Comments on 'The Fog [Out of Order Challenge]'The fog was everywhere. Milky white, curling away from his face and body as he moved through it, only to snap shut behind him. He spun fully around, searching the thick blanket of white in vain for any landmarks, any features. The ground felt soft, spongy and slightly damp under his bare soles.
"Where am I?" He croaked for the thousandth time, out of breath. Had he been running for hours, days? Years?
_Heaven? Hell?_ He shook his head violently and took off running again, until he collapsed, heaving for breath on hands and knees. _Purgatory?_ This last seemed most likely. What other fate could there be for a man of his crimes?
His crimes? He sat back on his heels and looked up. There was no suggestion of a sun above the pall of fog, just a paler smear of white above.
_What crimes? What have I done? Oh god, what have I done?_
A ghost of memory tickled the back of his mind. The sense of an impending revelation. It was gone, and he was left in the dark, alone.
And then the fog darkened, faded, and he died.2008-06-21T03:57:19Zhttp://ficlets.com/feed/story/33175Comment on The Fog [Out of Order Challenge]<p>I can’t help but envision a young Robert Duvalle in THX 1482 jogging through the endless, white space trying to get out.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33175?basename=726552008-06-21T03:57:19ZBrowncoatbenhttp://ficlets.com/authors/browncoatbenComment on The Fog [Out of Order Challenge]<p>I love the descriptions here, particularly of the fog. JLaughter, I don’t know if I would write that your character died in the last sentence. That’s too final (no pun intended! :p). You want to keep your reader hooked and clicking on the sequel, so I would remove that bit. It works better without it.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33175?basename=699432008-06-11T15:41:34Z♠Ana Cristina♥http://ficlets.com/authors/asimon78Comment on The Fog [Out of Order Challenge]<p>Oh, this sounds interesting. Poor guy – or is he? We’ll have to find out why he is there…</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33175?basename=690722008-06-08T18:37:37ZStovohobohttp://ficlets.com/authors/stovohoboComment on The Fog [Out of Order Challenge]<p>Re-reading my comment there, I didn’t mean to come off as a jerk, THX . Humor that was maybe worded badly. Either way, another section of this little series is up.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33175?basename=683482008-06-05T23:30:50ZJLaughterhttp://ficlets.com/authors/jlaughterComment on The Fog [Out of Order Challenge]<p>Yeah, it’s not quite out of order yet because there’s only one of them. Kinda like shuffling a 1 card deck…you just don’t get very far :) I’ve got a few different directions I wanna go with this, but haven’t decided which one I’m gonna do. Probably have another one up a bit later after I brainstorm over some hot sake.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33175?basename=683232008-06-05T22:16:26ZJLaughterhttp://ficlets.com/authors/jlaughterComment on The Fog [Out of Order Challenge]<p>I really like the feel you have going here, like THX said… haunting. Since I obviously have no opinions of my own today, I also agree with John, nice change of style for you too.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33175?basename=682532008-06-05T17:46:50ZKevMullinshttp://ficlets.com/authors/kevmullinsComment on The Fog [Out of Order Challenge]<p>@THX, I think he’s taking his time with the other entries.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33175?basename=682132008-06-05T15:55:49ZJohn Perkinshttp://ficlets.com/authors/johnperkins21Comment on The Fog [Out of Order Challenge]<p>Haunting entry, though I didn’t quite see the out-of-order bit of it. More to follow, or did I miss something?</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33175?basename=681922008-06-05T14:11:56ZTHX 0477http://ficlets.com/authors/thx_0477Comment on The Fog [Out of Order Challenge]<p>Great entry. It’s also nice to see you branching away from your Bagman series every once in a while. That sequel for your brother’s series doesn’t count.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33175?basename=681372008-06-05T05:20:59ZJohn Perkinshttp://ficlets.com/authors/johnperkins21Comment on The Fog [Out of Order Challenge]<p>Ah, a refreshing change of style here. Thanks, Ana, for the challenge. I’ll put up a few more when I’m not totally exhausted to explain the middle parts, the end, then maybe the beginning of this story.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33175?basename=681222008-06-05T03:55:35ZJLaughterhttp://ficlets.com/authors/jlaughter