The illuminist

by The 13 Year-Old

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The doctor sat at a computer screen. His glasses reflected the flat lines on the dark blue screen. His eyes were blood shot, and he had been sitting at his computer for longer than an hour, He would stretch, yawn, drink a soda, sometimes walk around a bit, then sit back down to his desk, examining his blue readouts in the dark.
Something walked past his office space. He looked up in fear, he exited out of his program and clicked on a remote for his room to illuminate the lights. False alarm.
He resumed his research, turning off the lights. He buzzed his secretary that he did not want any visitors or clients, she confirmed his request.
To long… to long have I been at this. I need sleep, I need food, I need out of this room. His thoughts revolved around quiting his research. He about gave into the soothing redemption of giving up his work, but as he moved his mouse to the exit bar, something moved on the lines.
He examined it. The beings did exist. He buttoned his jacket to get ready for his meeting.

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 4.0 stars out of 5

  1. The illuminist

    Nat's Buddy Icon Nat

    Posted 11 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    what’s the being?

  2. The illuminist

    The 13 Year-Old's Buddy Icon The 13 Year-Old

    Posted 11 months ago

    Well, It’s part of a book that im going to write, I just like to use Ficlet as a way to practice and such. But the being is an alien, to long to have to explain all of it, guess you’ll just have to read the book when it comes out. (and im only 12)

  3. The illuminist

    The 13 Year-Old's Buddy Icon The 13 Year-Old

    Posted 11 months ago

    Someone respond to my writing, its helping me with my writing, so if you please.

  4. The illuminist

    Stovohobo's Buddy Icon Stovohobo

    Posted 11 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    I really like the varied description in here. Some nit-picky things like sentence structure and such could be tweaked (I hate learning grammar, and much less preaching it) but overall, it’s nice.
    From an aesthetic standpoint, I’ve found that double-spacing your paragraphs on ficlets is great. No “tab” button here, so it’s much easier for the eye to follow.
    Well, sorry for all the critiquing, but I liked the writing a lot.

  5. The illuminist

    The 13 Year-Old's Buddy Icon The 13 Year-Old

    Posted 11 months ago

    Thanks dude. I’m not really trying my best here. It’s just a nice little website to discuss wrighting tips and practicing grammer, so It’s just a nice place to have fun with. I’ll have to write something serious some time though and see what you guys think.

  6. The illuminist

    TreeBeard's Buddy Icon TreeBeard

    Posted 11 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    Nice atmosphere. The word redemption is out of place. Maybe release would work instead.

  7. The illuminist

    The 13 Year-Old's Buddy Icon The 13 Year-Old

    Posted 11 months ago

    Where do you see ‘Redemption”?

  8. The illuminist

    The 13 Year-Old's Buddy Icon The 13 Year-Old

    Posted 11 months ago

    Oh nvm. I see it

  9. The illuminist

    One Time, One Chance's Buddy Icon One Time, One Chance

    Posted 11 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    oOo, very nice, i like this story =]

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