while walking down hall on the next day at school with his lovers hand in his he lets go of her hand as he whispers this wont take long and he walks up to britanys locker and he whispers think fast into her ear slowly as she turns around confused at the same moment he does a pressure point that he learnt from a friend to make her fall back then he knees her in the back and watchs as she falls to the ground in pain then he sits on his knees beside her and takes his 2 fingers and clenchs them down on her shoulder to make her scream from the pain then he bends down to her ear and whispers this is the pain uve caused my baby if u cause her any more i promise ill do one pressure point i found that not many people know and ill make sure it hurts as much as i can make it hurt and he takes her hand and lifts her up on her feet and shoves her to make her run with a pained and dazed look on her face dont fux with my baby b/c _i will beat ur face in_ *I LOVE SIERRA* 2008-06-16T20:26:48Z http://ficlets.com/feed/story/33221 <p>Sierra is gonna edit it because they agreed that he needed help with punctuation.</p> http://ficlets.com/stories/33221?basename=71180 2008-06-16T20:26:48Z Twitch http://ficlets.com/authors/twitchchik9 <p>well wat i meant is he just started and he needed a break, and the just be careful thing is not to write so much stuff to get into trouble, (our school has issues w/ people talking bout other students even when its not at school,) and the last part sierra&#8217;s gonna edit anyways well idk bout that.</p> http://ficlets.com/stories/33221?basename=69608 2008-06-10T16:25:06Z Whinney http://ficlets.com/authors/eldarwin <p>I figured the bff/bf/gf thing out by reading everyones ficlets/comments.<br />But I don&#8217;t understand:<br /> &#8221;...people just can&#8217;t seem to give you a break&#8230;&#8221; <br />What break does he need? _If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading. _ ~Lao Tzu<br />&#8221;...really just be careful.&#8221; <br />Careful in writing? Careful in responding to us?<br /> &#8221;...and Sierra’s gonna edit anyways&#8230;&#8221; <br />Then he should&#8217;ve made it a draft first so she can edit it before it&#8217;s shown to everyone to critique.</p> http://ficlets.com/stories/33221?basename=69591 2008-06-10T14:02:44Z Krulltar http://ficlets.com/authors/krulltar <p>yeppers, yeah seriously wat do u mean?</p> http://ficlets.com/stories/33221?basename=69573 2008-06-10T11:00:20Z Whinney http://ficlets.com/authors/eldarwin <p>john&#8217;s my bf and those two are my bff&#8217;s so wat do u mean by missing?</p> http://ficlets.com/stories/33221?basename=69446 2008-06-09T22:37:30Z Scene_Sierra http://ficlets.com/authors/sierara <p>wat do u mean, we sorta know him his gf is one of our best friends</p> http://ficlets.com/stories/33221?basename=69442 2008-06-09T22:27:09Z Whinney http://ficlets.com/authors/eldarwin <p>@Whinney and Twitch &#8211; is there something I&#8217;m missing?</p> http://ficlets.com/stories/33221?basename=69287 2008-06-09T13:25:34Z Krulltar http://ficlets.com/authors/krulltar <p>I love it John&#8230; like that person said&#8230; just take it constructively&#8230; and Sierra&#8217;s gonna edit anyways right?</p> http://ficlets.com/stories/33221?basename=69114 2008-06-08T20:35:01Z Twitch http://ficlets.com/authors/twitchchik9 <p>God, people just can&#8217;t seem to give you a break, anyway i actually kinda like it. But really just be careful.</p> http://ficlets.com/stories/33221?basename=68599 2008-06-06T21:11:44Z Whinney http://ficlets.com/authors/eldarwin <p>In regards to this series (<em>I love her</em>), like I said in my previous comment, it has a hell of alot of potential, but your run on sentences are annoying to a reader. Flicets maybe short, but that doesn&#8217;t mean punctuation should&#8217;nt be used. Run on sentences can be used to set a tone or mindset of character, but should not be used as a writting style, with the exception of poetic story-telling.<br />Please take what i said constructively. I would love to see more of your writing, but in a structured style.</p> http://ficlets.com/stories/33221?basename=68302 2008-06-05T21:31:34Z Krulltar http://ficlets.com/authors/krulltar <p>I think the story has some potential, but I can&#8217;t be polite on the offensive nature of your writing. 15 years old, and you put out this drivil on a public writing site?<br />Let&#8217;s start with your story <em>love has its price<br /></em>, in it the dead body is craddled, then 2 days later she visits the supposed dead body at the hospital? So much to be said, with so little space is hard to adjust to, so please atleast review your writing before publishing it.</p> http://ficlets.com/stories/33221?basename=68296 2008-06-05T21:21:46Z Krulltar http://ficlets.com/authors/krulltar <p>i agree with uselessness&#8230;it needs a serious edit before anyone can really read and fully understand it.</p> http://ficlets.com/stories/33221?basename=68281 2008-06-05T20:27:17Z Six Feet Under The Stars http://ficlets.com/authors/user_4266 <p>lol&#8230; love this series!!</p> http://ficlets.com/stories/33221?basename=68278 2008-06-05T20:21:31Z Twitch http://ficlets.com/authors/twitchchik9 <p>This could be a lot better with some spell checking and punctuation&#8230; it&#8217;s very difficult to follow your train of thought. Maybe you&#8217;d like to edit it?</p> http://ficlets.com/stories/33221?basename=68277 2008-06-05T20:18:06Z uselessness http://ficlets.com/authors/uselessness