BernerOberland's Stories

A Letter From a Grieving Father to his Son

2008-06-20T23:42:33Z

Dear Son,
I was going through boxes of your stuff and I came across stories you wrote and paintings that you painted, cards and letters you wrote to your Mother and I.

I cried like I haven’t since she died. I guess because the dreaded anniversary of your death is coming up soon.

A suicide is but one death, I die a hundred times a day thinking of you and missing you so much.
I do know why, but I have so many questions that will remain forever unanswered. I will have to wait t until I see you in Heaven to ask them.
Did you think what it would do to me? Your brothers, nieces and nephews who loved you so much? And your friends?
I wish you were here to talk to. Since your mother passed away you have been my rock, got me through the days after we buried her.
I need to cry with you, laugh and remember the good times.
You helped me through my grief. I wish I could have helped you as much through yours.
When you died by your own hand, you changed my world forever. I lost my hero.
Love Dad

{The Dead Tell Tales Challenge} Dead Men Tell Tales

2008-06-20T22:37:13Z

Dead man tell tales. The darkness was complete.
The crypts were all closed. Dozens and dozens of them.
Underground the cemetery. Hidden from view.
The names anonymous to all. Why they were buried under the cemetery and who they were was a mystery.
The silence was eerie.
Cobwebs were everywhere, sticking like superglue on the faces of those brave enough to dare to enter their final resting place.

Cats hissed.
Rats scurried.
Bats raced by in the darkness.
Spiders made new webs to replace the dismantled ones.
Roaches scattered.
The silence was broken.
The dead had tales to tell.
But what tales? Who where they? Why did they not rest in peace?

Fellow ficleteers, if you so choose to enter this challenge and give these forgotten dead a ghoulish story.. if you’re not too scared! The challenge will end Aug 1st. Thank you for your participation one and all.

Scavenger Hunt Challenge: A Walk with Timmy

2008-06-18T18:44:56Z

“Did I ever tell you how I met your mother?”, Oscar asked his son Timmy while walking home from the park at three O’clock on a Saturday.
“No Dad, you never did tell me,” Timmy replied, actually interested for once in something his father was saying.

“Well, the year was 1995, the place, Philadelphia Pennsylvania, your mother, well she wasn’t your mother then, well she bumped into me at a Halloween party, I was Dracula, she was a witch, she cursed me out like a sailor on leave,” Timmy’s dad laughed remembering the scene.

Timmy laughed too, trying to picture his mom swearing.
“Well, I asked her out, amazingly she accepted and the rest as they say is history,” Oscar said with a smile.

“Dad, do you think I will ever meet someone like you did?,” Timmy asked innocently.

A cute blonde haired girl, with a Road Runner decal on her backpack, shyly walked past, “Hi Timmy,” she said and blushed.
“Hey there Delilah,” Timmy replied with a small smile on his face.
His Dad couldn’t help but smile too.

gods of the Sea.

2008-06-06T23:26:41Z

“I sank bigger ships than you,” bragged Poseidon.

“It’s not the size of the ship that matters, it’s the motion of the ocean, and everybody knows I make bigger waves than you,” Neptune spat out.

“Ha, when Jonah was swallowed by the whale, that was my doing, ” Poseidon replied.

“Well, Titanic was all me baby, all my doing,” Neptune said.

“Jaws all me,” said Neptune.

“Um Jaws was Spielberg not you, hello, it was a movie!,” shouted Poseidon.

“Well, I consulted on it. Read the credits why don’t you. Just after best boy and gaffer,” said Neptune.

“You couldn’t flush a toilet without help,” an annoyed Poseidon said.
“I’ll flush you in a minute, you son of a sea hag,” yelled Neptune.

They began hurling large tidal waves and tsunamis at each other, fish and corral reefs going back and forth like darts in a tournament of sea urchins.
Poseidon swallowed too much water and began to drown.
Neptune performed CPR and saved his life.
They resumed their argument as to whom was the better god of the sea.

Deities

2008-06-02T17:51:58Z

“I am so mush prettier than you,” Aphrodite exclaimed, while looking at her reflection in the River Stix.

“Says you,” Venus hollered back, checking out her own reflection, tossing her hair with a flip of her hand.

“Ladies, ladies, you’re both the most beautiful deities I have ever laid eyes upon,” said Hades with a smirk.

The goddesses smiled, demurely.

“So which of you hotties would like to accompany me to a Frat party,” Hades asked.

The deities giggled.

“Not so fast mister underworld mob man,” said Hercules, flexing his muscles, “these beauties are going with me this evening to the Harvest Festival, isn’t that right ladies?”
The goddesses giggled.
Hercules and Hades fought over the goddesses, mano a mano. A crowd gathered. Bets were made by Hermes and Mercury.
Dionysus and Bacchus sat back and drank wine and enjoyed the evenings spontaneous entertainment.
After the fight was finished, Hades down for the count, Hercules and the goddesses, on either side of the athlete, went and enjoyed the Frat party.

The gods of Love at War

2008-06-02T00:41:25Z

“Your Honor, my client believes he has more of a right to be the official god of love, I mean he is Cupid after all?” said the Roman god of loves lawyer.
“I object your honor, my client Eros has as much right to be the official god of love, the Greeks are famous for love and beauty, you have just to look at all of our statues to see that,” said the Greek god of loves lawyer.
“Beware of Greeks bareing..,” Cupid said under his breath.
“I heard that,” said Eros, “You better beware of me diaper boy.”
“Oh yeah Errors,” said Cupid, “You want an arrow up your nose?”
“Order in the courtroom,” the judge yelled and banged his gavel.
In the back of the room sat two beautiful goddesses, Athena and Minerva.
“Might we offer a suggestion?,” asked Minerva, the Roman goddess of wisdom.
“You may,” replied the judge.
“My Greek counterpart and I have an idea, why not let them both alternate every other day and Valentine’s day stays with Cupid and Eros takes Arbor day.”
“Good idea,” said the judge, “Case dismissed.”

I Am Challenge( I am Doomed): A Poem

2008-05-22T18:36:40Z

I am one whose friends betray him.
I am one who is accused of betrayal.
I am one whom life has sucker punched.
I am in grief.
I am in sadness.
I am in toil.
I am regretful
I am hurting beyond repair.
I am friendless.
I am fighting.
I am hardened by life.
I am a mask wearer.
I am a phony
I am a liar.
I am a fake.
~

I am a friend.
I am loyal.
I have endured life’s hard knocks.
I am recovering.

I am truth.
I am life.
I am happiness.
I am true.

I am alone.
I am used.
I am abused.
I am hated.
I am ignored.
I am afraid.
I am soul less.
I am demon.
I am legion
I am doomed to eternal fire.

There was no cure. No way back to who I was.

Pineapple Juice

2008-03-31T17:23:03Z

Penelope pineapple here, atop the refrigerator, about to jump down onto the dog that is terrorizing all the fruit in the palace’s kitchen.

The Pie lady has fainted, thanks to Betty Blackberry shouting out to let us all go. Brave berry.

I will land on the dogs head and knock him out. Even if he awakens before my escape, he won’t be able to bite through my hard shell. Won’t hurt me a bit.

My plan seems to have worked. The dog is out. The crazy pie lady is still down too. Escape for us all is at hand.

Uh, oh.. the Lady of the manor has arrived. Is that a baseball bat in her hand??

Oh no it is. Sure wish I could roll like the other fruits.

Penelope Pineapp….

“Pineapple juice for breakfast dear?”, the Lady of the manor asked her husband the Lord of the manor.

An Apple a G'day Mate

2008-03-30T21:43:45Z

Arnie Apple ere, ow are ya? I’m avin a bit of a bad day ere.

Seems all me mates are getting chopped into salads n pies for some fancy schamcy dinna party.

No way is some crazee pie lady gonna be makin me a dessert. No siree bob. Not on your life.

I’ll just jump off this ere table onto that dumb dogs ead and pop on outta this mad ouse.

Ere I go. Umph. That wasnt so ard.

Oh, crickey seems dawgs do like apples. I’m inna bit of a pickle ere.

Let go ya mangy dingo.

O well, just a bite mark, didn’t get me to the core, I’ll live don’t you worry bout ole Arnie Apple ere.

G’Day mate.

Music Challenege: You can't Go Home

2008-03-22T23:06:22Z

It doesn’t matter where you are
It doesn’t matter where you go
If it’s a million miles away
Or just ten miles up the road
Take it in, take it with you when you go
Who says you can’t go home.

We sang this on the long ride home from grandmas house, three years after dad left us.
Who says you can’t go home
There’s only one place they call me one of their own
Just a hometown boy born a rollin’ stone
Who says you can’t go home.
Jon Bon Jovi, the greatest singer that ever lived. And some female I never heard of before, sang this, and in my heart I was glad to be going home. I love grandma, but I missed my friends.
Who says you can’t go back
Been all around the world
And as a matter of fact
There’s only one place left I wanna go
Who says you can’t go home
It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright..

“It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright…”, we kept sinigng long after the station was playing another song.

Life is for the Birds: It's a Birds Life For Polly

2008-03-22T22:38:39Z

They named me Polly. How clicheish. Every parrot I have ever met is named Polly. By the way.. “I Hate crackers.”
This cage up so high, I am getting dizzy.
At least the stupid cat cannot get to me. The look on that ball of fluffs face every time she looks up at me, ruffles my feathers.

The kids run around, skate board through the house and play music too loud.

Someone sticks their hand in to add bird seed and change my water. They never leave the cage door open long enough for me to fly out and taste freedom.

When they go away on vacations, the dog gets to go, to the kennel I hear, but still gets out of the house. The cat, gold fish and I stay were we are, at home.

Kind old Mrs. Beasley comes in to feed us, and change my papers at the bottom of the cage. She always puts the comic section down, bless her heart.

I hear a ruckus. They’re back. With crackers. Oh Joy.

It's a Goldfish's Life for Goldie

2008-03-16T23:48:53Z

I swim in the castle. I swim out of the castle. I swim in the castle. I swim out of the castle.

O how I am begining to hate that castle.

O is that food I see floating up top? I better race to it before Large other gold fish, gets to it first and there’s none left for me.

Sigh too late again.

Looking out the sides of this clear glass bowl, watching the people as they go about their day.

Longing to sprout legs and join them in their life outside a fishbowl. Sometimes the big people’s little people press their faces up against the side of the bowl, and they look huge and it scares me and I think they want to eat me.
Especially when I smell something ‘fishy’ coming from the thing they use to cook food in.

And so I swim in the castle. I swim out of the castle.

On My Front Porch

2008-03-09T17:31:32Z

Nick, Joe, and Kevin Jonas were standing on my front porch, yes thats right. The singing sensation brothers. On my front porch.

Their limo broke down and they lost there cell phones, all three of them.

They did so. No It wasn’t the Starbucks that made me see things it realy was Nick, Joe and Kevin.

Nick said, “Hi, I’m Nick”.

Joe said, “Hi I’m Joe.”

Kevin said, “Hi I’m Kevin.”

I fainted.

When I awoke the trio were singing, “Hold On”, to me on my front porch. Yeah that’s right ya’ll, my front porch, take that Hanna Monatana.

The Not So Great Bank Robbery

2008-02-27T23:05:48Z

With her walker the eldery woman went through the bank doors, smiled a crooked false teeth smile at the guard, and proceeded to the line for the only available teller.

Handing a note to the teller the old woman’s smile dissapeared.

The teller looked at the seemimly benign senoir citizen before her and said, “are you serious ma’am?”

“Dead serious”, she replied, “and make it snappy missy.”

Silently the teller pushed the alarm.

Johnny, in the Mazda outside ,heard the sirens and drove away as quicky as possible.

Inside, sensing something was wrong, the old would be bank robber pulled out a Glock and aimed it at the teller who sounded the alarm.

“Everybody , on the floor,”she yelled like some line from a bad Hollywood film.
They nonetheless obeyed.

The hostage seize lasted twenty minutes when the old woman was felled by a heart attack.

Lefties

2008-01-13T22:59:47Z

A recently discovered gene causes left-handedness and Schizophrenia. I’d always though scientists believed that left- handed people were the smartest, perhaps that study was done by a bunch of left -handed scientists.

O well, I figured that being a rightie I had no fear of contacting the schizo thing.

My best friend, who was nicknamed Pinocchio, because he lied all the time asked me, “Psst Alfie, how do you spell defenestrate?,”

“D e f e n e s t r a t e,” I said, “Aren’t you left-handed?”

“Yeah, ” he replied.

“I thought so”, I said and giggled.