literaryayeaye's Stories

Circles aren't much fun

2007-05-30T22:22:04Z

Cindy blinked. She had lived through the same story about eight times, and it was not doing anything to improve her mood. Not to mention the fact that she was really hungry now.

Ahead of her, Sir Ronald was raising his sword to strike Lionel…again. Right, it was time to end this nonsense. Just because those males were caught up in the story didn’t mean she had to be.

She stepped forward, grabbed Ronald’s shoulder, and spun him round. “Right, twerp, we’re going to get out of this hole right now. Dragon, fend for yourself. I wash my hands of you. I need a bath…just because I’ve had five today doesn’t mean I can’t have another…and some food. And if the Lords of Time show up, then…well…I intend to be curt with them. Very curt. So there.”

Sir Ronald was not so sure about this. He had a vague suspicion that Cindy was supposed to say something else, but he decided to give in. My, she was a magnificent creature.

“Come, Lady Cindy, let us climb up the l…”

“Shut up!” she shrieked.

Harnessed Dreams

2007-05-30T18:29:21Z

Within the music box, tremendous energies churned.
Individually, dreams are fairly harmless things. Our minds are let out of their pens to frolic wildly amongst our experiences, picking up disparate bits of existence we have discarded and sewing them together. What-ifs and nevers are allowed, for a few brief moments, to be real. Then we wake up and get on with things. We need dreams to detoxify our minds, as well as to guide us.
Imagine what would happen if our dreams were stolen from us, harnessed somehow? Even the dreams of dogs, remnants of the urge to give chase to small furry things, have tremendous power. And how would we get on without dreams?
In hindsight, I should have destroyed that box the minute my mother gave it to me. But how was I to know?
I reflect on these things in my grassy green grave; red hard bark and the pure blue sky above me mingle with the perfume of newly cut grass, freshly mulched beds, sun baking the earth and plants releasing their juices into the air. Death is my final dream.

A B-movie-ish turn

2007-05-30T18:07:48Z

“So, have you much experience working with garments? I don’t really have many standards when it comes to a human wearer. I’m really just looking for a gal or guy of any size who would like a cozy red ribbed sweater knitted by a sweet old grandma. You sound like just the person, Penelope. Let’s go out for coffee tomorrow, you and me.”
Normally, Penelope was very cautious about making dates. Normally, Penelope would never think of answering a personal ad, except perhaps as a joke. But there was something about that voice that was simply irresistable. It reminded her of curling up by the space heater on a winter’s night, reading a good book (or watching mediocre television, as was more likely). She gave into the merino-cashmere blend’s sweet seductions.
And this was just what the sweater wanted. A human host to accept him, to allow him to work his influence. For this sweater was no ordinary sweater. It was a creature from Beyond. And tomorrow, it had a date with Destiny. Mocha-flavored, caffeinated Destiny.

A further transgression

2007-05-30T17:42:39Z

Cindy took a deep breath. “O, great and partial Lord of Time, I have one question to ask of thee.”
The omnipotent being looked confused, insofar as an omnipotent (and quite possibly omniscient) being can.
“Why are you talking like that, child? You don’t have to talk in Olden to me. I am quite hep to you young people’s lingo.”
Cindy said, “Why’re you only fourteen hundredths, then? I thought you went on forever. Ad eternum, if you will.”
The Lord of Time replied, “Indeed, my child. But people get scared of eternity, so I appear in abridged form. Now, I think you all know why we are here.”
Lionel decided to stall. “No, we don’t, actually.”
“Yes y’do! You stand accused of singing cheesy songs, dulling the intellect and stifling creativity with pop culture! Now, what do you have to say to that?”
Lionel threw his head back and roared, “YOU CAN DANCE IF YOU WANT TO ! YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR FRIENDS BEHIND ! ‘CAUSE YOUR FRIENDS DON ’T DANCE AND IF THEY DON ’T DANCE THEN THEY AIN ’T NO FRIENDS OF MINE !”
Chaos ensued.

Of silly love songs and pie-racks

2007-05-29T02:35:38Z

Lionel stared deep into Sir Ronald’s eyes. Then, in the calm, composed voice one uses when speaking to the very young or the very disturbed, he said, “There was only one cheesy song reference in this whole thread, Sir Ronald. I spoke of Sir Paul’s career, bless his heart, but I did not refer to any of his songs in particular. But why must we ban cheesiness from ficlets, anyway? See, some people want to fill the world with silly love songs. What’s wrong with that? I’d like to know, cause…”
“That’s TWO !” shrieked Ronald, and he raised his sword again to strike.
Cindy clapped her hands together. “Boys, stop this. You know, when you use violence or bad music against an enemy, you lose more than you win. It’s a, wossname, Pie-rack victory.”
Ronald and Lionel stared at her. “What?”
“That’s right. Read about it in this book. There was this general named Pie-rack, right, and he won a battle but lost loads of men.”
“Aargh,” said Sir Ronald, because he had just been shot in the shoulder.

Dragon Angst

2007-05-09T20:26:15Z

Cindy put on her best schoolteacher voice. “Lionel, it’s not nice to make kebabs of your friends. Today you are going to have some lovely processed meat items, if you can be good and refrain from destroying the rest of the city.”

Lionel huffed. A spire of blue smoke rose up from his nostril. “You’re stifling me, Cindy. You just don’t understand me. No one does. Everyone just wants me to become what they expect. I’m moving out as soon as I’m old enough.” Cindy looked closer at Lionel. There was a hint…just a hint, mind you…of black eyeliner around the dragon’s eye.

Sir Ronald stepped forward. “Sir Dragon, we must humor our lady. Womanly types need humoring. I promise you, as soon as this adventure is over, I will invite you to my estate and we can hunt wild boar, roast them whole, all manner of manly activities.”

Lionel was mollified.

Then something horrible arrived: an irate vegetarian on a bike, blasting the worst tunes from the solo career of Sir Paul McCartney on her portable stereo.

the eleventh

2007-05-02T15:49:13Z

Then I met a perfectly ordinary man. He was a computer programmer. He would go into work everyday in shirtsleeves and slacks, work 9 to 5, come home. On the weekends he’d mow the lawn, we’d go to the movies, all that sort of thing. He’d spend his free time watching tv and drinking beer. He liked to build birdhouses.

And he was perfectly allright with my being a supervillainess, nemesis of most of the major superheroes in the comic book pantheon, creator of chaos. Let me tell you, that marriage lasted for some time. Until he brought a puppy home from the shelter. That ended it.

All roads lead to Steakxas

2007-05-02T15:28:06Z

Sir Ronald had never been beaten with a hairbrush before. The perfect battle weapon. Too bad he couldn’t bring Cindy herself; if only she weren’t a lady-girl, she would make an excellent knight. She was deadly accurate.

Cindy was at the controls. She did not look happy about something.

“Do you require my assistance, lady?” Sir Ronald inquired.

Cindy glowered at him. “You just shut up for a second. Now, here’s the problem: we’re about ten miles out from Steakxas, and the Dragonhome’s displays are starting to go out. I think there is some sort of signal coming from Steakxas that is shorting out the Dragonhome. I think we’re going to have to turn around. Lionel, did you hear me?”

There was a jarring impact. Lionel’s voice boomed out, loud and menacing, “Too late! We’re here! Time to kill!”

Cindy exchanged an anxious look with Sir Ronald, then shrugged her shoulders and began to climb towards Lionel’s esophagus. Sir Ronald hesitated, then drew his sword and followed her. The show must go on.

Some gratuitous plot summary...

2007-05-02T15:03:37Z

Sir Ronald scratched his head perplexedly, his forehead painfully furrowed. Then he brightened up.

“I could loose some weight!” He declared, his smile bright enough to light a palace.

Cindy sighed. “It’s all right, dear. Let it go. Now that you’re here, you might as well be brought up to speed. I am an outlaw of dubious virginity, and I am living here in Gaspard’s Symbiotic Dragonhome, which I stole.”

Sir Ronald was taken aback. “What, you stole the whole thing? But this is a small mansion! How could a fair person of your size, a mere lady-girl…”

“It started out much smaller, Sir Ronald,” said Cindy through clenched teeth. “Anyway, I managed to fight off the enraged Duke, the original owner of the Dragonhome. Now Lionel and I are on our way to Steakxas, where we are going to feast on delicious processed meats. And you, apparently, are coming with us.”

Sir Ronald and Cindy sat in silence for some time. Then Sir Ronald started singing. Recrimination was swift.

A Vegetarian Complication

2007-04-29T18:24:53Z

Meanwhile, in Steakxas…

Liviel savagely gnawed at her veggie dog. She was getting antsy; the boss had promised her that the vegetarian regime would be in place within a week. That was over six months ago, and so far the closest they had come to a coup was buying out a hotdog stand. Though that had been fun, this was absolutely unacceptable. The meat-sucking scum, they must be destroyed…they MUST be destroyed…

“Livvy, dear, are you quivering again?” A lilting, slightly effeminate male voice piped up.

Liviel gave the speaker a dirty look. “Listen up, man, you told me I could take over! Have you forgotten that we’re doing all this for the Animals?”

The Voice chuckled. “Not to worry, not to worry. They will be here soon, and then we’ll have them. It’s all part of the plan.”

The Duke smiled privately to himself. “Yes, it’s all part of the plan.”