Comments Made by Lee Braiden

Comment on The Muties

2008-05-24T20:11:39Z

Interesting; makes me want to hear more about these muties.

The accent thing didn’t work for me though; I always do a double-take when I see people thinking (rather than talking) with an accent. I don’t think people would notice their own accent much, when thinking to themselves or even listening to themselves talk. I think the general advice is to keep the main characters of a story without accents, and just accent foreigners they meet.

Otherwise, good :)

Comment on A Reading from the Book of Lucas (1:1-13) [thebetweenspace Make Me Laugh Challenge]

2008-05-23T17:08:07Z

You know, that “saved you from the drudgery of 2001” part is very true :)

Comment on Twice as fast [Make Me Laugh Challenge]

2008-05-21T23:13:58Z

Thanks guys :)

@THX: you should check out Beverly Hills Ninja sometime. It’s great :D

Comment on Lilac Wind

2008-05-20T21:52:32Z

This rocks :) A few very minor things bugged me, like repeating the smell of lilacs and lilac bush as separate ideas instead of just making them deliberately one. Also, “it it.. it wants” didn’t work for me. I would have phrased that differently. But those are tiny flaws for me. Generally I loved the feel; it’s the kind of writing I try to aim for myself :) Very well done.

Comment on Not like any other guy

2008-05-13T20:59:51Z

I like this. Nice simple, human moments between people, told in a straightforward way. Two suggestions: one is that a little more action or noticing of details between the conversation would be good—how Ethan laughed, and Faith’s reaction to noticing it, instead of just that he laughed, for instance. Also, reading Faith’s thoughts at the start, as if we’re inside Faith’s head, and then reading ’”...” Faith said’ on the next line is a bit jarring. But that’s following the series, so not your fault!:)

Comment on Needs

2008-05-11T10:48:57Z

Nicely done :) I like the graphic depiction of her state at the start, the denial, and the way that the man seems to succeed in getting through, but also to potentially seal his fate. The father aspect is interesting too…there’s potential there for him to be the father in question, which might make the escaping bullet a much bigger source of conflict for the girl :) I thought it would have been more realistic with expletives, but I can understand wanting to avoid them :)

Comment on Flower-like Resemblance

2008-05-10T16:58:28Z

Love the comparison of a human heart with nature’s other delicate creations :)

Also… this reminds me of something Mark Twain said: “Forgiveness is the fragrance that violet sheds on the heel that crushes it” :)

Comment on Hearts in Darkness

2008-05-10T15:27:49Z

Thanks :) I just realised that the middle part read very differently from my intention, so I’ve re-phrased it a little.

Comment on Once a cheater, always a cheater.

2008-05-10T11:18:33Z

Hahhhah, that’s great :D

Comment on Some other time [Deja Vu]

2008-05-09T21:19:12Z

Thanks NM :)

Not a past life; more a dream of one :)

Comment on Bugs! (Invisible Challenge)

2008-05-09T19:46:43Z

Inspired by a haiku, which goes:

Watch out! You’ll
Hit your head on that rock
Fireflies

Comment on Lipogram

2008-05-09T18:05:51Z

Nicely done :) I thought the “my girl” part sounded a little awkward at the start, but under the circumstances, it’s a good choice :)

Comment on Beyond the Snow

2008-05-09T17:25:35Z

Loved the connection, and the slight taboo of the (potentially) secret vision. Sweet and childlike, but with hints of a long, interesting, adventurous future of two kindred spirits growing up together. There’s a slight sense of loneliness too, with the kids only having adults around and then suddenly finding someone similar. Good stuff.

Comment on Now That You've Found "Perfect"

2008-05-09T13:36:52Z

I like this too. Very honest, vulnerable human questions, well expressed, but without too much self-pity. Good job :)

Comment on Prequel... randomised

2008-05-09T06:36:36Z

Yeah, I guess I was having fun with it and didn’t take the ending seriously enough. Probably could have been better with more thought. Thanks for the inspiration though; it’s great to read a ficlet and suddenly be moved to write something similar :)