Comments on 'On Scene (Out-of-Order Challenge)'“Finished. You owe me twenty bucks.” Jose smiles, face drenched in Whopper.
“Yeah. Now clean up you idiot.”
We arrive on scene to a huge mess. Cars piled every which way. Glass and bodies flung randomly about the highway. A black and white is parked in front of the pile of devastation. I hear sirens coming, but for now it’s just us and the two cops.
“Hey!” I yell to one of the cops who looks confused. _Must be a rookie_, I think to myself. “Did you guys take status on any of the victims yet?”
Blank stare.
“Ok he,” pointing back at Jose, “and I are going to assess the injuries. When fire gets here, direct them to us.” I snap my fingers. “Got it?”
A scream penetrates the air. I turn to see a woman, covered in blood is screaming and reaching out her car door at something off to the side of the wreckage. It's a small girl standing in the safety lane. A fire truck is bearing down on her. Fast.
My legs pumping as hard as they can, I dive to push the little girl out of the way before I’m engulfed in darkness.2008-06-11T15:56:38Zhttp://ficlets.com/feed/story/33909Comment on On Scene (Out-of-Order Challenge)<p>Awesome ending to this one, especially the phrase “engulfed in darkness.” A few misplaced and missing commas, but some really fantastic writing here.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33909?basename=699522008-06-11T15:56:38Z♠Ana Cristina♥http://ficlets.com/authors/asimon78Comment on On Scene (Out-of-Order Challenge)<p>Wow, great description of the scene</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/33909?basename=698952008-06-11T13:21:21ZKevMullinshttp://ficlets.com/authors/kevmullins