Steve Fairweather's Stories

Stick the Landing

2008-05-16T19:21:08Z

“Those bastards! Come on now, that was just bush league,” Jen’s voice shook with anger.

I had certainly misjudged her. She was handling this whole mess like a seasoned henchmen. Henchwoman, I guess. Man, the business had changed.

“I interned for Dell back in ‘04 when they were developing the Obliterator Ray® and the Crimson Fist actually uprooted and air lifted away the production building with their floating fortress. Those guys had flare.” Her rage went on unabated.

“Aside from handing out style points for the people trying to kill us, we need to plan our next move, don’t you think?” I tried desperately to wrap my head around the situation.

“Well, the U.N. incursion surely set off a full data transfer so if we follow protocol we’ll have to report in to Site B.”

“That’s the one…”

“Inside Mount Kīlauea, yes.”

Someday someone will have to explain the fascination with secret volcano bases to me.

Saturday Waffles [When I Grow Up Challenge]

2008-05-15T16:42:25Z

Auntie has burned the Eggos again. We assume our positions on the floor in front of the television, legs hidden under plastic tray tables. The butter doesn’t melt because the waffles aren’t hot since she toasted all three pairs before serving them. Had she not, my brother certainly would have stolen mine rather than waiting. The price of hot waffles was too high, I knew. The plates adhere to a film of dried syrup from Saturday mornings past.

My sister rolls curlers into what’s left of my Uncle’s hair as he naps. My brother and I spill our enormous LEGO bin out over a sheet in the living room. We search through 62 lbs of assorted pieces for the monkey figure that came with the pirate set. I discover it and the perfect Saturday is achieved.

In 22 years Michelle will be pregnant with her second child, Chris will be recovering from a life of addiction while Ada and Sam will have been dead for over a decade.

When I grow up I want to serve my children waffles just to reclaim some of that magic.

Up to Spec

2008-05-14T17:02:12Z

From: Fischer, Ishmael
To: Rannigan, Frederick
Cc: Talbot, Jim; Cevik, Marco
Importance: High

Subject: RE: Deployment

Acceptable limits. Proceed with Epsilon induction.

- IF
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

From: Rannigan, Frederick
To: Fischer, Ishmael
Cc: Talbot, Jim; Cevik, Marco
Importance: High

Subject: Deployment

Mr. Fischer,

As requested, here are the most recent deployment projections:

Full Dispersal: [99.21%] HIGH
Control Risk: [0.14%] LOW

Time Lapse: 7.1-10.4 sec

Target Environment
Volume: 4000 m³
Temp: 25ºC
Density: 1.184 kg/m²
Impedance: 410.0 s/m²
Subjects: 6
Control: 2

Payload
Volume: 0.0025 m³
Effusion Rate: 1.069 µ/s

I’ve copied Jim and Marco on this so that, if necessary, they can provide you the results of the latest sequencing tests.

Regards,

Fred

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Find anything juicy?” Jen blurted.

“Nope.” I tried to hide sounding disappointed.

After lunch, U.N. special forces broke through the door. Those guys never just knock.

Serious Misgivings [Make Me Laugh Challenge]

2008-05-13T14:08:15Z

Ewok Village
0400 Local Time
4 ABY , Endor’s Forest Moon

“Chintoo, rabba tok.”
Thanks for coming, we’re just going to go over the battle plan one more time.

“Eeka jub jub? Koko tah? Fu bon. Utek lon!”
Are you all absolutely out of your minds? How are we supposed to fight the Empire? They’ve got guns for crying out loud. All we’ve got are rocks and sticks!

“Gutoy chu baf. Gluntub, unto huka…”
The council has already decided this. Gluntub, you’re going to be in the hang glider and drop rocks…

“Bekah? Funto guj? Oput hub.”
Hang on, what? You want me flying through the air while blasters are going off everywhere? I don’t think so.

“Zozu, harek fo!”
That’s your assignment, soldier!

“Binto, mochub uuk.”
Man, why didn’t we just eat those Rebels last night, I was on board with that plan.

Galactic Basic Closed Captioning sponsored in part by Watto’s Junk Yard. You break it, we buy it.

Incentives

2008-05-13T13:26:04Z

As I watched the back of the LeSabre fade into the distance I realized it was probably for the best.

I managed to convince her that I could make a clean break after the development phase was over. The Coalition of Nefarious Distinction was handing out its annual awards and both GlobTrak and BioWeps were vying for the title of “Most Devastating Mass Extinction Technology in a Supporting Role”. All this would blow over in a couple of weeks after the voting closes. If BioWeps wanted to play dirty, I’d just have to deal with it.

After all, I couldn’t just give my two week notice. If I did they’d ask if I’d rather be locked in my office or held at gunpoint all day. I certainly didn’t want that and (believe it or not) neither did GlobTrak.

That’s the thing the movies always got wrong. Staring down the business end of a Soviet made PPSh-41 Submachine Gun was lousy motivation. Even super villains understand that people work much harder for a 401k and 4 weeks paid vacation.

Threats and Delegates

2008-05-11T00:57:40Z

I had little choice but to ignore the cry from below as the monster who now controlled the fate of my child appeared once more.

“I trust we have your attention, Mr. Lawson”, he went on. “Further instructions will soon follow. Remember, a word to anyone and it will be young Nicholas that suffers the consequences.”

My wife is going to kill me.

Her kidnapping four years ago was the very reason she was so dead set against me accepting this position in the first place. Whenever we have dinner guests she always manages to bring up the night she spent as a “guest” of the Crimson Fist on Serpent Island. I’ll never hear the end of this one…

Think Phil.

BioWeps and GlobTrak had been bitter rivals since the early days of the Coalition of Nefarious Distinction and now my family was in the middle of it. With no other recourse, I dialed the number of my union rep. After all, now that I’m a Level 4 Overseer I’m fairly sure that the charter clearly states my family can no longer be used in coercion.

(Brebelles Challenge) : The Little Planet that Couldn't

2008-05-09T20:02:21Z

Pluto was always late.

To be fair, he did have the farthest to travel but sometimes Neptune strayed a bit yet always managed to show up on time. Sometimes he would even stop for biscuits and jam which was much appreciated by all in attendance.

Pluto’s tardiness didn’t go unnoticed by Mars who was in a particularly foul mood this cycle after having been pelted by debris from Earth’s little organic infection.

The time would come when Earth would really have to answer for providing too hospitable an environment for such a growth (especially if it turned out to be contagious!) Of course Earth kept insisting that the problem would eventually take care of itself. Besides, there were bigger things on the agenda this go around.

“Pluto my friend,” began Sol. “I’m afraid the rest of us have been talking, and we just can’t abide your poor work as of late. We’re very sorry but we’re going to have to take your planetary status away. You can stay on as a Dwarf Planet, at severely reduced pay of course.”

Seeking Forgiveness

2008-05-09T18:36:49Z

Each day that passed after that fateful moment was an empty void where once such beauty could have filled. It was hard for him to imagine that eight long years had passed without the sound of laughter or the sight of his boy’s face aglow with bemused curiosity.

He never saw the other car, had no chance to avoid it as it raced along it’s destructive path in the black of night. In an instant everything changed and it could never be the same. The shattered pieces of his life would never be made whole. As the rain pattered down over the twisted wreckage he saw the light of life fade from his child’s eyes and it haunts him still.

She had agreed to meet but he dreaded the sight of her. Arriving early he tried in vain to bolster his courage with Four Roses. Could he bring himself to say it now? He had finally resolved that it was the only answer to the pain, but now that it finally came to it, would he find the words? Would she return with what he so desperately needed to hear?

The Same Old Life

2008-05-09T15:44:39Z

“Phil, there you are! Everyone, welcome your new team captain Phil.” It was Tom speaking, the short, exuberant fellow that had hired me.

“Phil, have a look around. This is your new family.” All eyes turned and I managed a slight nod.

“I can’t tell you how relieved I am to have someone to lead these guys through the recursion on the Radix sort,” he continued. “The launch envelope for the LGB has been a real problem in all our beta phases.” I gave another nod of ascension.

“Now I’m counting on you guys to get the guidance system working by the 18th. With your help Phil, I’m sure this team will win the bonus. The only real competition you have is BioWeps and their Nano Swarm is still pre-alpha.”

Later, I looked out over the floor and surveyed my new charge. Most of them were raw graduates lacking any experience with this sort of thing. I had made a promise to myself but once Angela got pregnant I realized I had to return to the life. There’s good money in super villainy, after all.

No More Lies

2008-05-08T19:43:46Z

What happiness I’ve enjoyed in life I can solely attribute to the upbringing that I had. Family is the most precious treasure each of us have. I finally understand now that it’s too late.

My father, a craftsman, owned a small shop of moderate failure. He tried to instill in me the values which allows one to lead a virtuous life. Despite his best efforts, I was naive in my adolescence and easily swayed. Lacking a true conscience or empathy for others, I was led down a destructive path which drove my father to desperation.

He tried so hard to help but in the end it was he who needed me and I wasn’t there. Now finally reunited it is too late. It seems as though he passed quite some time ago but it is difficult to tell. Here he lays and I cannot weep. Now I am alone. I have nothing, I am nothing.

When you wish upon a star, indeed. The least the blue witch could do is take this wretched unlife away from me, but she doesn’t. I will forever curse her as my body slowly rots inside the belly of this monster.