Lies revealed

by User 5877

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A hand, broken and twisted. This is all I see when I look back to see what tripped me. Even now, it twitches with a sickening lifeless energy. Then I see it. The thin silver wedding band proclaiming this is all that remains of Willem. Willem, the coward. Willem, my brother.

The truth begins to dawn in my dazed mind.

Willem the coward. Willem, who ran away instead of fetching the water. That’s why Momma said I had to go. “Don’t worry” she said, “They don’t come out at night!”

No! It’s all a lie! He didn’t run away. He didn’t abandon us!

I reach out and caress the hand. This must be the hand that threw me to safety in the darkness! Sarah will be happy, at least he wasn’t a coward. Poor Willem…

No! It’s all a lie! They DO come out at night!

As the tears wash the mud from my face, I stumble toward the house clutching the skins in one hand and his hand in the other.

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 4.0 stars out of 5

  1. Lies revealed

    THX 0477's Buddy Icon THX 0477

    Posted about 1 year ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    Whew, heavy and with some additional twists and turns.

  2. Lies revealed

    One Time, One Chance's Buddy Icon One Time, One Chance

    Posted about 1 year ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    i like the repeditiveness in this, makes the flow.. flow. if tht makes sense to anybody but me. =]

  3. Lies revealed

    FourSeven's Buddy Icon FourSeven

    Posted about 1 year ago

    3.0 out of 5 stars

    eh, i dont agree. i think redundancy in so short a story is a waste. also, i feel like you ignored the ending to the previous installment and just went where you wanted with it. besides all that, though, this was good.

  4. Lies revealed

    Pisces Girl's Buddy Icon Pisces Girl

    Posted about 1 year ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Awesome! Great description!

  5. Lies revealed

    Tad Winslow's Buddy Icon Tad Winslow

    Posted about 1 year ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    She trips over the mangled hand? - that struck me as funny and didn’t fit the serious/ scary mood - kinda lessened the creepy feel for me. But you rebounded with fantastic ability to tell the story. I think it’s great.

  6. Lies revealed

    User 6356's Buddy Icon User 6356

    Posted about 1 year ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    The hand seems like a really interesting piece—like, why it’s mangled and who Willem’s significant other. Nice use of repetition, and a great use of first-person. :)

  7. Lies revealed

    MRay's Buddy Icon MRay

    Posted about 1 year ago

    I’ll hand it to you, very creative. You put your finger on it, you touched the essence of the story, you nailed it.

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