Harpo Kennedy (the hidden brother)'s Stories

Get me Rewrite, Part 1

2007-06-07T22:07:13Z

Jane walked in the door to her apartment hoping Ron wouldn’t be home. She couldn’t remember a hotter summer in San Francisco, and for some reason Ron seemed to want sex all the time anyway.

Jane just wanted a shower and to relax with a pint of Cherry Garcia.

Her day had been hell. Not only had the dispatcher put her on another bus route, she’d gotten a bus with an anemic air conditioner…and no pick up whatsoever. You try driving a hot bus up and down San Francisco’s hills sometime in a bus that has no oomph.

She stripped off her sweaty uniform and made her way to the bathroom. Unfortunately, she found Ron, already soaking in a cool tub.

“Shit”, she thought.

“Hey honey”, Ron said. “Wanna join me”?

Get me Rewrite!

2007-06-07T22:00:49Z

This is an experiment that I’m inviting all of you ficleteers to play with.

I’ll write “Get me Rewrite Part 1” as the sequel to this intro.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it is to write a sequel in which one substantial thing about the story is changed…a character’s sex, the locale, the season, someone’s job…you get the idea. Don’t adjust anything else (well, renaming a character if you change their sex may be o.k.). The idea is to see how everything else continues to fit (or not) when one element is changed.

Have fun.

"Sorry, We Don't Have an Email Address"

2007-04-14T15:21:40Z

Hughie Hundruck answered the phone, “NetWebDriver Solutions, how may I help you?”

The caller said, “I purchased CleanScreen v3.4 last week and it doesn’t work. I tried finding a fix on your website, but every link I click shuts down my computer.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Hughie said, “we’re especially proud of that. So what is it you wanted help with?”

“Well the package said CleanScreen would filter out any internet content I didn’t want my children seeing.”

“Are your kids seeing anything objectionable when your computer shuts down?”

“Well, no”, she said, “But they can’t get their homework done, either.”

“Have you considered buying them a pencil?” Hughie asked.

“Look buddy, I want a refund. I spent 79 dollars for your filtering software and it doesn’t work.”

“Ma’am, that’s really a matter of interpretation, isn’t it? I’d say it’s working perfectly.”

Frustrated, the caller hung up.

Hughie turned to his partner and said, “Can you throw some more coal in the stove, please? It’s a little chilly in here.”

An Unreasonable Request V

2007-04-08T13:01:44Z

A door whooshed open in the middle of the room, where a moment before there had been only open space. Four men in BioGear stormed into the room and took firm hold of each of us.

Speaking through our implants, one said, “In accordance with ordinance 535-j/6b3, you are now in the custody of the UCA health consortium. You will not be harmed if you cooperate. If you resist in any way, use of MindWipe VII is authorized. Do you understand your rights as I have explained them to you?”

Looking at Liz, I thought someone should explain the concept of rights to these guys. Before I could say anything stupid, Liz winked at me.

Faster than the eye can move, she grabbed a fork from the table. In one continuous movement, she stabbed holes into each of the mens’ BioGear and rake the fork across her palm. She slapped her bleeding palm across the holes she’d made in each of the suits. The effect was immediate.

Next Stop Canaan, VT

2007-03-31T01:04:47Z

“Look”, Thomas said. “I’m convinced. You’ve got…like a destiny or something. There’s something you have to do and whatever it is, it isn’t supplying happy hour at Hank’s”.

“But I like it at Hank’s”.

“It’s not about what you like or don’t like. You have a purpose, dude”, Thomas said.

“Well, I didn’t ask for any of this. I’m perfectly willing to save a kid here and there when I’m in the neighborhood, but what, you expect me to go looking for stuff”?

“I’ll go with you”, Thomas answered. “We’ll just kind of bum around and see what turns up. Besides, you can make enough cash for us to get by without breaking a sweat. Hell, we’ll just travel around and talk to people about stuff”.

I looked at him and said, “Stuff? What kinda stuff”?

“Oh, you know, like parables and shit”.

“Parables and shit? You’re seriously damaged”.

“OK, we’ll figure it out as we go. Maybe we’ll meet someone who can sorta point us in the right direction. Hey, I can be your first disciple. This’ll be my first job title. Cool!”

The Light of the Empire part VI

2007-03-28T02:02:04Z

“Wizards”, Kaijan thought disgustedly. “What the hell are those useless fools doing here”?

And as luck would have it, one of them stumbled into the clearing and saw Kaijan and the Prince. Before Kaijan could do anything, the horseman called out to his fellows.

Moments later, the entire polo team from the Empire’s capital, the Ward Haven Wizards had assembled themselves in the clearing. Their captain, Darell Fuselier dismounted and said, “Prince Klamert, whatever brings you to this remote place? And in the company of…one such as he”?

Klam, being rebellious in his own small way, had never favored the Wizards. He was a fan of the brash team from Lesser Fontana, the Flames. In a fit of pique, he said, “You dare question me and the company I choose? Beg my forbearance and be gone.”

Darell led his team away without another word. Kaijan had no idea what had prompted the prince’s response, but he approved of the result.

The Light of the Empire part IV

2007-03-26T12:38:34Z

Kaijan didn’t need to look back. Klam made enough noise to be heard three time zones away. He’d have to work on that.

Kaijan was busy berating himself for accepting this chore. The Empire was under siege and the Heir had to be moved to safety. Well, he thought, duty is duty. No-one said I had to like the job.

What really had him doubting was a little known piece of information. When he’d been briefed on this mission, by the Emperor himself, he’d become the fifth person to know a secret. Kaijan was the Emperor’s bastard, sired on his mother, a Palace chambermaid. This loathsome child was his half brother.

All of this had him thinking, as well, about bloodlines. Why should Klam be heir to an empire while Kaijan might aspire only to NCO rank in the “Heir’s Own” regiment.

He forced himself to focus on his current situation. He had taken the Emperors Coin, and he’d soldier on. His job was to get one foppish, sniveling, whiny brat of an Emperor’s whelp to safety…not to question the kid’s worth.

Off to Bethesda

2007-03-25T13:44:41Z

Saving the world doesn’t always start with big doings. Little things count, too.

Three days after the miracles started, I slept a little late. That’s fine. Nobody seems to complain if I keep to my own schedule. I was walking down the road, headed for Kip’s Kitchen for a little breakfast, when Darren Latimer comes running up the drive from behind Morten’s Garage. He’s hollerin’ and waivin’ and what all.

I grab him and calm him down a little and ask what’s the problem. “The ice has broke up out on the resevoir and there’s four kids trapped on a floe that’s drifted free”, he says.

I walked down to the reservoir and just like there’s no difference between the shore and the water, I just kept on walking. Walked clear out to that drifting floe and grabbed me the youngest two kids. Got them safe to shore and went back for the other two.

By then, it seems like half the town was standing there watching, jaws hanging half to the ground.

Thomas said I had to quit Hank’s Bar. Other stuff to do, you know.

I'm it? Shit

2007-03-24T16:49:57Z

I passed through Chilton’s Ford late this morning. I’ve been living rough and sleeping in the woods, so, no wonder they didn’t throw me a parade when I walked into town.

I used a few of my last coins to buy some bread and cheese and continued on my way. I know where I’m not wanted.

I spent the rest of the day looking for a place to camp. I had no interest in making distance, just getting some rest.

Finally, I just dropped myself in a small grove I walked into. I was out like a light the moment I lay down.

And the next thing I know, there’s some guy leaning over me yelling, “Tag! You’re It!”

I kind of jumped up, thinking, “What the Fuck?”, and I notice this charm stuck to my chest. There was a chain on it, but not around my neck, and I noticed that the charm didn’t fall off when I moved.

I was just about to ask the guy what was going on when he ran off into the woods. He was laughing out loud as he ran.

That didn’t seem good.

Tag! You're It!

2007-03-18T20:46:10Z

Wally was tired of the game. He’d been moving from hiding place to hiding place for the last day and a half. Sleep was a precious commodity he’d had little of.

The main problem was if he dropped the amulet, it would just follow him. It needed to be near a beating heart and clung to the nearest one.

And don’t even ask about the thing tracking the amulet. Feral and voracious was all he knew. And that was more than enough.

He’d tried sneaking into a small town, but he’d been threatened with clubs and rocks.

Just an hour ago, he’d started following a guy wandering alone through the forest. And now, it looked like the guy was settling in for a nap.

Wally crept up to him as quietly as possible. The snoring helped. As soon as he was at arms length, he removed the amulet and pressed it to the guy’s chest.

His eyes popped open with fright. Wally smiled.

“Tag! You’re it!”, he said.

The Light of the Empire part III

2007-03-14T20:54:13Z

Kajian turned and looked at the boy. He knew that he was barely a year older, and was once again struck by the thought that the difference between a man and a boy is not always measured in days lived.

Finally, he said, “If you want to live, you’ll follow my instructions without hesitation. For the immediate future, when the sun is up, you will walk. Or hide. When the sun goes down, you eat and sleep. And hide. That’s all. Nothing else.”

The kid’s petulant look was enough to make Kajian turn briefly sympathetic.

“What do they call you, anyway?”

Lifting his chin, the kid said, “By the Grace of God, Gift of the Universe, his August Highness, Klamert Quethie Padernaught Ellsworth Amarien, XIV , Light of the Empire”.

Kajian said, “Klam, it is, then”, and began to walk away. Klam would follow or not.

Sufficient Unto The Day...

2007-03-14T19:08:45Z

Like I said, Hank figures he’s got a pretty good deal.
Word gets around real quick.

Next thing you know, the place is filled with folks wanting wine, fishes, loaves…the whole schmear. And Hank’s cost is squat. Just point SaviourBoy in the right direction and stand back.

Now Hank’s a decent enough guy. As long as you pay your bar tab, you can be somewhat of a jerk. Too much, and you’re out on your ear, but a little’s O.K. But he’s having a hard time with the lepers. He’ll only let them into the mud room off the back door. Once I heal ‘em they’re allowed in the front, but not until the blemishes clear up.

By the way, who knew there were lepers in New England? I’ve been here all my life and it’s the first I’ve heard of ‘em.

So anyway, I’m just biding my time. The work’s not that demanding and everyone seems appreciative and all, but its like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. Thomas says I’m just being paranoid.

Listen To Your Mama

2007-03-14T18:20:37Z

My mom was never all that demanding. She always said she just wanted better for me. “You can be anything you want”, she’d say, “doctor, baker, physicist, horse trainer; whatever you want.”

She wasn’t concerned with prestige, just that I do something well and take pride in it. But did I listen? No, Of course, not.

Caught the first freighter to New Regina. That’s what I did. I wanted adventure. Schmuck!

So, I could have listened to my mother. If I had, I could be drinking a beer after helping build a barn. I could be arranging flowers for someone’s wedding. I could be redesigning code for one of the multi-stellars. I could be doing a lot of things.

But I’m not. I’m tucked as far into this dark wet cave as I can get.

The good news is that the thing that keeps sticking its nose into the cave opening is too big to get any more than its snout into here. The bad news is that the thing that keeps sticking its nose into the cave opening is too big to get any more than its snout in here.

Mmm. Beer.