Ficlets

Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy

Dear Gossip Girl: My husband won’t let me perform my nightly ritual of watching ET with a gallon of rocky road ice cream by my side. He wants to watch something called football instead. Help?

-ET Phones Home

To ET: Have you ever considered divorcing your husband? Why listen to his idiotic, no doubt indecipherable mumblings when you can just walk away from him forever? All the stars in Hollywood do it. Why listen to his wants and needs?

Dear Gossip Girl: I’m freaking out. I’m trying out to become a model, but they won’t accept me because I don’t smoke or take medicines usually given to horses to get thinner, and I gained three ounces of weight yesterday! Advice?

-Wannabe Anorexic

To Wannabe: Smoke. Take those medicines usually reserved for horses. Become bulimic. Drop that disgusting three ounces of weight, any way you can!

Dear Gossip Girl: Your advice columns freak me out. Your answers are hazardous. What should I do?

-Concerned Doctor

To Doctor: ...

Comments

Average Reader Rating:

Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
Bigkittyproductions
Posted 9 months ago

What is this football you speak of?
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
Bigkittyproductions
Posted 9 months ago

Gossip Girl is kind of a meany pants… walking out on your husband so you can eat rocky road? Girlfriend, you need to get your priorities straight
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
Bigkittyproductions
Posted 9 months ago

Just to let you know I posted all the comments as I read the paragraphs one-by-one.. I really LOVED the ending
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
Storykeeper of Fae
Posted 9 months ago

Hahaha…satirical and hilarious at once. Love it.
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
THX 0477
Posted 9 months ago

Always boggles my mind how people feel that writing to a complete stranger is a good and effective way to make life decision.
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
artistsrunwild
Posted 9 months ago

omg I LOVE GOSSIP GIRL !!!

its the best series

but i do agree with her…elitest comments….im just a sucker for the rich life and its perks

this is very funny and totally true
nice
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
Yeah Write!
Posted 9 months ago

haha! how did i know it was you, stovohobo? please tell me you have some legit reason for watching Gossip Girl! :P
~
only watched the first episode but not for lack of trying! thank goodness my other shows are on that abc full episode player!
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
llamaluvsmenotu
Posted 9 months ago

I LUVVV GOSSIP GIRL 2 !!!
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
BetwINeen
Posted 9 months ago

funny, and totally true.
i love the series but people writing to a total stranger are just a wee bit…desprete
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
Stovohobo
Posted 9 months ago

I’ve never seen Gossip Girl on TV, or read the books, I just figured it was an accurate name for a sleazy advice columnist.
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
SKermitgorf
Posted 9 months ago

Dear Abby/ann landers with really bad advice lol. But the satire was hysterical. esp to the anoexic!
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
Alexa ♥
Posted 9 months ago

These are really good ways to be unhealthy.
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
someday_93
Posted 9 months ago

Oh my gosh. I’ve never heard of Gossip Girl, but this is hysterical.
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
Laine P. Grey
Posted 9 months ago

Dear Stovohobo-
Positively Brilliant!
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
emma jo_234
Posted 9 months ago

haha. if I ever decide to smoke or become anorexic, I’ll know how to turn to. nice.
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
emma jo_234
Posted 9 months ago

*who, not how.
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
One Time, One Chance
Posted 9 months ago

I should slap you for this. Gossip Girl is LIFE !!!! The first episode is/was free on iTunes btw ppl. I watched it, fell IN LOVE WITH IT , and.. omg. but this is pretty funny, i admit. ughh. you disappoint me stovo. but i guess, in the eyes of some, this is how they would view it =]
lmao to Yeah Write!’s comment =]
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
Stovohobo
Posted 9 months ago

Okay, for the last time, it’s not based off of that! I don’t even know what the TV show or books are about! Eesh. See above comment by me.
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
blueyedwonder
Posted 9 months ago

HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!!
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
argh-matey
Posted 9 months ago

...ha ha.
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
○○♥Promises Broken & Backs Turned♥○○
Posted 9 months ago

nice advice, u should start a real advice column, everyone will be single, skin and bones, and totally insane!
Dear Gossip Girl: I Wanna Be Generally Unhealthy
wytherwings
Posted 8 months ago

hahaha… totally gossip girl