The Black, Black Room

by uselessness

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Hours. Surely hours have passed.

I never slept, just kept my eyes trained on the crack under the door, watching the light fade into orange and purple and black until nothing could be distinguished but the occasional creak of the floorboards or muffled shout in the distance.

I can feel the warmth of something dripping from my left temple; I feel it spatter on my leg. Smells like blood.

A throbbing headache, I try to raise my hand to my forehead, but it’s unresponsive. From my shoulders down, both arms tingle, trying to remind me of what I’ve been through today. My mind won’t cooperate. Where am I?

The room pitches and my seasickness returns. A boat. Thunder.

A flash of lightning burns an image in my soul and is gone: tiny room, a metal chair, I’m strapped to it, and my arms? My arms! Where are my arms? I scream but can only wheeze.

The room trembles again, throwing me to the floor with a splash. I hear the rush of water, already inches deep around me. Coming under the door! Cold, rising! I can’t move!

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 4.0 stars out of 5

  1. The Black, Black Room

    Gnarforama_X's Buddy Icon Gnarforama_X

    Posted 11 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Beautiful setup, setting the mood quite well

  2. The Black, Black Room

    blueyedwonder's Buddy Icon blueyedwonder

    Posted 11 months ago

    ooh, scary! like it!

  3. The Black, Black Room

    YodaOnCrack's Buddy Icon YodaOnCrack

    Posted 11 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    This is great work – great opening hook with “light fade into orange and purple and black until nothing could be distinguished but the occasional creak of the floorboards or muffled shout in the distance.” I do think that past and present tense are mixed together. Was that intentional? I think it would read even better if you stuck with one tense. Great work!

  4. The Black, Black Room

    uselessness' Buddy Icon uselessness

    Posted 11 months ago

    Hey, thanks. The tense thing is legit - the story’s narration occurs in the present tense but begins with a retelling of the events leading up till now. The protagonist is trying to remember what’s happened, when the feeling of blood dripping pulls him into the now and directs his focus to the crisis at hand. Sorry if that was confusing. :)

  5. The Black, Black Room

    uselessness' Buddy Icon uselessness

    Posted 11 months ago

    Oops, Ficlets formatting didn’t like the double hyphen! And I guess I can’t edit or delete old comments…

  6. The Black, Black Room

    FlirtingWithaBrickWall's Buddy Icon FlirtingWithaBrickWall

    Posted 11 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    A flash of lightning burns an image in my soul and is gone

    nice

  7. The Black, Black Room

    SKermitgorf's Buddy Icon SKermitgorf

    Posted 11 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    suspenseful, a lot of your sentences were hauntingly well put togeher, the imagery was alive.

  8. The Black, Black Room

    cainegreene's Buddy Icon cainegreene

    Posted 10 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    Liked this and it did set suspense and get me sympathetic with the character. Did not have a problem with the tenses.

  9. The Black, Black Room

    Hunting Beauty's Buddy Icon Hunting Beauty

    Posted 10 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    This ficlet is amazingly good, Parker. Although it doesn’t surprize me since I’ve read your other ficlets and they are all extremely good. This one is very spooky.

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