I’m 19, and you don’t want to give me sugar either… Anyway, the first sentence could be vastly improved by adding “Again” to the end of it, in my opinion.
I found it quite good, actually. I really don’t know or need to know what the cause of this was, because it isn’t necessary. Judge the Ficlet itself, not what brought it into being.
Sorry it’s a bit ranty. Once again I had the emo-fits.
All I’ll say is, if you’re depressed, or sad, or thinking about hurting yourself or others, TELL SOMEONE. Tell everyone you can, until someone will listen. Don’t bottle things up until you can’t fix it.
To explain, the original ficlet was inspired by a Facebook application called Just Three Words (yes I use Facebook, don’t judge me!). Anyway, the idea is to write a story with multiple people, but each person can write only three words at a time before another person has to continue it. The end result is usually humorous. I thought “Hey, let’s see if we can reproduce it on ficlets!”. I must say, it took off rather well…
As OrangeOreos said, mine just sorta went pop and it came out onto the screen. I think mine is unique, so far. I haven’t had a chance to look through them all yet.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is a twist! Very very good, and it explains the teddy bear and the enigmatic “Does Emily know about her yet” from several stories ago.
It’s interesting, but the story isn’t really flowing right for me. Try editing it, perhaps? I’m a bit of a stickler for good grammar, spelling, and punctuation. 3 stars (for now!). I know you can do better, the story is there, just clean it up! =)
I rather like the way this is going. The first thing that popped into my head while reading this was “It’s a he-said she-said” but it has a really interesting twist.
I have to be honest, I’ve read the whole series so far, and I’m not feeling it yet. She has shown up at a dojo, refers to the sensei as, well, a sensei, but has shown no indication of what she intends to learn. In fact, she seems to be far outclassing everyone there, so I’m not really seeing why she’s there in the first place. It just seems a little disjointed to me. I like where it could head, so 4 stars and a watch.
It’s really an amazing piece. It draws you in and keeps you there. I can feel it. The lightly humorous middle gives me the feeling of a last attempt to stop from breaking down entirely, a “final barrier”, if you will.
I see the scene as a dark greyscale. It happens with me, I get a color from a piece of writing. I’m wondering if this happens with anyone else?
Thanks! I don’t submit often, sadly. By the way, when I said the second one wasn’t mine, I meant that it wasn’t my memoir. The idea is mine but the actual message has nothing to do with me.
It’s the kind of story where you want a sequel, but you’re afraid of actually getting one because it could utterly ruin the mood. I sense backstory in the boy on the couch.
While scary, I’ve always wondered what the world on the other side of the mirror is like. Maybe it’s remnants of fantastical childhood imaginings, but I liked to think there were people on the other side of the mirror who looked just like us.
Thanks for the input! I never was good at writing anything that could be considered recent history, and historical fiction (I suppose this counts as that, I don’t know) isn’t one of my strong suits. I actually wrote this hoping to get more practice and critique on it.
It’s… unusual, but in a good way. Too many vampire stories go all dark and gloomy. This one seems (dare I say it) whimsical. A vampire that cares about his prey, even if only to improve the taste. Makes it a little creepier too, though, that the people really don’t know a thing till they get eaten. I would love to see more!
sounds like you need coffee in the mornings. anyhoo, seems interesting, kinda amusing too. It’s like a checklist, only the oddest checklist I’ve ever seen.
Ah, thanks! I guess it’s the stereotypical artist thing, never satisfied with the work they do and all that. Which, I suppose, is good. Otherwise we wouldn’t have a motivation to do better.
Okay, I wrote it in a fit of emotion. Not exactly autobiographical, now that I read it again. Sadly, I can’t edit it. I guess it’s more of a “wish-I-could-go-back-again” type of thing, kind of appropriate for a Hallmark card, or a voice-over for one of those cheesy holiday movies on the local station (especially the last line). Oh well.
its a great story, would love to see more. Possibly one where the Magi are being forced to reveal their powers in front of Morti, due to the machinations of an outside source…
I’m back, after a hiatus of sorts. Feel free to critique me however you wish. I find direct critique much more useful than the “Oh I loved it, the only problem was your story” kind of thing. Disclaimer: You can tell me my story sucks all you like, but please tell me WHY it sucked. That way I’ll know what to fix.
I tend to write only when I have strong emotion. I find the works produced in fits of indifference or just “okay” moods to be pretty boring and forced. I try to avoid overused and tired lines but sometimes I can’t help it. My works are usually depressing, but I’m generally not sad. I just tend to write to not feel that way (kinda like transferring the sad to the words and then feeling better cause it’s in print and not in me. Does that make sense?)
Fun Descriptions! “Smells Like Ghosts”. “She entered the bar one hip at a time”. “He had an aura of danger about him. Not the ‘Oh, how cool is he?’ kind of danger, but the ‘One step closer and you will be missing a body part’ kind of danger”. “Slightly crazy. Hint of nuts and cinnamon?”.
I like Stovohobo’s work a lot. Also, Ana Cristina has fabulous work, as well as THX 0477. I like to make people think.
I’ve joined the League of Awesomeness! I’m now the Awesomeness Consultant! (For more info visit http://ficlets.com/authors/thx_0477)
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