Blocked from my heart

by Billy Wenge-Murphy

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And Robin said, “The reason I don’t love you is because you’re an AOL lamer. I could never love a boy who types in all caps.”

Her words hit me like 72-point font. “Boy? She called me a boy?” I thought to myself.

As if reading my mind, she said “Yes, a boy. I only date real men. Men who use proper punctuation and capitalization. Nothing turns me on more than adherence to the rules of the English language. A man who has no regard for the value of language can hardly be called a man.”

Now I was starting to get mad, my feelings of rejection falling to the wayside. I tried to interrupt but she continued, “How much could you have really valued our relationship if you wouldn’t even turn off caps lock for me? Do I mean that little to you?”

With a disgusted look, she turned to leave me there angry and crying, but not before saying “You’re blocked from my heart with a warning level of 100%”

Prequels

Write a prequel

Sequels

Write a sequel

Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. Blocked from my heart

    Billy Wenge-Murphy's Buddy Icon Billy Wenge-Murphy

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I realize Robin was probably a boy’s name in the original story, but considering the source I hereby grant myself extra creative license.

  2. Blocked from my heart

    Aislinn Kerry's Buddy Icon Aislinn Kerry

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    cackles

    Fantastic.

  3. Blocked from my heart

    Pisces Girl's Buddy Icon Pisces Girl

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    awwww!
    That is so sad!
    Nice work!

  4. Blocked from my heart

    Alexa ♥'s Buddy Icon Alexa ♥

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Nothing turns me on more than adherence to the rules of the English language
    Always nice to read about another English Snob. We’re increasing in numbers, people.

  5. Blocked from my heart

    SupRspi's Buddy Icon SupRspi

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I love this.
    I love that it was inspired by a post that never should have been, and it’s the cutest ficlet snark smackdown I’ve read.

  6. Blocked from my heart

    Nathaniel Payne's Buddy Icon Nathaniel Payne

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    That was awesome. =D

  7. Blocked from my heart

    Rosalienye's Buddy Icon Rosalienye

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    that was cool.ten pts!

  8. Blocked from my heart

    User 6170's Buddy Icon User 6170

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Amazing I must say much more entertaining than the blocked/ Mature one

  9. Blocked from my heart

    Valley Fey/Pinprick's Buddy Icon Valley Fey/Pinprick

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    proper grammar… it IS sexy.

    i love it.

  10. Blocked from my heart

    //miss mia//'s Buddy Icon //miss mia//

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    haha. i love it. it makes me want to read more stories that have to do with this—yet anymore would just ruin it. lol. nicely done : ]

  11. Blocked from my heart

    One Time, One Chance's Buddy Icon One Time, One Chance

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    this is hilarious!!
    so much better than the stupid prequel.=]

  12. Blocked from my heart

    Stephahknee's Buddy Icon Stephahknee

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    hahahaha. You’ve made my day. Thank you.

  13. Blocked from my heart

    mtvrocks996's Buddy Icon mtvrocks996

    Posted 8 months ago

    ha! you have no idea how many people irritate me with that!

  14. Blocked from my heart

    Storykeeper of Fae's Buddy Icon Storykeeper of Fae

    Posted 8 months ago

    I love it! “I could never love a boy who types in all caps.” Haha…gold.

  15. Blocked from my heart

    Sailor Emo's Buddy Icon Sailor Emo

    Posted 8 months ago

    I HAVEEEE NOO IDEEEUR WHT UR R TLKN BOUT !!!!!!
    Lol, it sometimes annoys me too.
    luv,
    K13

  16. Blocked from my heart

    .:band baby:.'s Buddy Icon .:band baby:.

    Posted 8 months ago

    wow, you have no idea how much it bugs me. a last boyfriend use to type in all caps all the time, but luckily he stopped when I asked him to =)
    -
    nice sequel! really like how the prequel was uhm… how to but this nicely.. bad. 0=)

  17. Blocked from my heart

    SKermitgorf's Buddy Icon SKermitgorf

    Posted 8 months ago

    Wickedly funny

  18. Blocked from my heart

    Landstreicher's Buddy Icon Landstreicher

    Posted 8 months ago

    This was good until I got to “You’re blocked from my heart with a warning level of 100%.” And then it was great.

    I haven’t gotten a good laugh from reading something like that in a long time.

    Great job, responding to utter random crap with something enjoyable.

  19. Blocked from my heart

    Tears of Phoenix's Buddy Icon Tears of Phoenix

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Ah, yes, I love this. It is absolutely perfect. There is nothing I love more than a scathing retort to utter nonsense.

  20. Blocked from my heart

    Lone Writer's Buddy Icon Lone Writer

    Posted 8 months ago

    OOH ! SOMEBODY CALL A FIREMAN BECAUSE HE GOT BURNED !
    Oh whoops caps lock…

  21. Blocked from my heart

    Wil Wheaton's Buddy Icon Wil Wheaton

    Posted 8 months ago

    As we would say on Fark, a golf clap for the submitter!

  22. Blocked from my heart

    Overlooked_Merchandise's Buddy Icon Overlooked_Merchandise

    Posted 8 months ago

    okay…...not that it’s bad it just wasn’t my kind of story.

  23. Blocked from my heart

    Mistress Elsha Hawk's Buddy Icon Mistress Elsha Hawk

    Posted 8 months ago

    Perfect punctuation is the key to perfect relationships; how else will you know what they mean? Ha Ha. Ha? Anyway….

  24. Blocked from my heart

    Tad Winslow's Buddy Icon Tad Winslow

    Posted 8 months ago

    darn funny. Annabel lee—your comment is equally hilarious.

  25. Blocked from my heart

    Saint Chuck's Buddy Icon Saint Chuck

    Posted 8 months ago

    I can’t stand bad English grammar…and English isn’t even my first language. Great story.

  26. Blocked from my heart

    Stovohobo's Buddy Icon Stovohobo

    Posted 8 months ago

    Hahahaahhaah….oh, chortle chortle, chuckle an’ whatnot...
    ~
    Now if only it really were that way in the world…
    5/5

  27. Blocked from my heart

    Capital "W" Writer (LoA's Geekus Awesomeus)'s Buddy Icon Capital "W" Writer (LoA's Geekus Awesomeus)

    Posted 8 months ago

    Give how poor grammar and punctuation in forum posts makes me want to drive my forehead through a brick wall, this gets an automatic 5 stars from me. Wonderful!

  28. Blocked from my heart

    YodaOnCrack's Buddy Icon YodaOnCrack

    Posted 8 months ago

    I like how you’ve picked a topic that many people think about but don’t often talk about – great material & quite well written. Bravo! – Yoda

  29. Blocked from my heart

    Misheru O'ku's Buddy Icon Misheru O'ku

    Posted 8 months ago

    very cute and sincere. I was able to picture Robin typing away her thoughts about love and instant messaging etiquette :)

  30. Blocked from my heart

    Eternal♥'s Buddy Icon Eternal♥

    Posted 8 months ago

    I loved it!
    =]
    Cute, it annoys me as well. My ex substituted S with 5 and e with 3. =/
    As well as typing in ALL CAPS , luckily he stopped when I asked him to do so.
    I also dislike people who type like this:
    43||0 [hello] LoL
    What do all those FREAKING symbols mean!!!
    =]

  31. Blocked from my heart

    TheLinkedOne's Buddy Icon TheLinkedOne

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    This is so true, most gamers and online gangsta’s use that type of slang. Its a bit shallow, but your text tells you who you are as an individual. I know where you are coming from where one’s text can tell a persons personality. Organization and structure shows good quality when it comes to being educated. On the other hand, typing like this ” ! l0v3 y0|_|” seems a bit psychoish and it shows lack of online ethic.

  32. Blocked from my heart

    User 6624's Buddy Icon User 6624

    Posted 8 months ago

    I’m not sure, but maybe she just isn’t attracted to idiots. “And Robin said” Now, I don’t claim to be an English major, but I am almost certain that you can’t start off a sentence with “And” Googles Well I guess you can, according to SOME sites, but it is still utterly retarded in my mind.

  33. Blocked from my heart

    BeccaLovesKiwi's Buddy Icon BeccaLovesKiwi

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Nice…. This sounds like you tried to date an english teacher..

  34. Blocked from my heart

    Tears of Phoenix's Buddy Icon Tears of Phoenix

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Thank you, Billy!

  35. Blocked from my heart

    User 6654's Buddy Icon User 6654

    Posted 8 months ago

    First things first – I claim to be an English major. And, I thought this was great. I don’t believe I have brought myself low enough yet to end something with someone because of their grammar, and I for sure won’t.

    Note To User 6624 – I’m glad Google is there to help you with all your grammatical needs. :) The English language/grammar we use today is a derivative, therefore its continually progressing. But… I guess you knew that already? If not, I’m sure Google is willing to assist.

  36. Blocked from my heart

    User 6689's Buddy Icon User 6689

    Posted 8 months ago

    Sweet. I love it.

  37. Blocked from my heart

    User 6739's Buddy Icon User 6739

    Posted 8 months ago

    haha I’m not sure whether this is only a short story or real life but this girl is pretty retarded either way.

  38. Blocked from my heart

    missxfallxoutxgirl's Buddy Icon missxfallxoutxgirl

    Posted 8 months ago

    haha thats funny. Now you use correct grammer and punctuation.

  39. Blocked from my heart

    User 6793's Buddy Icon User 6793

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    This was fabulous. Fabulous.

  40. Blocked from my heart

    Blossom Ruoqen's Buddy Icon Blossom Ruoqen

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    The sad thing is, I really know little computer nerds who would break-up over online grammar.
    This is one of teh cutest ficlets eve’!

  41. Blocked from my heart

    User 6850's Buddy Icon User 6850

    Posted 8 months ago

    Yea! I thought I was the only one who cared enough to write as well as talk like you were educated beyond the 3rd grade. I love what Annabell Lee said, “Proper grammar, it IS sexy!” I’d never look at someone a second time if they had poor grammar skills. Another english snob, indeed, count me in too! Way to go, you made my day!

  42. Blocked from my heart

    Christiann's Buddy Icon Christiann

    Posted 7 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    This is funny, and I agree with the sentiment, too! I’d prefer correct capitalization and punctuation, but all lowercase is way better than CAPS LOCK in my book :-)

  43. Blocked from my heart

    User 5239's Buddy Icon User 5239

    Posted 7 months ago

    this was great, it so annoying when people TaLk liike Diizzz. Made me want go spell things. terrific.

  44. Blocked from my heart

    Terminus' Buddy Icon Terminus

    Posted 7 months ago

    I love the melodrama.

  45. Blocked from my heart

    TheWindBlows' Buddy Icon TheWindBlows

    Posted 7 months ago

    wow i love it.
    very funny.
    nice writting

  46. Blocked from my heart

    TheWindBlows' Buddy Icon TheWindBlows

    Posted 7 months ago

    wow i love it.
    very funny.
    nice writting

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