leave it to you to come up with some bizarre character. i love it…’a velvet glove cast in iron’ lol…is that any reference to the graphic novel? this is really amusing, i love the internal dialogue ‘is his machine set on, 5?’ oh, the things that go on in gyms…
haha, amazing scene! and i was totally right, i just knew who it was going to be. olga is deck, kind of stereotypical and just plain awesome. i could just imagine how funny this would be. i need more. but i suppose i have to sequel first. drat.
yeah, you’re right thx. and this was marvellous, it really meshed well with marguerite’s. they’re really on the same level here. i really love how he keeps thinking about death, its beautiful
sometimes its frustrating not to get any feedback or feel like you’re wasting your time. i think this is a good message that we need to collaborate and help each other out and give a little encouragement where its needed.
well, i guess there’s something going on that involves all of our characters at once, but like the latter comments describe, blurry and confused comes to mind. although, everything must be confusing for pierre, seeing as he cant see whats going on.
“You weer expecting a 6 foot tall rabbeet?” I almost fell out of my chair laughing. somehow its very monty python…but seriously, you’ve built up tension here. i’m about ready to spaz out. i have to do something with izzy, or someone. something, seriously. and i have to have that damned script written by tommorow. although, i changed the story a lot, set it in the 50s in greenwich village, lots of junkies, very william burroughs…
so sad. very common too. i hate going into those alzheimer’s homes though, everyone thinks i’m their daughter or their sister that’s been dead for years. its kind of eerie.
hahaha. you and i have the same thing in mind for elizabeth, i was going to later drop the bomb on pierre that she’s still alive. great dialogue, but what to do????
ooh such determination you have there thx, but a plan? what could possibly be going on in renard’s head? i fear that you may have to double sequel… loa!
i feel kind of bad for our characters. we keep abusing them over and over. oh…how to sequel? should i make things right? or should i make them worse. oh, thats the real hard part. hmm…
whoa. we get to see a different side of renard and its very haunting for me. beautiful job. and yes, you and culture shock are totally going to get collaborator credit. the drama professor actually was interested in the idea for a show…so who knows. LoA
What are you talking about? That was good. I love Renard’s struggle to walk properly. I loved the part where he’s looking out at the building, brilliant. I must sequel, I’m too pumped up on Diet Coke not to… LoA!
Adorable dialogue, very true to life. It reminds me of a conversation I used to have when I was a nanny for a little French boy who used to threaten to scratch out my eyes if he didnt get his ‘sucrerie’. Children are so fascinating… LoA
I love it! The internal dialogue is very typical, but funny and so very Renard. Ah, foda, a word I commonly use…and yes, the Portuguesa was mad brilliante. LoA
renard totally copped out. he could have at least asked her out for a drink, but he totally didnt, which really makes his character quite more interesting. i love his strange way of speaking too, it furthers his strangeness…and just so you know, culture shock w/ike swartz is on vacation so im just waiting around for her to come back so she can contribute to pierre. so for now, we pretty much rule izzy and renard.
“there was consoling to be done” haha, oh that line had me cracking up. i adore your character, i think I’m going to add some extra drama to this so renard can come out the hero in the end. LoA
hahaha. izzy has an admirer. i love this character! he’s very strange, and i love the added bonus of a nervous tic. perhaps we can bring him into our story now? you must continue with this! LoA
I also wanted to add that I liked how Pierre makes all these assumptions about Marguerite, like he knows her just because she tried passionately mauling him. He really does fantasize does he not?
Eeeeekk! A sequel!!!!! I nearly fell out of my chair when I read this. Such a great continuation, I’m glad to hear Pierre’s perspective on the situation. I wonder what John was up to before he got there though…I mean, the comment about the girls and all…hmm…
oh, but who could be at the door? love that you leave that up to me. i could be totally mean and not make it her…does she even know his flat number? lets see. loa.
its cool. gives me something to work with. its almost as if pierre himself has created this perfect,, personal image of her when in fact he cannot see what shes really like… loa.
mostly everyone i know hangs around their flat in their underwear. i guess i’m just drawing from personal experience. eh, makes for good parties, i suppose.
i absolutey loved this. i read it at least ten times. pierre is so tragically beautiful. all he needs now is the dorky kiwi girl to show him some fun. big red hearts to you for yet another beautiful piece. loa.
haha. i laughed so hard reading this. it seemed really amusing, wwith the girls bursting into fits of giggles whenever he did something. i cant wait to get off of work so i can sequel this. i was dying all day to read how pierre was going to react and im not dissapointed! ive got some new twists conjured up…so this should start getting interesting. loa.
ah! sooo good. you’re amazing, thats all i can say. im so excited to write the next installment. to bad im at work with all these new ideas floating around. i love how you kept up pierre’s sense of mystery, im left wondering so much. of course the fun part is the element of suprise.
oooh who is the man that brings the music? why is the french man so sad? eek, i’m excited. beautiful. of course i’m going to go and dork it all up with weird pop culture references, but you will forgive me wont you? LoA
it reminds me of the tom petty music video for last dance with mary jane. how the mortician takes the dead girl home and dresses her up and dances with her…eerie.
sounds like something you would read in cosmopolitan. the last question would be so awkward. people say really embarrasing and meaningless things in the process of sex.
oh wow, you really did kick it off quite nicely! i love the conversation between mother and daughter with mixed spanish and english, that’s always beautiful. i really want to see how this turns out.
Really mind-blowing. You’ve left me curious too, which is always a good thing. I love the line you used for inspiration. Its wonderous what one line about light can spawn. I used the same line once for a ficlet, and it turned into one long epic series. Did I not say it wasnt wonderous? (here’s my ficlet if you’re curious, http://ficlets.com/stories/5751) Anyway, I’m loving what you write, you have this creative consistency for beautiful and romantic wording. LoA
whoa. that was really unexpected. i had to read that over a couple times, trying to figure out her reasonings and backstory. oh, the intruige you have stirred for me. LoA
haha, cute. i’d love to see some kid do that. all those spelling bee kids are so serious. its kind of depressing to see all these grumpy children spelling. just once, i’d like to see one little ball of wit. LoA
Oh Stovohobo, you’ve done it again. You slapped a chuckle out of me. Airports are a bitch. But angels in airports are even better. Wow, that would be a deck band name. Angels in Airports. Oh yeah. I’m so gonna copyright that. Don’t get any ideas. : D LoA
i just adore the way you described the alcohol. “it tasted like water downstream from a paper mill.” dont we all get a mouthful of that sometime or other? brill. LoA
really funny. it holds a lot of truth too about disgusting female roomates. i used to leave notes just like this on my fridge all the time for my roomate to see…but the messes just got larger, the house smelled worse, and the food supply got shorter. awesome. LoA
wow, that’s really good. the character’s struggles through madness and torture are played out very well. but i wonder who did this to them…and why. LoA
i like that getting there has to be a struggle. makes for more adventure and raises some questions on the issues that make getting there nearly imposible. loa
oh, how i know this feeling all too terribly well. its a shame isnt it. of course i always find he best ideas come to me in inconvinient times and places where getting them down in paper form is downright ludicrous such as the bathub or waiting for the train, and most definitely at work. loa
i just read this and your last one. someone’s got some emotions really fueling creativity. get as much as you can out of it. and btw, rhyming sucks. LoA
that was brilliant. i was hinting in mine that it was somewhere along route 66. so glad someone caught on. i love the description of the grandmother and the wonderful little detail of the Elvis flask. ha. LoA
haha, really amusing. i never really would have put santa and the vampire together, but there are so many possibilities. what an evil mall santa. he got served though. LoA
damnit, david bowie is going to be singing in my head all day now. not to mention a few naughty moonage fantasies. interesting play on the ziggy stardust thing. LoA
damnit, david bowie is going to be singing in my head all day now. not to mention a few naughty moonage fantasies. interesting play on the ziggy stardust thing. LoA
haha, i love the grudge this woman has. it reminds me of a short story where the woman had a prosthetic eye, and she would take it out and leave it in the house when she went to work so the eye could watch the husband, funny stuff.
oh wow. that sounds like me. i used to hide in barnes and noble all day just reading books and drinking chai. i’m pretty sure the staff knew me by name. its a great escape. i love the character’s casual attitude. LoA
ah, the familiarity…sounds exactly like my english proffessor. except he always rings buddhist bells before he goes off on any thinking rants. i always have been fond of him. this holds a lot of truth. loa
I AM DEFINITELY GOING TO SEQUEL THIS ONE. SADLY OF COURSE, I CANT VIEW PICTURES ON FICLETS FROM MY PHONE…BUT JUST YOU WAIT. GREAT CHALLENGE BY THE WAY. LOA
three characters i hadnt expected to come together, nicely done! i wonder though, how putting a condom on a dog’s foot constitutes as playing doctor…haha, kids… LoA
A robot with confusion? I don’t think robots should ever have emotions, I think the movies are warning our future generations of doing such. At least they predict total world destruction…but you never know.
So many questions arise for me…like, why is he in this shack? Why does he have a gun? Ah, questions…great imagery about the weather and the desperation of being caught in cold weather though. LoA
I like the last line. Although, I hate people who think they are so “different”. There is no such thing, really. I mean, how can you be an individual when there are already 6 billion “individuals” already taking up space in society…?
This is interesting too, in the way you have the character’s life perspective change gradually.
I love the drama that ensues from a lack of toothpaste. Its amazing how one small thing can really affect you and your behavior, such as. ripping off the cabinet and screaming…that brought on some serious visuals for me. I love this man.
yeah, wow. does sound very dream like, well, speaking from my own sense of dreams. kind of like when you’re dreaming and you know where you are but its completely different from how you know it to be, yeah. brilliant.
oh boy, i’m having a dyslexic night. i had to read that a couple times to figure out that he is indeed not a male prostitute. although, that could be a suprising twist…
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