Suburban Saint's Stories

Glass Houses Are Never Glass Homes

2008-06-26T23:16:11Z

Haven’t been on here in forever… A song I’m working on

There’s a pile of stones in my house made of glass
They lay next to me day after days pass
I watch them not moving and I see through my walls
For I cannot ponder what I can’t see at all
The things in my head I would do with those stones
If long ago I hadn’t been taught what to know

Break the glass
Let the waves pour in
Just walk past
Don’t know why you’re lookin

The sun itself a cliché so it hides
Behind buildings and mountains and afternoon tides
I watch as it sets on the shores of this place
And water itself streams down from my face
For to see the whole world and not touch an ounce
Is to crouching and crouching but never to pounce

Break the glass
Let the waves pour in
Just walk past
Don’t know why you’re lookin

Break the glass
Let the heat pour in
I’m just a boy
But I know why you’re lookin

5 Things I've Never Told Anyone

2008-01-13T04:33:08Z

1. I’m afraid of my Dad because he’s hit me before.

2. I’m afraid to have relationships that fail the way my parents’ did.

3. Sometimes I’m attracted to guys (I’m a guy)

4. The pressure I’m put under by my parents makes me think the average/normal life won’t live up to their standards.

5. I don’t think my Dad loves me.

It’s nice to get this out in the ‘open’-ish.

Thanks for listening ficlets and/or whoever decides to stumble upon this.

Ramblings on Love

2007-10-22T20:39:19Z

Love is the ultimate god.

Being in love is the only heaven; where girls are angels and boys are saints.

As great as this heaven can be, it is only true when it is shared.

This heaven isn’t a certain place, it’s wherever you are: wherever you find love, is your heaven.

Whether it’s watching a sunrise or sitting, looking up at the stars; wherever you find love, you find heaven.

This heaven’s gates are closed to none: whoever finds love, has their heaven.

Whether you are up-class urbanite, middle-class suburban, one who has never made a mistake in your life, or a walking disaster; whoever finds love, has found heaven.

I’m just a Suburban Saint who’s found his heaven in an Angel whose heaven is elsewhere.

Striving for her everyday.

Never losing hope.

Never looking down.

As great as this heaven can be, it is only true when it is shared.

Physics

2007-10-20T01:48:04Z

Thunder leaves your clouds for lightning
But I just want to shine them both away
Let them crash and flash somewhere far off from us
Take you from your gray state and make you a
Beautiful bright white

You act like you don’t mind when he bursts out
Leaves your darkening self for the excitement of light
But every time he does, you get the repercussion flash of pain
That burst of light shown on you, letting you know that all you want
Is pulled away by physics

Not chemistry like you would expect
Not biological attractions

But the physics of magnetic attraction that keep him from you
The same one that I keep praying will bring this shining son
Back to the clouds that once held it
Back to its home in the sky it no longer knows
With or without the clouds, I will shine on

..somehow

just me talking

2007-10-18T20:43:44Z

I love you
I’ve told you so many times before
And every time you listened and you
Smiled
That beautiful smile
But this time you can’t say it
You can’t know it in your heart enough for it to reach your lips
But my ears refuse to hear anything else
Its those words or nothing
So before you can say the truth
The fact that you can’t say it

I stop you
I’d rather spend this time with you in silence, smiling
You’re happy here, I’m happy here
Wherever it is that we are, let’s just stay
And if you decide you can say it
If you can break the silence
Than we can move on to where I know we are meant to be
But for now, where we are is perfect
Together

Need a challenge?

2007-09-17T00:34:18Z

Write me the most poetic thing that you can accomplish without using rhyme, assonance, consanance, meter, stanza’s, purposeful aliteration, or any other of the common poetic tools.

Write it like a story with the style of a poem.

There won’t be a “winner” or any voting, its just for fun and for the challenge.

Good luck, can’t wait to see what you all can do.

Passing Love Like Secrets

2007-09-16T05:51:33Z

We always snuck food out of the cafeteria. And then pass it back and forth in class. Always getting each other’s favorites instead of our own.

I’d pass her cucumber slices and get back carrot sticks.

Pass her french fries and get back chicken nuggets.

Pass her a cheese stick and get back a roll.

But I sit here and look out the window. Or at the board. Or in my notebook. Anything except for the french fries on my desk. Anything to keep my mind off the cheese stick in my pocket. Anything to make me forget the cucumber slices in my backpack.

She’s still there, right next to me. Nothing on her desk. No bulge in her pocket. But she doesn’t look in my direction. Doesn’t notice that I’ve still got everything she wants. But she doesn’t have any of the things that I want and I still want her.

More than ever, I want her back.

The Journey

2007-09-16T04:15:28Z

It seems so odd that this is where I had been trying to get.

You never would’ve thought that all that I’ve said and done over the past few months was all so that I could end up here. Just looking at me you would be surprised.

Dressed well and with a certain look in my eye, rock bottom would not be my expected destination. But it’s true, the demise of all that I am could not be a more appealing goal. After all, what I had done that was so amazing?

To be honest, my journey to where I am is probably the greatest acheivment that I could brag about. The only acheivment; that I’ve gotten to where I was going.

But now that I’m here, I take a look around.

From a distance, it seemed so beautiful. But from up close, is it what I really wanted? Is this what I’ve been working so hard for?

I’m not sure, but I don’t have a choice anymore. After jumping off a cliff, your options aren’t what they used to be. And now, falling to the ground, I can see all that I ever wanted. Standing up on the edge.

Gravestones

2007-09-16T03:39:34Z

I don’t even know anyone who died.

Sure, the friends-dad or granparent or movie star. But I’ve never shaken hands or given a hug to someone who’s gravestone I stood over later.

So standing here, looking at all the gravestones, I’m not sure why I feel like I belong to such an extent.

The grass beneath my feet is a soft green. Not quite the color grass should be, but not far from it. Quite close to my own feelings. She’s not quite the girl I want to be with, but not far from it.

So what am I supposed to do? She’s so right, I have no reason good enough to end things. But it’s so hard, I have no reason right enough to stay where I am.

And so I stand in this graveyard, looking up at the tower, trying to understand. Trying to know what it would be like to look at these stones and feel the pain of loss. What would it be like to lose her? To give her up?

Could I let her go and not wake up every day thinking what if? Can I live with her gravestone in my front yard?

Graveyards give me the chills.

I'm Right Here

2007-09-16T03:23:15Z

Can’t you see me? When we’re alone, its like I’m the only thing you’ve ever seen in your entire life and you wouldn’t close your eyes for fear that I might not be near when they open again. But now, with friends all around us, I melt back into the crowd. Bright in the darkness of solitude, now I simply shine amongst the rest.

You don’t know how hard it is to stand there being looked at just the same as everyone else. When I look at you, it’s like there’s a mask over everything else and you remain unveiled. Your smile would blind if it weren’t so loving. I’d be lost forever in your eyes if your hand weren’t there to pull me out.

But when you look at me, you are the one in the mask. Seeing everything, even the one that means so much to you, in a shadow. I know I shouldn’t always shine the brightest in your eyes, and you aren’t always as radiant as I describe.

But every once in a while, it would be nice for you to take notice of me. Every once in a while, it would be nice if you’d take off the mask.

A Single Day

2007-09-02T14:55:22Z

She always talks different around me. This girl who always says she hates to write, suddenly has a way to say just the right thing.

“And we’ll live forever, just you and me, always.”

I look at her smiling, “Not me.”

She stares back, confused and feeling slightly betrayed.

“What do you mean?”

My eyes glance down at my feet and then back up into her beautiful brown eyes.

“If you live forever, I want to live to be forever minus one day,” I pause as her eyes begin to shine and her mouth begins to open into a smile, “So that I will never have to live a single day without you.”

Riding Your Thumb

2007-08-27T17:37:14Z

Such an ironic moment. To be so lost when I am most found. The realist in me is telling the poet to shut up and enjoy it, but words come out none the less.
Your eyes are like standing on the side of the road, riding your thumb. A kind of lost makes you feel so free that the fear of being far from home is overwashed and lost. Like you are.
Your lips are that first car that stops and smiles, welcoming you in. Taking you out of the cold that has set you free to a place where you are found.
Your hand, a blanket. Spreading warmth over whats left of the frost bitten soul you hold inside.
And when it all comes together. The lost freedom of leather backing, the welcomed wholeness of companionship, the warmth that can’t be put into words even by a poet fighting with his inner self.

Then

You have love.

Then

You are found in a place so unfamiliar it can only be described as

Perfect.

Perfect

2007-08-25T18:26:26Z

I’ll just spend my day sitting around because bad timing and an empty house have thrown off every plan I tried to make. I could’ve seen your smile a million times by now and instead I’m on a couch full of nightmares. Broken dreams for pillows. Emptiness as a blanket.
I lay here cold and alone. Because nothing seems to go right until I’m with you. Twenty ideas full of logic and well thought out can be brought down by simple words. Until I’m with you, every dream remains in my mind and freedom bears a chain.
But once I’m actually there. Once my eyes are lost in yours and once our hands finally meet, everythings perfect. Perfect can’t even fulfill the feeling.
This wholeness and warmth that comes from your gaze and stays no matter what else comes our way. With you, I know that somehow, despite everything thats trying to bring me down, I will find a way to get through.
And in the end, you’ll be right there beside me. And it will be more than perfect.

Drummer Love

2007-08-25T00:16:36Z

I’m just so unused to everything about you. In truth, my hearts been beating along to a different chorus for so long that your melody, though beautiful, just isn’t flowing with it. And, true, I could change my tempo to fit yours. Take out the crash and emphasize the bass… But then it just wouldn’t be the same beat. I’m not asking you to change your lyrics and I hope you don’t ask me to change my beat. My suggestion rather is that we start from scratch. A new collection of harmonies and cymbals, new words to new music. And after we’ve both changed, after we’ve come together to create something new. It will be beautiful. Because it will be ours.

Silent & Empty

2007-08-18T08:03:35Z

You know the road is empty. No headlights coming through the windshield. No bliding highbeams through the rearview. You’re surrounded by dark, cold road and forest.

But you’re not alone. There’s a single thought in your mind that keeps the warmth of company in your heart. That makes it feel like someones holding your hand. Like someones giving you a hug.

That thought that at the end of this road, she’s waiting for you. That when you get through this dark, cold highway empty of dreams and joy, she’s going to be there. Arms open and smiling wide, she’s going to be with you again.

The windows keeping out the wind and the radio turned off, the car is silent. But her voice is with you. Telling you its going to be okay. Saying she’ll be with you soon, and everything will be right.

The road comes to an end in an abandoned neighborhood. There she is, standing alone amongst shattered windows and dumpsters. An angel in tattered clothes encircled by destruction. The only bright part of your desolated spirit.