Comments on 'Positive ID'The phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Mr. Gosnell?"
"Yes."
"This is Mercy General. I'm calling in regards to your daughter, Leslie Gosnell."
"What's happened?!"
"Well, sir she was in a car accident and has been admitted here. I'm afraid she was DOA."
....
"I'll need you to come identify the body."
....
"Sir? I'm very sorry."
_Sobs._
_Click_
Mr. and Mrs. Gosnell look with red-rimmed eyes at the swollen and mangled brunette flat on the cold steel table. Her eyes and cheeks are swollen, her face bruised and cut, and one arm missing.
"It's so hard to tell. I just can't believe that is our little Leslie!" Mrs. Gosnell breaks into uncontrollable weeping.
"She had a birthmark. On the inside of her elbow, a tan sort of splotch," offered Mr. Gosnell, "But with her arm..."
"Mr. and Mrs. Gosnell, I need a positive ID. Is this your daughter?" pushed the coroner.
"I think so....What do you think, hon?" Mr. Gosnell effectively shoved the burden onto his wife.
"Yes. It's her." Mrs. Gosnell decided it was time to accept the truth.2008-06-11T15:31:47Zhttp://ficlets.com/feed/story/33370Comment on Positive ID<p>Wow, how heartbreaking. <br />I agree with John, the transition is a little abrupt. It’s hard to smooth out the transition while at the same time not sacrificing character space, but something as silly as adding the symbol<br />~<br />in between the sections might help.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33370?basename=699372008-06-11T15:31:47Z♠Ana Cristina♥http://ficlets.com/authors/asimon78Comment on Positive ID<p>Thanks John!<br />I fixed the sentence. Also, I’m writing this quickly, so it may be rushed as well, apologies. I’ll work on it :)</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33370?basename=686302008-06-06T23:03:22ZMistress Elsha Hawkhttp://ficlets.com/authors/mistress_elsha_hawkComment on Positive ID<p>That is one cold hearted operator.<br />Your transition from the phone conversation to the morgue was a little too quick. Also, I might re-word that to “one arm missing.” Otherwise it almost seems as though her face is missing one arm.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33370?basename=686142008-06-06T21:58:20ZJohn Perkinshttp://ficlets.com/authors/johnperkins21Comment on Positive ID<p>omg how tragic.. these poor people just lost thier daughter. You really feel for these people.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33370?basename=686092008-06-06T21:44:54ZApostrophe http://ficlets.com/authors/murphyrose27