Comments on 'Walked On'I opened my eyes to blinding white. White sheets, walls, light. White jacket standing at the end of the bed looking at me inquisitively.
A bewildered glance revealed my sisters in the corner with bags under their eyes and relief in their smiles.
I was no longer convulsing, but my eyes would not stop blinking and I still had a stutter.
The white jacket probed with questions bordering on indecent. How did I feel? "Walked on" I replied. Glancing down to wrist with a IV in my hand and bracelets with my name on them. One in a sporty fluorescent orange color. I must of gotten the all inclusive I say. No one is sure if they are supposed to laugh.
The white jacket is still talking and I answer, I think. I don't know, there seems to be someone missing. White jacket speaks again saying his name.
The man that was in the ER with you last night has been shot.
Suspicious eyes flutter.
I wonder what kind of cruel tests these neurologists (for that's what his name badge claims him to be) have developed these days.2008-06-19T19:24:34Zhttp://ficlets.com/feed/story/34818Comment on Walked On<p>I concur Ana, that’s what I get for writing this quick before work. ;) Hopefully the re-write flows better.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/34818?basename=721222008-06-19T19:24:34ZGloria Boldhttp://ficlets.com/authors/higgetyhowkComment on Walked On<p>The line “Staring with malice at him” sounds a little clunky. I would change the syntax to make the sentence flow better with the rest.<br />I agree with THX , good job making the reader understand the patient’s confusion and general sense of malaise.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/34818?basename=720942008-06-19T18:16:46ZAna Cristinahttp://ficlets.com/authors/asimon78Comment on Walked On<p>I actually like you managed to write around the patient’s confusion, and the reaction at the end to his announcement is great. Nicely done.</p>http://ficlets.com/stories/34818?basename=720332008-06-19T14:53:07ZTHX 0477http://ficlets.com/authors/thx_0477