Comments on 'HIS Hunger is Unceasing'_Dammit, a guy, why a fucking dude tonight?_ Jo thought, _you know why, to punish._ He hated this the most, it made him sick when they touched him... or worse... though it rarely got that far. _But tonight..._
The stretch limo picked Jo up at the hotel and drove him to the club. This wouldn't take long... it never did. They would recognize him and that was it. _It made him irresistible._
The guy was perfect, everything Mathusta had request, and then some. A little flirting is all it ever took. Soon he and Jo were in the back of the limo making out, headed for the hotel.
No sooner had they entered the room then clothes were off, he was going down on Jo in the bed. _Pretend you like it._
He flipped Jo over and entered him. _Oh god, let him die now, please!_ Jo felt guilty for the thought. He'd die soon enough, but not tonight, not before he finished.
Jo could feel Its hunger. _It waited, It NEVER waited... not this long, not this hungry. I'll suffer, suffer good._
A dark presence began to fill the room.2008-06-08T20:25:45Zhttp://ficlets.com/feed/story/33141Comment on HIS Hunger is Unceasing<p>Very strong, gripping images.</p>
<p>“This wouldn’t take long… it never did. They would recognize him and that was it. It made him irresistible.”</p>
<p>That is some fantastic, taught, tense writing. Well done!</p>
<p>LoA</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33141?basename=691032008-06-08T20:25:45ZRidcully Calverthttp://ficlets.com/authors/user_joonComment on HIS Hunger is Unceasing<p>Definitely agree with you there, like the Reservoir Dogs ear scene, you think you see a lot more than you do because it makes you imagine it so vividly.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33141?basename=682632008-06-05T18:57:00ZRussell Ruffinohttp://ficlets.com/authors/ruffinoComment on HIS Hunger is Unceasing<p>Thanks all… I was trying to present this without going over the top or offending anyone.<br />I found that if you don’t get too descriptive and leave as much open to the imagination of the reader, it comes off far more powerful.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33141?basename=681712008-06-05T12:26:35ZKevMullinshttp://ficlets.com/authors/kevmullinsComment on HIS Hunger is Unceasing<p>I’m stunned that John didn’t catch this one. I think “room then clothes” should be “room, than the clothes”. The “the” can be a “their” as well.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33141?basename=681502008-06-05T06:55:21ZPyroPunk 51 (PPP LoA)http://ficlets.com/authors/pyropunkComment on HIS Hunger is Unceasing<p>Interesting. I don’t think it went too far. I don’t think it was offensive, but then again, I’m hetero. Not really any worse than what they did in The Shawshank Redemption.<br />I was really expecting much worse. You did a good job presenting it.<br />Should this line “but not tonight, before he finished” be, “but not tonight, <em>not</em> before he finished?”</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33141?basename=681292008-06-05T04:55:40ZJohn Perkinshttp://ficlets.com/authors/johnperkins21Comment on HIS Hunger is Unceasing<p>Ok not to offend anyone of a specific turn… but I think I threw up a bit in my mouth as I wrote this one.<br />The atomic bomb of disturbing for a strait guy… having to make it with a dude.<br /><strong>I told you I was going for broke on this one.</strong></p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33141?basename=680682008-06-05T00:26:14ZKevMullinshttp://ficlets.com/authors/kevmullins