The Denial of the Twinkie Addict Extroirdinare

by Saint Chuck

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Okay, let me just say this right away. I’m not fat. I’m pleasantly plump. I just want to get back to my “before three kids” body. I mean, I used to be a cheerleader for Pete’s sake. I don’t work, so I might as well do a bit of excercise. I mean, it can’t be that hard to lose a couple of pounds.

Step one, find the weights. I walk through the kitchen towards the basement door, grabbing a Twinkie off the counter. Once I get to the door, I turn my body sideways and squeeze through the narrow frame. I take the stairs one at a time, grabbing the rail for support. Once I reach the bottom, I’m slightly out of breath, but that’s just my allergies. I mean, come on, I’m not that out of shape.

I rummage around for a bit, until, alas, I find the box of weights. I squat down to pick it up, only to realize that I can’t get back up (I’ve always had a bad back). I push off from the wall trying to propel my self up, only to tip straight back.

I’m not fat, I just don’t have good balance.

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. The Denial of the Twinkie Addict Extroirdinare

    Batak Beatrix's Buddy Icon Batak Beatrix

    Posted 9 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    What a sad and scary statement on American life today.

  2. The Denial of the Twinkie Addict Extroirdinare

    Shadow's Buddy Icon Shadow

    Posted 9 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Poor fat people.. no, wait. I don’t pity them. If they want to get back into shape, Stop the twinkies XD

  3. The Denial of the Twinkie Addict Extroirdinare

    Laine P. Grey's Buddy Icon Laine P. Grey

    Posted 9 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Brilliant, I found myself laughing yet remorseful at the same time.

  4. The Denial of the Twinkie Addict Extroirdinare

    T.F. Torrey's Buddy Icon T.F. Torrey

    Posted 9 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Excellent, and it works for so many more areas than just losing weight and Twinkies.

  5. The Denial of the Twinkie Addict Extroirdinare

    Frostbite's Buddy Icon Frostbite

    Posted 9 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Mixed emotions ftw! I liked it haha. Oh, and I’m not dead!!

  6. The Denial of the Twinkie Addict Extroirdinare

    Insert Pen Name Here 's Buddy Icon Insert Pen Name Here

    Posted 9 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    ha! I like this!

  7. The Denial of the Twinkie Addict Extroirdinare

    SKermitgorf's Buddy Icon SKermitgorf

    Posted 9 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I love all the excusses LOL allergies, bad back,

  8. The Denial of the Twinkie Addict Extroirdinare

    Lone Writer's Buddy Icon Lone Writer

    Posted 8 months ago

    LOL . That’s sooo funny!

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