Ficlets

The Fifteenth

Marten stayed low, and moved down the trench. Plasma beams streaked across the sky above him, a patchwork of colors that would have been beautiful if they weren’t trying to kill him and the entire fifteenth infantry.

Kravlik stopped him as he passed.

“Hey Anders,” he said, gesturing over the edge of the trench toward the enemy line, “I think I see your mo-”

A purple beam went through his outstretched hand, continued through his skull, and burned into the back wall of the trench. What little blood wasn’t cauterized splashed onto Marten’s face. He instinctively crouched lower.

“Man down!” He said into his comm. Nobody stopped to see which of their brothers had fallen. The mourning would come later, always later.

Marten pushed Kravlik’s body against the side of the trench. What was a soldier 5 seconds ago was just something else to trip over during a retreat.

An explosion shook him off his feet, and turned the sky white. An inhuman roar filled the air.

“Oh good,” he thought. “The psykers are here.”

Comments

Average Reader Rating:

The Fifteenth
Ana Cristina
Posted 8 months ago

In your third section from the bottom, I believe you misspelled solider (sorry, can’t help it – I’m an English teacher :p). Otherwise, it’s good, leaves the reader wanting to know more.
The Fifteenth
m8ryx
Posted 8 months ago

nice touches, with the instinctive crouch and the retreat concern. pretty tense little ending.
The Fifteenth
One Time, One Chance
Posted 8 months ago

although i despise anything blood, i found this oddly amusing =]
The Fifteenth
Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
Posted 8 months ago

Very cool. Intense and has a very realistic feel. Nice characterization.
The Fifteenth
Wil Wheaton
Posted 8 months ago

Thanks, Ana Cristina. I don’t know how I missed such a basic spelling error!

I appreciate the feedback from everyone else, too. I’m an experienced non-fiction writer, and this represents one of my first steps into writing fiction.
The Fifteenth
Ana Cristina
Posted 8 months ago

Not bad for one of your first attempts. This is a great website for practice.
The Fifteenth
SKermitgorf
Posted 8 months ago

Reminds me of Saving Private Ryan, the book, from the movie, by Max Allan Collins, based on screenplay by Robert Rodat
The Fifteenth
SKermitgorf
Posted 8 months ago

You have to write more fiction, you’re too good at it to stop ,I went and looked and saw this was you’re only ficlet. Next time i look I hope you have more.
The Fifteenth
Mistress Elsha Hawk
Posted 8 months ago

good first entry!
The Fifteenth
Ighnot
Posted 8 months ago

I would like to know more about the psykers… Don’t keep us hangin’, man! :)
The Fifteenth
uselessness
Posted 8 months ago

Great story. I’m also a bit of a fan of your blog and acting but I’ll try not to say anything embarrassing or overly gushy. ;-) Keep up the ficleteering, you’re a natural!
The Fifteenth
cainegreene
Posted 8 months ago

Awesome! I am with Ighnot give me more on the psykers!!!
The Fifteenth
Hunting Beauty
Posted 8 months ago

You did an excelent job on this story. You are an extremely good fictional writer. I do believe we have a future world known author on our hands…keep up the good work!
The Fifteenth
Alexa ♥
Posted 8 months ago

Compelling and graphic. I love your writing style.
The Fifteenth
SupRspi
Posted 8 months ago

Great story, great atmosphere.

Certainly better than my first ficlets attempt. I’d also love to see someone pick this up and run with it.

Your ficlets that I’ve read are great, usually because they leave lots open for other writers – something I’m trying to emulate in my own.
The Fifteenth
Compound Fracture
Posted 8 months ago

Liked it a lot. I gave a prequel a shot.
The Fifteenth
Exhalted Truth
Posted 7 months ago

It’s good, kinda sounds like Warhammer 40K from the talks of psykers and battle “brothers”
The Fifteenth
White Hat
Posted 5 months ago

Plasma beams and trench warfare?
And some sort of psionic super-soldiers?
That’s a shithole of a war.