Comments on 'The Kill'A knock upon the door rang through now empty room "House Keeping!" Called the disembodied voice, obviously no answer. There was a faint "click", as the door was unlocked; and a slightly louder gasp, when the maid saw the trash strewn everywhere. This was followed by an exceptionally loud scream, as her eyes fell upon the dead body of Malcom; a knife protruding from his back, and dried blood smeared on his mouth.
in a matter of 30 minutes, and 53 seconds, the police units arrived. the maid was taken aside and questioned. 30 minutes and 54 seconds later, the Crime Scene Investigation crew crashed the non-existent party, and began placing small yellow artifact markers upon the floor.
The man placing the markers, Jim Greenspares, a CSI agent of 21 odd years, and ready to quit his job. He had seen everything from decapitation, to drug overdoses and suicide.
three men and on woman examined the room around them, sifting through what seemed to be junk on the floor, and meticulosley placing each in a plastic bag2007-10-19T18:01:28Zhttp://ficlets.com/feed/story/11220Comment on The Kill<p>It is a nice attempt; out of all the sequels, you’re the only one who dared to have Malcolm be dead – murdered even.<br />~ <br />There is some awkwardness, and of course, the punctuation/capitalizations that THX mentioned, but on the whole, a good beginning.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/11220?basename=185142007-10-19T18:01:28ZAlexa ♥http://ficlets.com/authors/alexa1018Comment on The Kill<p>Well, not sure why someone slammed you with a 1 start rating there. It’s not high art, but it’s a decent attempt at making an ongoing story out of my random ficlet. You’ve got some punctuation stuff in the first bit, as well as a few small capitalization mistakes. The first sentence in paragraph three has no verb, but it’s a good attempt at getting some characterization going. Might be a bit of an overdone formula just cause of the TV shows, not that that should stop you.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/11220?basename=169512007-10-11T13:55:07ZTHX 0477http://ficlets.com/authors/thx_0477