Comments on 'Ready To Roll 'Melanie finds an outfit that catches her eye. It's a purple top that is button down. It has grey vertical stripes. She choses a black skirt to match. It's not a mini but it is rather short. She doesn't like long conservative skirts. They just dont suit her well.
She puts on both items and then heads to the bathroom to apply her makeup. Once she is finished she plugs in her curling iron and curls the hair around her face. The curls frame her face and give it some definition. She curls the locks in the back to give it definition and body.
Once she is finished in the bathroom, she returns to the closet and selects her shoes. She locates her favorite pair of Jimmy Choo strappy heels. She puts them on her feet. She walks over to her floor length miror and observes herself in it. She admires herself. She looks great. Now she looks up at her shelf where she stores her purses. She pulls the black Chanel purse from the shelf. Perfect! she thinks to herself. All she needs now is some jewlery to complete her look. 2008-06-17T18:47:26Zhttp://ficlets.com/feed/story/33707Comment on Ready To Roll <p>Also, back on your short, stuttering sentences. Instead of “She puts them on her feet. She walks over to her floor length miror and observes herself in it. She admires herself. She looks great.” <br />Try “She slides her feet into the shoes, then walks over to the full-length mirror to admire how great she looks. A satisfactory grin exposes her hand-crafted smile as she approves the ensemble.” <br />Not necessarily perfect, but it should help give you an idea.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33707?basename=714332008-06-17T18:47:26ZJohn Perkinshttp://ficlets.com/authors/johnperkins21Comment on Ready To Roll <p>I think Pyro’s comment here is a little harsh, but fairly accurate. Smilies and metaphors are very helpful when doing a descriptive piece. Putting a few in here would be nice. Triflgrlarblx (or whatever =P), has an excellent example.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33707?basename=714232008-06-17T18:29:22ZJohn Perkinshttp://ficlets.com/authors/johnperkins21Comment on Ready To Roll <p>I agree with trifal, your story is rather flat, it does not have any similies, metaphors, adjectives, adverbs or even interesting colour names. Try writing about midnight blue, eggshell, crimson etc. It gives the pictures more depth and lets the reader imagine things better.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33707?basename=702162008-06-12T12:53:38ZPyroPunk 51 (PPP LoA)http://ficlets.com/authors/pyropunkComment on Ready To Roll <p>dressed to the nines, ready to party..<br />and trif.. whoa….ur comment need a mature lable dude lol</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33707?basename=694502008-06-09T22:46:35ZKermitgorfhttp://ficlets.com/authors/kermitgorfComment on Ready To Roll <p>See on the planet of trifalmador we dont have latex so lambskin is only used for one thing,...gloves duh what were you thinking about? man you have a dirty mind.lol just needlin ya</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33707?basename=692692008-06-09T07:24:21ZMighty-Joe Younghttp://ficlets.com/authors/user_8969Comment on Ready To Roll <p>hey i thought she bought the dress cause it looked good with the diamond encrusted bracelet she already had and look if you want to keep guys reading about designer shoes you have to add some fan serve…..for example the dress fell onto the small of her back like a lovers hand balancing somewhere between pressure and weightlessness the feeling caused her to bite her bottom lip as her silk stockings slid intothe jimmy choos like a satin fingers in a lambskin gloves. (see fan service man is the a.c. on here)</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33707?basename=692682008-06-09T07:21:29ZMighty-Joe Younghttp://ficlets.com/authors/user_8969