Ficlets

Eternal Monologue

It takes three things to kill a vampire.

Yes, I know.

Of course you do.

Then why are we talking about it?

Because you have nothing else to do for a very long time. The odds of someone just happening to visit the tower, descending into the crypt, opening the coffin, then pulling the stake from your chest are very slim.

I’d rather think about how much time has passed.

It could be seconds, minutes, years, centuries.

I don’t think it would be seconds. That would be pretty daft of them.

Yes, but these are the same people who didn’t decapitate you and place a holy communion wafer in your mouth. Now, as I was saying, there are three ways—

You just said that.

What?

Stake, decapitation, wafer-in-mouth. You covered it.

I did?

Yes.

Hm. Well. What do we talk about now?

Favorite book?

We did that one.

A long time ago.

You don’t know that. It might have been seconds.

You just said that would be daft of them.

Oh. Right. Bleak House.

What?

My favorite book. Bleak House. Dickens.

No it’s not…

Comments

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Eternal Monologue
Howie Amourscow
Posted 9 months ago

And yet, despite the slim odds, it managed to happen all the time in Hammer Studios movies. Here’s a hint: if you find a skeleton in a box with a stake where its heart should be, don’t move the stake. And now you know. Because knowledge is power!
Eternal Monologue
YodaOnCrack
Posted 9 months ago

Ha – great work as always… Agreed, agreed…
Eternal Monologue
Fyora Cartagan
Posted 9 months ago

The More You Know… ::little jingle plays::

I very much enjoyed that, even though I don’t really know all that much about vampires. I only knew about the stakes though.
Eternal Monologue
RunningWithScissors
Posted 9 months ago

very enjoyable. :]
Eternal Monologue
Snarky
Posted 9 months ago

That would be a terrible, terrible fate.
Eternal Monologue
Blossom Ruoqen
Posted 9 months ago

haha, I wonder if given that much time to contemplate things, they could figure out Chris Angel’s secret