Ficlets

The Song of the Pitchforked Children

Her lantern flickered and went out.
Hear the little children,
summoned from below.
They beckon and they beg,
for you to go and follow.
She crunched the leaves under her feet, reminding herself she was still on solid ground. It wasn’t windy or raining. The still, frigid air hung in the sky like a veil, impairing her vision.
They sing their little song,
and play their merry tune.
They’ll be leaving soon,
and they’ll take you too.
The whisper of a tune floated to her through the cool night. She shivered, though it wasn’t cold.
We are of the night,
we creep about the forest,
Careful where you tread,
you can easily get lost.
A figure emerged from the shadow. A pale child; pitchfork in hand. His eyes were pure white. He had no pupils. He gestured for her to follow. Young and naïve; she did.
The song was louder now; ringing in her ears. A group of children circled her. Pitchforks risen, they attacked her bloody.
Lead you into the field,
where no one else can see
Cut you into pieces
and eat you up for tea.

Comments

Average Reader Rating:

The Song of the Pitchforked Children
YodaOnCrack
Posted about 1 year ago

A unique and creative approach to the challenge – lots of directions this one could go… Something pretty creepy about “little children summoned from below…” – that CAN ’T be a good thing!
The Song of the Pitchforked Children
SKermitgorf
Posted about 1 year ago

Love the ryhmes in the story and I agree w/Yoda about the creepiness factor Children of the Corn always creeped me out!
The Song of the Pitchforked Children
THX 0477
Posted about 1 year ago

I think you’re in the lead for sheer creepiness factor here…evil children are always extra creepy, something about violating are inherent belief that children are innocent and good a la Children of the Corn, Village of the Damned, or that early scene in Dawn of the Dead.
The Song of the Pitchforked Children
blueyedwonder
Posted about 1 year ago

i agree with everybody. very nice job!!!
The Song of the Pitchforked Children
Batak Beatrix
Posted about 1 year ago

I enjoyed this. I think the integration of the rhyme was well-balanced with the narrative, and evil kids? Yeech.
The Song of the Pitchforked Children
The Ghost in the Machine
Posted about 1 year ago

o. my. god. rlly liked this one an im in the contest. amazing
The Song of the Pitchforked Children
Officially
Posted about 1 year ago

Creepy. Good job. The poem really adds to it. I imagine it being sung by little children, like the creepiness in Ring Around the Rosies when you see a bunch of kids singing it for the first time after you’ve found out what it mean.
The Song of the Pitchforked Children
Officially
Posted about 1 year ago

One thing, though. Rereading it, I found this inconsistancy: you use the word frigid and later say that she shivered “though it wasn’t cold.” Still, great job.
The Song of the Pitchforked Children
artistsrunwild
Posted about 1 year ago

yes and i also say “cool night”

it sounds good and i was hoping no one would pick up on that LOL

oh well…not changing it not enough characters

plus i kinda like it the way it is…it has become my offspring lol
The Song of the Pitchforked Children
Leave Me A Note
Posted about 1 year ago

Its really good, I think. Its what I like to read.
The Song of the Pitchforked Children
Leave Me A Note
Posted about 1 year ago

Especially the ending.
The Song of the Pitchforked Children
cainegreene
Posted 11 months ago

Very Creepy. Only critique I had was the line they attacked her bloody should it be they attacked her, bloody or
they attacked and bloodied her. Loved the creepy sing song poetic verse
The Song of the Pitchforked Children
artistsrunwild
Posted 11 months ago

Thanks cainegreene but i have no moer characters lol…i had to phrase it awkwardly like that as I had limited characters left lol

but thanks for the comment
The Song of the Pitchforked Children
Ana Cristina
Posted 11 months ago

Congrats on winning the Halloween Challenge! I hadn’t had a chance to read this before. It’s wonderfully creepy! Well done.