Ficlets

Thought I’d share this over here because I found it very amusing:

Recently I did a contest on my personal site in which I gave away a copy of one of my books. The rules of the contest were simple:

1. Imagine I put out a book in 2009;
2. The reader really really really hated it;
3. They wrote a scathing review to express their dislike of the book.

Strangely enough, people really took to this contest. The results were so viciously good, in fact, that now I do not need to fear any bad review I might ever get for a real book, because they can’t possible be as delightfully nasty as these.

A few choice quotes:

“To call his new work ‘tripe’ would be an insult to the first, second, and third stomachs of ruminants worldwide. [This] is best described as sub-tripe; perhaps originating from the abomasum or duodenum regions.”

“Scalzi’s raw loathing for his readers leaps out like one Central Park flasher after another.”

“Like being seduced or tickled by an incompetent lover, Scalzi’s newest effort leaves one with the manhandled sensation of one who overcompensates with lack of finesse by lustily barking enthusiasm.”

“Mr Peebles, the office gerbil, has given a far more honest and copious critique of Mr Scalzi’s work than is possible here.”

“Mr. Scalzi: If hope is the thing with feathers, sir, then you are the thing there is no hope for. Unless you’re hiding your feathers somewhere. Which I doubt.”

Lovely, lovely horrible stuff. More awaits you here. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did—and I hope you never get reviews like these.