Comments on 'A Walk In The Park'A slight breeze rustled handfuls of brown and gold leaves from their home in the tree towering above me. Three of the dead things lightly flittered onto the newspaper I was holding, while another small grouping of them took residence next to me on the small wooden bench.
Two bluebirds landed at my feet and began to fight over a small piece of bread that must have fallen from the sandwich I had finished only a few minutes earlier. I watched their dance in joyous delight, until the slightly larger of the two birds finally wrestled away the piece and they flew off into the distance together.
Moving my eyes to follow the birds I caught a glimpse of her. Her long brown overcoat slapping playfully at her legs with each successive step. She was too focused on her Blackberry to notice me as I watched her pass.
I got up from the bench and quickly jogged up behind her. I pulled the pistol from my jacket pocket and jammed it forcefully into her back. “Keep walking and don’t make a sound. I don't want to hurt you.”2008-06-27T21:51:39Zhttp://ficlets.com/feed/story/31068Comment on A Walk In The Park<p>that was scary</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/31068?basename=744122008-06-27T21:51:39ZUser 9797http://ficlets.com/authors/user_9797Comment on A Walk In The Park<p>Whoa, I never saw that coming.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/31068?basename=739272008-06-26T03:10:43ZRainDancehttp://ficlets.com/authors/raindanceComment on A Walk In The Park<p>I love the tranquil, serene setup giving way so abruptly to violence. Very nicely done.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/31068?basename=733162008-06-23T17:34:49Zthebetweenspacehttp://ficlets.com/authors/thebetweenspaceComment on A Walk In The Park<p>Great! Completely unexpected. Loved it.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/31068?basename=726662008-06-21T04:56:42ZBrowncoatbenhttp://ficlets.com/authors/browncoatbenComment on A Walk In The Park<p>Ooh, I like that. Great way to set it up, all quiet and normal-like – but nobody likes normal!</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/31068?basename=722102008-06-20T01:16:06ZStovohobohttp://ficlets.com/authors/stovohoboComment on A Walk In The Park<p>That was one way it could have gone. Nice twist!</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/31068?basename=707952008-06-14T19:43:13ZPyroPunk 51 (PPP LoA)http://ficlets.com/authors/pyropunkComment on A Walk In The Park<p>What an unexpected ending to this! It has a lulling, almost soothing quality to it at the beginning that is turned upside down very, very quickly. Awesome job. It works well as a standalone, but I’ll mosey on over to the sequel to see if it did it justice.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/31068?basename=699552008-06-11T16:03:31ZAna Cristinahttp://ficlets.com/authors/asimon78Comment on A Walk In The Park<p>Yeah, I have to agree that last part was a slap upside the head… didn’t see it coming. Very nice work.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/31068?basename=635702008-05-20T13:02:57ZKevMullinshttp://ficlets.com/authors/kevmullinsComment on A Walk In The Park<p>Well, that was certainly an unexpected twist! You did a great job setting up the tranquil park scene and in doing so built up the scene so that I was left expecting an interaction consisting of “boy meets girl” and “boy asks girl out.” Nice job not ending with such a cliche, but taking the reader falsely in that direction. Makes the payoff that much better. I also liked the way the narrator is developed. The reader is led to believe this person is a kind and caring soul. Just goes to show, you never know.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/31068?basename=635112008-05-20T01:03:57ZBMGelinashttp://ficlets.com/authors/bmgelinas