I haven’t died, at least I don’t think so, dying wouldn’t hurt this much, I think you find some sort of inner peace before you die and the pain disappears. Maybe you can only die if you really truly accept and come to terms with the fact you’re going to die, otherwise you just hold on, you’re not ready for it yet.

They said I should have died, but I’ve never been that good at inner peace, or outer peace come to that, and you know better than anyone how stubborn I can be. I clung on, I’m still around.

At first I didn’t think I was seeing things right, I thought you a morphine induced hallucination, next to my bed. Well actually you might have been, I wasn’t awake for long, maybe I didn’t wake up that time at all.

But you were there later, you explained that you were still my emergency contact number and I’d never got round to changing it, you’d come half way round the world when you were told what had happened. It was then I felt the pain disappear, I felt the most curious feeling, I felt I was ready…