FourSeven's Stories

Impeccable Timing: A Story of Young Love and the Temptations of a Free Lunch

2007-10-27T08:05:33Z

So Johnny and Sally were walking in the park—

“Beautiful day isn’t it, sweetie?”

“Surely it is! Why, the birds chirp and the sun shines and the traffic doth provide a sensational soundtrack.”

—when in that very instant an intercontinental ballistic cruise missile left a smoldering crater where they stood only moments ago.

Meanwhile, deep in the bowels of the Pentagon, two young men clicked their stopwatches to record the time of impact.

“Thirty seven point seven four seconds!”

“Excellent. And yours?”

“Sir, thirty seven point seven four seconds!”

“You both recorded the same exact time?”

“Sir yes sir!” said the two men in perfect harmony with one another.

“Excellent,” said the general from the shadows which conveniently darkened only his face. “Impeccable timing, men. Lunch is on me.”

The two young men high-fived one another for a job well executed and a free lunch.

Searching for A Plot in a Plotless Story 8...billion

2007-10-26T11:15:30Z

“No we don’t!” cried the audience in grape-flavored contrast.

So doo doo be boop, the plot will go oooooooon

And on.

Suddenly I was following Misty May through the fires of Avalon when I saw a glimmering moustache over the mouth of the river Styx. I hopped on my gondola and paid sixpence to navigate the halls of montezuma and returned without the slightest clue as to WHAT

WAS

DOING

THERE !

I turned and fled swiftly with leaden feet. I sank through time and hit rock bottom, and there it was in front of me: the port. No, I mean the plot! As I gripped it the plot warmed my thoughts…

We now return to the regularly scheduled program, _ Sea Turtles On Ice. Watch as they gallantly slide to and for, around and about, four flippers feebly flapping for freedom…_

The plot broke free! My mind, a myriad of crocodile tears and thugonometry, I splintered a javelin and hoola hooped on, Joe.

I knew my journey wasn’t over. It’s never over til the fat old man breaks wind.

Lifestyles of the Homeless and Rotund (Stovohobo's challenge).

2007-10-26T10:01:51Z

Donny dropped his avoirdupois down on his stunned opponent’s chest.

“One!”

slap

”Two!”

slap

“Three!”

slap

Donny turned, confused. A homeless man with a boutonniere in the pocket of his torn white tee shirt had called the fight between swigs from a brown paper bag.

“Ding, ding ding,” said the homeless man. “Get away from my stuff.” He gestured toward a shopping cart full of dirty rags, a grocery bag half filled with crushed pop cans, and a makeshift cardboard cowcatcher taped onto the front.

“Placement in the line at the recycling plant is a-competitive,” said the homeless man. “You need a good spot or else you wont get as much money for the cans. Gotta mow people down sometimes-a.”

“Why don’t you sell your cart, too?” inquired Donny inquisitively.

The homeless man pensievely stared straight ahead, lost in thought.

An old lady started playing show tunes on her gramophone in a nearby window.

Just then a meteor struck the city and destroyed all life on Earth.

iPod Challenge with 14 extra BONUS SONGS

2007-10-17T22:18:28Z

1) The Honorary Title – Cats in Heat
2) Quad City DJ’s – Space Jam
3) A Perfect Circle – Sleeping Beauty
4) The Ataris – Saddest Song
5) Rise Against – Life Less Frightening
6) Will Smith – Miami
7) Sublime – Doin Time (Uptown Dub)
8) The Ataris – Takeoffs and Landings
9) Good Charlotte – Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous
10) Foo Fighters – Learn to Fly

BONUS until I run out of character, which shouldn’t be long

11) Dirty – Hit tha Flo
12) Rise Against – Ready to Fall
13) Good Charlotte – It Wasn’t Enough … (there have been lots of repeated bands already)
14) Hawk Nelson – Nothing Left to Show
15) Linkin Park & Jay-Z – Big Pimpin’/Papercut
16) Third Eye Blind – Eye Conqueror
17) Butch Walker and the Lets-Go-Out-Tonites – Rich People Die Unhappy
18) Jimmy Buffett – Banana Republics
19) Ying Yang Twins – Twurkulator
20) Mindless Self Indulgence – D**ks Are For My Friends
21) Eminem – ‘Til I Collapse
22) Falling Up – Marathons
23) Tool – The Pot
24) Trapt – Skin Deep

thats all.

I'm Free, Free Falling

2007-10-11T07:26:09Z

This is a sequel (I guess) to the phobia contest post thing. I almost feel like I shouldn’t participate because I dont consider any of my fears insurmountable, but I’m throwing my hat in the ring anyway.

My greatest fear has always been acrophobia (heights). In my dreams, i most commonly die by falling off of something—usually a cliff. I got mostly over this fear by climbing rock faces without ropes. It was thrilling, really.

I have also always been afraid of swimming in deep water, which is completely illogical considering Im a scholarship swimmer in college. But it is what it is. The ocean doesn’t bother me because I can see pretty well, but lakes and rivers make me jumpy. I can swim for miles, but swimming 100 feet out from shore in a lake makes me very uncomfortable. I once hit a sunken log with my toe while swimming in a river and almost passed out

Oh, and also…”Our greatest fear is not that we are powerless, but that we are powerful beyond measure…” that one applies to me too.

So Goes the Night

2007-10-11T06:17:19Z

A bodiless hand forces unto me a cup of spiced rum. The thought of ingesting it makes me weep openly. I would first slurp fetid standing water straight from the concrete of the parking lot. I announce this fact to nobody in particular. Nobody in particular announces to me I lack specific organs of my gender. I hear no dissenters. I consider the declaration. I grope myself and breathe a sigh of relief.

My antagonist assaults my mentality with crude references to coital activity with a goat. My forehead collides with the cup atop my lap. Laughter surrounds me. I am afflicted with shame. My female companion reminds me of the fellatio to be received. I am inspired. The cup hits my cheek and slides into my eyeball. I reconfigure. My aim on the second attempt is true. One, two, three, my cup is empty. I announce my sexual fortitude to the women in the room.

I stand involuntarily and stagger forward. My stomach contracts and something falls out of my mouth. I remember I ate corn and ravioli for dinner.