Garreth 's Stories

Pig E Bank Goes to Jerry Springer part 2

2008-03-03T22:24:13Z

Karl: Hi there Jerry!
Jerry: Hi Karl lets here your part of this story.
Karl: She seduced me Jerry! Shes sitting their looking all sexy on that shelf, with that thar come hither and yon look in her eyes, whats a man supposed to do I ask you?
Jerry: I know its amazing more boys don’t lose their virginity that way huh?
Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Pig E Bank: You bastard! (She starts to run at Karl but security guard Todd stops her as audience starts to whoop and holler)
Jerry: Luckily for us, Todd grew up on a farm and he’s on our payroll so hes used to handling pigs and little cash! Now lets continue. Karl, you have to know this is wrong. Most people put money in their piggy banks. They do not put their penises in their. Its sick. Even for this show!
Pig E Bank: Thats right! I have rights! Ain’t that right Jerry?
Jerry: I believe so Pig E.
Karl: Yeah the right to remain silent!
Jerry: Your a real renaissance man Karl! Now lets welcome our next guest….

and the curtain came down,,,,

2008-02-26T09:21:18Z

The play ended and the theatre patrons quickly emptied into the street. It was a chilly crisp October evening and soon the streets were empty. All of the shows cast and crew left and the ancient theatre was closed up for the night.
Desiree’ Reynolds, the shows star, tied a kerchief over her hair. She put on her trench coat. Brr Philadelphia was a cold city. Thank God in a few more days they were leaving for sunny Florida. She pushed open the heavy door of the Kimmel Center and hurried out towards the hotel where the rest of the cast and crew was staying.
It was 6am and Kim Brown was walking her dog before work. She loved teaching and she loved her beautiful cocker spaniel Patches.They were walking down Camac when all of a sudden Patches began to bark and claw at some garbage cans. Thinking it was just some uneaten chicken, Kim tried to pull Patches off. But then a bloody hand and head with a kerchief rolled out. Kim stifled a scream and pulled out her cell phone. School would be late this morning.

Lisa and Liz: come on out Girlfriends: Part 4

2008-02-23T08:38:42Z

Lisa attended her first Sisters of Sappho meeting with Liz. Sappho was a famous Greek poet and Lesbian. Now Lisa was starting to come into her own. She and Liz began to really get to know one another and to date. The kissing and sex were incredible! The passion she felt were just incredible, it was what she had been lacking with Aaron all along! She also now understood that old joke. What does a lesbian take on a first date? A U Haul!
In just a few months they moved in together and were very happy. Of course their were some bumps along the way. Her parents and siblings were shocked at first but soon came to love Liz and accept her as their own…their other daughter Lisa’s Mom called her.
Now Lisa knew their was one last thing she had to do. she went to the phone and nervously dialed the number. “Hello?” said a male voice. “Hello Aaron? This is Lisa…..You turned me gay!!! Hey a girls gotta have some fun! lol

The end

Lisa and Liz: come on out Girlfriends! Part 3

2008-02-21T07:05:37Z

Oh gosh Lisa said Liz…I’ve been waiting for you to FINALLy say that to me! She leaned forward and gently kissed Lisa on the lips. Lisa was as stunned as she could be! “Wow! “she had never felt passion like that with Aaron! Now all the pieces of the puzzle were coming together finally! But something else puzzled her now. “Liz, I thought you went out with all of those different men?” I thought you had men running hot and cold in and out of your house constantly.” “Lisa…laughed Liz…”I just told you I did darling. “Those were women, some very butch women. The more “girly” women were what we call “lipstick lesbians.” They were who you thought were just my buddies. But anyway I knew for so long you were unhappy with him and I knew why but I knew you were not ready yet to admit it. You wanted to try and make it work with that ‘breeder.” But all the time I knew at some point some day you would be ready! and now here we are! Are you ready Lisa! Are you ready to embark on this journey with me? Lisa?” Hmm?

Lisa and Liz: Come on out Girlfriends! Part 2

2008-02-17T08:23:03Z

Liz hurried in and shut the door, her dress rustling across the threshhold. Lisa gulped and it was then she knew…it was so obvious when she saw how beautiful Liz looked as she sat down on her couch, patiently waiting for her friend. They had been supposed to go shopping, but now Lisa knew they had to talk.
“Liz, said Lisa nervously, I have to talk to you. I have finally come to a realization, something I should have noticed a long time ago. About myself. I think I am gay. Its why I was so unhappy with poor Aaron, because I was so unhappy with myself. I am finding myself very attracted to women. Not all women, just attractive women obviously. Lisa giggled nervously and took Liz’s hand. Especially the one who has been there for me through all the hard times, Including my very difficult divorce and who I need to be there this time in my life as I have a lot of self exploration to go through. Now I understand you may not be gay too but I needed to be honest about my feelings with you. So what do you think?

Lisa and Liz: come on out Girlfriends!

2008-02-16T21:19:48Z

Ah sighed Lisa. Its been so long. Today would have been her and Aarons 8th wedding anniv. but they had divorced 6 months ago. She missed having someone in that big lonely bed with her but all they ever seemed to do was fight so they both finally agreed it was time to end the charade and file for divorce. Now he had already found himself someone new but Lisa was still alone and just could not seem to bring herself to start dating yet. She did not know what her problem was, could not quite put her finger on it. It was not like Aaron had ever abused her, beaten her or anything. At least then it would make sense. Maybe it was all the fighting that had made her a little standoffish.
Ring…Lisa’s thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell. It was her friend Liz. She had been single for awhile as well. Neither one of them seemed to have much luck with men. she went to the door and Liz came in. Lisa noticed how nice Liz looked in a dress she had not ever seen before but she quickly brushed the thought aside

Pig E Bank goes to Jerry Springer

2008-02-16T05:27:43Z

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Jerry: Welcome everyone to the show! This is our first guest, PIg E Bank.
PIGHello Jerry. (sniffle, takes tissue, wipes eyes)
So Pig E, what brings you here today?
Pig E: Well Jerry I am here to confront the man that has done me wrong, attacked me, screwed me over…it don’t make any sense…
Jerry: and I take it he did not leave any “cents” in your back…
Audience groans…
Jerry: Hey give me a break, the writers are on strike!
Pig E: Hey Jerry I ain’t no Ho! I did not even get any money!
In fact he stuck everything in my back BUT money! He presents himself as this cute sweet guy who collects piggy banks as a hobby but when he got me home and into his room oh my God!!
Jerry: Everything “changed?”
Pig E: Yeah and I ain’t talking about nickels and pennies neither! He greased up his penis and then he was all over me! My hole was not designed for that ya know?
Jerry: Yes so I have heard…Now lets welcome the man who attacked you Carl to the show!

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!!!