Comments on 'One More Word Writing Challenge - Ashavari's Sari'Isn't it strange?
She just stares, quietly.
Soaking in every little detail.
The silk, the gold threading, everything...
This, one time, was her mother's sari.
It was one that she wore; dressed in.
The only thing left, and much better than pictures.
The sari, folded, is slid into her small, open hands.
Ashavari fingers the intricate border, so curiously, so wonderingly, so delicately.
And she takes action, finally, by unfolding the sari, wrapping it around.
She wants to wear it, no matter how big it is on her. 2008-06-01T02:23:53Zhttp://ficlets.com/feed/story/28095Comment on One More Word Writing Challenge - Ashavari's Sari<p>thanks guys! i think ill take your suggestions. i should have checked up on this a long time ago but now that i have i’ll make the changes. thnx so much for the help!</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/28095?basename=668812008-06-01T02:23:53ZAditi Brootahttp://ficlets.com/authors/arrozconpolloComment on One More Word Writing Challenge - Ashavari's Sari<p>I like the different cultural feel. Then again, reading your profile, I guess that makes sense. I’ll come back to your page.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/28095?basename=590762008-04-27T13:28:28ZStovohobohttp://ficlets.com/authors/stovohoboComment on One More Word Writing Challenge - Ashavari's Sari<p>Agree with above sentiments. The word count at the end of each sentence is distracting. There’s a rhythm here that almost reads like poetry and gives this piece a very emotional feel.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/28095?basename=578222008-04-21T16:39:05ZA. Muse Morringtonhttp://ficlets.com/authors/a_museComment on One More Word Writing Challenge - Ashavari's Sari<p>I agree with BARo. Maybe you could add a little description of the border, but really, I wouldn’t change it. It is quiet and sweet. A tribute.<br />LoA</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/28095?basename=576882008-04-20T22:48:50ZMistress Elsha Hawkhttp://ficlets.com/authors/mistress_elsha_hawkComment on One More Word Writing Challenge - Ashavari's Sari<p>I like it! It’s very sentimental! Just take out the word counts at the end of each line (even though it’s there for the challenge) and let the story stand on its own.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/28095?basename=575482008-04-20T14:30:14ZBARomerohttp://ficlets.com/authors/baromeroComment on One More Word Writing Challenge - Ashavari's Sari<p>Doesn’t seem that great to me, and I’m the writer! So help me out if you have any ideas. I may add more to mine if I can.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/28095?basename=575462008-04-20T14:03:33ZAditi Brootahttp://ficlets.com/authors/arrozconpollo