Pieces of Andi's Stories

her night

2008-11-09T17:26:00Z

Tonight was her night. She hadn’t won anything, she wasn’t with her prince. She was in her bed crying. She couldn’t hold it in anymore. Her life was shit and it was now in front of her face. Her schooling was not the way that it needed to to be. Her friends were not always the best ones; always having a reason behind something. Her lack of relationships was not giving her an outlet from someone else to be able breath. Her living arrangements weren’t working out. And her depression was beginning to creep its way back in to her life. She was a no body and she was good at it. She hated her life and her life hated her.

Notice

2008-10-11T06:03:20Z

She took another sip of her wine and looked down at her watch. He was now over an hour late. ” Is this what it will be like when we are married?” The waiter walked by her giving her that look of pity. She had seen it before, she knew what it looked liked. She took the last few sips of her wine before calling the waiter over. She ordered her food to-go.
Once home, she changed and began to eat her food. While eating the phone began to ring; she knew it was him, she let the machine pick it up. “Hey baby, it’s me. Sorry I didn’t make it; I lost track of time. The waiter said you left a little bit ago. I’m a try to stop by, see ya baby.”
She got up and put her food away and headed to her bedroom. She heard him knocking at the door while in bed; she didn’t get up to get the door. A single tear began to run down her cheek, ” I could wait my whole life for you and you wouldn’t even notice.” The phone began to ring again, she closed her eyes and tuned out the bullshit of a message he was leaving on her machine.

Our conversation

2008-09-03T04:07:47Z

If you want to be here then be here. If you don’t want to be here then stop stringing me along. Don’t keep me around just to fill the place of other people. I stopped my ranting and raving to look at me watch. With a heavy sigh she began to acting as if she was talking to him. Make me as important as everyone else that comes before me.
45 minutes late, “I’m sorry I’m late, I had something important to do. You ready to go?”
“Yea, I’m ready.”
I got up and left my conversation where I sat.

He will always do this to you.

No he won’t, he will change.
Won’t he?

Sentir (to feel)

2008-07-14T05:15:41Z

“How far do you want to go?” He asked her.

She looked him in the eyes and looked away, “As far as you want to go.”

She knew that if she asked him to stop that he would leave and never look back. She wanted to feel someone else that night. Something, anything, no guy that she was ever with stayed the night if she wasn’t putting out.

She wanted to feel that touch, that kiss, and his warmth on her body, on my body. She needed it. I needed it.

I knew, soon it would fade away the want and the need. 
My heart would soon turn cold if I didn't get this night. 
I didn't know if he would be back but for that night I would feel something.

here

2008-06-24T04:59:18Z

Long after we have parted ways, I will still be your friend. And I want you to know that. I will be here even if you don’t want me to be. I will still be the person that you can talk to and I will listen and hold your secrets that you can’t tell anyone else.

When you find who you are I will accept all of you and not just the parts of you that I like.

When you are ready I will still be here.

drive

2008-06-23T04:39:23Z

You ever feel like you just want to drive until you run out of gas and you don’t care where you end up?

wish

2008-06-10T05:24:32Z

Some days I wish I could take your pain and make it my own. The days that you are on the floor crying because of what has happened within the last remaining hours of the day. They have done it again to you they have broken your heart in a way that I can’t put it back together. The pieces lie on the floor and as you start to put it back together, it is never that same as it was before. There is always a little piece that can never be found. That piece that they have taken with them, is a piece of your hope and drive that keeps you going and I fear one day that one of they will take the last piece that you have to give and that you will have a gapping hole for all the pieces that are missing from your pure and beautiful heart. I pray that the next one will not break your heart but will help you to find the missing pieces and make it whole once again.

settling

2008-06-03T15:39:13Z

You had asked me once what do you want to settle for him? I couldn’t give an answer, but now months later I want to ask you the same question. Why are you settling for this man? You tell me that it is not every day that I found someone because of my size so when I do get one I have to keep him. So then that makes it ok for you to settle? You have had relationships time after time. You say that is hasn’t always been that you have had a boyfriend but you have, as long as I have known you. Me on the other hand I have not had relationships at all. And when I find someone that is willing to give me a chance, you say that you don’t want me to settle.

Then you need to take your own advice and not settle I know that you are not truly happy. You tell me night after night.

You just need to get out more and find that guy that wants you for you and not because of the tricks that you can do.

Follow your own advice. Don’t settle.

sorry

2008-05-23T11:40:48Z

your sorry no longer hold their meaning anymore. when i’ve heard them a thousand times and you continue to do the same things handing out another fake a sorry. i can know long before you that you will not do the things that you say you will do. meaning that the next day, morning, or time that i see you i will be getting a sorry from you.

don’t give me a sorry anymore; you don’t know the meaning ~~of the word.~~ if you really want to give me a sorry change show me something i can believe. just let the issue go and move on.

i do not hold for your actions anymore

disapointment

2008-05-21T07:34:38Z

When will I find my hope and will again? I have hoped for some many things this year all to be left disappointed. Yes, people say that the year isn’t over yet and that I shouldn’t give up yet.

Nevertheless, I have had the hope ~~ripped~~ stolen out of me with every broke plan and every sorry about the plans maybe some other time.

But when people ask I wonder how much of their hope and will has been trampled on and then I wish to ask them to turn that into their whole year. And see how much more will and hope that would have left in them.

That is my life; it is no longer filled with hope and will but with disappointment. I know when my friends say that they are going to call back or come and get together I don’t dare get my hopes high that it is an empty promise filled with disappointment.

With hope comes disappointment.

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

Mistake

2008-05-21T07:02:34Z

With you I can never do anything right. I will do things that way that I have always done them and they have worked for me until now. With the way I have done things throughout my whole life are wrong. You should have did it this way. This is what you said in the conversation.

Then I think about yes you got a copy of the conversation but I was there when the conversation took place. Don’t tell me this is how I felt when I was writing it.

You can never be happy with the things that I do. Yes, I do make mistakes. But that is all you ever see and will I ever be more than that to you?

Do you not make mistakes and do I not just let them go? I don’t try and figure out what was going through your mind. I already know that you have made the mistake and that you know that you have made that mistake. I do not go and make it more than what it was.

~~Show me the same.~~
Never mind; it was a mistake. I’m letting it go.

Life

2008-05-02T02:32:15Z

There she was her body was cold and numb. She sat at her desk looking at the 12 little, blue pills. Her phone began to vibrate, Dan’s name showed up, “Now you want to call? Well now I don’t want to talk.” She let the phone sit where it lay. She began to move her hand closer to her mouth. Her phone began to ring again; unknown number. She looked at her computer screen. “Andi pick it up! It’s me Cris.”

She picked up her phone, “Hello?”

“Andi it’s me Cris. I felt like there was something wrong. Are you ok? I got your number from Aaron; I told him that it was a matter of life and death. I just had this really bad feeling about you.”
Cris was starting to continue to talk when he hear Andi crying on the other line. “Cris you just saved my life.”

The line was silent. “Cris?” Within minutes Cris began to cry with Andi. “Don’t you ever think that you are alone and that no one cares about you.”

Within 2 hours Cris was at Andi’s door. Cris spent the whole rest of the week with Andi until her semester was over.

Belong

2008-05-01T02:06:22Z

When do the ones that don’t belong begin to belong?
When will I begin to fit in and be accepted?

I ask my self that now because before I didn’t need to fit in or belong I had my family but now that I am 3 hrs away. I wonder, I have made family up here but now that I am a year behind they are still moving forward and they will still be a ATS family but I will not be with them. Then I had my friends family but they are changing. There are more into their religion or into the boyfriend. Leaving me to wonder when will I belong?

There is a saying to be is to belong, but if this is true then I must be in the wrong place because I don’t belong.

find

2008-04-22T20:12:27Z

Trying to find that one person that can understand you is the hardest thing to find in life.

Sold

2008-04-14T01:46:52Z

I am ready to sell myself to the highest bidder for that one day of happiness and love. Even if it is fake happiness and love I will sell myself.

With my second year at school almost complete it is the one thing that I have truly learned; people don’t like you for you, they want to become someone else and I am at the point to make myself into what they want. With my small town mind and values I have been pushed aside, only being needed when my small town knowledge can get them the answer that is needed to solve the problem.

Ready to learn to shake that ass, talk with the city slang, to be the hoe that I have never let out of the box and to be the alcoholic every other weekend just like you. Just for that one day of acceptance.

Going once, going twice, sold to the highest bidder.