SunEyedGirl's Stories

I'm caged and I hold the key

2008-07-01T01:30:19Z

Everything inside me wants to love you
And I want to be to you what you need
But I’m chained
And I’m in this cage and as I try to reach through the bars
I only hurt myself
I need you to stay where your standing
And not walk away
For once I feel safe when I’m with you
And I know you feel it too
But reality is setting in, and its crashing me down
Is what I am what I’m destined to be?
Will I always be this afraid to let go?
I will learn how to solve this…

you dont love me in the morning

2008-05-26T00:08:39Z

Magic in the night
there were a million stars on your fingertips
and they made me weak when you held my hand
too bad this is just like all of the other times
when you dont mean anything by it
but i wish just one time you would
because i mean it everytime… and you should know that

But who was i kidding?
another day, back to the same old routine
where you hide behind yourself
and i’m out in plain sight
naked and exposed
but you cant say you were wrong, and you cant say you were right
so you just stand there, and tear my heart out

I am the silence, you are the knife

2008-05-08T03:10:05Z

Just darkness all around
And a tightness in my chest I just can’t shake
This ache in my heart is getting too much to bear
When I see you and you just dont care
You dont care for me, you dont care if you leave me speechless
Theres a feeling in me
A feeling of needing to just be held
Needing to just be needed, or at the very least wanted
I’m standing here, but do you even see me?
I’m screaming your name, do you even hear me?

the bitter irony of everything you want, and nothing you need

2008-05-07T03:23:32Z

Everything I thought about
And everything I wanted
Dangled before my eyes at a maddening impenetrability
Where I just keep reaching, and keep looking
But when I see myself, I’m still just standing still
Because this is how I must stand
And my mind knows it, but my heart has never listened
You have no idea what is going on in my head
It’s probably better that way, who knows what you’d think
Your so out of my reach in so many ways
But I want you so badly, and I’ve seen you in my thoughts
I’ve pictured you in my mind, and yet I didn’t picture this

So I’ll fight this inner battle
Undeniably my mind will win
And my heart will lay the loser
Broken and bleeding on the ground
It’s over and done
It was before it began

Secret Hatred and the Hidden Pain

2008-04-24T22:18:40Z

This cuts like a knife
And the blood is still dripping
But you wont so much as grab a towel
Because your so busy with yourself
And all of your contrived statements
Overachieved wisdom, from doing nothing
And you just stand there and do NOTHING !
But you point and you laugh
And you scornfully will say anything to ease your own soul
At me, when I am doing everything I can
And not a day goes by when I don’t dream
Not a day goes by when I don’t breathe in life like it’s the last breath I’ll take
But you just stand there, pretending
Posing like a friend when really you’ll rip me to shreds when given the chance
And I hate you for it…
But I have no choice but to pretend it’s all ok
My tears dont fall, they just stay in my eyes

some books should be left unopened

2008-04-11T02:42:25Z

Sitting there alone she felt all of the memories coming back. She wasn’t sure whether to reject them with the bitter cold severity of that which they had left her, or to welcome them back for a secret rendezvous. All those times she’d pictured them together… and all those times she didn’t say what she really wanted to. And all those times he so blatantly didn’t love her the way she loved him. His haunting memory scorched her once open mind. Now she was closed off, now she was singed. Singed to the thought of ever loving someone less magnificent than him, at least what she knew of him.
Passion had turned to madness, or was it the other way around? The mention of his name could make her stomach twist like a wrung out cloth. The sight of him made her lose all ability to think, she had lost her words, she had lost the ability to speak. Why could he have never seen her inner struggle? It all went so very wrong. And now she wishes she had left those memories where they came from.

Never learned how to wink

2008-04-07T22:31:52Z

She couldn’t help but be drawn in by his eyes. They were just so warm and brown and inviting. She tried to focus on her hand of cards. It wasn’t good. She couldn’t make a thing of it. But she couldn’t have him thinking she was stupid, or that she couldn’t play poker. There had to be a hand somewhere in that mess of cards. She just desperately wanted to be anything to please him, because there wasn’t a single thing about him she didn’t like. But they had known each other so long, and what if he loved her like a sister? That wouldn’t be good. She just had to know, she just had to find out. His teeth were just so white and his voice sounded so masculine and assuring. Then, as if she saw it in a hallucination, he looked straight into her eyes and winked. She melted. Maybe she was reading too much into it, but that was all she needed. She knew they were on the same page. If only she knew how to wink!

Suppressed

2008-04-04T01:45:57Z

Something in your eyes is saying you would die to know what I’m thinking right now

And that look is what makes me want you to chase it

I want you to try harder, I want you to go out on a limb

I feel like a mysterious world you want to discover

Like a crystal blue Atlantis

I think I will drink this in

I will let my mind go places it shouldn’t

And when I close my eyes I see…

The Confession

2008-02-28T23:51:55Z

“Tell him! Tell him the truth Robert, tell him you didn’t do it,” Her voice shook. The days of questioning had worn hard on her nerves.
There was a long silence in the air. The clock on the wall seemed as though it took longer to strike seconds and minutes were out of the question. His face was still, his eyes focused on the blank corner of the room. His body was tired, his mind was tired. He knew this was it.
“It was Friday, August 19th…” He started, his face wincing.
Her face turned white. This man, her husband…was a murderer.

Torn Calendars

2008-02-26T21:34:30Z

The best lines go unspoken
Just like the best times go forgotten
And just when you know what your dreams are
The hands of the clock fly off the wall
If I had a dollar for every calendar month torn
I’d buy myself the life I want

I say too much, I wear my heart on my sleeve
The world is passing me by
My dreams are growing green with mold
And my aspirations are laughing in my face
I’m selfish and I’m feeling dizzy
But I know that I’m right in the end

I can’t keep straight what I know about all of them
I can’t count on two hands who I wish would disappear
Some people just try so hard
And some people are beginning to look like me

All the time in the world

2008-02-10T00:00:51Z

You have the brightest eyes I ever seen
And they say so much about how you see through them
I wish I knew what it feels like to see the world like you do
I wish I knew what it feels like to actually feel
I’ve gotten so numb

And you have such big hopes and dreams without a plan
So I’m ready to help you
I’ll help you if I can
We’ll get out of this small town
And head for somewhere better
We’ll do what we can
I wish we had all the time in the world

Green

2008-01-26T19:29:51Z

Like I’m fresh off the track
I need some space, I need my own air
Get that bit out of my mouth, get the saddle off my back… but I want to do it for you so badly, just for you
But everything inside me wants to run away, and I know its not fair to you
I just can’t trust myself anymore
I don’t know how I got like this, or when it started, but now it feels like it wont go away

Please don’t give up on me, because you know my heart wants to do this for you
But my mind is running away, and my cold soul is already far away
I’ve just gotten so numb
Take me out to run
Win your trophy
Put me back again and forget me

But this is all new to me, I don’t know your kind of kindness
How you take the time, how you never leave me
I love you… so I’m going to give this a try

But I can’t hide the whites of my eyes
And if I hurt you I’m so sorry

Stray

2008-01-18T21:53:37Z

The ground just crumbled beneath my feet
Everything I’ve known… it’s gone
And you look me in the eye, as if you’re looking for my soul
you wont find it

My heart, its scabbed over
And my mind… it’s numb

I’m a wreck… compassion makes me run away
pity makes me cringe
I need the world to ignore this… the way I am
Because maybe if I can create an alternate world, I can live in it
And things are better there
I know it

Cuban Smoke

2007-12-25T03:55:52Z

That was a lie Anthony thought to himself when Angie left. He stared out the smoke clouded window, he could just barely make out the silhouettes of the motor cars going past on the city streets. The only thing he ever loved was his money, he could get it when he wanted it, it made him king and everyone respected him for it.
But Angie, that dame had it… and he never forgot her. That wasn’t just a night, that was something special with that one. Too bad he couldn’t love her more than himself. Too bad he couldn’t love her more than his money. Too bad he was the only one for her.
One suck one puff, and it all faded away in a cloud of
Cuban smoke.

i never had a chance/ every single day

2007-12-25T03:40:41Z

you will never leave me
i wish i had the words to tell you that
i never had a chance
i think you are so much more than you may be
but if you are i never want to know
because just the thought makes me doubt everything i know
what if we were meant to be?
what if i wonder that every single day of my life?
what if you never leave me… what then?
tears are streaming down my face
what now?