Comments on 'Wallace'The pharmacy was uncharacteristically busy, and it was the first time in months - hell, maybe years - that he'd encountered a line: two people in front of him, three behind.
Wallace didn't mind the wait. He had a cup of coffee and nowhere important to be.
The woman behind him, though, was another matter entirely. He smelled her before he heard her: cigarettes and booze, stale and sour, radiated off her and assaulted him.
Wallace frowned and took a small step forward. The woman edged up behind him, and began muttering complaints under her breath.
Wallace turned around. She looked like she smelled. Heavily-lined face. Dark circles under bloodshot eyes. Bleached blond hair, grown out and streaked with a nest of gray. Mouth sores. Meth teeth.
"Do you mind?" Wallace said.
"Fuck you, pal." Her voice was a deep rattle.
Something in Wallace snapped. He dropped his cup, and in the time it took to fall and explode on the tiled floor, he punched her right in the mouth.
In retrospect, it wasn't the wisest move.2008-03-18T21:10:13Zhttp://ficlets.com/feed/story/24107Comment on Wallace<p>This reminds me of geek stink breath. Not bad.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=496702008-03-18T21:10:13ZShadmanhttp://ficlets.com/authors/shadmanComment on Wallace<p>awesome. :)<br />LoA</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=489362008-03-16T18:35:18Zinvisibility_disabilityhttp://ficlets.com/authors/invisible_storiesComment on Wallace<p>I must admit, it wasn’t the wisest move, but it was well deserved in context.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=486432008-03-15T05:39:06ZJ.B. Williamshttp://ficlets.com/authors/user_5182Comment on Wallace<p>Kind of reminds me of that scene in the movie “Falling Down” where Michael Douglas goes postal on some gang bangers. Quite the emotional scene, Mr. Wheaton. Nicely done!</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=486192008-03-15T02:25:07ZMaddawghttp://ficlets.com/authors/maddawgComment on Wallace<p>I like this line: He smelled her before he heard her: cigarettes and booze, stale and sour, radiated off her and assaulted him.</p>
<p>very evocative.</p>
<p>But, violence!</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=483932008-03-14T14:34:45ZK Tempest Bradfordhttp://ficlets.com/authors/ktempestComment on Wallace<p> LOVING YOUR HEARTBREAK IS RIGHT , AWESOMENESS.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=483172008-03-14T02:32:43ZI LOVE FRANK IERO AND WILLIAM BECKETT!!!http://ficlets.com/authors/manic_panicComment on Wallace<p>ehh its crazy, yet its awesomee. what happens now?</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=482822008-03-14T00:01:43ZLovingYourHeartbreak♥http://ficlets.com/authors/xoxoComment on Wallace<p>Really good. I like it. You depicted the kind of thing that would happen to anyone at a dumpy Rite-Aid</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=479462008-03-13T00:47:43ZNever Explainhttp://ficlets.com/authors/user_4153Comment on Wallace<p>This one is the perfect sort of ficlet in my mind – just enough detail to make me want more, and left wide open for someone else to come along and continue it.</p>
<p>Also, the dialogue works, and the story is interesting, and in a scary way, believable.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=478852008-03-12T22:25:01ZSupRspihttp://ficlets.com/authors/suprspiComment on Wallace<p>A great, bold, powerful story. The character is intriguing. I want to know more.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=477812008-03-12T15:14:33Zthebetweenspacehttp://ficlets.com/authors/thebetweenspaceComment on Wallace<p>I like. Yet again, your talent for writing comes through, Wil.<br />I do have to admit, though, that I was killing myself laughing after reading it. Why? Because, thanks to having an 8-y-o son, I kept picturing Wallace from <em>Wallace & Gromit</em>. But, aside from not being able to get that image out of my head, and great read!</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=477262008-03-12T10:11:12ZCapital "W" Writer (LoA's Geekus Awesomeus)http://ficlets.com/authors/capital_w_writerComment on Wallace<p>The ending surprised me. I thought the woman was going to do something to Wallace because he seemed like a mild guy. So much for that, huh?</p>
<p>I’d love to read more.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=477132008-03-12T05:11:29ZGorgeous Nerdhttp://ficlets.com/authors/gorgeousnerdComment on Wallace<p>i vote that you continue it, wil!</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=476932008-03-12T02:45:32ZLexeth.http://ficlets.com/authors/ghostsComment on Wallace<p>Gritty and harsh, like the characters involved. Way cooler than my lame addition to the ‘awesome’ cavalcade of someone decking a complete stranger.<br />LoA</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=476372008-03-12T00:55:29ZTHX 0477http://ficlets.com/authors/thx_0477Comment on Wallace<p>Great description of the woman…I know her!</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=476342008-03-12T00:50:18ZTrying to Blendhttp://ficlets.com/authors/luckybeauxComment on Wallace<p>Sheesh, I meant to upgrade my rating to four stars, but Ficlets is exasperatingly slow to respond. It’s making Twitter look downright reliable.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=475782008-03-11T22:37:17ZMariva H. Aviramhttp://ficlets.com/authors/marivaComment on Wallace<p>Wil: You have a point about “pal.” Perhaps as you continue the story further, that part of the dialog will seem naturally in line with her character. I’m willing to suspend my disbelief! Let’s see some more. (Maybe when your sinuses are healed.)</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=475762008-03-11T22:35:32ZMariva H. Aviramhttp://ficlets.com/authors/marivaComment on Wallace<p>Ha – powerful image of a meth addict gettin’ knocked around. Funny.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=475612008-03-11T20:57:54ZYodaOnCrackhttp://ficlets.com/authors/yodaoncrackComment on Wallace<p>Thanks for the note, Mariva. That phrase is a little clunky.</p>
<p>I don’t know why that woman says, “pal,” but she does. Maybe because it’s even more condescending and snotty than “asshole,” like she has total contempt for him. Hey, maybe that’s why he punched her?</p>
<p>I honestly don’t know the answers to these questions, but it sure is fun to think about them!</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=475592008-03-11T20:49:13ZWil Wheatonhttp://ficlets.com/authors/wilwheatonComment on Wallace<p>I was SO enjoying this until I got to the end. AHH ! Now what?</p>
<p>That’s the best kind of story Wil. Great work!</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=475532008-03-11T20:34:17ZMiss Kellyhttp://ficlets.com/authors/versoComment on Wallace<p>Andy, it was Gloria Jean’s.</p>
<p>Twisted story, but I like it</p>
<p>Weird how he seemed to be having a good day and that one lady ruined it for him.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=475432008-03-11T20:21:55ZOrangeOreoshttp://ficlets.com/authors/orangeoreosComment on Wallace<p>Wil,</p>
<p>First let me say that I’ve become a Twitter addict because of you (and Dave Winer). Your Tweets make my day. Seriously.</p>
<p>Now that the obligatory fawning is out of the way, may I make two small suggestions?</p>
<p>1. “[...] radiated off her and assaulted him” is awkward and wordy. I know what you’re getting at, but make this a bit punchier.</p>
<p>2. “F<strong>ck you, @ssh</strong>le” sounds more believable (and less outdated) than using the epithet “pal.”</p>
<p>The story itself is quite dark! A bit Palahniukesque, perhaps?</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=475342008-03-11T19:59:14ZMariva H. Aviramhttp://ficlets.com/authors/marivaComment on Wallace<p>was it starbucks or peets?</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=474782008-03-11T19:11:21Zandyhttp://ficlets.com/authors/ahalvorComment on Wallace<p>It really bursts through the starting gate, doesn’t it? I immediately want to know just what in the world is going on in Wallace’s head. The short temper and the fact that this all took place in a pharmacy line means his story should be interesting. I want to know what his motivation is. Awesome. Good to see you writing again!</p>
<p>Cheers.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=474752008-03-11T19:06:32Zangiekhttp://ficlets.com/authors/angiekComment on Wallace<p>I liked how you used smell to describe her before Wallace actually saw what she looked like. This makes me want to know more. Why is his psyche disturbed? Who has he hit before? Is he bothered that he hit a woman or that he hit someone at all? If a ficlet makes me that curious, it’s teh awesome.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=474122008-03-11T13:39:29ZMeliahttp://ficlets.com/authors/meliaComment on Wallace<p>If it were me, it would have come from the “things I’ve always wanted to do but legally can’t” place.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=474102008-03-11T11:56:14ZEckhousehttp://ficlets.com/authors/eckhouseComment on Wallace<p>I wanted to experiment with 3rd person limited narrative, so I tried to write this from Wallace’s POV , filtering the experience and descriptions though his obviously disturbed psyche.</p>
<p>I think he <strong>does</strong> feel bad after he hits her, but I don’t think it’s the first time this has happened, now will it be the last.</p>
<p>Thanks for the feedback, guys. I’ve been on the DL for a month, and I’m glad I can work back up to speed by writing ficlets.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=474042008-03-11T05:21:48ZWil Wheatonhttp://ficlets.com/authors/wilwheatonComment on Wallace<p>Warren Ellis does seem to bring out the best in all of us…</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=473722008-03-11T02:19:20ZCrown Me Tarzan, King of Marshttp://ficlets.com/authors/user_605Comment on Wallace<p>descriptive of the woman.. such rage.. temper impatience.. and regret all in one story.excellent.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=473492008-03-11T01:37:46ZSKermitgorfhttp://ficlets.com/authors/kermitgorfComment on Wallace<p>It’s a good idea, I think…<br />It’ll make a good series if you continue it.</p>
<p>:]]<br />You Know You Love Mee!<br /><strong> FIVE STARS </strong></p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24107?basename=473482008-03-11T01:33:44ZYou Know You Love Mee!http://ficlets.com/authors/user_7963