White Hat's posted comments

  1. On Title That Demands Your Attention:

    posted 3 months ago

    Monosyllabic response. Wait, damn!

  2. On It Wasn't Funny [Make Me Laugh Challenge]:

    posted 3 months ago

    Coulrophobia…

  3. On Every Advantage Possible:

    posted 3 months ago

    Bwahahaha! XD

  4. On There's never REALLY silence:

    posted 3 months ago

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tinnitus

    Just sayin’. _

  5. On Cogito Ergo Sum:

    posted 5 months ago

    ... He did not. Plato screwed us.

  6. On Dear Mom and Dad, [six word challenge]:

    posted 6 months ago

    This is why I find it so paradoxical that so many Christian parents tell their children about Santa…

  7. On Juice Mug Glug:

    posted 6 months ago

    Pip-squeak is a verb now?

  8. On The Man Behind The Window:

    posted 6 months ago

    You got that out of the picture?
    1337.

  9. On The Exodus:

    posted 6 months ago

    Awesome.

    Why do your ellipses only have two dots?

  10. On Life Is Not An Action To Give Up On:

    posted 6 months ago

    Reminds me of Nagato Yuki…

  11. On Manufacturing a Message:

    posted 6 months ago

    The United States has already moved almost entirely away from actually producing physical products.
    It’s a service economy, based on middlemen, assembly, design, and management.
    The things actually produced are pretty much all instructions of some kind, whether it’s how to make something, what to do with one’s money, or computer programs.

  12. On Togetherness on the Surface of the Sun:

    posted 6 months ago

    It’d probably be easier to build a sun-shading statite or live underground than to use any form of thermal protection on the surface, though…

  13. On After Happily Ever After :

    posted 6 months ago

    “Her carriage was now definitely a pumpkin and pretty soon it would be pie.”
    Best sentence of Wednesday, February 6th, 2008. Officially. Because I say so.

  14. On One More Mission:

    posted 6 months ago

    Except it’s the wrong type of plane. Damn.

  15. On One More Mission:

    posted 6 months ago

    Could almost be a pre-Snowden Yossarian…

  16. On He's My Man:

    posted 6 months ago

    Ought.

  17. On The Road the Goes to My House:

    posted 6 months ago

    But… wonderland was creepy!

  18. On Angelica and the Snow Angel:

    posted 6 months ago

    Ahem. Good scene.

  19. On Angelica and the Snow Angel:

    posted 6 months ago

    Waahhh BFF waaaah!

  20. On The Lock:

    posted 6 months ago

    Suffocation, not decompression, right?

  21. On Leo, the Mini-Lion:

    posted 6 months ago

    Love the alliteration on “commit a crafty crime,” but please don’t use ampersands when “and” would suffice.

  22. On Top Secret Envleope:

    posted 6 months ago

    A nice idea garbled by a poor use of language.

  23. On Alone:

    posted 6 months ago

    They’re in a crowded room.
    Let’s face it.
    That’s true.
    You’re by yourself.
    You’re never really alone.
    You’re there for me.

    “Your friends” was right, though.

  24. On Weights In My Heart.:

    posted 6 months ago

    That’s kinda sad…

  25. On love:

    posted 6 months ago

    Find a het couple where the dude isn’t a jerk and I’ll give you a cookie.

  26. On Never Let A Boy Hold Your Hand:

    posted 6 months ago

    Spiff!

  27. On The Two Towers:

    posted 6 months ago

    I really wan’na know what happened. You must sequel!

  28. On What a difference an 'e' makes.:

    posted 6 months ago

    THX says it again.

    ( 0.o This is my 501st comment! )

  29. On fairies:

    posted 6 months ago

    Or they lure sailors to their deaths. Whatever.

  30. On The Duke Rebuked:

    posted 6 months ago

    You know, this is Ficlet 1138… Hee.

  31. On Bullied:

    posted 6 months ago

    This sort of thing leads to student suicides… and/or school shootings…
    Very vivid.

  32. On Impasse:

    posted 6 months ago

    ... If it weren’t so damn hot in here I might be able to concentrate enough to sequel it.

  33. On Foolish Thoughts 5:

    posted 6 months ago

    You should be writing these as sequels.

  34. On Spain:

    posted 6 months ago

    Good sequel!
    Tearfully short, though. Leaving me wanting more.

  35. On Hunter:

    posted 6 months ago

    Very nice narrative voice.
    Thoughtful for a dog… sounds like he (well, assuming it’s the alpha male, and these dogs are like real canines) is scraping up against the edges of sentience.

  36. On Fifteen Ways to Leave Mexico:

    posted 6 months ago

    Can a pain be lacerating? I’m not clear on that.
    Good characterization, though. Reminds me a bit of Burn Notice.

  37. On The Solar Girl:

    posted 6 months ago

    Pretty imagery in dire need of proofreading.

  38. On Unclear on the Concept:

    posted 6 months ago

    Great narrator. Would love to see where this goes, if sequels happen.

  39. On Brianna:

    posted 6 months ago

    This reads like The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Except, y’know, darker and less literary.

  40. On The Book of Wondrous Devices:

    posted 6 months ago

    Angular momentum?

    That’s a very post-Newtonian term even for Renaissance clockpunk.

  41. On Crash:

    posted 6 months ago

    Screwmen? Crewmen?

  42. On An Introduction:

    posted 6 months ago

    ... You can’t sail an airship with just wind. Sail power needs a keel.

  43. On Hidden Love For a Helpful Friend:

    posted 6 months ago

    Good riddance.
    Pretty good, though.

  44. On The Dark Red Glistening:

    posted 6 months ago

    Woah.

    Typo, though? “She waited for the horror to set in”?

  45. On The Adventures of Professor Bryce Tonington:

    posted 6 months ago

    Huzzah for steampunk England!

  46. On Togetherness on the Surface of the Sun:

    posted 6 months ago

    ... Damn borked formatting parser.

  47. On Togetherness on the Surface of the Sun:

    posted 6 months ago

    Endo_shielding. Nouvelle’s right, but I’d go with _creepy.

  48. On Sorting Things Out [Thousand Character Challenge]:

    posted 6 months ago

    ... They already said everything I thought of while reading it. XP

  49. On Welcome to Lakeland:

    posted 6 months ago

    Sounds like a wonderful place.

  50. On Hailey:

    posted 6 months ago

    Um. No.
    This is not a ficlet. It’s a single run-on sentence, and a short one at that…

    I’m going to quote THX rather than go any further along these lines.

    “Perhaps you just haven’t gotten the idea of what ficlets is all about. Please, read around and get to know the place.”

  51. On texas:

    posted 6 months ago

    It’s spelled accident.
    Uhh.
    Nothing personal, but this is dreadful.
    It’s three sentences without proper capitalization. The third is a run-on.
    I’m not sure what you expect your readers to get out of it, but seeing as how little there is and how little effort you seem to have put into it, I’m going to bet you weren’t thinking about that.

  52. On Beheaded [Doll challenge]:

    posted 6 months ago

    Kickass.

  53. On This way:

    posted 6 months ago

    Good sentiment, but it’s stylistically inconsistent. Some of your “I”s are capitalized, and other’s aren’t. Some sentences are punctuated and others aren’t. Comes off as OCR’d, but that’s probably not it.

  54. On Hailey Lillian:

    posted 6 months ago

    First sentence shouldn’t have a question mark… and really, your narration shouldn’t use exclamation marks.
    It’s an interesting story you’re constructing, but it definitely needs some heavy stylistic polish, as well as spellchecking and some grammatical work.

  55. On Hailey Lillian:

    posted 6 months ago

    Resistant to the treatments, you mean?

  56. On better:

    posted 6 months ago

    It’s almost a beautiful image, but it seems incomplete.

  57. On new!:

    posted 6 months ago

    What dude would use a ♥ character?

  58. On Idk:

    posted 6 months ago

    Meh.

  59. On "So We're *Not* Being Hired by Some Débutante, Right?":

    posted 6 months ago

    Not cheating. Brilliance.
    Looks like you’ve really gotten into a good groove here.
    Now, with all those AI chips floating around as currency, what’s the impact on chip manufacturers, financial institutions, and people who actually want to use the finicky little things?

  60. On Will Work For Air:

    posted 6 months ago

    Is it cheating to use comments to expand the information content of a ficlet?

  61. On Tastes Terrible, But It Gets The Job Done:

    posted 6 months ago

    ... I never even thought of organ piracy on eyes before. 0.o

  62. On Everything Went White:

    posted 6 months ago

    Ooh, mysterious.

  63. On this is a poem about my dead dad:

    posted 6 months ago

    Waaaah! Netspeak in poetry!

  64. On A Rant Sans Audience:

    posted 6 months ago

    So, is his rant a sociolinguistic hiccup, or does he actually mean it?
    He sounds almost like he’s advocating a view Søren Kirkegaard discussed in Either/Or...

  65. On Breaking Point:

    posted 6 months ago

    I like the dialogue, but I’m not sure about the narration. It feels like it can’t decide if it wants to be first person for the guy or third person with an agenda.

  66. On The Passive-Aggressive Roommate:

    posted 6 months ago

    It seems that there’s a transition from passive to aggressive at “Are we pigs?”
    Awesome.

  67. On Idk:

    posted 6 months ago

    Wow. Insightful.
    Why are “Dork” and “Lazy” not in all caps like the others?

  68. On Call It A Keepsake:

    posted 6 months ago

    Woah.

  69. On Magic Mirror:

    posted 6 months ago

    Don’t take this personally, but…
    This is crap.
    Your quotation marks are unbalanced, you end all your sentences with exclamation marks, and you change from past tense to present tense in the fourth sentence of narration.
    I’m not going to even begin to comment on the content.

  70. On workshop!:

    posted 6 months ago

    Their wrists.
    The second line is a very very good question.

  71. On Pickles:

    posted 6 months ago

    ... Were you fighting over a keyboard or something?

  72. On They Will Eat Tonight:

    posted 6 months ago

    Cool.
    Only suggestion would be to use some line breaks to make it easier on your readers.

  73. On deleted:

    posted 6 months ago

    Gibbering into internet text boxes and hoping to receive advice is like writing letters to Santa Claus and throwing them into the sea.
    Talk to people you know.
    Leave strangers alone.

  74. On deleted story:

    posted 6 months ago

    Not our problem. Take it to Livejournal.

  75. On Deleted story:

    posted 6 months ago

    This is not the appropriate place for this, unless it’s actually meant to be fictional.
    If it is, one would expect some sort of indication as to that… but since you signed your name, we would have to assume not.

  76. On 2/3/08;; "Decipher Reflections From Reality":

    posted 6 months ago

    This conveys no information, no emotion, and no feeling other than that of a stroke.

  77. On Rosa:

    posted 6 months ago

    This is an insult to language and an abuse of your readers.

    In your profile, you claim that this is justified as some sort of expression of individuality.

    It’s not. It’s garbled.

    Your use of “delegate” instead of “delicate” would indicate that you don’t really have a passable command of the English language, rather than an urge to prove your uniqueness.

    If that’s the case, then I leave you with the following:

    Individuality is no excuse for laziness.

  78. On my story ch. 1:

    posted 6 months ago

    That’s 3,048 wasted bits on someone’s poor hard drive.

    Who the hell is CJ?

    Why would anyone else care?

    Why would you need to tell those unknown people that it’s an inside joke? Isn’t that painfully obvious?

    In short, what were you thinking?

  79. On Anti Superbowl Lowdown :

    posted 6 months ago

    This feels like a livejournal post more than a real ficlet… but the last line is sufficiently dada to earn forgiveness.

  80. On Dear Mikey:

    posted 6 months ago

    ... No.
    This is impossible to both read and take seriously as an attempt at a ficlet.
    Sensible punctuation, non-credibility-smashing spelling, reasonable formatting, and proper capitalization might have helped… but it looks like you just didn’t care.

  81. On Craptacular!:

    posted 6 months ago

    Hee. Well done.

  82. On The Writer's Dilemma:

    posted 6 months ago

    The rare second person story where all the statements have been true for me in that order. n_n;

  83. On The THIS IS SPARTA! Song (forced rhyme challenge):

    posted 6 months ago

    Almost too good for the challenge.

  84. On Launch Warning:

    posted 6 months ago

    I wasn’t aware that fusion propulsion would be as good as you’re suggesting. Thought we were looking at needing something better than antimatter/photon rockets in this case.

  85. On We need a new IV:

    posted 6 months ago

    Sounds good, but since I know nothing about IVs, I’m not a reliable source of opinion here.

  86. On never walk alone:

    posted 6 months ago

    Very nice.

  87. On never trip:

    posted 6 months ago

    What?
    Lines for a musical?
    Huh?

  88. On When Its Over, Its Over:

    posted 6 months ago

    How… why… no!?
    This is horrid.

  89. On The Suicide Dog:

    posted 6 months ago

    Poor thing.
    Gon’na be extra traumatic when the cops try to drag Buster out of there.

  90. On Launch Warning:

    posted 6 months ago

    Well, stylorouge, the point is that some SF concessions are easier to tolerate than others.
    A power supply good enough for a commuter-flight-style rocket voyage from Earth to Mars (if Denubis is wrong, but it looks like he gets the math better than I do, so we’ll have to wait on that) would seem to imply a level of advancement over and above that one might expect for some FTL solutions.

  91. On A good trade, a piece of history:

    posted 6 months ago

    How they knew it was Hitler’s jaw is in itself a desirable piece of information…

  92. On No more secrets:

    posted 6 months ago

    I vote for some sort of criminal sting operation designed to create blackmail material.
    ... That makes sense, right?

  93. On Hidden Truth:

    posted 6 months ago

    Proof. Read.

  94. On Users Guide To Internet Slang Prt 2:

    posted 6 months ago

    Sequeled.

  95. On Not Yet:

    posted 6 months ago

    Yet he doesn’t really confirm that it’s heaven.
    The best sort of nasty afterlives pretend to be the best sort of good ones…
    And, of course, there’s always the possibility of resimulation by curious matrioshka brains…

  96. On nothing:

    posted 6 months ago

    Fairly graphic sex scene.
    I don’t mind, but it should probably be labeled mature, for those that do.

  97. On Last of the Workers:

    posted 6 months ago

    ... Yeah.

  98. On Last of the Workers:

    posted 6 months ago

    Or just some sort of skilled-industry worker?

  99. On Last of the Workers:

    posted 6 months ago

    Wait… a spy trying to prove that he’s still relevant after androids become common? Huh?

  100. On Dance, Pretty Child:

    posted 6 months ago

    Owsecondpersontoomuch.

  101. On Permission Denied (Tellman Tales):

    posted 6 months ago

    For an accountant, he sure seems to be jumping into this whole intelligence intrigue thing rather quickly…

  102. On Tellman Tales:

    posted 6 months ago

    Remember that it was IRS people who brought down Al Capone…

  103. On Love is what you want it to be:

    posted 6 months ago

    Breathe is the verb.

  104. On Grammer: A Short Treatise on the Importance of Right Usage:

    posted 6 months ago

    This is absolutely unlike paperlilies’ YouTube video on sarcasm.

  105. On The Return of An Open Letter to HoboBeardBob:

    posted 6 months ago

    Oh, pshaw, you didn’t even sequel uselessness’ response.

  106. On The Way the Cookie Crumbles:

    posted 6 months ago

    Not sure the last line holds true.
    Thinking along the lines of “If you hang yourself, you’ll regret it. If you don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it.”

  107. On Cookie Cutter:

    posted 6 months ago

    The cookie is a lie.
    Nobody lives like this, even in the most prototypical suburb of them all (that I happened to grow up in).
    The successful live in a world apart from the real suburbs.
    Nobody gets pensions anymore.
    Anyone making seven figures doesn’t need a pension… and is probably an executive who changes posts every few years to stay ahead of the fraud that earned their salary.
    Suburbia is mediocre, and thus the paragon of democracy.
    Suburbia is full of people who wish for the above life.

  108. On My ordinary day:

    posted 6 months ago

    You don’t need to tell us that.

  109. On Launch Warning:

    posted 6 months ago

    At some point someone is going to need to address how they’re expecting to get to Mars so quickly, or how they can leave whenever they want.
    It’d take one helluva propulsion system to be able to ignore orbital dynamics and just motor straight to the destination in less than six months.
    At best, Mars is, what, two light-hours away?
    Hope they have some sort of FTL assistance along the lines of orbital Stargates…

  110. On The Last Thing You Should Do:

    posted 6 months ago

    ... Who would design a passenger spacecraft like that!?

    Think of the lawsuits!

  111. On Moern-Day Romeo and Juliette Done Right.:

    posted 6 months ago

    Juliet.
    It takes some time to pull hair into a tight bun, especially curly hair… didn’t really get a sense of that time here.
    And… what’s R&J except the names?

  112. On Happiness:

    posted 6 months ago

    Agreed.

  113. On Not Mine Yet:

    posted 6 months ago

    Alphabet soup always seemed a little dystopian to me.

  114. On Tailor Made:

    posted 6 months ago

    I dunno, but cooing doesn’t seem to be a particularly attractive mode of speech…

  115. On A waste of gunpowder:

    posted 6 months ago

    The dude reminds me of Kyle Reese…

  116. On One night at a time:

    posted 6 months ago

    Zombie apocalypses are something that everyone should be prepared for.

  117. On He'll Need to Grow a Beard:

    posted 6 months ago

    A scale model of the universe doesn’t sound very user-friendly.

  118. On The Man, the Machine, the Guest Stars: Street Hawk (Another 80s TV Parody):

    posted 6 months ago

    I hope nobody saw Viper.

  119. On Morning Sun:

    posted 6 months ago

    Wait… a werewolf who’s normally a wolf?
    Wouldn’t that be a werehuman? Or something?

  120. On Inspiration:

    posted 6 months ago

    Metaficlets? Nice!

  121. On Into a Dark Alley:

    posted 6 months ago

    Misplaced apostrophe on businesses.
    ... What is running roughshod? I was not aware it could be used as an adverb.

  122. On One against One:

    posted 6 months ago

    Does this violate the anti-fanfiction guideline?

  123. On In the Darkness:

    posted 6 months ago

    I love it when the creepy people/monsters in the shadows mistake one for someone else. Awkwardness and the ensuing absurdity is a powerful revenge even if they eat you.

  124. On Life and Times of Exhalted Truth:

    posted 6 months ago

    Eventually history classes start doing things like teaching out of A People’s History of the United States and then you learn about all the lies earlier history classes taught.

  125. On Death Box:

    posted 6 months ago

    If only he had learned kung fu…

  126. On I, Tiny Robot:

    posted 6 months ago

    Mistake #2: Committing aggression against the robots in a non-decisive manner outside of a Faraday cage.

  127. On Negative Impact Fulfills Pleasure Potential:

    posted 6 months ago

    So, like, The Day The Earth Stood Still but with cuter little Gorts.

  128. On Picking Locks is Happymaking:

    posted 6 months ago

    Mistake #1: Obeying any command given by a robot.

  129. On Self-Winding Samaritans:

    posted 6 months ago

    I don’t trust the robots, of course. Especially not the cute ones.

  130. On A Strike at Christmas:

    posted 6 months ago

    If they push their luck with a poorly-timed strike, they might find themselves replaced with industrial robots… outsourced to normal manufacturing plants around the world, like all other toy production.

  131. On Bullseye:

    posted 6 months ago

    Argon gas. No need for hyphenation or second s.
    Allowed Johnny to unleash. Infinitive, not past tense.
    Critical mass isn’t something a reactor does. It’s the minimum amount of fissionable material for a sustainable chain reaction. Fission reactors don’t explode when you breach them. If it’s something else, there wouldn’t be anything like a “critical mass” involved at all.
    Within the cockpit?
    Nice action, but it’s in dire need of proofreading.

  132. On Not so according to plan pt. 5 (pt. 4 was Fron Grejyk):

    posted 6 months ago

    Poor cap’n lady. They didn’t have the resources to train her for capture and interrogation…

  133. On Smoke Signals:

    posted 6 months ago

    They’re letting the victim’s sister investigate?!
    That’s such a terrifying breach of procedure!

  134. On High Tide:

    posted 6 months ago

    It’s only a meteor if it’s falling through the atmosphere.

    Let me get this straight…
    Earth has somehow captured a huge asteroid in its orbit? Or it’s a near pass by one?

    To cause extra-high tides, it would have to be on the same side of the planet as the moon…

    Still confused, but in a different manner.

  135. On Life of the Search Party:

    posted 6 months ago

    Fantasy crap is entering our world somehow? Scary.

    If the passage were two-way, that would make it even more dangerous…

  136. On Death Sentence:

    posted 6 months ago

    Interventions can look awfully dystopic…
    Might have to run with that idea.

  137. On Fon Grejyk of the Death Legion:

    posted 6 months ago

    Trojan Princess!
    Bwahahaha!
    Wonderful name.

  138. On Not so according to plan pt. 3:

    posted 6 months ago

    Malevolent War Hounds?
    Sounds like a civilization that would name a command vessel the “Cloak of Untrammeled Dignity” and a battleship the “Sword of Inevitable Justice.”
    I take it their enemies name their vessels things like “Polysyllabic Designation”?

    (http://www.schlockmercenary.com/ if you don’t know what I’m talking about)

  139. On Diamond Rake:

    posted 6 months ago

    Spy satellites with laser microphones?
    Trippy.

  140. On J-Zero-Three-L (J03L - Joel):

    posted 6 months ago

    This is obviously a civilization that never got very good with robotics or cybernetics…
    And pretty clearly didn’t understand their own gene-splicing processes.

  141. On Hiding in the Sub-Levels:

    posted 6 months ago

    Mean ol’ narrator telling us what’s gon’na happen…
    The dark underbellies of futuristic cities are always fun.

  142. On Prowl:

    posted 6 months ago

    Sentient kitties, maybe?
    Maybe the world-conquering lolcats of late?

  143. On A Sticky Situation:

    posted 6 months ago

    I can’t help but think of these two like Punkin’ and Hunny-bunny from Pulp Fiction.

  144. On The Photograph:

    posted 6 months ago

    Wait…
    Virtualization?
    Time travel?
    Holography?
    What?! 0.o

  145. On No Chance to Bleed Anymore:

    posted 6 months ago

    ... That sort of thing was always terribly traumatic for me.
    But maybe you were the sort of kid that’d have beat up people like me on the playground?

  146. On Commuting:

    posted 6 months ago

    Noir narrator?

    The “kid hogging the seat” would be a great cover for a dedermized Terminator…

  147. On Mortal Coil... of Twine:

    posted 6 months ago

    Points to death as a sort of job for (dead?) mortals.

    Highlights the Ficlets punctuation glitch, though. Extra spaces inserted between capital letters and punctuation marks. Grr.

  148. On Dark Lord of the Underwear:

    posted 6 months ago

    This points to a whole new area of inspiration for ficlets… websites like Overheard In New York.

  149. On Not Very Roomy. Nice Pillow, Though.:

    posted 6 months ago

    Immortal, maybe?

  150. On The Tooth is Out:

    posted 6 months ago

    Or, as one family I’ve heard of used to tell their children, “Nixon did it.”

  151. On That's Peculiar:

    posted 6 months ago

    Someone screwed up a Pathfinder-style launch?
    Or did they?
    Questions I feel need answering.
    Sequels, anyone?

  152. On Significance Defined:

    posted 6 months ago

    I have made fire! XD

  153. On Forgotten Path:

    posted 6 months ago

    I like this muchly.
    Needs sequeling. I might have to do something about that.

  154. On The Growing Storm:

    posted 6 months ago

    I hate the justification that fictional agencies always give for hiding information on the grounds that “it will cause a panic.”
    Progress does that. A good civilization gets over it without too much rioting. A bad civilization burns down cities over it.
    The bad ideas of the characters shouldn’t directly reflect on the author, though.
    How anyone would make such a discovery or how that sort of thing would make any sense, though, is another matter.

  155. On Yes, Bob?:

    posted 6 months ago

    Ah, the funny things people say and do when in shock.
    About as dark as humor can get, I think.

  156. On Psychopaths Among Us:

    posted 6 months ago

    Makes sense.

  157. On A Glass Half Empty:

    posted 6 months ago

    Very nice, and what sounds like a good source of inspiration.

  158. On Here's a Challenge:

    posted 6 months ago

    Irate ficleteers are usually the most fun to read.

  159. On Grumplers:

    posted 6 months ago

    Ahh, interspecies diplomacy.

  160. On Not so according to plan pt. 2:

    posted 6 months ago

    The exposition here is a bit rough and abrupt.
    Good world, though.

  161. On Not so according to plan:

    posted 6 months ago

    If it were a steady roar, why would it wake anyone who had been sleeping?
    Stylistically, I would suggest avoiding arabic numerals in text whenever possible, in favor of writing out the numbers.
    Fun, though.

  162. On Consequence:

    posted 6 months ago

    Well done, but it needs some line breaks.

  163. On An Eye for an Eye:

    posted 6 months ago

    Present tense hurts here.
    Otherwise very good.

  164. On Background: Forge:

    posted 6 months ago

    Isn’t it illegal to curse a lawman?

  165. On Introduction: Forge and Penn:

    posted 6 months ago

    D&D-esque.

  166. On They Don't Come Out at Night:

    posted 6 months ago

    The anachronisms imply a post-apocalyptic world.
    It’s a brilliant turnaround from the classic “they only come out at night” stories.
    Probably the first second-person ficlet I’ve seen that hasn’t sucked. Bravo!

  167. On Nevermore:

    posted 6 months ago

    Short and deadly. Love it.

  168. On Ancient Children:

    posted 6 months ago

    Rokkin’.
    Might need to sequel it, since nobody else has.

  169. On The Arina Four:

    posted 6 months ago

    Now, if we take this as couniversal with the other thread in this world, we have to wonder what the humans were doing with psionic warriors… or are these the humans?

  170. On Comfort and Aid:

    posted 6 months ago

    It’s always a bad sign when you have to ask “Is humanity free?”
    But it makes for a wonderful story!

  171. On The Fall:

    posted 6 months ago

    A nice sequel, with some sharpening of the world. Huzzah!

  172. On The Charge:

    posted 6 months ago

    Love the description of laser fire as “brilliant needles.”
    Of course, it’s more a description of cinematic lasers than realistic ones, but you’ve earned the benefit of the doubt and I’ll assume they’re just that powerful or it’s just that foggy/smoky.

  173. On "Once more unto the breach":

    posted 6 months ago

    Laser.
    Tentacles! Yay!
    It’s like Half-Life 2 all over again!

  174. On Over the Edge:

    posted 6 months ago

    Excellent.
    Ultrasonics in the sense of the anti-metahuman devices in SG-1, maybe?

  175. On The arrival of the Psykers:

    posted 6 months ago

    Ooh yeah. Very much keeping the style and the world together. Very nice.

  176. On The Fourteenth:

    posted 6 months ago

    Demonic Rainbow would be a wonderful name for a band.

  177. On The Fifteenth:

    posted 6 months ago

    Plasma beams and trench warfare?
    And some sort of psionic super-soldiers?
    That’s a shithole of a war.

  178. On Snowfall:

    posted 6 months ago

    Vaguely heading in the direction of Accelerando-style civilization.
    Maybe cyberpunk is getting outdated.
    Techpunk? Infopunk? Need something catchy.

  179. On Make Me Jump Into the Air:

    posted 6 months ago

    Ah, a civilization with too many people and too much rocket fuel to drown themselves in megastructures.
    May try to sequel if nobody else does before I get around to it.

  180. On Too Small A Planet:

    posted 6 months ago

    Awesome.
    We need a name for worlds with run-down-feeling casual space travel. Any suggestions?

  181. On A Godawful Small Affair:

    posted 6 months ago

    I like that Matti’s first question was as to the name of the bar, rather than, say “why?”
    Well deserving of fiveosity.

  182. On An Open Letter to YodaOnCrack:

    posted 6 months ago

    This is rarely true, but for once it is:
    L
    .
    O
    .
    L
    .
    Ahem. Won’t happen again.

  183. On Over the Edge (Melia's Scary Challenge):

    posted 6 months ago

    To swim out of the car. Damn uneditable comments.

  184. On Over the Edge (Melia's Scary Challenge):

    posted 6 months ago

    Without a baby, she might have survived by unbuckling her seatbelt and being ready to swim of the car.
    With the baby there… ugh. Need Asimovian robo-help.

  185. On Thoughts of an Inanimate Object Spoken:

    posted 6 months ago

    Wander the decks, maybe?

  186. On Road Trip:

    posted 6 months ago

    Ooh, fun. Good start for a horror movie, maybe?

  187. On Bear Bones Beginning:

    posted 6 months ago

    Will called it, and I’m seconding. Totally an owlbear. Maybe even an owlbear skeleton. Those things are damn nasty.

  188. On Female Enhancement:

    posted 6 months ago

    Wait, didn’t he already take off the shirt?

  189. On Nymist...all natural psychosis enhancement {What a Twist Challenge}:

    posted 6 months ago

    I should ask my biochem geeks about a suitable technobabble explanation for this sort of thing.

  190. On From the Makers of Enzyte:

    posted 6 months ago

    Insert uncontrollable giggling noise here.

  191. On Drunk on Earth:

    posted 6 months ago

    This is way late and THX already said it, but awesome nonetheless!

  192. On A Game of Quotations:

    posted 6 months ago

    All my conversations with my friends sound like this. It gets old after a while, but listening to any other version of that sort of banter is refreshing and new-seeming. Is that shallow of me?

  193. On For Inquiring Minds? (Ramblings 2):

    posted 6 months ago

    Now all it needs is elaboration and embellishment in sequels and it’d be a wonderful start to a gripping… anything.

  194. On That Which Is Intended For Inquiring Minds (Ramblings 1):

    posted 6 months ago

    This could be fiction or not and it’d still be awesome.

  195. On One Man's Trash:

    posted 6 months ago

    Of course, if one subscribes to the idea that human creativity is a sort of very complex pseudorandom number generation algorithm, all you need to do is throw some hallucinogens into the mix and it stops being trash.

  196. On Just a Little Tickle:

    posted 6 months ago

    This is why Cthulu is a tentacle monster.

  197. On Genesis:

    posted 6 months ago

    Now this needs a sequel or my life will be empty forever.
    Because I have no idea what’s going on!
    ~_^

  198. On An Open Letter to stylorouge:

    posted 6 months ago

    ... Hey, I have MS, and that is totally not a symptom. You’re thinking of Parkinson’s.
    Thbbt.

  199. On Cold Zone:

    posted 6 months ago

    Like the smoke from a coal-burning locomotive, maybe?

    Nice and cyberpunky. Would love to see more.

  200. On Brewing Conspiracy:

    posted 6 months ago

    The narrator seems to think he’s in a noir story. Might be right.

  201. On Tellman Tales:

    posted 6 months ago

    Fun, Spy-movie-esque.
    Why is the first sentence in present tense?
    Need an apostrophe for the possessive at the beginning of the fourth mini-paragraph [minigraph?].
    Can’t wait to see more.

  202. On Thrones and Dominions:

    posted 6 months ago

    Intriguing.
    Needs sequels.
    The heavily adjectival sentences are a bit rough, since they crowd out the action, but they do keep it uncommonly vivid.

  203. On secret, tree, parents, grown:

    posted 6 months ago

    Really creepy, but I’m not sure how someone would live long enough or get enough nutrition to grow much on a diet of oak leaves.
    Scurvy, malnutrition, and dehydration would probably have caused her to lose consciousness and starve to death long before she could grow appreciably.

  204. On The Last Journal of Major Tom:

    posted 6 months ago

    Not sure if you saw, but I had another take on Maj. Tom’s perspective. _

    http://ficlets.com/stories/15812

  205. On Caution:

    posted 6 months ago

    Maybe, but I would think wind noise might pose a problem, depending on what sort of transit shaft it was.

    I’d like to think he survived somehow and related this later.

  206. On Gym Class:

    posted 6 months ago

    Spontaneous human combustion is only spontaneous if we don’t know why it happened. Nice job!

  207. On True Stories:

    posted 6 months ago

    I hate true stories. 0.o
    The real world is overwhelmingly filled with hatred, violence, and pain.
    In fiction, the good guys can win against those things.
    It’s a nice poem, though.

  208. On Lonesome Musings :

    posted 6 months ago

    Your verb tense switched to present tense for sentences 2 through 4. Intentional?
    The comma after “This discovery” seems unnecessary in sentence 2.
    Still an interesting character, though.

  209. On The Hazel Eyes:

    posted 6 months ago

    Woah. Vivid.

  210. On Empiricism:

    posted 6 months ago

    Radical empiricism can be destructive, though.
    For example, one can never directly observe an electron or a black hole with one’s senses… but you’d be pretty hard pressed to say that electrons don’t exist.
    Science builds knowledge not just through direct observation but through cooperation and webs of trust that allow individuals to have very high degrees of confidence in information that they themselves did not obtain.
    History, archaeology, and most other intellectual pursuits work the same way.

  211. On Christmas Dinner:

    posted 6 months ago

    So quite?

  212. On Afterlight (A City Of Villains Story Part 1):

    posted 6 months ago

    It comes dangerously close to some horribly abused clichés… but is well written enough for that to slip by without too much pain and suffering.
    Without part n (where n > 1), though, it fails to escape the aura of Christmas Carol cloneieness.
    In dire need of sequels.

  213. On Something About the Snow:

    posted 6 months ago

    It’s a little sticky for my taste, but well executed.

  214. On The Humanic Way:

    posted 6 months ago

    I’m… lost.
    Who’s the narrator?
    What?

  215. On A Million Fragile Pieces{ AnaChrsitina's Picture Challenge}:

    posted 6 months ago

    Who is guilt?
    Why Phineas?
    Where are the Vanessas of yesteryear?

  216. On Mistake:

    posted 6 months ago

    The last line is a little awkward, but still part of why it’s so awesome. Good job!

  217. On 1/28/08;; "Your Gaurdian Angel":

    posted 6 months ago

    Like it.
    But why do your ellipses only have two dots?

  218. On BULLeehmiCK:

    posted 6 months ago

    Woah.

  219. On Candy From a Stranger:

    posted 6 months ago

    Not sure the sentence with the ferris wheel makes any sense, but I love the narrator’s style. Awesome!

  220. On The Bunny and the Bird:

    posted 6 months ago

    Forced pseudo-meter in addition to rhyming! 1337.

  221. On Any Castle in a Storm:

    posted 6 months ago

    The rock you know versus the hard place you don’t?

  222. On I Think He Likes Me:

    posted 6 months ago

    Murder? ~_^

  223. On Only Driftwood:

    posted 6 months ago

    Woah.
    Kickarse!

  224. On Kidnapped dream:

    posted 6 months ago

    Brainwashed. One word.
    Capitalization on “i” in the last sentence.
    Overall, it’s a bit heavy-handed, but it does get the point across.

  225. On Penny:

    posted 6 months ago

    If not for the tag indicating she was a cat, I’d never have guessed.

  226. On The Mourning:

    posted 6 months ago

    Every morning?
    Also, verb tense agreement!
    Clockwork. One word.
    I see what you’re getting at with this ficlet, and it’s a good idea, but an apparent poor understanding of the English language gets in the way and makes it look like you don’t care.

  227. On Inspired:

    posted 6 months ago

    Sounds like Hemmingway with a can of spray paint.

  228. On A Poetic Travesty (Forced Rhyme Challenge):

    posted 6 months ago

    The rhymes are too good for the challenge.

    Sad, isn’t it?

  229. On Rymey Wymey (The forced ryming challenge):

    posted 6 months ago

    Forcéd. Nice.

  230. On The Funny Funky Poem(OTOC's rhyming challenge):

    posted 6 months ago

    Agreeing with Emma Jo.

  231. On The Next Day:

    posted 6 months ago

    Hee.

    Not quite up to the quality of the original, but still entertaining.

  232. On That Day:

    posted 6 months ago

    Agreeing with THX all the way here.

  233. On I am Beautiful (Definition of Beautiful Challenge):

    posted 6 months ago

    Yol’s complaint was valid, however rude and poorly spelled, though, but ILFIAWB’s comment is also valid.

    Cute. Also unoriginal, unrealistic and from a very strange perspective.

    “Nerdiness” has nothing to do with how one looks. The Steve Urkel-esque and general TV picture of young adult social clique, subculture, and stereotype ideas really bears very little resemblance to reality.

    I like the idea behind this ficlet, but it could have used some more care in its execution.

  234. On What's In There?:

    posted 6 months ago

    Verb tense consistency?
    You switch from past to present tense in the first paragraph.
    In the last sentence you switch back halfway through.
    Otherwise, intriguing.

  235. On The Most Beautiful Thing in the World [beauty challenge]:

    posted 6 months ago

    The cake is a lie. ~_^

  236. On Shes blank:

    posted 6 months ago

    Swear.
    Decent, otherwise.

  237. On I love you:

    posted 6 months ago

    “我愛你。”?

    “Je t’aime”?

    “Ich liebe Dich”?

    “Σας αγαπώ”?

    “Ti amo”?

    “私は愛する。”?

    “나는 너를 사랑한다”?

    “Я люблю вас”?

    Et cetera?

  238. On Filthy Purebreds!:

    posted 6 months ago

    ... A dog?

  239. On Never Let Go:

    posted 6 months ago

    Another’s.
    Might not have happened if you had used some line breaks. Easier to read and to proofread.
    Nice scene, though.

  240. On End of dissertation by thoracic surgery:

    posted 6 months ago

    Interesting.

  241. On Rain:

    posted 6 months ago

    rain/windowpane
    spine/mine
    wet/fret
    ... All candidates for the forced rhyming challenge. =P
    But, faerie’s right. Cute.

  242. On Mallet man out:

    posted 6 months ago

    Feels like the teaser to an episode of Law and Order. Would love to see the rest of the order and someone tackle the law.

  243. On What a broken pelvis can do:

    posted 6 months ago

    Good solid cop story feel to it.

  244. On Random Ramblings About Jeremiah:

    posted 6 months ago

    “Come one”? Proofreading? =P

    Like the stream-of-consciousness element to it, but it could stand some line breaks.

  245. On Derek the dork:

    posted 6 months ago

    Too authentic, with the netspeak in the narration.

    The narrator comes off as nearly as bad as the punk he’s complaining about.

  246. On As the world fell apart.:

    posted 6 months ago

    Casualties.

    Otherwise, interesting scene.

  247. On Appearances:

    posted 6 months ago

    It’s not an error, it’s a choice.

  248. On Psychopaths Among Us:

    posted 6 months ago

    I wish it was something less having to do with stigmatizing a certain sort of mental illness and, say, something supernatural…

  249. On Airwolf: Lobo Del Aire (An 80's TV Parody):

    posted 6 months ago

    Ok, now I get it.

    But I’d say it’s more Blue Thunder, since it’s not really Airwolf.

  250. On