Comments on 'The Last Window'It had been a long, tiring day, but it was the last one: the last day, the last window. After this he would move on to another city, then another country, then another continent.
He had decided to walk it: from Tel Aviv to Tel Aviv, all the way around the world. He'd use a boat when he had to, but otherwise it was all going to be on foot. There was no one left to get in his way: no more borders, no more guards, no more checkpoints. No more people. At least, no more people he knew about.
And that was part of the mission, really: to see if there were any more people. He had chosen his own method of locating them. He wasn't broadcasting a radio signal, he wasn't painting slogans on walls, he wasn't setting off bombs or shouting from skyscrapers or driving around in a loud car, firing off rounds from an M-16.
But he had to attract attention somehow, if indeed there was attention to be attracted. He'd systematically walked the streets, found every one left.
He hefted a rock.2008-05-17T08:28:15Zhttp://ficlets.com/feed/story/30139Comment on The Last Window<p>How about “he’d systematically walked the streets, found every last pane.” Would that work? It kind of helps to reinforce the fact that he was looking for windows, he found them all, and it gets around using the word “window.” <br />I think the problem with the way it is now, is that the two paragraphs prior, you talk about him looking for people, but in this sentence you’re talking about him looking for windows. Does that make sense?</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/30139?basename=629392008-05-17T08:28:15ZJohn Perkinshttp://ficlets.com/authors/johnperkins21Comment on The Last Window<p>You’re right that it’s a bit ambiguous, but I didn’t want to use the word “window” again right before the end: I wanted people to remember it from the first line and the title. If you have a suggestion, I’m very happy to entertain it.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/30139?basename=629012008-05-17T02:29:48ZZorkFoxhttp://ficlets.com/authors/zorkfoxComment on The Last Window<p>In your second-to-last paragraph, I think you intend every window left, but the way you have it worded is somewhat ambiguous. Other than that, I’m really enjoying your writing style. It has a very nice rhythm and flow to it, with just enough flowery prose to make the words—not just the story—an interesting read.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/30139?basename=626802008-05-16T07:14:05ZJohn Perkinshttp://ficlets.com/authors/johnperkins21Comment on The Last Window<p>Interesting method of determining if someone is home.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/30139?basename=617932008-05-12T16:45:00ZCrescentDreamshttp://ficlets.com/authors/crescentdreams