Comments on 'What Happened At Pine Ridge'"Then the kids stormed in and chased us, caught us, tied us up, and hooted and hollered. Miss Petunia never came!"
"Miss Petunia is the manager? Where is she?" I queried.
"We don't know! The kids were saying she was gone!"
"She didn't come down for breakfast, which she hasn't been on account of her waking up late with a hangover."
"Hangover?" I prodded.
"Oops. I shouldn't have said that. She's only done it once or twice the last week!" the lady tried to cover for her boss.
"Go on." I prompted.
"The kids said she left, and they were in charge, and they overpowered us and went crazy."
"They broke things, and spray painted things, and thank goodness you arrived!"
"What about the babies?"asked one
"They will go with the rest to Child Services. Hopefully they all have warm beds in foster homes tonight. Don't worry, ladies. Oh, and don't go far. I'll need you to stick around for more questioning later."
"Alright." They sounded dejected. "Can we go home? We can give you our addresses..." they begged.
"I guess."2008-08-09T21:33:06Zhttp://ficlets.com/feed/story/24745Comment on What Happened At Pine Ridge<p>i shouldnt of said that huh? love it</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24745?basename=856892008-08-09T21:33:06ZMighty-Joe Younghttp://ficlets.com/authors/user_8969Comment on What Happened At Pine Ridge<p>i shouldnt of said that huh? love it</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24745?basename=856872008-08-09T21:31:41ZMighty-Joe Younghttp://ficlets.com/authors/user_8969Comment on What Happened At Pine Ridge<p>i shouldnt of said that huh? love it</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24745?basename=856862008-08-09T21:31:19ZMighty-Joe Younghttp://ficlets.com/authors/user_8969Comment on What Happened At Pine Ridge<p>Not sure if it was the spacing, or just your comment explaining what pattern you were going for, but it did seem to help a little bit.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24745?basename=495332008-03-18T11:45:01ZTHX 0477http://ficlets.com/authors/thx_0477Comment on What Happened At Pine Ridge<p>well I tried to keep it in a Detective, Lady, Lady pattern…. the two women kinda finish each other’s sentences. I made a few changes, but I’m not sure they really helped. :)</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24745?basename=489592008-03-16T19:51:58ZMistress Elsha Hawkhttp://ficlets.com/authors/mistress_elsha_hawkComment on What Happened At Pine Ridge<p>Hmm, not quite as strong as the preceding piece. Seems like you tried to get too much into one ficlet maybe. Got a little hard to track who was saying what was the main problem, I think.<br />LoA</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/24745?basename=489112008-03-16T17:04:00ZTHX 0477http://ficlets.com/authors/thx_0477