    I suppose it could have been worse: he could have named his kid Johnny Blaze Cage or something.

    And let’s not forget, Nicolas Cage is named after a comic book character.

    His given name is Nicolas Coppola (he’s Francis Ford Coppola’s nephew.) He changed his name to Nic Cage after Luke Cage, aka Power-Man.

  28. On Detour:

    posted 3 months ago

    Wedding invites?

  29. On Recidivist:

    posted 3 months ago

    Beautiful, different and very intriguing. Love the title.

  30. On A Comic Shop Owner Expecting His First Child...:

    posted 3 months ago

    You definitely don’t want to name your daughter after Power Girl. That’s like guaranteeing she’ll grow up to be a stripper.

    But, BARomeo: what are the sources of the names Roxanne and Caitlin? I’m a comic book super-geek and I’m stumped.

  31. On Stovohobo's Ficlets Best Practices: No More Nonsense:

    posted 3 months ago

    I agree with BARomero *. Nonsense has it’s place, and is sometimes entertaining. But *Stovohobo is right to call out this particular brand of nonsense, which isn’t meant to entertain or do much of anything other than annoy.

  32. On Not Pretty:

    posted 3 months ago

    There really is no reason for this to be marked mature.

  33. On Titles( Non-Fiction)- { More of a Rant than a Story}:

    posted 3 months ago

    I reported this same kid as well. I think the last thing we need here is a-hole troll ruining it for everyone else. There is enough of that kind of garbage polluting the rest of the internet.

    @thebetweenspace: I suggest you send a note to Kevin reporting this abuse. I don’t want to censor anyone, but harassment is something that should not be tolerated.

    Maybe it’s time to ban these losers.

  34. On 1. A Quick Place to Hide:

    posted 3 months ago

    I hate zombies, but I really liked this story.

  35. On R_M's Ficlets Best Practices #4: Write Prequels & Sequels:

    posted 3 months ago

    Sequeling doesn’t really mess up a story. If someone doesn’t like your direction, they are free to branch off in a different direction.
    And if you aren’t sure if the author wants a sequel, send them a note and just ask. I’m sure that, more often than not, ficleteers would love some collaboration.

    After all, that is what Ficlets is for.

  36. On R_M's Ficlets Best Practices #2: Comment and Rate It!:

    posted 3 months ago

    Great advice. I rarely comment because I can’t usually think of anything constructive to say, other than “It was good” or “Excellent”, but saying just that would at least be encouraging to the author.

    But I do rate every ficlet that I read and I recommend that everyone else do the same.

  37. On R_M's Ficlets Best Practices #1: Paragraph Spacing:

    posted 3 months ago

    I completely agree: I’ll pass over a ficlet immediately if I see one undifferentiated block of text. It’s not just ficlets, though. Websites, blogs, online articles, too. Blocks of small text with no breaks that run together are just too hard to read. And there are many other good, well formated ficlets to occupy my time.

  38. On 64k (250th Ficlet Challenge):

    posted 3 months ago

    This challenge has already been done about three months ago. That shouldn’t prevent you from running your own minimum length challenge, but I just thought you should know.

    http://ficlets.com/stories/16529

  39. On The Princess Bride's Assault Plan B:

    posted 3 months ago

    I wish I knew The Princess Bride well enough to join in, but I haven’t seen that movie in years. Of course, I’m going to remember your series as the real ending from now on.

  40. On Commando Marvin Lifelike Magnum Model Commercial:

    posted 3 months ago

    Brilliant.

  41. On Life is Like a Poem:

    posted 3 months ago

    I like it. Very sweet and optimistic.

  42. On The creature:

    posted 3 months ago

    Look out! It’s a vicious Penguicorn!

  43. On Life is Like A Poet:

    posted 3 months ago

    I’m a gloomy bastard, ain’t I?

  44. On Digital Dawn: Chapter Eight:

    posted 3 months ago

    What’s the significance of the name Iona?

  45. On F or F:

    posted 3 months ago

    Depending on the alien species, it could be a little bit from column A, a little bit of column B.

  46. On She Will Be Back:

    posted 3 months ago

    That last line helped make this a five star ficlet. Excellent work.

  47. On Awesome Winners of the Awesome Challenge for the International Day of Awesomeness as Awesomely Decided by the Grand Awesome Marshall:

    posted 3 months ago

    Thanks, THX! I never win anything!

    Hey, is that BigAzz thing copyrighted?

  48. On Dragon's Lair (1980's Arcade Games Challange):

    posted 3 months ago

    All of this has happened before and all of it will happen again.

    Maybe Dirk is a Cylon?

    So say we all.

  49. On ROBOTRON 2084:

    posted 3 months ago

    You beat me to it!

  50. On Feel the Noise [Retro Music Challenge continuation]:

    posted 3 months ago

    Cum on Feel the Noize! That’s my signature karaoke song (That and Mama Said Knock You Out )!
    Although I prefer the ‘70’s glam-rock version by Slade.

    http://tarzankingofmars.tumblr.com/post/5596743

  51. On It's A Bird! It's A Plane! It's SUPER MARIO! (1980's Arcade Challenge):

    posted 3 months ago

    Pretty cool, but what about Donkey Kong? I guess he can be in the sequel.

  52. On Waiting:

    posted 3 months ago

    Very nice.

  53. On The Competitive Edge:

    posted 3 months ago

    Incredible world-building…a very cool, near perfect bit of sci-fi micro fiction. Excellent work.

  54. On A Clear and Concise Answer:

    posted 4 months ago

    If you’re British, wouldn’t a britcom technically just be a sitcom? I mean, what do Brits call American sitcoms?

    Don’t answer that.

  55. On Music Rocks!:

    posted 4 months ago

    John Mayer? Really? I appreciate that he’s an excellent musician and he seems like a really cool and funny guy, but I just don’t get his appeal.

  56. On Now THAT'S What I call Music:

    posted 4 months ago

    That’s NOT what I call music.

  57. On To quote the person who coined the phrase 'If my music is too loud, you're too old!' CRANK IT UP!:

    posted 4 months ago

    I’m too old, apparently.

  58. On Wallace:

    posted 4 months ago

    Warren Ellis does seem to bring out the best in all of us…

  59. On Ficletholicism:

    posted 4 months ago

    So, I’m partly responsible for getting you hooked on Ficlets? Well, in that case, I certainly expect a cut of the royalties from your first published novel. (At the very least, could I get a mention on the acknowledgments page?)

  60. On Mermaid's Avenue:

    posted 4 months ago

    Please read “The Rules” before sequelling.

    http://ficlets.com/stories/21279

  61. On The Blitzkrieg Bop:

    posted 4 months ago

    Please read “The Rules” before sequelling.
    http://ficlets.com/stories/21279

  62. On Better Run Through the Jungle:

    posted 4 months ago

    Please read “The Rules” before sequelling.

    http://ficlets.com/stories/21279#review-41195

  63. On Run! Run For Your Lives!:

    posted 4 months ago

    Stand back, kids. I’ve got this one.

  64. On High Tide:

    posted 5 months ago

    Bruce Willis should just go blow it up.

  65. On The Man, the Machine, the Guest Stars: Street Hawk (Another 80s TV Parody):

    posted 5 months ago

    I haven’t thought about Street Hawk in, well, decades. Do Automan next!

  66. On Bear Bones Beginning:

    posted 5 months ago

    No, I’m pretty sure what he’s describing is a Duck-billed Platypus Bear from Avatar: The Last Airbender.

  67. On Just a Little Tickle:

    posted 5 months ago

    I always thought those Mr. Men freaks were up to no good…

  68. On Digital Age Challenge:

    posted 5 months ago

    You should tag your story as “newchallenge”. That way it will be easier for people to find.

  69. On A Practical Guide to Vampirism: How To (1-A):

    posted 5 months ago

    The taint?

  70. On A Mean Wind From Unkind Places:

    posted 5 months ago

    I love the imagery, the musical flow of the dialouge, the narrator’s voice…Cormac McCarthy influenced?

    Excellent work. It’s good to see you haven’t lost your touch.

  71. On Papa's Funeral:

    posted 5 months ago

    One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach, all the damn vampires.

  72. On Airwolf: Lobo Del Aire (An 80's TV Parody):

    posted 5 months ago

    This story was totally freakin’ Airwolf.
    (Airwolf being the adjective for AWESOME.)

    Check out this link if you don’t know what I’m talking about:
    http://www.ernestcline.com/spokenword/airwolf.htm

  73. On Of Pirates,Gangstas,and Transdimensional Rifts{Fanfiction Generator}:

    posted 5 months ago

    Obscenely bearded? Really?

  74. On Terrible Fanfiction Generator: "A Knight Rider in King Arthur's Court":

    posted 5 months ago

    It depresses me somehow that there is an entire generation of people out there that have no idea about Knight Rider, The A-Team or (gods help me) Airwolf.

  75. On Terrible Fanfiction Generator: "A Knight Rider in King Arthur's Court":

    posted 5 months ago

    Yes, I made a David Hasselhoff joke. Yes, I’m only about 8 months late. No, I don’t give a crap.

  76. On An Awesome Dream [LoA Challenge]:

    posted 5 months ago

    I know I’m not in the League, but might I suggest: “Alright team! Let’s Get Awesome!!!”

  77. On You've Got the Awesome Quiz…I've Got the Awesome Answers :

    posted 5 months ago

    Correct!!! Your No-Prize and Awesome Points Voucher © is in the mail! (Please allow 6 – 8 weeks delivery time)
    Awesome Points Voucher © not redeemable for cash

  78. On You've Got the Awesome Quiz…I've Got the Awesome Answers :

    posted 5 months ago

    10,000 awesome points, that is.

  79. On You've Got the Awesome Quiz…I've Got the Awesome Answers :

    posted 5 months ago

    10,00 awesome points and a no-prize to the first person to figure out where the superpower quote is from.

  80. On He Answers the Quiz:

    posted 5 months ago

    Sorry, to break it to you…Charlie’s dead, man.

  81. On The Awesome Answers to the Awesome Quiz by The Awesome Miss Bardot. Did I Mention the Word Awesome Enough? Awesome.:

    posted 5 months ago

    awesome is back!

    Yeah, just don’t preface it with totally and you’ll be alright.

  82. On Una vez, había una princesa:

    posted 5 months ago

    Cute.

  83. On Something Smells Like Fish In Rome (6 men I'd do):

    posted 6 months ago

    Also, about Adam.
    I have it on good authority that the reason Eve was more interested in talking serpents and Lilith decided she would have more fun seducing angels is ‘cause Adam took his job of tending to the beasts of the earth too far, if you catch my drift.

  84. On Something Smells Like Fish In Rome (6 men I'd do):

    posted 6 months ago

    I agree with THX: What a horrible train of thought…but intriguing.
    It’s odd how we tend to reveal more and more of ourselves, ficlet by ficlet. But is the revelation of the ficleteers personality just another fiction? Is Fyora Cartagan really an undercover superfreak with a thing for history and a death-wish?
    Inquiring minds would like to know.

  85. On Something Extra [Minimum Length Ficlet Challenge]:

    posted 6 months ago

    You are a sick genius.
    Also, I’m going to give Blusparrow’s comment above (_If I had something I would have choked on it!) 5 stars for being an excellent double-entendre.

  86. On The Mind Of The Enemy:

    posted 6 months ago

    Howie, you’re the best! What more can I say? Other than your pacing in drawing this story out over multiple ficlets, going from rising horror to absurdity to hilarity was very well done. Was the pacing a deliberate choice, or a happy accident?

  87. On The Betrayed Never Saw What Was Coming:

    posted 6 months ago

    You’re the king of sequels, Howie! You make every story you touch better by sequeling it. Excellent work.

  88. On Awesomeness Derailed:

    posted 6 months ago

    Excellent sequel. The tone and humor are great, and carry over from the previous story really well, even without all of my gratuitous swearing.

  89. On 5 Women I'd Like to Pork: It's a Coffee-Table Book (Historical Edition):

    posted 6 months ago

    Howie, you’re not sure about Joan of Arc, but you totally feel me about Calamity Jane, right? Right? High-Five! What? No? Never mind.

  90. On Rise up (Minimum length challenge):

    posted 6 months ago

    Sequelled!!

  91. On The Not-So-Great Detective {Minimum Length Challenge}:

    posted 6 months ago

    Fade to black, gunshot SFX, THE END.

  92. On Morning:

    posted 6 months ago

    Good job. I think it’s great where you’ve taken this.

  93. On Stiff:

    posted 6 months ago

    Excellent sequel. Love the title!

  94. On Escape:

    posted 6 months ago

    I thought this was really good. I liked how you took the character from my story and turned her from someone who drank the Kool-Aid and accepted what had been done to her into a woman that will do anything to protect her child. Well done.

  95. On Reasons:

    posted 6 months ago

    Very good.

  96. On …After. (Minimum Length Challenge):

    posted 6 months ago

    A sequel to Before (http://ficlets.com/stories/16670) by Flute Loop<33

  97. On Future Field Trip With Billy Jo Bud To The Genetic Mutation Farm{64 Character Challenge}:

    posted 6 months ago

    Brilliant.

  98. On 5 Women I'd Like to Pork: It's a Coffee-Table Book (Historical Edition):

    posted 6 months ago

    I apologize in advance to anyone I’ve offended or sickened.

  99. On ScapeGoat [Worst Ficlet Challenge]:

    posted 6 months ago

    Well, thank you, fellow travelers. Finally, someone who respects true genius.

  100. On The Ficlet Quadrathilon (Fyora's 100th ficlet challenge(s) ):

    posted 6 months ago

    Ummm, I kind of liked the original Baby Smiley-sun and the Nazi (http://ficlets.com/stories/9064). You and I even had a comments-debate about the merits (or lack of) of that particular ficlet.

  101. On The Ficlet Quadrathilon (Fyora's 100th ficlet challenge(s) ):

    posted 6 months ago

    What’s the challenge, exactly? To write something that’s bad, or something that’s just unreadable?

  102. On ScapeGoat [Worst Ficlet Challenge]:

    posted 6 months ago

    You’re bloody right it’s “not that bad”! It’s dead brilliant if I might say so myself. I believe that, in a mere 1024 characters, I have captured the true, soul-desecrating, mind-eradicating horror of what it must be like to be forcibly violated in a sexual manner up the bum by a hairy half-man, half-goat, Satyr-like goat-man. Out of all the ficlets depicting goat-man-on-man buggery, I dare say this ficlet is in the top ten.

  103. On ScapeGoat [Worst Ficlet Challenge]:

    posted 6 months ago

    My entry in the Fyora’s Worst Ficlet Challenge. Now it’s someone else’s turn to write a sequel that actually turns it into a decent story.

  104. On The Ficlet Quadrathilon (Fyora's 100th ficlet challenge(s) ):

    posted 6 months ago

    I just wrote the worst ficlet ever. Someone sequel it.

  105. On The King of Mars Dead End Challenge:

    posted 6 months ago

    Bit of a self-serving challenge
    Ah, you’ve seen through my devious plan.

  106. On The King of Mars Dead End Challenge:

    posted 6 months ago

    Also, fair warning, at least three of those ficlets listed are marked mature for lots of bad language, adult situations and some sexual content. Reader discretion is advised.

  107. On The King of Mars Dead End Challenge:

    posted 6 months ago

    If you are going to sequel any of the above stories, you can put dead end challenge in the tags, but please attach your sequel to the original ficlet, not this challenge.

  108. On (YODA ON CRACK"S SEMI CHALLENGE) Self Indulgent Rhyme:

    posted 7 months ago

    Bleat like a sheep!?
    That’s some funny crap right there. Great work.

  109. On Recursion:

    posted 7 months ago

    Has your protagonist not seen one episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation? Enjoy getting your neck snapped for all eternity, pal.

  110. On Middle of a Story [phosphate's challenge]:

    posted 7 months ago

    I liked it, but can I offer some possibly nit-picking advice? A pan is a left-to-right, right-to-left horizontal camera move. It sounds like what you’re describing is a zoom.

  111. On The YodaOnCrack Rap Song:

    posted 7 months ago

    I took the challenge! Sequeled!!

  112. On Warlord (King of Mars) lyrics:

    posted 7 months ago

    Any opinions or self-aggrandizing, self-indulgent statements are not necessarily the views expressed by the author. I was channeling equal parts DMX and Dave Wyndorf.

  113. On Warlord (King of Mars) lyrics:

    posted 7 months ago

    And due to space restrictions, I was unable to include my intro, which is sampled from Morgan Freeman’s opening monologue from War of the Worlds />With infinite complacency, men went to and fro about the globe, confident of our empire over this world. Yet across the gulf of space, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic regarded our planet with envious eyes and slowly, and surely, drew their plans against us…

  114. On Warlord (King of Mars) lyrics:

    posted 7 months ago

    • Sampled from “Spacelord” by Monster Magnet
      • Sampled from “King of Mars” by Monster Magnet
  115. On The "Spanish" Inquisition:

    posted 7 months ago

    No one ever expects the Spanish Inquisition.

  116. On Big John (a poem):

    posted 7 months ago

    I’d give you five stars, but the rating system seems to be bollocksed again.

  117. On Little Johnny:

    posted 7 months ago

    More like pork, actually.

  118. On A night at home (vamp. challenge):

    posted 7 months ago

    I don’t know why I thought that was so important to know which Dracula movie, other than I think it gives some insight into what kind of person the character is: if it’s a teenage girl at home watching the 1930’s Dracula, I would think she’s a movie buff. If it’s the 70’s version with the ever-so-dreamy Frank Langella, she’s a romantic. If it’s the made-for-TV with Jack Palance, she’s just weird.
    : )
    Good job, by the way.

  119. On Why Do You Think They Call Him The Adversary?:

    posted 7 months ago

    The Ascension thing seems kind of like a cop out to me… way too much of Deus Ex Machina. Simon’s on a heroic journey, which usually has the protagonist go through a metaphorical death and rebirth, but the line where metaphor was acceptable got crossed a while back. We literally turned Simon into God and he should have the full God experience.

  120. On Why Do You Think They Call Him The Adversary?:

    posted 7 months ago

    I just don’t know how Simon’s going to get out of this.
    I have some ideas… usually it takes a sacrifice for a god to get back to Heaven. Is there a crucifixion in Simon’s future, maybe?

  121. On Why Do You Think They Call Him The Adversary?:

    posted 7 months ago

    Simon created him to play the part of the real Lucifer, he just did a much better job of it than he thought.

  122. On A night at home (vamp. challenge):

    posted 7 months ago

    Which Dracula? The superior 1930’s Tod Browning/Bela Lugosi version, the 1960’s Christopher Lee, the underrated 1970’s Frank Langella, the made-for-TV Jack Palance or the disappointing 1990’s Francis Ford Coppola edition?

  123. On Booze for Thought:

    posted 7 months ago

    OK, I think I just congratulated a British guy for writing convincing British accents.

  124. On An Undesirable Happenstance:

    posted 7 months ago

    I have to disagree with Invisa-girl. This story has plenty of room for a sequel or prequel. How did they get on the planet? What planet is it? Where did everyone else go? And the characterization is stellar. I really want to know more about these guys.
    It was also damned funny. Great work.

  125. On Booze for Thought:

    posted 7 months ago

    Very funny and brilliant work with the accents.

  126. On Mock Pop Culture {Ficlet Challenge}:

    posted 7 months ago

    It seems that someone is, truly, “Living in Wonderland.”
    Must be nice.

  127. On Later, In The Common Room At Ten Faeries' Den Hostel:

    posted 7 months ago

    It helps if you read the tags first.
    I thought it was funny as hell, but what do I know. Obviously the teenagers around here should go to their local VideoMart and rent Glengarry Glen Ross, maybe then they’ll get the F#@%ing joke.

  128. On The Proposition {Part 3}:

    posted 7 months ago

    No, I don’t think it’s Stockholm Syndrome. She’s being sincere and they were in Hell together for a reason.
    This might shed some light on what I have in mind:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilith#Samael_and_Lilith

  129. On How Lilith Got Her Groove Back:

    posted 7 months ago

    Cthulhu is currently “slouching toward Bethlehem” so to speak, bringing about the end of the world. We’ll get back to him soon.
    Metatron is in closed door meetings with the Archangels, discussing Lilith’s demands, which will be revealed in my next sequel.

  130. On The Cleaner Arrives:

    posted 7 months ago

    Happy Birthday, Nick!

  131. On The Cleaner Arrives:

    posted 7 months ago

    Van Helsing is in ze Haus!! To bad there’s no vampires left to kill, though. But I’m thinking with a codename like “The Cleaner”, he can kill just about anything.

  132. On The Scarlet Woman Ascendant:

    posted 7 months ago

    This was really tough. I was expecting to get my Ficlets license revoked for this one : )

  133. On Instant Love Affair: Just Add Water [Part 2]:

    posted 7 months ago

    Of course, the “JC” in WWJCD stands for *John Constantine.

  134. On Instant Love Affair: Just Add Water [Part 2]:

    posted 7 months ago

    I just asked myself, “Self? WWJCD*?” The rest was easy.

  135. On The Eye of Babylon:

    posted 7 months ago

    my idea was that Winters would be a more suitable host for Lilith after the transformation
    I just took a little detour getting there, that’s all.

  136. On Instant Love Affair: Just Add Water [Part 1]:

    posted 7 months ago

    You invoked the names of Warren Ellis and Aleister Crowley, my friend. That was a challenge that I couldn’t resist.

  137. On The Scarlet Woman:

    posted 7 months ago

    Working on a sequel to this. I tried to stay as true to the concept of The Scarlet Woman as I could, and that was kind of hard. I can guarantee two things: after reading my sequels, nearly everyone will be confused, and two: if it plays out the way I planned, everyone will hate me, because I make one of our main characters come off like a manipulative bastard.

  138. On Simon Takes Control Again:

    posted 7 months ago

    why, then, is neither Blake nor Angela gagged?
    The bad guys are probably afraid that Simon is going to do this (http://ficlets.com/stories/12424) again.

  139. On How The Doctor Stole Time:

    posted 7 months ago

    Evoking Cthulhu in the Simon/Blake/Everyone Else In God’s Green Earth ficlet chain has obviously had it’s inevitable outcome: you’ve obviously gone deeply and irrecoverably insane.
    Just kidding, man. Very funny stuff.

  140. On Lilith's Delay:

    posted 7 months ago

    Where the frak do you come up with this stuff
    I work on corporate videos all day. My version of Hell is being forced to work on PowerPoint for all eternity…

  141. On Lilith's Delay:

    posted 7 months ago

    I’ve always seen Metatron as the corporate paper pusher type. Michael and Gabriel aare the men of action, but ‘Tron sits behind a desk all day, laying out Ineffable Plans. If it’s not rendered in chart or graph form, he won’t pay attention.

  142. On Lilith's Delay:

    posted 7 months ago

    Well, Lilith’s actual endgame hasn’t been revealed yet. She told Metatron off screen, and that’s why he’s still paying attention.

  143. On Waiting:

    posted 7 months ago

    Obviously, Metatron is Felix Unger, and, by default, that makes Lilith Oscar Madison.

  144. On Recap (Part II):

    posted 7 months ago

    Well, you’re kinda doing this all on your own[…]
    Thanks a bunch. I’m glad to know that I’m appreciated around here, Fyora.

  145. On The Extra Passenger - The Offer:

    posted 7 months ago

    Alec, finished off.
    ~
    You know, I never intended the shotgun blast to the head to be the end of Alec. If you check the last entry I wrote, you’ll notice that Alec has the last word. Literally. I guess everyone assumed that was a typo.

  146. On The Extra Passenger - Arrival:

    posted 7 months ago

    Of course, it’s very been stated that Blake is Caucasian. For all you know, he could be part Samoan.

  147. On The Extra Passenger - Arrival:

    posted 7 months ago

    It was never said explicitly. Sort of hinted at throughout the various series that have been written about him or featuring him. When I came up with the character, it was always my intention that he would be African American, but having a character declare his skin color or other physical characteristics is a difficult thing to accomplish without it sounding hokey. Not that it should matter much, if at all.

  148. On Ill Communication:

    posted 7 months ago

    To be continued…
    Hey Nick, wasn’t Lilith meeting up with Metatron a few ficlets ago? Whatever happened with that? It would sure be nice if someone picked up that thread, giving me time to finish this one (hint, hint).

  149. On Everyone’s Got a Plan Until They Get Hit:

    posted 7 months ago

    “Everyone’s got a plan until they get hit.” – Joe Louis

  150. On Child of the Terror:

    posted 7 months ago

    How come ratings aren’t working? Anybody?

  151. On Child of the Terror:

    posted 7 months ago

    So, Alec’s infected? Because we’ve already established that the infection doesn’t effect the dead…

  152. On Seriously, There Is A Plan, Right?:

    posted 7 months ago

    Just wanted to lighten the mood a bit (and have the characters ask some questions I think the audience has been asking as well).
    Haven’t touched this story in a while cause I was frankly a little burned out on all the gore, guts and murder, so I thought it would be nice to drop in some banter before we got back to the hard stuff.
    Now, back to your regularly scheduled blood and death…

  153. On Is This IT?:

    posted 8 months ago

    Sequeled!!

  154. On One Thousand Strong:

    posted 8 months ago

    So that’s your Infection: Lilith’s one thousand dead children infect humans like a virus, possessing their bodies so they can have some kicks. Now mommy is strong enough to make her presence felt, and the kids are organizing, marching right toward Simon, Blake and the rest of our myriad cast of motley characters.

  155. On Dead Girls Don't Say No:

    posted 8 months ago

    I’m getting to it…

  156. On Security Breach:

    posted 8 months ago

    Plans? I don’t make plans. I just make this $#!+ up as I go along.

  157. On Security Breach:

    posted 8 months ago

    Wait, I might have an idea…

  158. On Security Breach:

    posted 8 months ago

    Baron Samedi!? I was The Baron for Halloween!
    As for what Agent Winters is going to do: well, it would have been really cool, but now Baron Samedi showed up and I’ve got no idea…

  159. On Is There A Plan?:

    posted 8 months ago

    Man, I’ve been dying to write a Blake in ‘Nam story since the first Simon/Blake team-up! Next co-op ficlet series, maybe?

  160. On Interlude: The Cleaner:

    posted 8 months ago

    Hmm…maybe Peter Cushing or Anthony Hopkins should play this doctor…

  161. On Alec's Very Bad Night Just Got Worse (Pt. 1):

    posted 8 months ago

    What’s really weird is that I know how to say that phrase in about four other languages. Always be prepared, that’s my motto… : )

  162. On Alec's Very Bad Night Just Got Worse (Pt. 2):

    posted 8 months ago

    Alec is a little… um … “slow,” isn’t he?
    I’m just going to attribute that to the drugs they gave him.

  163. On Alec's Very Bad Night Just Got Worse (Pt. 1):

    posted 8 months ago

    Exactly right! You win the No-Prize!

  164. On Alec's Very Bad Night Just Got Worse (Pt. 2):

    posted 8 months ago

    Fixed. Thanks for the German lesson.

  165. On Alec's Very Bad Night Just Got Worse (Pt. 2):

    posted 8 months ago

    Again, sorry for the multiple posts. I think it’s now obvious to everyone that that I am clearly in love with Special Agent Winters.
    Especially since Howie suggested that she looks like Morticia Addams.

  166. On Alec's Very Bad Night Just Got Worse (Pt. 2):

    posted 8 months ago

    Sorry for the multiple posts. Somebody else’s turn, please.

  167. On Meanwhile, At an Undisclosed Location… (Pt. 2):

    posted 8 months ago

    I sort of came to that conclusion while I was writing this, yeah.

  168. On Meanwhile, At an Undisclosed Location… (Pt. 1):

    posted 8 months ago

    Thanks. Fixed.

  169. On Those You Leave Behind (Pt. 2):

    posted 8 months ago

    Blake is merely a friend of Angela’s family. No actual relation. He saved Angela’s brother from being a werewolf.

    Oh, I know. I was just trying to have the fact no one can figure out their familial relationship be a running gag, just like the way no on appears to know Simon’s last name.

  170. On Those You Leave Behind (Pt. 2):

    posted 8 months ago

    Now Angela is really here. Not a hallucination, or a ghost or a figment of Simon’s imagination. The dynamic frakkin’ duo is now the titanic gorram trio.
    For anyone who doesn’t know, Angela is Simon’s vampire hunting, spell-slinging, computer fixing girlfriend and Blake’s niece/cousin/little sister. Blake hooked Simon and Angela up at the end of the last series.

  171. On Purgatory:

    posted 8 months ago

    Oh, that was sweet. Blake’s a chess player, right? That son-of-a-gun is always three moves ahead. Running recon in the afterlife – very cool.

  172. On The Night Chicago Died (Pt 2):

    posted 8 months ago

    Made a couple of minor edits, most notably the line about the “Gomez Addams mustache”.

  173. On Remorse:

    posted 8 months ago

    Isn’t wikipedia the greatest invention ever?

  174. On Remorse:

    posted 8 months ago

    Whew, I’m exhausted. That was great, Howie. A Doctor Strange reference! The Revelations: are you referring to The Revelations of Glaaki or something of your own creation?
    Good luck with NaNoWriMo.

  175. On Rubicon:

    posted 8 months ago

    Shades of Alien and Japanese Tentacle Porn. Very icky…yet awesome!!

  176. On Kug:

    posted 8 months ago

    From now on, you get tagged in whenever there’s a scene demanding crazy-ass magic, OK?

  177. On The Night Chicago Died (Pt 2):

    posted 8 months ago

    Great casting, Howie! Perfect for Halloween.
    For anyone who doesn’t know what we’re talking about: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057729/

  178. On The Night Chicago Died (Pt 3):

    posted 8 months ago

    Nah, I was just going to turn it into a running joke that nobody could remember his last name.

  179. On Alec's Very Bad Night:

    posted 8 months ago

    Chris Carter should have done a Morris Fletcher spin-off series.

  180. On Alec's Very Bad Night:

    posted 8 months ago

    Well, not the Men in Black, obviously. No Tommy Lee Jones or Will Smith cameos here, folks.
    Although if Rosario Dawson shows up… heh, heh… oh, sorry, was that out loud?

  181. On Bullets and Death:

    posted 8 months ago

    Oh, I know! Simon could revive him with his tears! ‘Cause true love never dies! : )
    Very surprising twist. And now Simon gets to go Dark Phoenix!? I wonder what Willow will say about that… : )

  182. On The Night Chicago Died (Pt 2):

    posted 8 months ago

    Considering Heroes has ripped off every idea (good and bad) on that show from The X-Men, that would be a bit like the pot calling the kettle a plagiarist, wouldn’t it? : )
    Just to be clear: Agent Winters is not a mutant, a “hero” or a “power”, and she was not inspired by Officer Matt Parkman. What she is…well, you’ll just have to wait and find out.

  183. On The Night Chicago Died (Pt 3):

    posted 8 months ago

    Somebody else’s turn now: sequel me!

  184. On The Night Chicago Died (Pt 3):

    posted 8 months ago

    OK, sorry about the multiple posts in a row. But I really wanted to introduce these new characters.
    I hope it wasn’t too boring.
    And speaking of West and Winters: what’s their agenda here? Have they come to stop the plague? And what are they? All will be revealed…

  185. On Conversations in a Public Restroom:

    posted 8 months ago

    Somebody sequel me already!!

  186. On Crowe's Day:

    posted 8 months ago

    Is it really that easy to put down a lich? She is dead, for one thing. I would think it would take a dozen taser shots and multiple blows to the head, minimum. (I would write that into a sequel, but I’m too lazy.)

  187. On What Gram Doesn't Know (pt. 1):

    posted 8 months ago

    Forget Bruce Campbell, Jack Kirby and Jerry Lawler: you are the King, Howie.
    – But not of Mars, because that title is already taken : )

  188. On The Waite Library (pt. 2):

    posted 8 months ago

    I’ve said it elsewhere, but you have an amazing skill at describing and writing magic.

  189. On What Gram Doesn't Know (pt. 7):

    posted 8 months ago

    Here are some of Simon’s other adventures are here:
    Requiem for a Cat Lady (The first Simon story, written by yours truly)
    http://ficlets.com/stories/704
    Simon’s First Exorcism
    http://ficlets.com/stories/4441
    Booze & Babes — The Bad Beginning
    http://ficlets.com/stories/9935
    Sarah’s Life Before Simon
    http://ficlets.com/stories/11587
    Five Years Later
    http://ficlets.com/stories/11737
    And this weird interview thing:
    http://ficlets.com/stories/7879

  190. On What Gram Doesn't Know (pt. 7):

    posted 8 months ago

    Howie, between me, you, Alexa and Nick, there are at least 88 stories written about or featuring my boy Simon. This is extremely gratifying, because up until 8 or so months ago, Simon was just a character who lived in my head. Awesome work developing the kid’s history and thanks for taking my half-formed idea and transforming him into a real, live boy.

  191. On Conversations in a Public Restroom:

    posted 8 months ago

    First they need to find out if she’s telling the truth, I think. And I’m pretty sure that rescuing her is not at the top of Simon’s to do list…

  192. On Stella Starr and the Road to Gangster's Paradise: Right in The Fruit Basket:

    posted 8 months ago

    Oh, I’ve got plans for Nell…

  193. On Harold The OCD Squirrel:

    posted 8 months ago

    That’s what she said.

  194. On Stella Starr and the Road to Gangster's Paradise: This Is What You Ask For, This Is What You Get:

    posted 8 months ago

    Yes, Alexa, that title is directed at you… : )

  195. On Living Dead Girl:

    posted 8 months ago

    Howie, Nick – Yeah, the Vecna reference was strictly for you guys.

  196. On Lightning In The Fog:

    posted 8 months ago

    it became female, then became an androgenous vampire golem

    What story is that?

  197. On Plot Thickening Additive:

    posted 8 months ago

    OK, I’m sequeling this. Everybody back off!

  198. On Stella Starr - The Movie {Casting Couch Challenge}:

    posted 8 months ago

    Nick and Alexa – I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.

  199. On An Apartment Between Them {Casting Couch Challenge}:

    posted 8 months ago

    Great casting. John Krasinski should be in more stuff…as long as it doesn’t take him away from The Office, that is.

  200. On Announcing: The Ficlets Casting Couch Challenge!:

    posted 8 months ago

    There’s no time limit. I’ll just let it go until it runs out of steam.

  201. On Stella Starr - The Movie {Casting Couch Challenge}:

    posted 8 months ago

    These character first appeared in the these ficlets:
    Stella Starr and The City of the Super Apes:
    http://ficlets.com/stories/1331

    Stella Starr and The Road to Gangster’s Paradise:
    http://ficlets.com/stories/1367

  202. On They Don't Come Out at Night:

    posted 8 months ago

    Water skins, Kermitgorf. We useta’ carry water in em’ back in the olden’ days, before yer’ dadblamed, newfangled sports bottles : )

    Very creepy, Wil. Effective use of the second-person perspective.

  203. On Spine of God {Lyric Challenge}:

    posted 8 months ago

    Changed the title of the ficlet to reflect the title of the song.

  204. On iPod Challenge with 14 extra BONUS SONGS:

    posted 8 months ago

    Will Smith? Really?

  205. On Spine of God {Lyric Challenge}:

    posted 8 months ago

    The opening line “Peace is what you get from the Chemical King/ Yeah, Yeah” is from the Monster Magnet song, Spine of God, from the album of the same name.

  206. On Epilogue:

    posted 8 months ago

    As much as I loved Howie’s ending to the story (and I did love Howie’s ending, with the way it exploited every plot hole and dangling thread to come to a logical conclusion), I find this one more satisfying.

  207. On Sarah's Life Before Simon {Blue's Second Challenge}:

    posted 8 months ago

    Great job, Alexa. I love the unspoken dread at the end, and that Sarah’s powers are more of a curse than a blessing. Also, Sarah has a last name! You don’t know how excited that makes me! I created her and I never ever bothered to ask her last name!

  208. On When Sarah Met Simon:

    posted 8 months ago

    I love it. You did a great job making my cardboard cut-out characters seem like real people. Somehow, I always assumed Simon and Sarah’s first meeting would be a lot more confrontational…

  209. On Further Gorram!:

    posted 8 months ago

    I am very impressed. You really seem to understand and care for these characters, especially Sarah.

  210. On The Secret Number:

    posted 8 months ago

    That was excellent Howie. Great job of tying together every dangling thread and using every loophole you could find (‘cause there were a lot of holes).
    I feel like such a proud parent; my boy Simon is finally growing up! Thanks to you and Nick for taking such good care of my creation.

  211. On The End Of The End Of Days:

    posted 8 months ago

    Wow, I guess that’s what I get for not closing loopholes…

  212. On Babble:

    posted 8 months ago

    Howie, what did you do?

  213. On Peace On Earth, Goodwill To Mankind:

    posted 8 months ago

    Mnuuugh?

  214. On I Saw The News Today, Oh Boy:

    posted 8 months ago

    Oh crap. I can’t wait to see what’s next…

  215. On The Fifteenth:

    posted 8 months ago

    Very cool. Intense and has a very realistic feel. Nice characterization.

  216. On Game Face.:

    posted 8 months ago

    Very nicely done.

  217. On Her True Form, Revealed:

    posted 8 months ago

    About Lovecraft’s gynophobia: look up “Gug” on google image search sometime.

  218. On Letter From a 4th Grader to a Gym Teacher Stating the Reasons Crocs Should Be Acceptable as Gym Wear:

    posted 8 months ago

    OK, I’m convinced. I’m running out right now to buy a pair.

  219. On …Two For The Show:

    posted 8 months ago

    And finally…a good old fashioned beat down!

  220. On Her True Form, Revealed:

    posted 8 months ago

    I agree with Alec. Excellent work.
    I don’t think Lovecraft himself could have come up with a more frightening description of monstrous female genitalia.
    And that dude was super-scared of poon-tang.

  221. On The Rats:

    posted 8 months ago

    …and it was a young Michael Jackson, singing the love theme from the movie “Ben”. : )

  222. On A Silent Word:

    posted 8 months ago

    Nooo, not the rats! NOT THE RATS!

  223. On Into The Storm:

    posted 8 months ago

    I love your take on Simon’s magic. It’s something I’ve always struggled with: how do you make the oftentimes dry rituals of ceremonial magick and make them as exciting as a Doctor Strange, and make it feel real at the same time? You’ve got writing magic down pat, Howie.
    And I swear you’re reading my mind; that Sharpie on the hand trick was something I thought of as well, but never got a chance to fit it in somewhere. Excellent work.

  224. On …Two For The Show:

    posted 8 months ago

    Lucifer’s coming? That can’t be good…
    Nice one.

  225. On One For The Money…:

    posted 9 months ago

    And the butt-kicking begins…

  226. On The Betrayal (pt. 2):

    posted 9 months ago

    Oh man! Great way to tie back in to the idea that the forces of Heaven are just as untrustworthy as any demon. I can’t wait to see where we go from here.
    “I hate to interrupt, but he’s turning into a balrog.” Hilarious.

  227. On Apocalyptic Folk:

    posted 9 months ago

    I didn’t mean they spelling – I meant the context. As in, “oh well, just another apocalypse” compared to “Holy crap! It’s The Apocalypse! We’re screwed! Game over, man, game over!”
    It was my clumsy way of saying that you just amped up the tension to 11. Excellent job.

  228. On Apocalyptic Folk:

    posted 9 months ago

    Oh, when you said Apocalypse, I thought you meant “apocalypse” with a little “a”, not APOCALYPSE!

  229. On And Back Again:

    posted