Ficlets

Left Behind

The scent of spice hung on the air. He stepped inside, closed the door. Called her name.

Silence, and a faint bitter scent beneath the spice.

A cup of chai forming rings on the edge of the desk. Her iPod headphones, disconnected and half-fallen, one slender cord stretched across the floor as though in flight. A single earbud shattered in the carpet, bits of plastic and broken electronics.

The unpleasant scent was stronger now, filling his lungs, cloying and thick.

In the center of the desk, an uncapped pen, a yellow notepad, half a message scrawled in her hand.

Leave, please. ~~It cannot find~~ You must go. For the love of God, GO!

You must remem

The bitterness so thick he could taste it, coating his tongue. Salt and copper, the scent of blood. A dark pool in the shadows beneath the desk. Susan’s words, hurried, unfinished, and her absence resonating around him like a disharmonic chord.

Gone. It was a distant thought, a meaningless one.

Susie, where have you gone?

Comments

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Left Behind
AeroPen
Posted 11 months ago

Ooh I like the twist of such common items. There’s a few fragments though, but I suppose if that’s writing style you could get away with it. great job =]
Left Behind
`espressotherapy.
Posted 11 months ago

i really love this. i can actually see the scene. gorgeous writing… a few grammatical flaws, but a wonderful piece nonetheless.
Left Behind
Mistress Elsha Hawk
Posted 11 months ago

The thought “where have you gone” wouldn’t be the first thought in my head after walking in on a murder scene…(I’m implying murder by the hasty note and blown earbud.)
I’d think “AAAAAAAA!!!!!!! Help! 911!”
Left Behind
SupRspi
Posted 11 months ago

Wow. Awesome way to set a scene, and to create some suspense. Great job on this challenge.

The writing style seems in some places not grammatically correct, but I am not a grammar teacher, and further, it seems to add something to the style.
Left Behind
Aislinn Kerry
Posted 11 months ago

Thanks for the feedback, everyone!

The fragment sentences were an intentional experiment with style. I’m still not sure whether it worked or not. But that’s the reason for it.
Left Behind
.:band baby:.
Posted 11 months ago

This was very good. I agree with AeroPen, nice way to take common things and put a twist on them.